29 August 2010
I've been dragging myself, my stomach and my sweat starved glands to the YMCA for some hot dates with the elliptical the past few weeks. To avoid looking in the mirror (WHY do gyms put mirrors everywhere?) I usually hope that something entertaining is on TV. The local news reporting on the airport improvements and the new parking structure downtown wasn't the MOST exciting on this particular afternoon so I took some mental notes on my fellow sweaters in the cardio room.
1. two middle-aged ladies both wearing crisp new neon headsweatbands, neon wristsweatbands and spandex capris. They began their workout with a thorough stretch and then started walking on the treadmills. The speed with which they walked can only be described as a speed that I would probably utilize if I were walking into: a lethal injection? an igloo in January? a room of knife-lined walls? .... a harried hurry they were NOT in. And...about every 4ish minutes or so they would simultaneously nod to each other and take a breather...stepping off the mills and resting their heads in between their hands. To each his or her own...
2. Contestant number two decided to forgo a stretching session and popped right onto the treadmill in front of me. My eyes widened in almost horror as he amped the incline to its highest setting...which was nearly 90 degrees. He held on for dear life as his toes scratched the surface of the machine and his knuckles turned a shade of white I have never seen. He lasted about 6 minutes at this frenzied pace and my heart rate silently thanked him and dramatically dropped as he returned his machine to a safe position.
3. Next to the hill climber was a gentleman that was either rocking the first ipod ever invented in a black leather case on his waistband or maybe he was sneakily hiding an ipad in there..suffice it to say the size of the device was large and uncomfortable looking. He also skipped a stretching session but did engage in some self-massaging techniques of his upper thighs simultaneously while sitting on the edge of his treadmill. He slowly and methodically moved down to his knees before he jumped onto the treadmill for a little run to the beat of his ipod/pad that he was forced to clutch to the rhythm of his gait due to its size.
4. And then we had a youngish looking lady who was looking to win the award for either fastest heart rate ever recorded in human history or most sweat ever produced by way of an elliptical machine in the history of mankind's existence. She was a maniac machine and made me feel like a spoonful of molasses let loose on the counter top.
I can hardly wait for my next work out to see what the YMCA fairy will bring me in her bag full of fun.
27 August 2010
Today is my youngest brother Peter's 13th birthday. Peter is a very unique fellow. He has never met a stranger and has wanted to be a commercial real estate agent ("fewer transactions...bigger returns") since the age of eight. While I was visiting home several months ago I found these photos on the family computer saved as "ebay". I'm not sure if Peter was auctioning his skills or his singlet off but I thought you might enjoy:
After Peter retired his wrestling career he decided to give football a try. In order to play football Peter (obviously) needed some special gear. He asked my mom to drive him to the sporting goods store to pick up the necessary items. She was on her cell phone when they arrived at the store and so Peter went inside and got down to business on his own. When my mom made it into the store she found Peter in a serious discussion with a young female sales clerk. Peter and the clerk were staring at the wall of jockstraps and protective cups that certain rough sports require. As my mom walked up she overheard Peter asking the kind lady "now...would you say I would wear a medium or a large.....?" Cue one of the prouder moments in my mom's repertoire of memories with Peter.
Another Peter fave happened down in Ecuador when Peter, my grandma and my sister Sarah were visiting some family. (I know I look like I perhaps come from Ecuadorian descent but the relatives were there on a mission trip...to clear up any confusion) The village children quickly took to calling Peter his spanish name of "Pedro". Peter and my grandma were sharing a room with two twin beds when my grandma noticed late one night that Peter appeared to be asleep as he was completely still but his eyes were wide open. She said his name several times, "Peter?...Peter?...Are you awake?". Peter did not answer and so my grandma got up and physically shook him a bit to see if he would respond. After she shook him he very seriously came to and said "Oh...I'm sorry grandma..were you talking to me? I was practicing my Spanish in my head and can only understand Spanish".
Happy Birthday Pedro! It has been a pleasure knowing your fascinating self these past 13 years. We all look forward to many, many more.
24 August 2010
Simon went outside to take out the trash yesterday morning and was gone for a little bit longer than the task required.
He triumphantly returned from the outdoors and asked:
"Were you wondering what was taking me so long? I was harvesting."
and presented this: (he does have a thumb...it was just busy being oh so green and couldn't make the photo shoot)
So now I'm presented with the conundrum of what to make: a sip of tomato soup? a 1/2 bite of spaghetti sauce? a small squeeze of ketchup? ooo the possibilities are potentially endless.
23 August 2010
A few unexciting but notable discoveries I made this weekend:
1. Kohl's has a maternity section. Albeit the pickings are paltry...but they do have one and those previously hideous "I wouldn't be caught dead in one of those" shapeless tent shirts are starting to look mighty comfortable right about now. Simon was equally excited about this discovery.
2. Frozen yogurt tastes really, really good after a 10 day hiatus. Whoopsie daisies.
3. Defrosted wedding cake also tastes really, really good...even after a whole year camping in the freezer.
4. Nothing makes a pregnant lady feel larger than walking/heavy breathing around a college town laden with skinny, pretty and short shorts donning college girls. Little dollop of humility for my plate.
5. Six weeks may as well be an eternity. Telling people my due date of October second has elicited some frustrating sentiments like: "ooo still a ways to go"...when I am so proud of my 34 weeks along progress.
6. I'm embarrassed to admit how proud I am that I can still squeeze my finger into my wedding rings (do you say wedding rings? or wedding band and engagement ring?).
7. I'm also more embarrassed to admit that the running shorts I bought a few sizes larger to accommodate the pregnancy now look like underwear or swimsuit bottoms clinging to my thighs and lower abdominal area. Watch out fellow YMCA frequenters.
8. I realize that I have become that boring, obnoxious house that only talks about pregnancy and how everything around her relates to her pregnancy/due date/babies and water retention. Please forgive me.
22 August 2010
1. I remember when we first started talking--I thought Simon was the nicest person in the whole world. Today, I only think he is medium-nice...so his niceness has either rubbed off on me and I'm used to it or my nicelessness has rubbed off on him and now we are just a niceish couple.
2. Simon has taught me a few things since we have been together. Perhaps one of the most important being the correct pronunciation of "women". He claims this is to be pronounced "weh-men" and I have always said woman and women the exact same. gasp.
3. One of the perks of being married to Simon is that he has really great hair...volume for days. I am seriously lacking in the body and volume department and so I'm counting on him to bequeath this trait along to our children. If the baby comes out with dull and lifeless locks, he will be responsible for teasing, blow drying and volumizing the little darling's coif each and every day.
4. Simon is very good at keeping me grounded and in touch with reality. He has repeatedly warned me that the baby could be very ugly and scrunched and red...initially. I appreciate his candor and know that in the event that she is actually NOT ugly...I will be that much more delighted and excited when she decides to arrive.
5. I think Simon might be a future saint. I was the unhappiest camper this year coming home every night with 89 (what I considered to be) horror stories from the classroom. I may have told myself to go find a corner that cared to listen but Simon listened and listened again and again and again to my diatribes and was the perfect picture of patience each and every day.
Happy Anniversary Simone!
** Simon walked by and saw the title of this post: "You know that ano means anus, right?"
so...add a mental ~ over the n...dear readers.
21 August 2010
Introducing the Fall Issue of Radiant Magazine:
*and in other celebration news: today marks 11 days of no ice cream intakes on my part! Before you get too proud of me...know that this reprieve was preceded by about 156 days in a row of eating a minimum of one ice cream cone a day. Deep breath.
20 August 2010
For the good of humanity: some of life's goods:
I catch myself thinking about these at random times throughout the day. They have left quite an impression on my sophisticated palate.
When those around me are enjoying an alcoholic beverage or two, I find that Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry makes a great companion.
OPI's I'm Fondue of You...This photo looks a little Aunt Mildredish but the color (methinks) strikes the perfect balance between the trendy (is it cool still?) blackasthedarkestnightever and Summer ...neon that was so in this season.
This is a bit of a fudge. I'm trying to get into it...but have already read the first three chapters twice to try and understand which character does what to whom in what order....I'll give it a little more time and concentration.
Unrelated but...I have genuinely wondering where Paris traipsed off to these past few months but now I know and can sleep soundly between my 56 bathroom trips a night: she was busy designing and launching her own shoe collection. yay for female feet everywhere.
Also, unrelated. My knowledgeable jury is still out on this dress. One photo makes it look a little bit bathrobe shimmery but I think I might like it more than I dislike it. Judge away.
18 August 2010
to motivate the slow, tired, weary, breathless, sweaty and unmotivated:
maybe unconventional but a winner in my pod
maybe too cliche but never doesn't put a little skip in my step
another cliche but highly effective
15 August 2010
would have to be: pregnancy. holy wilbur.
(yes pregnancy has also turned me into a man)
I used to walk into any air conditioned establishment and my nose would be instantly numb, my fingers would turn to icicles and I would reach for the resident sweater housed in my purse without a second thought. Being pregnant in the summer with not a day passing that doesn't reach well above 100 degrees has cured this previously pesky ailment. I'm not complaining about my new incubator/space heater status...I am merely making a detailed observation. I am much more of a minimalist these days. I have no need for the following (ever): blankets at night, any food heating devices , sleeves, hot showers, long pants or a blow dryer. Just call me Mrs. Green..Mrs. piping hot Green.
And in unrelated news: I know I'm oh sooo far behind but did I hear my ears correctly when they played "Can You Feel the Love Tonight"??? after Roberto proposed to our esteemed (former) bachelorette? what.
14 August 2010
I had an ultrasound yesterday morning and the tech had a somewhat monotonous but fasttalking way of explaining things. It went something like this:
tech: "there's a femur. oh look she is sucking. o and there is the diaphragm moving. o and yes, its definitely a girl...that's the vajayjay"
Good thing the room was dark because if I had caught Simon's eye I probably would've died laughing like a 3rd grade boy.
and so out we walked with the knowledge that the stillagirl weighs five pounds, is in the 70th percentile for her size and some tangible but blurred images of a femur, her (abundant amounts of) hair and the lady parts. Proud refrigerator space beware.
13 August 2010
I very generously offered to take over the wheel for a little bit while Simon enjoyed some shut eye on our venture from Kansas to Pennsylvania recently. Please keep in mind that I don't claim to be the most amazing driver and I am still getting used to driving our family friendly vehicle. As soon as I turned the key in the ignition and made seat adjustments to accommodate my planet of a stomach...the comments regarding the alleged herky jerky driving began:
1. (in reference to my hand/steering wheel placement) "What is that? 11 and 1? ha."
2. "You think I've been sleeping...but I really just prayed 14 rosaries."
3. "Ok...ok..just calm down!!!" (I was driving a mere 8 MPH in a residential area and not talking...I think this comment was more aimed at the GPS)
and so...as a golden token of my appreciation for his kind words, I let Simon drive the remaining ~30 hours of the way.
12 August 2010
things to never say to a pregnant lady in serious waiting:
1. "ooh she was SO much smaller than you are now when she delivered" (I was at a mere 28 weeks when this little ruby was tossed my way)
2. "Well, I think you are bigger than when I saw you on Wednesday!!" (this elicited silent curses on my part four days after said Wednesday)
3. "How much weight have you gained??" (I'm going to lie..especially when you tell me that you only gained 15 pounds with each of your three children)
4. Any version of any even remotely horrific labor/breast infection/induction story. I will probably cry if I hear any gory deets.
11 August 2010
On our way across America Simon and I stopped to utilize the facilities at Notre Dame. I was nervous that I was going to be bored as I emptied my 4 powerades into a lucky campus toilet but fortunately some kind soul has left a little food for thought:
I think the triple underlining of the word "pad" really drove the message home...quickly.
08 August 2010
Remember these (think long and hard back to your grade school classroom..if you were lucky there was one lurking in the back by the teacher's desk--maybe)?
Me too, barely barely barely.
Well, I feel like this old circa 1992 computer is my blog design and alllllll zee rest of the blogs in blogland are like this shiny fancy gizmitato:
I'm not saying I'm going to rectify the situashe (because I've not a CLUE how) but I'm just recognizing the obvious and thinking about maybe trying to give it a little more sheen and shine here and there. You know a little face lift..like my talented sister-in-law Mary (decorator extraordinaire) does over at Room Polish for rooms needing some zing? Stay tuned...maybe Christmas will bring my faithful followers something special.
06 August 2010
This past weekend, Simon and I put on our spontaneous pants and drove to Kansas City in search of a little adventure.
On our ambitious docket:
waiting in line for one hour in a gas station/restaurant for b-b-q
a little visit to the WWI Memorial (see photos)
Ice cream eating
Comfortable shoe purchasing
Wedding in a park rubbernecking/peeping
The trip was a success and I think our wanderlust has been satiated for the time being. And I'm sorry to disappoint with no photos of the esteemed author but I wasn't able to fit my whole self into one shot and so graciously opted out of all photos shoots. de nada.