This is 30

18 June 2013

Well, not for several weeks but we're gun jumpers as you well know. And don't fret - this isn't going to be a feel goody good "bring it on, 30!!" nor will it be a nostalgia ridden adieu to my 20's because ... who cares.

We went out this weekend with another couple for some drinks and some laughs and some fun on Friday night. It was great. I had to pry Sebastian off my leg, throw him into the sitters arms, and sprint out of the house in my wedges because the kid decided to time his short (short!!) stint as "mama's boy" to fall right when it would hit me where it almost hurt. No guilt trips here, Bash. We spend so much time together that I'm scared I'm going to start saying "piss" out in public instead of "please" just like you do. Well, actually, your version is more of a real quick, "pisspiss!!" with a head nod but I don't think I'd go that far before someone's cockeye burned me good. 

I did not want to suffer the wrath of any sort of hangover so I was sure to hydrate like a guppy headed for a life of landlocked all day Friday. I gave myself pep talks about drinking water in between drinks even though I've never ever had the self control to do that sort of silly thing but still ... I believe in my future self, sometimes. We got to the first bar where I enjoyed a sugary mixed drink (fine! it was a Cosmo but has anyone ordered one of those in the last six years?! I froze, I know) and then ordered a .... water. Good Grace. At the second bar I had one delicious mojito and then cut myself off. Two drinks ... one giant water and you know how I felt when Sebastian started cock-a-doodling at 6:30 on Saturday morning? Like death. Like oven fried death. All day. Simon had a lot more drinks than I did and felt fine. Or he's a liar but ... he did hours of yardwork in the buh-lazing sun so ... I think he felt a lot less deathy than his whiff did.


slit eyes don't lie though ...

Simon made his requisite joke when we got carded at the first place about how Costco cards should double as ids because who in their right mind under the age of 21 would be toting one of those bad boys around? Funny because it's true and it wasn't my joke.

While getting ready to go out I ran a few outfits by Simon and the denim shorts didn't cut it because he thought they might be too casual. The pink pants didn't work because I deemed them way too, "oh, what color is that spray paint on your legs? fuchsia or is it more of a magenta?". I was frustrated because 5.5 months postpartum does not a fun body make (I'll only play the postpartum card for .5 more months ... swear) so I texted my New Mexican bff for help. We settled on some pleated and cuffed white longish shorts that I'm pretty sure my mom would've rocked in the early 90s when she was in her 31-year-old prime. Don't worry Bettina - I'll never be able to rock the pixie like you did - and I'll never ever ever try. It turns out that fancy pants Simone was wrong as we sat next to a lady wearing a t-shirt and capri sweat pants so ... his advice rights are revoked. Forever.


But I think Tara's dress trumped my t-shirt so ... she wins.
 
At the second and final bar I weaseled my way through the dance floor to get to the bathroom. I'm no stranger to a little glow stick miming, interpretive dancing, and top 40 remixing but I'll admit that a fish out of water felt more comfortable than I did on my sojourn to and from the stalls. As we were walking out and paused to wait for the guys to make use of the facilities I caught my eyes darting all over the room ... weirdly worried that the young women might fall victim to a little sneaky something slipped into their drinks by any of the male patrons - which was ridiculous but ...... I'm fun.

On Monday morning I let my iPod drift into the bowels of an old playlist and ran to a little Chamillionaire. Riding/running/speedwalking dirty. When I dove into the nearest driveway, crouched, and cringed all in the same second as soon as the song turned into a (fake - of course) loud automobile accident and I was sure me and my cargo were going to be killed on the spot but soon realized my headphones were the bearer of simulated news ... I grabbed my heart off my foot and had a good chuckle at my own geriatric expense.

Sebastian just tricked me into letting him sit on Julia's little potty where he promptly took aim and saturated my right foot, shoe included. All I want for my birthday + anniversary + Christmas is a new set of measuring cups and measuring spoons because making bran muffins and measuring ingredients by the 1/3 cup and 1/8 tsp is gettin ril old.

So, this is 30 and this is parenthood and this is mostly okay.



I think.

29 comments:

  1. Welcome to the 30's!! It's awesome here :) So happy you got to go out, so sorry about the shoe-Bash-potty incident, can't say it hasn't happened to me.

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  2. Oh Chamillionaire. That takes me right back to 2007. Sophomore year of college. I worked at a cookie shop right off of campus and would blast his album late into the night. Ugh, the coolness that I thought I had.

    Also, let it be known that almost 30 looks good on you.

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  3. Ha! I've got two more years. But, boy you make it look so exciting.....

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  4. I love this and totally relate- except I still have a couple more years til I hit 30. As much as I wish I didn't waste all that time when I was younger, hotter, and much more carefree, I still don't wish for those days. I guess being a house whiff suits my introverted old lady self better. :)

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  5. I would have paid to see you jump in the driveway after the car crash. Also, capri sweats to a nice bar is never ever okay. Simon was correct. And yeah, going out to any bar or club always makes me feel old as time. When we go out witg b and claire, I' have to remind myself that hangovers are the worst thing in the entire universe.

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  6. I would have paid to see you jump in the driveway after the car crash. Also, capri sweats to a nice bar is never ever okay. Simon was correct. And yeah, going out to any bar or club always makes me feel old as time. When we go out witg b and claire, I' have to remind myself that hangovers are the worst thing in the entire universe.

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  7. I can't beLIEVE how little gets me hung over these days (well not these preg days exactly but you know what I mean) and Jacob can drink 3x times as much as me and be fine the next day. Which would annoy me except for the fact that I'm relying on him to carry the whole family through said day.

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  8. oh my word...I hate it when I find out all the moms I read are younger than me! by a decade, I tell you! Holy Moly. Well, you just remember how great entering the 30's are when I enter my 40's later this year. k? k.

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  9. This is awesome, you are awesome. I am sure your 30's will be awesome (if nothing else because you will be able to enjoy post-residency life for most of them). If you are inclined to respect your elders, you'll have to take my word for all of this (then again, maybe you shouldn't respect this elder's offerings--I've spent most of this year thinking that, as of my next birthday, I'll be older than Jesus (was when he died). Yes). (How was that for a fun, extended parenthetical tangent?) I've been trying to think of a way to channel Sebastian here, so piss forgive me for this ridiculous comment.

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    1. Oooh, that should've been "He" there. Sorry!

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  10. Best label ever. Welcome (almost) to your 30's, friend...it's a wild place. And fun once in a great while ;)

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  11. Ah, Grace. I just love you.

    And the Costco card joke. Might have to steal it.

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  12. Um, that label is pretty hilarious! Thanks for making me smile :)

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  13. I'm confident you will rock 30's! and HA at the costco joke but yeah definitely so true, EXCEPT when you are 21 and 20 year old parents...we totally had a costco card before drew hit the big 21...

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  14. Happy almost 30! I'm 30... can't say it was my favourite birthday but we can't really do anything about getting older, can we? Totally laughed out loud about the Costco card. Very true. I was carded trying to buy a bottle of wine a year ago, with a crying baby in my arms. I was looking at the guy like 'Are you kidding me? I'm almost 30, I'm married, with a baby...' but it was to no avail. I'm sure I was a popular party guest showing up with a baby and no wine:(

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  15. "...nor will it be a nostalgia ridden adieu to my 20's because ... who cares."

    I'm just a couple of years behind you, and, excepting my 7-month-younger husband cracking jokes about how old I am, I completely agree. Thanks for blazing the trail, I'm sure glad I'm a follower.

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  16. happy almost 30! it's not so bad over here, i swear. it's been a few months and i still feel mostly 29.. (mostly).. though i RARELY get carded anymore. the nerve! can't they just throw me a bone? oh, and that costco joke is a good one. well played, simon.

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  17. i realized i was a grown-ass adult when all i wanted for christmas was a cookbook and socks. nothing but fun times over here!

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  18. First of all, the "Bring it on 30" hit a little close to home... That is my attitude about it... (I turn 30 very soon) I keep telling myself this mostly to counteract some of the sadness of no longer "being in my 20s," which is stupid, I know. I am actually surprised that I'm have this reaction to this particular birthday. I mean, I've got three kids and a mini-van... of course, I'm almost 30..

    Sigh, I guess, I need to get on board. Glad you are embracing this new chapter and looking fabulous while doing so! I think I'll get there. But in the mean time I'll keep reading your blog.

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  19. I'm all reading this like hey we're close to the same age then it hit me, "Holy hell, in a year and a half I'll be posting 'This is 40'" And it sounds a lot the same. Except I don't drink, or dance or leave my house. But the measuring spoons and cups were on my list this year too because I have a forgetful/loser of all tangible items Type 1 Diabetic in my house who measures out foods... needless to say I bought my own set of each. Pleased. Happy Birthday Grace it just keeps getting better. (wink)

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  20. The low thirties have been awesome in Casa Martin. And I drink cosmos with no guilt that I belong in a Sex and the City remake (except not because the remakes were terrible). Whenever you come visit, Phil will shake you up the best cosmo you've ever tasted, and pout a Jack and Ginger for Simon. Yup, we're old people drinkers in this house :)

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  21. As an avid follower, commenter & "Grammer" I feel it is time I tell you my true mission in life. I have declared for the better half of a decade that if I ever run for office or start a Super-PAC it will be based on one platform. And one platform only. What is this you ask? What from this blog post could have prompted me to share such private information? Is it to advocate for women, like yourself, to look for signs of the roofie slip? Important. But no. Is it to advocate for advancements in medical science and finally develop the fool proof "no hangover pill"? Crucial. But a close second. No, it is the elimination of sirens and emergency noises from music. Yes, you heard me. That is what is really wrong. Scary music that makes mothers dramatically veer their strollers off course. Life-like blares that create an image of blue and red flashing lights, causing even the speediest Subaru to abruptly pull into the parking lane. Yes, this is the biggest issue and public safety concern facing America these days.

    Yes, this is what one pot of French Press, an elderly perspective on the tunes, and little human interaction looks like. One long, rambly, politically-non-politcal blog comment. Enjoy. #thisis26

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  22. I'm right there with you - 30 in less than 6 months! Had to laugh at the last picture! I can't tell you how many times I've had to get my two-year-old's finger out of her nose in the past couple weeks!

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  23. I will be 34 in July. (I know, girl...Oldie Hawn) I would just like to tell you that the sugary drink thing only gets worse. Let me tell you a little ditty so you feel better. Last time I went out, I had 2 drinks and fell into a table. 2 drinks. It's so shockingly embarrassing that I just have to own it. Happy almost birthday.

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  24. Happy 30!! I'll second what others have said and say you look great!

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  25. Yay! Welcome to the club (soon). 30s is really quite grand. Can't say I'm that excited for the 40s, but with 9 years to go... I'm not worried about it quite yet. Out of curiosity - did Simon join the club of 30-somethings first or you?

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    1. ha. nope. He is five months younger so we'll have to wait until the end of December!

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  26. You will like the 30's. Seriously. I vaguely remember them.....!

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  27. I've got a smidge of time left, but not much. If it helps, you only look twenty-seven and have great hair.

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