housewife gone wild

13 June 2013

I'm not having a bad day. At all. Really. Just another one of those days that I merely set out to do a few loads of laundry, unpack from the 2 day trip we returned from 4 days ago, and run to the store but the kids - the kids always have other plans. I'd love to hatch into the lost vortex of time that is our mornings and see what gets done because I think it'd just be a long list of, " -------------------------------- who -------------------------- knows ----------------"

So! I don't have anything to write (blog! everyone knows blogging does not a writer make) about today so I'll just give a rundown of the day thus far because this is a space with standards.

I microwaved a tub of butter this morning instead of the intended bowl of oatmeal. Well, Smart Balance. Really? I know - about as exciting and unheard of as the ever hilarious left my cellie in the fridge trick.  It refrigerated right back to its native and solid state so ... who cares.

The living room is crawling with ants (I don't know why but I suspect it has to do with the frequency of both my mopping + the kids drifting from the table like the Goops that they are) so I busted out my favorite Pinterest concotch.

Simon is, of course, FAR more worried about the smell than the enemy invaders.

I've tried feeding Theo rice cereal a few times and he goes into straight up Fort Knox mode ... hates. I put on my most sing songy voice and gave him some avocado today and he tolerated. Grace-led weaning and all dat.

Kate's love story is motivating me to start retyping ours. Why I'm not starting today is a mystery for the not quite motivated enoughs.

It is an all day struggle not to watch Scandal but now Simon is kind of into it so I feel bad watching without him. I mean bad enough that I only watch 1.5 episodes before he gets home from work while I glare at Jillian and yodel at the kids scaling my legs. Nice wives finish first.

I mustered the courage to go to the regular grocery store with the kids. I put on my swimsuit cover to fool the masses into thinking it was a dress and these new shoes ...

that may as well be Kork-Ease because they feel downright orthotic but look notit. But then I started thinking about just taking one kid to the store tonight while Simon watched the other two and that thought shined bright and I couldn't quite shake it so ... courageous lioness put on her finest fur fur nothing. The fur/for pun/joke was dumb. Leaving it because someone that types those sorts of things doesn't deserve the privilege of the delete.

Every single time I look at this ...

I smile. Wide.

There has been a child throwing serious tantrums over at the neighbors house on and off all day and tantrums that do not belong to my children are music to my ears not because I'm heartless but because it's not my fight + it makes me feel like maybe my kids are sort of normal + my kids go into wide eyed and listen mode. Cry on, little stranger.

Aaaaaaaaand Tweedledum and Tweedleteeth are awake ...

... and ready to get ripped with Jillian.

Off we enthusiastically sprint.


  1. My snort-laughing at that ostrich woke the baby. You'd think after coming across it more than once, I'd stop finding it funny. But I won't. never, ever ever. You have some mighty cute tweedles!

    ps.I am LOVING the shoes!

  2. See what I told you about coming home from picking up the kids and finding a new Camp post?? Probably not...anyway lovely shoes but not as cute as Theo's pink cheeks that I want to squeeze!!!

  3. cheetah chasing ostrich: laughed loud while simultaneously scrolling down so my reading 4-year-old wouldn't see the words. I mean I'm glad he's mastered reading or whatever but it's a frickin pain when I want to keep something secret from him. You ask why he's reading over my shoulder and we have a house full of places to sit but of course he's in my lap while eating his lucky charms and watching a cartoon. But I am grateful because I read some post about kids leaving their mommies when they get all growned up and so I'm enjoying the lucky charms getting dropped into my elbow-pits while I type this.

  4. The "privilege of delete" really made me chuckle. And got me wondering how many awesome phrases you delete because you don't think they're funny. They're always funny, I'm sure of it.

  5. LOVE the African safari drama.

  6. Love Story/Proposal/Gorgeous Ring tales.... Yes please!!!

  7. I just ordered me some Jillian. I don't know why I haven't listened to anyone's advice to avoid this at all measures.

    And, morning vortex is a real thing. How do I know? I didn't get around to brushing my teeth until 5 yesterday. In the evening.

  8. We always fall into a black hole every morning...although I guess it isn't really a black hole since we get out it? Or do we just go into another one within the black hole the next day? That doesn't make sense. Anyway, only you could have nothing to blog about, but still write a blog post that makes people laugh!

  9. Can I just say that I am totally with Theo on this one - rice cereal is mucho disgusting! I stopped even buying that nasty for my last couple. Straight to mushy table food for all. Plus now they have those AWESOME baby fruit pouches. Have you seen those? My friend has a 9 month old and uses them all the time - you just screw off the lid and the baby sucks the food out - no spoon, no mess. Where were those when I had babies??

  10. Love the shoes.
    Ants are normal all over the USofA this time of year, no matter how clean the house is. Those itty bitty things drive me bananas.
    Funny, funny ostrich photo.

  11. You don't happen to have any child-safe ant killer suggestions, do you? Because we're in the middle of an infestation ourselves and I keep going through this tolerate / spray the buggers / flip out every time the toddlers approach the wet floor thing.

    1. ugh. no! I read you can use straight vinegar to "confuse" their path .... but not even vinegar + dish soap is working for me at this point. Let me know if you find something!

    2. Ok! Do you have windex?? Not kid-friendly per say...but much better than Raid (I think) every home seems to have some! Seriously ladies, the ammonia kills those ants dead right away. (We have ants too). I also read that tee tree oil messes with their antennas' signals, so I try to always wash our floor with a mix of that and castille oil.

      But the Windex? Works every.single.time.

    3. We have so many ants out here on the farm - it's good to have plenty of arsenal - must try the Windex. Thanks for the tip, Cynthia!

  12. I too love when other people's children misbehave. It makes me feel so much better. That picture of the bros is adorable!

  13. This is so our mornings too! Although I'm not sure what MY problem is, as I am only wrangling one kiddo to your three.

    We had the ant thing occur about a month back too, but instead of reverting to my beloved traps, since this is my last ant season with a non-mobile in the house, I tried a few kid friendly solutions. I was going to suggest the vinegar soaked sponge (it truly did stave them off at the end!) but can also offer up cinnamon (ground, stick, or oil...we used sticks), garlic cloves, or peppermint oil along the baseboards. I also then spread a thin trail of Vaseline along the baseboards and all entrances with a Q-tip, especially anywhere I noticed any sort of crevice. Good luck!

    The kiddos are adorbs as always!

  14. We are being invaded by ants ....everywhere. I hear cinnamon does the trick? the meantime I use my windex aggressively to get out the days frustrations. ;-D

    Tweedle dee and tweedle dum sure are squeezeable cute btw.

  15. love the shitshitshitshitshit pic, made me smile wide too. ;)
    Jillian is your workout?
    Have you tried Bob? He's much calmer which is somewhat more irritating as sweat drips down my face and I see the baby waking up on the video monitor...

  16. We sprinkled dry cream of wheat on the floor to get rid of ants and it worked! It explodes their stomachs or something like that and it's great because the ants take it back to wherever they are hiding and feed it to the other ones. Although maybe throwing food on the floor isn't what you want to teach your kids but I bet they would have fun throwing it on the floor! :)

  17. Totally smile when I hear another kid throwing a tantrum and realize its not mine. Yesssss!

  18. Um, ostrich picture. YES.



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