goooood morning

03 November 2011

Simon's paternity leave has been a little bit unconventional and wonky. He generally goes in pretty early in the morning and gets out somewhere between one and three in the afternoon. We'll enjoy this schedule for 2.5 more weeks with some weekends of normal 12-14 hour shifts sprinkled in for good measure. I can't exactly complain but I most certainly wanted to circa 6:45 this morning.
It began with a jarring wake up of both Sebastian and Julia crying. I quickly determined that Julia's cries were louder and more annoying so I went to get her soggy bottom first. Not only was she in the throws of the nastiest tantrum but she was also (somewhat impressively) saturated in her own urine from neck to ankle. I changed her diaper and outfit while she continued to throw a back arching tantrum and while Sebastian's cries crescendoed muy rapido.  I tried to put her down with her blanket and bottle but she all but hung her little legs around my neck for fear the ground might swallow her whole so I grabbed the male tyrant-mini to find that he had also saturated his outfit in bebe urine. Changing his diaper is a bit of a process with the circumcision dressing needing special attention, his little robot legs flailing everywhere and the very real possibility that he will fire yellow at will. So ... changing him while holding the she-boulder really wasn't an option. Sorry Sebastian. I carried the needlings to the living room to nurse Sebastian thinking that maybe I might distract Julia with an empty toothbrush package from her toy bin or maybe a reading from the Spanish/English dictionario. Nope. She stayed firmly planted on my lap while I fed an almost inconsolable little S. I attempted a polite cover up with the nursing cover but she wanted a little show to watch while she enjoyed her morning bottle. Whatever. In the midst of all of this mundane morning monotony...I was struck with what I can only describe as labor allllll over again. Lovely. The blessed after birth pains had found the perfect time to attackattackattack.
Luckily...Julia soon found a speck of dust that struck her fancy so she dismounted my lap and crawled away. Silence proceeded. Not good. I got up and peered around the corner to find her scaling the (ungated...my fault) stairs. This would be fine except for the fact that the second she stops and thinks about turning around she generally goes tumbling down backwards to the hardwood floor, an ugly meltdown and a couple of pretty bruises. So...while still nursing and basically enduring the joy of labor all over again I scaled the stairs and grabbed an angry/guilty/flailing Julia. Sebastian didn't skip a beat and clung to his food source for dear life ... smart, strong-gummed boy. Please keep in mind that my nursing cover had been cast aside by J and while I was running to rescue her...it flew out behind me like a cape. A pretty floral cape. I hope the neighbors saw...party in the front...party in the back.
This is getting boring. I hope you stopped reading and have moved onto more important things. 
Anyway...Julia kindly settled in for a view of the nursing show from the comfort of the ground (pictured above) and I suppose we had a nice moment ... just the three of us. 
Julia was soon whisked away by a kind-hearted grandma to eat some breakfast and drink her third bottle of the morning while I went to finally change poor Sebastian's diaper. While juggling the ointment, wipes, new diaper and gauze...little S decided to fire a good 1/4 cup of urine allllllll over his hair, face and eventually filling his left ear canal...making him very angry and me very amused.

End unexciting story. 
(well....the truly happy ending came with some Percocet, a large mug of pumpkin spiced coffee and some uncharitable text messages about residency sent in Simon's direction but we like to keep the 'grace is a martyr' theme alive and kicking so we'll leave those parts out)

Sorry for subjecting you to thirty minutes of my cr-a-a-a-a-azy day. I'll have to rip this out and put it in the intangible baby book...sometime soon.

19 comments:

  1. Ok what is this about post-labor pains?! I thought once you had the baby the pain part was over?! I'mscared.

    There was a lot of urine in this post. I'm just glad it didn't sound like any ended up on you.

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  2. Wow, sounds like quite the adventure! Hopefully it gets easier the more days you have....here's hoping.

    Also, B is the master at soaking himself with urine night after night after night. We finally discovered Huggies night time diapers. Have you tried them? They're kind of pricey, but only using one a day makes them last a while. No more waking up at 5am to a dripping boy. He happily sleeps til 8am and is still completely dry...worth every penny.

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  3. Oh my Lordy....I hope every soon-to-be-mom reads this so she knows IT'S TOTALLY NORMAL. And girl, a nursing cover at home? Hellz naw. Just let it all hang out, honey. Less stress for you, more learnin' for J. Win-win!

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  4. hah, Dwija's comment is too funny!

    those afterbirth pains always hit at the appropriate times, right? Thankfully they'll only get less painful and then disappear, yea for a shrinking uterus.
    my first had quite an aim so I always had a wash cloth handy to cover it up while I changed the diaper.. it was helpful (you know, after I learned the trick!)
    ooh nice, I burnt my grilled cheese while reading this but it was worth it!!

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  5. your better than me! i don't use a cover at home:0 i found going from 1 to 2 kids was harder than going from 2 to 3, so hang in there! it does get easier!

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  6. I'm sorry to admit this, but I laughed out loud at the breastfeeding super mom image! You are a legit martyr and deserve lots of pumpkin spiced coffees.

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  7. Ohhh dear this sounds all too familiar! Those first days with two babies can be sooo hard!! And I forgot about those afterbirth pains..I didn't really have them with my first, but they were AWFUL with my second.... BUT hang in there, everything should only get better:)

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  8. Sadly, the afterbirth pains are even worse with the third. As someone whose baby is Julia's age, I can not even imagine having two that don't understand logic or reason. Or English. Hats off to you, and all praise the pumpkin coffee. MMmm. I need some pumpkin coffee.

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  9. Haha Grace! How do you manage to so quickly be funny again?? The flying floral cape...ohhhh my gawsh! PLEASE tell me where you get the pumpkin coffee...I am obsessed with all things pumpkin you know! xoxox

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  10. You are such a great story-teller. So funny yet, so real.
    I completely forgot about the after birth contractions...or maybe I just had enough pain meds from a c so I didn't feel them. I'm sure I'll figure it out either way when this next little boy makes his appearance!

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  11. Oh my goodness, changing those boy diapers are such a challenge, aren't they? I don't know how many times I got a facefull of pee. lol I remember the very first diaper that my husband changed of our little guy and Little Guy pooped all over daddy's hand. Ha! Being parents is sometimes funny. =)

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  12. Oh. My. Goodness. That was terribly funny and I feel awful for laughing because I know that must have been the most stressful, frustrating morning! And how you seem to manage it with a laugh nonetheless is remarkable! Again, I have much to learn from you!

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  13. You're covering up for your kid?? You crazy lady. Stinky was treated to an all day every day boob show after Baby 2 was born. I don't think little J will care too much :)

    And I think we've all had days like this. Ohhh the joys.

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  14. You are an amazing mom! The mere fact that you can find a little humor in such a stressful morning is impressive to me. Also, I'm so jealous that you even knew what after labor pains were. I was home from the hospital for two days and had them, but didn't know what they were. I thought I was going to die. I hope that tomorrow morning is a little less eventful for you!

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  15. OMG the post-labor pains are the worst. With the third it literally hurt worse than all of labor combined (and I would know, as I had the bebe at home sans painkillers). Luckily I had painkillers by the post-labor-pain point. Unluckily they helped about as much as me repeating expletives over and over under my breath. (Those expletives are actually surprisingly helpful though.) I admire you, Grace. I've always had the foresight/blind luck to time my progeny to appear rightafterfinals, when the Ogre only has to grade and things, which means he can forego sleep. (My opinion. Not his.) I can't imagine him not being around. Jeez. And may I also say, the transition from 1 to 2 is the HARDEST. That probably doesn't help now, but it will when baby 3 is peeing all over you. Maybe.

    I'm going to stop typing now, as my words of wisdom are probably terrifying you.

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  16. I read the whole thing and is it ok that I lol'd the whole time? I'm so scared to have another baby while I still have a baby for days like this one you described. Two kids are hard, but I can't imagine two under two.

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  17. hahhaha!!! love the floral cape image. love it. i will try not to be weirded out if you go coverless during our visit. i KNOW, i know, it's natural, and sweeter than a milllion melons.

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  18. Recently started reading your blog and love it! my hubby is a med student, this will probably be my situation next year : P good luck with your beautiful babies!

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  19. the cape is the best part of this story. the post labor pains is the worst......!!!!!!!!!!

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