Simon Says

06 August 2012

Stand up so your stage mother can take a picture. 

Before he kindly joined me for my nightly big bad 10 minute workout and seeing that we would be doing the "Rock Hard Abs" segment Simon said, "I think something more along the lines of 'soft and cuddly belly' would be more my speed if you don't mind."

And after a few minutes of listening to and watching the instructor that could breathe life into gum on a sidewalk with all of her encouraging praise, enthusiastic cheering, and never ending zillion watt smile Simon said, "she is so condescending."

While we were driving home from a date sans kids and discussing exactly how long the sitter had been watching the kids, "I would imagine it may have been the longest three hours of her whole entire life."

Directly after witnessing one of Julia's uglier I-just-woke-up-everyone-die-now moods this morning Simon asked, "do you think maybe we'll start loving her when she turns ten?"

While discovering and looking through my Instagram feed for the first time ever, "I cannot believe you deem these things shareworthy."

In the middle of a little chat about how we tend to deal with Julia's nonsense differently, "We have different parenting philosophies which is just a polite way of saying that I am the better parent."


  1. Happy to see another post at the camp. Even happier to see that jerk that pitched a fit at the camp ground yesterday didn't scare you away from typing the about life the way we all love to read about it. If anonymous has to hide behind their coward internet comment bombs they aren't worth your time... OR MINE. Stay off our camp ground. I speak for all of us when I say: We don't like you!

    And--- you obviously do not know Grace or Simon... because they are the most amazing and loving parents around.

  2. Okay - now I have to go research all the comments so I can see what THAT was all about! On a totally different note, everytime I read something about Julia's moods when she wakes up, my first thought is always "I'm sure Grace can't WAIT until she's a teenager!"

  3. "stand up so your stage mom can take a picture"...haha! hilarious! these simon says posts crack me. my husband and i have different PUPPY parenting philosophies..ha/ so i can only imagine how we'll be with kids! obvi i think MY way is better ;)

  4. I found your blog via pinterest and your abilities to refashion stuff. Love your blog! Your husband's comments/observations sound much like my husbands - I've often threatened (in vain because he doesn't care and I'm too lazy) to post them.

    The point of this comment is,
    You are a great writer. Fun to stalk. That's supposed to be a compliment, but I can't figure out a way to comment here without sounding creepish.

    Happy Day!

  5. New blog policy: every time I feel lazy, I'm just going to steal some Simon Sayes, slap them into my kids' mouths in a post, and watch the hilarity ensue. Sample: "Directly after witnessing one of Veronica's uglier I-just-woke-up-everyone-die-now moods this morning The Jude asked, "do you think maybe we'll start loving her when she turns ten?"

    eh. maybe not so much.

  6. I feel sure that Mike has said some of these exact things... recently... bff's some day.

  7. So glad to know my kid isn't the only one that wakes up "everyone-die-now." We've been trying to teach him to say "Good morning!" with a smile. It's a work in progress.

  8. I can't wait to have kids and think back to the time when you said "whatev you have ever said" and think, I get it now. Grace was right.

  9. These keep getting better and better!

  10. Clicked over here from a "More on BlogHer" link. This is hysterical and oh too much like conversations in our house! Really enjoyed this. Have a great day. :)



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