little fleeting thorns

20 June 2012

detected: not Mom's lap. dislike and dismount immediately.


I'm not trying to potty train Julia but unfortunately we are still suffering the wrath of the accident on an almost daily basis around here. You know the one: the puddle on the floor that appears out of nowhere? I don't know how it happens. Does that much time lapse from the time I get her out of the bath and into a new diaper? Did she just feel threatened by a smiley Sebastian, take off her diaper and mark her territory while I was busy sorting and organizing her dresser that she emptied for the 12th time which was interrupted by Sebastian's hangry "why-have-I-not-been-spoon-fed-my-fourth-breakfast-yet? First-lunch-starts-soon" cries which were interrupted by the dirty bathroom that couldn't be ignored for one more second which was interrupted by sudden and suspicious "why is Julia being so quiet?" thoughts? I guess. I can't be bothered with a game of bodily fluid Clue with a person that speaks 1/9000000000th of the English language when I have boxes of bonbons waiting patiently for their meeting in my SAHM office.

Fortunately it's not as gross or inconvenient as a lot of other potential situations involving the short Pattons. I just throw a laundry bound towel down and then finish the job with a baby wipe and go on my merry way back to drawer organizing and feeding Sebastian and cleaning the bathroom with the other side of the used baby wipe while half listening for signs of not trouble from Julia and humming that awful Chamillionaire song I have stuck in my nog. And yes she has access to her little potty and no I do not want potty training advice. I might need it but I don't want it. Maybe when Simon's hours normalize a little bit we can hurdle that mile high milestone but right now is not the time.

Am I finished talking about pee on the floor yet? no. It gets less exciting. Sebastian has a bit of a height advantage over me in the great urine treasure hunting race and I have to admit that he has crocodiled his way over to the liquid booty before I can say "no means stop slithering now, please!" and he happily has a nice splash (maybe some licks but I don't want to embarrass him or myself) party while I grab the baby wipes to give him a "bath".

So, this is the tiny thorn in my side this week. Last week was Julia's clinging (which is still not great but she allows Simon to change her diaper now which is greatly appreciated) and next week I'm sure it will be something so wildly exciting that I can't even begin to fathom what it might be but it will eventually pass just like this week's pee thorn (that is poking me sharply even though I am not bringing this upon myself by attempting to potty train her highness -- let us be clear -- I am the martyr) will soon be a distant memory that I won't even remember unless I come back and read this quality post that is littered with zero run-on sentences.

If you're worried that my baditude has suddenly vanished and I've morphed into an optimistic parenting unicorn with a heart-shaped tail, please don't be. I'm just an obviously wise mom veteran of almost two whole years sharing an earth shattering and probably short-lived perspective with all of you readers that can't think for yourselves. You can thank me now. Or later. Or never.



23 comments:

  1. i for one am appreciative of your half-hearted perspective. and, i will not offer any potti training advice, particularly because i skipped that stage and know none. plus, i like the puddle posts. they add pizzazz.

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  2. It's not fun. In the beginning there are so many accidents and always at the worst times: right before you leave, someone comes over, etc. Slowly it gets better, don't give up. If you need motivation look at the price of diapers ;)

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  3. I'm just glad I don't have the only toddlers that can't hold it from the bathtub to the diaper. Our upstairs carpet is starting to look like we let a pack of leaky Golden Retrievers wander around on it all day. Cringing thinking about potty training. Have no idea where to start. I have a feeling I'll be starting September with three kids in diapers...yay...:(

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  4. Project for the day: Photoshop picture of Grace as a unicorn with heart-shaped tail.

    Oh yes. I will happily spend naptime on this.

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  5. I am super insufficient as I haven't even potty trained Claire and she turned 2 in feb. whatevs. We can enjoy the misery together- a glass of wine for every accident?

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  6. V just finished breakfast and rather than using the potty, she's throwing a tantrum in the carpeted living room. I'm guessing I will have a delightful gift when this is all over.

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  7. That is so weird. Where is the pee coming from? I'm confused. Maybe it's a pet-ghost.

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  8. You just coined the word "batitude"... I'm so impressed! (The whole post was fun, but even if it was unappreciated by some, they should be consoled with their new vocab word which will obviously sweep the nation.) :)

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  10. Eeeeewwww, I can just picture chubby Sebastian playing in the pee puddle. Good thing pee is sterile!

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    1. That is ALWAYS my response to pee. Post-parenthood, of course.

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  11. Yesterday when I was heading downstairs to put in some laundry, my 3-year-old warned, "Mommy, careful of the turd on the stairs!" Talk about being taken aback. Wait, what did I miss? Apparently, my son (20 months) pooping on the stairs is what I missed. He left me another log on the living room carpet after supper.

    Not sure if the potty training attempts are working.

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  12. . . . not to toot my own horn, but to toot my own horn:
    http://showmeanewday.blogspot.com/2012/06/no-rest-for-weary-pt-i.html

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  13. Isn't Julia a little young for potty-training anyway? Like I would know. Obviously not a mother. I enjoyed the run-on sentences. :) I kind of loved the marking her territory reference.

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  14. my {hopefully fleeting} thorn of the week: our three-month-old is sleeping ten hours a night. awesome, right? well, apparently she is not gaining weight sufficiently so i've been instructed by the professionals to wake her up for middle of the night feedings. NO. NO. NO! {i mean, i'll do it,obviously, but i'm not going to be happy about it. not one bit.}

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  15. Dang, Grace, here's my unsolicited and in fact blatantly unwanted potty-training advice: WAIT. In spite of overachieving sisters-in-law and frowny parental faces, I succeeded in not even attempting to potty-train Charlotte until she was about 3 and 2 months. And then I gave up for two more months, because she was awful about it. When I tried again it took a day and a half. Seriously, the early potty training phenom is horrible. I'm convinced it's a plot by people who love seeing mothers of young children suffer even more. An evil plot.

    Also: I don't even bother with the baby wipe, I just instruct my six-year-old to wipe up the pee with whatever dirty towel is handy and hope it gets done. Pee is sterile, right? And see, you're a better mom than me.

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  16. Potty training a 1 year old? Here's my unsolicited and unwanted advice - Not. Worth. It. Ditto for a 2 year old.
    Love a Mum of 6 potty trained kidlets

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  17. Oh, Grace. Let me give you some good potty training advice.

    Ha. Gotcha.

    I am a card, I tell ya.

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  18. So true about how childhood problems disappear on their own very often. Especially at that age, when they are changing every day.

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  19. Oh.......... I just laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed....

    I, too, live with pee-pee and poo-poo on the floors, the clothes, inside Big Boy Underpants (because *someone* could care less about messin' his pants), and other places that I'm not going to mention because we're living with my parents for another month and I'd rather not tell them where their precious beloved grandson happily does his business, which does not include any place outside, because it's still 59 degrees in Western Oregon and I'm not crazy enough (yet) to send him outside buck naked at that temperature. (You inspire me to write my own run-on.)

    I've decided to invest all $3.92 of my savings in Hoover Carpet Cleaner stock options. And that way, when we go EC with the next kid, my stock values will be still be good and strong.

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    1. I have to add this disclaimer: Mom, should you happen to read this, he only went in that one spot in that one place that one time that didn't do any damage. Promise!!!

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  20. I waited until 3 to potty train my first. The rest I did at about 22 months. They were much more compliant. That being said, I can't IMAGINE potty-training Julia in her current cooperative state.....! :)

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