the baby that cried wolf-colic

03 June 2013

The kids normally go down for naps around 1 or 2 but due to errands (fine fine fine - Costco and hospital parking lot) they didn't go down until 4:00 today and if you want to see a fish out of water .... come on by. Tell me I'm unpredictable, I dare you. 

Also, I've been staring at the ceiling fan for minutes upon minutes and last night's fun is all I can conjure to share today. For bigger and better blog posts might I suggest you trot over to see Jen and her favorite season, Ana and her smarts, or Cari and her race? You've been sufficiently warned and given an out and alternatives. 


I know I'm still a novice mom and I'd never claim to know exactly what I'm doing but I mostly thought I had the baby thing kind of figured out ... until last night. Simon got home much later than anticipated from work, the house was destroyed (let's caps lock that sheet - DESTROYED), and I guess that's it. We ate, went on a walk (including stopping at a bouncy toy parking lot thing at a neighborhood church where I chased the kids around and Simon was left to talk to complete strangers until they dropped the, "soooo ... do you go to church?" bomb and he was forced to show his hand), came home and got the kids ready for bed. Why do I always feel the need to set the scene? Who cares?


BC - before crying (and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying)

Basically around 8pm Central Standard Time Theo started fussing and then crying and then screaming and no amount of bouncing, or rocking, or bottle offering, or diaper taking offing (Simon swears by that trick) would soothe him. We took turns holding him upstairs in the attic where we sleep and downstairs in the basement but when Simon had him my skin would start to crawl and sweat and I knew deep down that he was still screaming his little heart out. This has never happened before. The last time this happened with a baby was the night we brought Julia home from the hospital and we were like ........... WHAT IS GOING ON?! And can we pop her back in el uterus for safekeeping for just a few hours while we sleep and carb load for parenthood?

One time when Julia was 8ish months old she pulled a similar stunt for like AN HOUR - NOT FOUR and we attributed it to teething but it turns out her pinky toe was just at a weird angle in her shoe .... where am I going with this and how did I get here? I don't know.

Anyway - Theo's toes were all fine. He wasn't hungry, he wasn't shooting out a random tooth all of a sudd, he had just turned into a parent/life hater of the very serious variety.

Simon and I got snappy about 2.5 hours in ...

Did Sebastian feed him something and you didn't notice?!

I don't think laying him on his back is helping ...

Why won't he open his eyes? Sebastian fed him something and he's having an allergic reaction!

The no diaper trick is realllllly working, isn't it?

Sebastian fed him something. I know it. 

And so on.

Eventually I risked waking the big kids up and bathed him while Simon went and bought some gas meds and the screamer poofed into Happy Patton for the bath ... maybe similar to mom's laboring in the water? (I tried that at 2 whole cm with Julia when I was swearing she was our first AND LAST!!!!! baby ever but I know it works better for warrior moms not like myself) But as soon as I pulled him out -- back to the SCREAMZ.

This is one of those posts that I might stumble on in a year or something and be like ... You typed that post ? You embarrass me.

Gas meds in and he eventually fell asleep but not for long and everytime I got him to sleep and crawled back in bed my heart would pound in anticipation because ... yep ... there he is. Again.



Finally I pulled him into bed with us around 1 where we all slept soundly until Simon all but rolled on top of him. Have I ever told you that Simon sleeps like THE DEAD, sleep talks + walks, and can fall asleep in the middle of a conversation? While his wife will be jolted awake by the sound of paint drying, has chronic insomnia, and cannot nap? Now you know. Luckily I heard Simon start to turn over and grabbed Theo just as he started crying and sat him up. And then he let about 99 of the longest and loudest burps come flying out of his mouth before he fell right back to sleep - chin on chest and all.

Hello answer.

Back to his crib he went.

End of unnecessary story.


But not really because this is Grace typing.

This morning ...


back to average bear status.

If I were a "learning experience" type of gal what would I take away as the moral of the tale? That if we ever have an actually colicky baby - Simon and I will be at risk of killing or being killed by each other - just putting that in black in white in case God ever takes a little gander at this here blawg.


49 comments:

  1. Theo is the cutest! I just love your pictures of him. My babies are usually happy so that one time when they feel like crud, I feel sorta clueless. Wilson did one of those to me last week.

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  2. I had two wickedly colicky babies, the first by far worser (it is SO a word) than the second. Not sure if that was just the way they rolled, or if number two was better than number one because I was smarter. I'm going to go with the second option.

    We swore by Cocyntal. It's made by Boiron and completely homeopathic. And since both boys had the whole cow's milk protein/casein/whey allergy thing, we only used the hypoallergenic formula, Alimentum. It too made a world of difference.

    Recently we had the baby tested for allergies and our specialist told us that new studies were coming out showing that using Alimentum (or something similar) instead of a formula based in cow's milk protein even in kids without allergies/sensitivities resulted in kids with less allergies overall.

    Anywho, you didn't ask for advice or anything so take it all with a grain of salt. I slept no more than 45 minutes at a time for over a year with boy number one and swore in every direction I'd never do that again - hence a number two baby who was switched to Alimentum at the first sign of colic. And who experienced liberal use of the cocyntal when needed.

    Oh and "jolted awake by paint drying" - I'm so with you on that and frankly that's the best description ever. Ever! Hang in there!!!

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  3. When in doubt, Tylenol. Maybe that's not the best medical advice, but sometimes just the taste if it in their mouth is enough to "break the cycle". You poor kids, did Simon have to work the next day? I know you did ;-)

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  4. Maybe there was something in the air? Grayson decided to cry when he wasn't eating last night from 2:30-4:30...and he's 9.5 months old. We should be past this...right?

    I'm glad that Theo recovered from his mystery ailing (he is SO cute!). Here's hoping tonight is awesome.

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  5. Our first was colicky. It was horrible. It didn't start to get "better" till sometime after 6 months but probably before a year... I can't/don't want to remember exactly. I also had PPD, partly from all the screaming, mostly from the not sleeping. I would never wish colic on my worst enemy. The silver lining to this sad story is that at least I didn't have to be stumbling around in a zombified state while caring for any other children. Just the one who was always crying anyway. :)

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    1. Mine too and I really can't even begin to consider having another, it was that awful! No allergies, no illnesses, just all crying all the time...I'm still jealous of the moms I see at the grocery with the sleeping baby or at the mall with the sleeping baby or anywhere at all that my baby didn't sleep ever.

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    2. It was sooo hard. I just felt like a failure and like other people just didn't understand how hard it truly was. We went on to have another baby (who is now 20 months!) and it was much better. He wasn't colicky and was a much better sleeper. I feel like we would have been better prepared if he had been colicky, though, and at least I would have known going in to it that it wasn't anything I was doing or not doing.

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  6. Oh gawd! Lucy pulled that once a few months ago at about three months old and I was home alone, unarmed, and ill-prepared for that. I called my husband at work and left him a voicemail that he had twenty seven seconds to get home or I was selling her to the neighbors for a low price!

    I didn't, because that's illegal and I liked her every other day, but that one, but damn. I understand the "wtf is wrong with you" moment as you approach hour three and there's no sign of "It" quieting.

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  7. oh poor little Theo! poor you and Simon! so glad he is feeling better.

    ha! i just saw that second label and loled- that's how i feel about most of what i post. you are so funny.

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  8. Live by gas drops and gripe water....and I am so terrified of this post.

    I would steal Theo from you if you lived in Ohio. I'm too afraid to trek to the Land of Tornadoes so you're safe for now.

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  9. We are in the same boat lady. At 3.5 months in and Hudson hasn't shed the smallest of tears, he will squawk. One squawk means I'm unhappy, please help; two squawks and "it's" hit the fan for this little guy. Then all of a sudden this weekend he lit it up and screamed him bum off! Thankfully I remembered the best advice I've ever gotten for screaming babies- put them in a bath- and so far it's always worked even with the 2 year old.


    Paint drying is incredibly loud, I am so glad some gets it!

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  10. Lady, you have my empathy, sympathy, and all emotions of their ilk. So far, 2 of my 7 have been colic monsters. I know people that are all like "oh, colic, you poor thing, that's so tough", but none of their kids had it (I *might* have been that person at one point, I'll never tell). I wanted to record my colicky baby and then call them at 2 am and make them listen to it until their ears bled. I am the most mature, I know, but colic changes you, man. #7 (five days older than Theo) has been the worst, although he seems mostly recovered now (knocking wood, rubbing rabbits' feet, etc). I'd love to tell you some kind of good trick to make it stop, in case Theo gets any hare-brained notions in the future, but I got nothing. Except hearing loss and solidarity.

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  11. I wouldn't wish a colicky baby on anyone. My 1st screamed from 3pm - 9pm Every. Single. Day. for the first 4 months of her life. Oh, and at the time, my husband lived in Virginia while we were in Denver trying to sell our house. Add to that her allergy to just about everything, which meant I ate poached, plain chicken and rice for the entire time so as to not pass on allergens in my milk. She'll be 13 tomorrow, and we have since had 3 more children, all dolls by comparison. I always tell her it is a wonder she isn't an only child. This will pass, and you'll have great stories to tell when they get to be old enough to be embarrassed by them. I hardly remember the trauma (not).

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  12. My second had colic....it was awful. I spent hours pacing with her up and down our room just trying and trying to get her to go to sleep.

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  13. I have to say, I'd rather have a robber crawling in the window at 2 am prepared to kick my dog and chase my cats than have a baby screaming and me not know why. That would be the literal worst in terms of my anxiety and imagination. I heard a crazy story yesterday about a baby boy who screamed for hours and it turned out that one of his mom's long blonde (thus, impossible to see) hairs got itself wrapped our the tip of a super sensitive spot for little boys. Ahem. Can you imagine? I would sob until I seizured I'm sure. You and every mom in the world deserve an in-house chef and masseuse on staff 24/7. Bless you.

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  14. My husband swears by the take off the diaper trick, but it never works for me. My 1 year old had colic for the first 5 months (I spent the first two months denying it and blaming it on circumcision, not being fed enough, being fed too much, and me just apparently being a really bad mom that couldn't handle 2 kids), but after a lot of dr visits and Internet searches and special diets (I was nursing), and nothing working... He suddenly grew out of it. He started taking naps and got way more normal and now he is super smiley and independent (still hates being held) and pretty cute. But I still cringe when I think of the newborn days! :)

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  15. Wow, Grace. You are a major trooper. I felt anxious just reading this! I HATE the crying and crying with no explanation!!! It only happened once in a blue moon with our first but it sure better not be any worse with our second because I will go crazy with worried exhaustion! I prob wouldn't have even thought of gas meds because I would be so worried.

    And btw...I totally have a "fall asleep in an instant" husband and it sounds like I fit your sleep patterns to a dime. Why do mothers sleep so lightly???? (Although, I guess I was like there before motherhood...)

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  16. My first two babies were colic-y for the first two and a half months of their lives. I think I have post traumatic stress syndrome because of it because with the last babies if they even are unhappy for half an hour it feels like the walls are closing back in on me!

    And does Simon get behind the counter super gas baby meds?? Because I'll take em.

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  17. Poor little guy. I hope that smile in the last picture made it all [more] worthwhile. God bless!

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  18. OMG that heart pounding feeling just waiting for them to wake up screaming again. I know that feeling so well. And the one where you know they're screaming with your husband so you throw in the towel and go get them. But not without arguing some over the cause of the problem in the first place :) My husband also sleeps like a rock, which is the exact opposite of how I sleep.

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  19. I thank the good lord every day that he did not see fit to give me a baby with colic. That is one thing that I could not handle! I hate it when they cry like that. When they were sick in the night, I could never sleep, just waiting for them to wake up. The worst. And I'm a totally light sleeper and my husband would often wake up in the morning and mumble "oh, did the baby sleep through the night?" "Yes, honey, except for the FORTY-MILLION times he woke up and cried. Yes, all night."

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  20. Are you ready for this? You will hate me, yes I'm smiling (the evil type). I birthed 6 kids... NOT ONE colic moment... EVAHHH. One night with one kid teething... that's it. Ehh, no biggie they saved it all for the ill words they speak to me now... Can you have colicky teenagers?

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  21. Oh gosh... Poor all of you. Get some sleep!

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  22. Glad you had an answer. Leo's been sick for days, plus he's cutting bicuspids of all teeth, but Tylenol has done the trick until last night when we had an episode like you described. We COULD NOT make him happy. I did finally get him to sleep but worried all night that he had broken a bone or had appendicitis (this might be absurd, but...), and I had made him go to sleep in pain. Who knows what was up, but he woke up this morning, cheerful as usual.

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  23. Oh my goodness, that sounds awful. I would have also taken the "he's been poisoned!!" line of thinking, because I'm a big, old worry-wart and my mind always goes to the worst place first. The picture of Theo fast asleep is the best. I melt every time I see pudgy, little baby wrists. I hope he lets you get some rest tonight!

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  24. I just gave Sam "the talk" today. You know, the one where I threaten him with a long and miserable childhood if he ever dares think about colic.

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  25. I really though we were the only ones that would fight during crying fits. No one talks about that! Glad he finally let you sleep!

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  26. That is ROUGH. Zuzu had one night like that...just one. Cried for two hours straight after her 2 mo vax and I thought Mr. O and I were going to diiiiie. Like full-throttle, someone-is-stabbing-me screaming (her, not us). We did everything we knew how, called both sets of grandparents begging for advice, searched the net...to no avail. She just fell asleep when she was good and ready.

    If I ever have a colicky baby, you'll find me in the nuthouse. To those of you who've had them and not done something illegal - you're saints.

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  27. All in a DOUBLE bed? Sorry , I'm obnox. But I am still in awe that marriages can exist in a DOUBLE bed. Again..... Kudos, props, complete admiration, etc.

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  28. Both my kids had colic for the first year. I read your words and went right back to that mental place of sheer exhaustion and panic. It feels the same way when they learn how to drive. Seriously...it does. Thank goodness you have some time before you have to prepare for that.
    Hope you get some sleep tonight!

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  29. I momentarily read that as "Simon rolled over and let out 99 longest and loudest burps."

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  30. Same thing happened to a friend's baby...for 8* months. They thought he had colic, and then an experienced mom burped him real good and he transformed in front of their eyes, brand new baby.

    *That may be an exaggeration. It may have been 5 months. Or 5 weeks. Anyways, I'm sure no matter how long it was it felt a whole lot longer.

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  31. The whole post was totally worth it for the last sentence. Too funny, but I sure don't know how you do it. If I ever have a kid and he cries like that, I'm really worried I'll run to the computer and put him on Craigslist.

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  32. My daughter was such an easy baby and it was still so hard. I have no idea how I could survive a difficult baby or even just an easy baby with a rambunctious toddler. I guess I will survive, as in still be alive, but I'm not sure I would be a normal functioning human being or likeable.

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  33. Theo is such a cute little guy, doesnt look like he could ever be sad:)

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  34. Shame poor Theo!!! And more so, shame poor parents.....
    Talk about a feeling of hopelessness!!!
    When I had Stella at the doc for her non-stop screaming at week 3, he smiled at me and said: "Welcome to colic. You know all those annoying people who try to give advice, take it. All of it. It'll work, for a week if you're lucky. Then try something else. It also might work for a week. Don't worry, it wont last forever."
    Dude was right. Nothing worked for longer than 3 days. It sucked.
    So glad he got the burpees out :) Feel better, little guy. Sending kisses your way

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  35. Poor baby!!! (And poor parents!) Gas is the worst ... sometimes when Michael had it I would drape him on his belly across my knees and the pressure helped a little bit.

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  36. Ooh I am dreading the hours of nonstop crying all over again. Hopefully he's so tired today that he naps for a solid few hours and you can catch a break. I have a hard time napping during the kids' naps too.

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  37. I had to re-read it because I totally thought that Simon sat up and burped like 99 of the loudest burps, and I am so mature and laughed like crazy. hahahahaha
    Tagg had colic in a bad bad bad BAD way for the first four months of his life. The same four months that Dev was working full time and going to school full time. I wouldn't wish those months on anyone. Ok, maybe on the nurse at Ellee's doctor's appointment who thought that being a stay at home mom was stupid, but only her.

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  38. Haha. That reminds me of when we had our third. After having two boys who were easy-peasy, we thought all of our kids would be that way. And out popped Miriam in all her glory and she had that stereotypical "witching hour" or 3 every single evening til 10 pm where nothing could soothe her except maybe carrying her while walking around (if you stopped, she let you have it). She even refused the breast which would shut the other two up every. single. time. My husband goes crazy (like put-in-a-padded-room crazy) when our babies scream, so it was probably one of the low points in our marriage, but we survived. I'm just praying lots of prayers that the rest of our brood, however many there may be, are like our first two.

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  39. I AM LAUGHING SO HARD at ^ Bridget's ^ comment b/c I THOUGHT THAT, TOO!!!!!! the mental picture keeps making me laugh harder, too.
    dead asleep simon sitting up to burp 99 of the loudest burps. awesome.
    this was one of your best posts. IMO. :)

    (oh, what gas drop brand did the doctor purchase?)

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  40. Your blog makes me laugh SO HARD. Every time. I told you once that you contend with Hyperbole and a Half. You officially whoop its butt.

    Danielle
    littlebitofwowe.blogspot.com

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  41. Hilarious post! My son (now 6) had colic...not so hilarious. :) Really enjoying your blog and happy to have found it!
    -Vicky

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  42. Omg that happens to us more than I'd like...even if we try to nitro him for an hour or three. Now I just let him cry it out. Bc I'm an amazing parent.

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  43. Well, if you had to experience that night of hellishness so that I could be thoroughly entertained by this post, (to the point of guffaws!) then so be it. If you could only have watched me laughing while I read, surely you would immediately agree that it was all worth it :)

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  44. Well, if you had to experience that night of hellishness so that I could be thoroughly entertained by this post, (to the point of guffaws!) then so be it. If you could only have watched me laughing while I read, surely you would immediately agree that it was all worth it :)

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  45. That picture of Theo sleeping just melts my heart! You would have no idea that he had been screaming the night away.

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