Sebastian's Birth Story (third installment)

07 November 2011

{part I here}
{part II here}

the finale grandy

As I told (typed to) my good friend Caitlin, I think if I printed and bound the first two installments of za birth store....the length would probably rival that of any potential Harry Potter VIII


I'm going to make this quick and dirty
or more fitting:
quick and bloody
which brings me to the fair warning that if you are even a little bit squeamish you will probably want to skip this post.
I'm not terribly squeamish and I'll probably skip this post.

A not so quick rundown:
Sebastian had been birthed, fed and whisked off to bigger and better things (a bath, getting dressed...etc)
I was famished and made a simple request that Simon hunt and gather a chocolate shake, chicken nuggets, a Quarter Pounder with cheese (no onions) and a Diet Coke
Simon obliged and valiantly strode off into the night/early morning
Nurse Mary mashed on my stomach a few times to help the uterus clamp down and stop any serious bleeding
instead of the bleeding stopping it came projectile food poison vom bleed...(but from a different orifice that was not my mouth)
the chief resident was paged and came in to 'evacuate' any leftover clots
as soon as she had her hand, forearm, bicep and shoulder alll up inside me I happened to notice that I could see a perfect reflection of the show in the (turned off) tv screen in front of my bed
more fun
I started to feel veryyyy dizzy, woozy, tired, not good
my blood pressure dropped to 70/30
somewhere in there I sent Simon a text that the chief resident was evaluating for bleeding
also somewhere in there Simon had called and let me know that Steak and Shake would have to suffice for Mickey D's
the 'evacuating' went on for what felt like e-t-e-r-n-i-t-y
I started to feel short of breath and couldn't talk which began to scare me a tiny tiny bit
Nurse Mary gave me a shot in my leg (not felt thanks to the blessed epidural's lingering effects)
the chief resident reported that she had managed to evacuate several clots and bits of placenta
lots of usage of the word 'evacuate'
she said if I lost any more blood perhaps they would talk about a transfusion
Nurse Mary put an oxygen mask on me as I started to sh-sh-a-a-k-k-k-e-e-e uncontrollably
Simon came running in from getting the food at Steak and Shake
what a deadbeat husband and dad
just kidding
totalllly kidding
I shook for a long time and tried really hard not to fall asleep
Simon told me to try and stay awake
a different nurse came in and drew my blood
she did a horrible job as it was the most painful blood draw I've ever experienced
my blood pressure started to rise and the shaking started to subside
crisis averted
the chief resident came in and filled Simon in on the night's festivities and talked about my labs
my hemoglobin had been at an 8 which is a leeeeedle on the low side I believe
three hours after Sebastian's birth I was wheelchaired up to my room
we rolled by the nursery and waved to Sebastian
Simon and I ate cold and delicious Steak and Shake
actually, Simon ate cold Steak and Shake
I inhaled cold Steak and Shake
I placed a call to the nursery to ask if they would please bring Sebastian to me
they obliged and let me know that he had low blood sugar so they had had to feed him sugar spiked formula
I was annoyed...probably unnecessarily so
I blame the sugary formula feeding but he was having none of Grace's goods
the nurse brought me a prosthetic to help out
I had left all dignity down in labor and delivery with the full armed evacuation so what was a little nipple prosthesis?
he loved the prosthetic and drank heartily until Simon left for Mass
(I gave myself a dispensation and accept all bad Catholic accusations)
where do I stop telling this birth story?
Sebastian eventually took to utilizing God's perfect ecosystem like a little champion
we are currently living happily ever you can imagine
photographic proof
top to bot, right to left
I didn't take that sweater/smoking jacket off for days...I think I'm still wearing it right this sec
I kept calling Sebastian - Simon for the first few days
Simon is a master swaddler ... even the swaddle-jedi nurses were impressed
 Simon holding his male offspring
I'm either ordering more food or asking to see Sebastian...loved the size of that practical

two postpartum thoughts...
mirrors should be banned from postpartum hospital rooms
(protect innocent mothers from scary facial swelling and leftover bell reflections)
postpartum nurses should automatically be canonized as saints regardless of their religion
(the uglies those kind ladies see day after day after day after day )
the end.
I promise.


  1. Umm I can't believe you were practically hemorrhaging to death and then blogging within like 2 hours. Massive blood loss entitles you to a few hours of just being a bum. You continue to amaze me with your dedication to the cause. And your humor. Love that.

  2. 1) ditto to kayla... was initially impressed with your quick updates, but am now mind-blown that you were kind/well/conscious enough to give us all the deets even after the great bloody evacuation of 2011. Wow. and even more wow. so glad that you + baby S are healthy and happy.

    2) now i'm just really sad to realize that the nearest steak & shake to me is approximately 5,000 miles away...dang.

  3. Husbands have a knack for being gone for the hard stuff, through no fault of their own. Mine finally waltzed into delivery 7 minutes before our daughter was born. (We were both at work when my water broke, it was very fast.)

    Also, my oldest used a prosthetic (can't link to yours, I assume it's the same) until he was 9 months old. Then he stopped nursing.

  4. ditto Kayla. as I said, I was impressed you were blogging in the hospital (I would disappear from my blog for months, maybe years). And now you let us in on the gory/scary details... you are so awesome. I am glad you are okay, though. I'm sure that was a frightening experience!

    and yeah, those old school phones are ridiculous.

  5. I also agree that mirrors (and possibly cameras) should be banned in the post partum areas (including homes). One of the cruelest moments of my life came when I saw a full length view of myself getting into the shower after I had Liam.

  6. Oh dear me, this first time pregnant lady finds herself a bit panicky. But Good Job, and I'm glad it's over for you and you're recovering well!

  7. I love your story! Also, I ALWAYS nearly hemmorhage post-birth, and there is never anything left to evacuate. I think my body just sort of figures it's done it's job and can call it a day, since there are lovely nurses/midwives hanging out around it armed with Pitocin. That was a leedle scary when I was at home, but I was fine.

    Would you hate me if I named my next child Sebastian too? It is seriously my most favorite name ever. I'll even name a girl Sebastian. That would be interesting.

    Last question: Is there a law or a rule or a something against husbands delivering their wives kids? Just wondering. I thought it would be cool but it might be a conflict of interest or something?

  8. I love reading birth stories. I never, ever get sick of them. Thank you for making sure yours had just enough drama, and still kept a happy ending. Good on you!

    After my last birth, I got the shakes, too. It was the strangest thing. I was shaking so hard I thought I was going to break teeth.

    Bodies are weird.

  9. Perfection. Terrifying though- really?! I never knew about the clots and whatnot. I must've missed that part of having a baby? Also- I used "prosthesis" for a long time until my Simon got the hang of nursing (NINE LONG WEEKS), and he also was given sugary stuff in the nursery behind my back and I also was very irritated by that fact.

  10. Dude, same thing happens to me. This past time I got Pitocin in an iv, shot in the leg, and then when those didn't work, she had to give me something in a rectal form... At that point modesty was gone and I really didn't want to bleed to death so I took one for the team.

    Loved your birth story and the hilarious commentary always.

  11. Yikes Grace! I'm so glad you're okay. That bleeding stuff is so scary. I literally worry more about it than the birth process.

    Okay, now for a really dumb question but did your hubby help at all with the delivery? My sister is an RN and was with me this last time and helped the nurse on call out with getting an IV in (5 sticks and only one was successful!)
    Was it weird for him to be on the "other side" of everything (like not be able to help)? I bet you get these types of questions all time and it's so annoying...but I was wondering.

  12. omg. i'm terrified, but thankful at the same time? at least it's not my mom saying "oh it's all worth it sweetie". also, is simone growing out zee hair?

  13. I just read all three parts of your story, Grace (much to hubby's dismay, as it has precluded me from doing anything else even minorly useful to him) and am happy to announce that I would like nothing more than Steak and Shake right now. Dang it!

    Love that little boy of yours. He is too presh!

  14. thank you so much for your honest story! i am 23 weeks and slightly terrified of labor and delivery :) but reading birth stories helps me prepare, so thank you, again. i will be so excited when my little baby girl is here!

  15. I love a good birth story! Just keep having babies so that I can keep reading the stories. Also, I am t-t-t-terrified for my next labor in t-minus 30 weeks. How the heck did you keep it together, ma'am?



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