Tornado Watch

01 June 2013

One of my greatest hopes for residency is that when it's all over I'll be able to look back on nights like tonight and laugh. Ohhh and I hope they are hearty and genuine laughs. It's 9:52pm and I just got the big kids down for the night because we spent a chunk of the evening in the basement because the tornado sirens would not shut up. I finally tore Julia away from Super Why to watch a blip of the live coverage on weather.com where they were telling St. Louis residents to put on helmets and head for shelter. Fresh out of headgear! Weird. But we did march down to the basement. Simon is at work until tomorrow morning and while I always loathe these weekends I think my sweet sentiment will always run especially deep for this weekend. 

Let's back up to an hour or three earlier ...


oh, Sebastian is giving me the silent treatment. wonderful.

I don't know who fed Julia cow's milk last night or today but her diaper and its contents, her super soiled crib sheet along with the involved cleanup that left my jeans dirty and my hair streaked with literal crap after her nap this afternoon would indicate that someone did.

[I WILL FIND YOU]

Right after I'd gotten all the necessaries in the washing machine Theo started doing his the-world-IS-ending crying thing so I changed his diaper. Sebastian noted my tied hands and seized that golden moment real fast by way of a pantry raid. I started sweeping up the cocoa powder after I found him spitting out the nasty while laughing at his self-inflicted punishment as he continued spitting and making dramatic gag faces. He then ran downstairs and bit Julia. Nothing like a little arm flesh to get the bitter out. Naturally, she screamed. So! I ran down to save the day and survey the damage and Julia asked me to "hold you" and I obliged. Sebastian took full advantage of the weakling women tangled up in "I are okay?" "You are! I promise!" back and forths and scampered upstairs to his favorite flour emptying maneuver. He is one consistent little shit.


I don't give him enough credit because when I sensed he was being too quiet I sprinted up the stairs and found him fake-eating a granola bar in front of the door hiding the emptied bag of ...

"FROWER!!!!!"


Julia: waz it an axy-dent, Bash?
Bash: no.


After a thorough sweep. Do you see the cocoa paw print?

This is when I stepped outside with my bicep candy who loves nothing more than to be held. In my arms. Not a sling or a carrier or anything. Just mom arms.


when you're happy and you know it.

Theo and I wore those outfits yesterday and then slept in them last night and I won't spoil the surprise but our nightclothes tonight .... be those.

This is getting boring. Hurry it up, Gabs.

The shelter! The kids were petrified ...


sometimes they hold hands and prance around and my jaw droppeth.

Simon got out of his 4th c-section and was able to watch the news and let me know I could probably safely put the kids down. Copy that and let me race all of my former selves that have ever put the kids to bed because .......................... long day and while the tornado didn't actually hit our house Simon might come home and wonder otherwise once he sees the fun that awaits him.

So now it's 11:15 and Theo is being Theo and fighting the sleep and the rock and the bottle so we Photobooth it ...



and hope you'll join me in praying that the little rascal gets tired soon. Really very very soon - preferably.

I noticed today that one of the searches that led to Camp Patton was "I don't give anything my all" which sums Grace Marie up in a nutshell. And I guess in addition to hoping I'll find the humor in all of this some distant day is not that people will read this and suggest that I find a mother's helper or buy a pantry lock or read this book on toddler discipline but that maybe a future mom in a similarly not ideal situation will know that she is not alone. Not at all. She'll Google, "what will happen if I pull all my hair out?" or "can little children be a cause of near death?" or "do potions to fix haggard exist?" and maybe she'll find her answer: "nothing", "yes", and "absolutely not". (She probably won't and she probably doesn't even exist but ... let me dream the impossible drea - stopping.)


[Theo is finally drifting. Thanks for your prayers.]

33 comments:

  1. No matter the shenanigans going on at Camp Patton (even a possible tornado?) I always wonder most often how you get that always perfectly imperfect part and tousle in your hair. I selfishly want to request a tutorial, but I realize you do have bigger fish to fry than to teach a childless wonder how to do her hair. Nonetheless, I always notice and appreciate the 'do. Glad The Camp is safe and sound and that Theo threw you a bone and drifted off. Here's hoping he stays cozy and asleep until tomorrow.

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    1. She did one a few weeks ago! I actually had it open on another tab while I was reading this post so here you go: http://www.camppatton.com/2013/05/finelimpflat-hair-help.html

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  2. Wow. That's all I've got. Wow. If I wasn't on the other side of the world, I'd love to come and give you a hand (or two). And for what it's worth, I think presenting an realistic view of mummy-hood, whilst keeping one's sense of humour and and grammar intact, is in fact giving something one's all.

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  3. But seriously, potions to fix haggard? I need me some of that biggie sized please.
    I'm pretty sure this day takes the cake for bad day awards. I'm so so so sorry! And I hope tomorrow is a much better day and the kids nap at the same time and someone brings you chocolate!
    On the bright side you look beautiful and that shirt is super cute!

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  4. I've got to agree with the above. Your writing is real, unaffected and so much more powerful for that. Your family is beautiful without you having to tell your readers all the time how beautiful they/you are; your compassion as a mother is evident without you having to highlight it--these things speak for themselves. You write about shortcomings, but I think we all see the formidable grace you bring to your role as a mother. (Yes, I purposely used "grace" there, with it being your name and all.)

    All that said, it sucks that you had such a rough night, and that residency makes rough nights all the more possible. I'm glad Camp Patton survived the tornado warning, cocoa powder, flour, biting, etc. Hopefully tomorrow (today, I guess, where I am) will be better.

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  5. Stay safe! And stay sane ;) I wish many a sleeping child for you

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  6. Oh Grace. There are so many margaritas in your future come Simon's graduation weekend. So many.

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  7. Please tell me you had some sort of alcohol after all that- nights like that deserve night caps. I hope the kids let you sleep tonight and are angelic tomorrow!

    Those paw prints kill me.

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  8. I read this when I woke up this morning, still in bed and willing my eyes to stay open. I laughed out loud - oh Bash! - I love the hand print on your sofa. If I were more funny I'd be able to think of a pun about white handed/caught red handed. etc....

    You are great, Grace. I hope one day I will be half a good as mum as you are. Your kids will read this back (is that weird?!) and probably beg for forgiveness.
    Be safe!

    Flora

    www.twowithseven.blogspot.co.uk

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  9. I think you need a nanny and a lock for your pantry...haha!

    You realize this residency is your purgatory. So we'll know that you're a saint as soon as the good Lord takes ya :-)

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  10. Some days you just have to go with it. You just have to laugh and enjoy these moments while they last without worrying about cleaning up.

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  11. I think Bash needs a theme song. I'm going with "It's a Bash Attack" to the Back To The Future theme song by Huey Lewis And The News, "Back In Time". Just a thought. Has anyone officially welcomed you to the ridiculousness that is Missouri weather? If not, allow me! Welcome, friend!

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  12. I think Bash needs a theme song. I'm going with "It's a Bash Attack" to the Back To The Future theme song by Huey Lewis And The News, "Back In Time". Just a thought. Has anyone officially welcomed you to the ridiculousness that is Missouri weather? If not, allow me! Welcome, friend!

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  13. Bash makes Dennis the Menence look like a saint ;-) I started putting my flour in tupperware containers when my kids were toddlers. They could not open the containers and imitate Bash ;P

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    1. Hah! I tried the Tupperware thing and my happy delusion lasted about 24 hours, until an 11 month old pried the lid off and started throwing handfulls.

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  14. I'll send my girls over to help. They love babies and all children (except the ones related to them) they clean like you wouldn't believe (except my house) and have the utmost tolerance when it comes to tricky situations (while at my house they create them). No worries, they do grow out of the "flour and cocoa" stage when they get older. They just do callous things like steal your Nutella or your favorite yoga pants or pilfer your last can of soda. The hand prints however never go away. They say when kids get older one day they'll look back and appreciate all that you've done for them; I think mine will just be thankful I allowed them to live.

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  15. Tornado warnings are the worst. Why are they always at bedtime?? We don't have a basement so we get to hang out in the bathroom. The fun only lasts about 10 minutes. Glad there was no tornado in your area.

    Love the paw prints! Those are pictures you'll laugh about later and email him when his kids get into it! Bash is living up to his name!

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  16. I have got to remember NOT to put coffee in my mouth in the middle of reading one of your posts. The hand prints - oh my goodness!! Maybe an airtight Tupperware container for the flour? And a VERY high shelf? Although that might inspire shelf climbing. So, no. When I was little (3rd grade-ish), we lived in Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas and our house was one of only a few with a basement. So anytime there was a potential tornado ALLLLL the neighbors and their kids would come over. In my kid-mind, Tornado = PARTY! I remember my mom waking us up out of the bed to go downstairs, and there would be all our friends. I can see now why there was alcohol served in large quantities to the adults!

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  17. Hope today is better and that with any luck the kids slept in at least a teensy bit. :)

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  18. Shoot. I've been one of those annoying people who has suggested finding help to you in the past! I think it's because I don't have nearly the sense of humor you have when I am flying solo for long periods of time. I'm just a mess!
    Glad u survived the tornados!

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  19. oh hey, remind me to never have kids. or go into obgyn (although I tell myself that's what I would like to do). jesus.

    cute top though! is it target? because I want the red version :)

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  20. I love your kids because their antics remind me of mine. Flour dumping, sugar dumping/eating, laundry soap pouring, random items in the toilet, we do it all here. You make me feel normal, and if we're not at least someone else's kids are crazy too. Today I came into the bathroom, fresh from cleaning urine puddle off the kitchen floor, to find my 16 month old stirring a toilet full of crap with a comb and my 2.5 year old sitting on the counter, stomping a sink full of water with both feet.

    I have lots of simple hook and loop locks. They really help, when you remember to lock them (guilty). They are super easy to install (as in one time instead of going aaaall the way to the basement for the drill, I made the holes for the hook and loop by whacking a stray nail I found into the door with the end of a can of beans). They cost about $1.00. "Safety First" brand makes a lock that is great for fridge doors, you pinch the sides to open it. The adhesive doesn't work on it so you have to attach it with epoxy, which doesn't bother me because my fridge is 40+ years old but you might not want to do that.

    I'm sure you've gotten oodles of comments about locks etc and I hesitated to join the chorus, but I just wanted to tell you you're not alone with the money/human children and I do feel your pain.

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  21. You are super mom! And Theo is so squish-alicious!

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  22. Somewhere, someone once typed "a monkey laughing until he pukes" and it brought them to my blog.

    True Story.

    And I am a (fairly) new mom in a (more-or-less) similar situation on some days, and I do find your blog encouraging in the "I'm glad I'm not alone" way that you mentioned. Thank you!

    Judy @ laughingweepingliving.worpress.com

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  23. New reader (blogger/teacher/wife/mom) here. You made me laugh and remember how a few short years ago I had three little ones at home. Thanks for the smile.

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  24. I have days just like yours! And here I thought, it was just my kids. Also, about the google search, on my blog, it comes up with "Liz Fart". Don't ask why, I really have no clue, but it is pretty funny.
    Here is to better days and better sleep!

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  25. That photo of Bash trying to eat/lick his toe = priceless! I love how honest you are in all of your posts! Been reading for a while now but unfortunately only just now got the chance to actually leave a comment. Will be doing so more regularly, keep these awesome posts coming :) and just keep looking forward to the day that Simon is no longer in residency! My partner and I both are in school for the medical field and between clinical rotations, class, and work, it gets hard BUT the best thing is that all this madness is only temporary!


    www.SimplyJoanna.com

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  26. I had to write a comment, I just found your blog and I too am a mother of 3. Three kids under 3!!!! All I can say is what were we thinking? Haha!! I found so much comfort in this post. My husband is in the military and strategically gone for moments like these ;) My family has been begging me to start a blog to document all the chaos that goes on in my house, I have yet to find the courage... Or time to do so. But after reading through your posts I am starting to think it might be a good release! Your honesty in motherhood is so refreshing!

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  28. So I'm readinv this post in the middle of the night while my hubby sleeps soundly. And I'm stifling my hysterical laughter at the antics of your kids. Yes, you will definitely laugh at this in the future. We all do. Promise.

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