mother bear does Monday

26 June 2012

"aw faw down"
(at the close of a dramatic round of her favorite game recently renamed, "ashers, ashers" with her inappropriate playmate that she continues to find and dismantle over and over and over again)

Instead of risking sounding like a scratched compact disc, I prudently refrained from reporting live from yesterday's events which were a lot like a lot of other days around here: all sunshine, smiles, order, and enunciated multisyllabics. Yes, I held back and I held back some more until I stopped holding back and started typing ... this.

Fortunately, I'm good at enabling my momnesia when necessary but I wasn't able to successfully block out a little tiny mishap on our morning walk/run. As usual, I had perfectly timed one of my one minute runs (sandwiched by two minute walks) down a long and steep hill. This has taken quite some time to perfect and I'm pretty sure a lazy fairy gets her wings every time I successfully time the incline to be walked and the decline to be run. I got to the bottom of the crazy elephant hill only to realize that Grandpa Sebastian was fighting his morning catnap ... empty handed. He had been gnawing the bleep out of the hooves of Sophie (or "Sophia" as Simon calls her) the stupid 18 dollar giraffe but she was now nowhere to be found. How on God's green earth she escaped his fist and tooth death grip will forever be one of my life's great conundrums.

I slowly and emphatically rolled my eyes, roused Sebastian and begged him not to sleep and ruin his blessed afternoon hibernation, turned and looked up the ninety degree slope of hell to see Sophie standing upright on all fours and taunting me from the tippity ippity top. Despite a techno version of Country Roads blaring in my ears, despondency met her maker as I adjusted my hat (that much like an old tight fraternity shirt on a pot-bellied middle aged man screams, "respect what I used to be, not what you see here!")  and trudged up the mountain to rescue the ridiculous toy whose purchase was made possible with the help of a generous Amazon coupon found in a parenting magazine in a doctor's office: a little trick I learned from Janssen.

lesson learned: leashes aren't just for dogs and kids anymore

The rest of the day followed a similar pattern and it's (thankfully) a little fuzzy now but I'm pretty sure a cafeteria lunch date with Simon turned into a parking garage melt of all melts that left him unsure if he should continue to cautiously nod with feigned understanding and pat my kneecap or run for (more fun!) cover in the clinic of waiting well woman exams. 

Luckily for woe-is-me, Julia has gleaned a true gem from all of her parental eavesdropping and is absolutely convinced that she has, "ah-jeez" that require quite a bit of Benadryl that has magically turned her afternoon nap into an afternoon-evening nap that allows me to devour edifying literature and no-cal banana bread and has been known to magically transform Mondays into something resembling something manageable. The saving grace that is saving Grace that is simultaneously making bad puns.

(and this is why I need to post every day or every hour -- too many empty words build up -- apologies or 'ap-jeez' to you sophisticated toddler readers)


  1. I am constantly in absolute awe that you can run at all, for any duration, on any incline (or lack thereof) pushing a jogging stroller- let alone a jogging stroller with two babies in it. Seriously.

    If you keep this up, one day you'll be able to run stroller-free, and suddenly discover that you qualify for the Olympics. It'll be like that scene from that horrible Forrest Gump movie (oh, y'all like that movie? Huh.) when the man goes running for a million years. Just like that. Minus the cult-leaderesque beard.

  2. Yes, I think that one of mine has "ah-jeez", too. So... benadryl helps?

  3. haha...keep it coming grace! i for one am not at all opposed to you posting hourly and after these girls come, my post-pregnancy abs will be very thankful if you would in fact post more often just for the work-out. :)

  4. I love love love these posts. Today I may or may not have told Ross that his daughter was a word that rhymes with gas-pole. You make me feel like the moments of pure parental insanity are not mine alone. That is your huge gift to the blogosphere. Oh and we lost Sophie on a trip home to Savannah. I may or may not have cried. a lot. Hoping for lots of long naps for kids the rest of the week while you catch up on reading about the saints!

  5. And, that post made me feel better and exhausted all at the same time. Where can I get a techno version of Country Roads?

    1. Shocked how many "techno" versions of Country Roads exist on YouTube!

  6. First time commenter (I think). I love your blog. Missed it yesterday and Sunday like woooooow. Funniest blog on the block. Your writing is unparalleled. Love. xxoo

  7. One of my fave posts yet. Kudos.

  8. Oh, so *that's* how you make Mondays better. What about Tuesdays?

  9. Haha, oh Sophie. Nice save.
    A few days ago I lost one of Tagg's flip flops on a run right at the half way point (because he had fallen asleep even though it was 7 pm, and then stayed up until 11pm because of his catnap). Backtracking to find it in 90 degree heat was super duper fun. Ha. I don't let him wear shoes when we run now.
    It really is a shame we can't get T and J together for a play date, because T is totally into the "round the rosies" fad, and he and J could just get dizzy for hours whilst E and S cleaned the house for us and we enjoyed bon bons. ;)

  10. I think I am going to go through my whole closet with the "respect what I used to be and not what you see here" line!

  11. I like your daily/ hourly posts! It makes my life seem less crazy/ more normal. Like when my daughter threw up earlier this week because of her gag-reflux I was like "well at least it wasn't the all night flu" and when she dropped a cell phone on my newborn, I was like " at least it's not a sonicare" :).

  12. We have two Sophies. The one is the little squeaker we all know and love. My daughter wedges the body in the front of her high chair and drives the head around in frenzied circles to obtain some kind of insane continuous Sophie squeak of doom while cackling insanely. The other Sophie is the plush version, we call her The Sophmeister to differentiate, she lives in the crib where she is routinely bitten, hurled against the bars, and slept upon.

  13. Ha! Isn't life as a mom crazy?

  14. Oh my gosh. Your way of writing has me chuckling out loud. "Ah-jeez!" Ha! "Ap-jeez!" Ha, ha, ha!!!

    I second Colleen's sentiments wholeheartedly.

  15. So are you telling me she plays Ring-around-the-Rosie with Jesus? That is the cutest thing I have ever heard.



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