comfort food

01 August 2012

I'm currently eating my feelings by the fistful ...
... because I made a huge mistake today. It was like I magically turned into a parenting virgin and was struck super stupid for a hot hour. In between important SAHM appointments (1. a date with some chicken tenders, waffle fries, genius ketchup packets, and a trillion other hungry humans and 2. an attempt that ended up not working to see Simon long enough to enjoy a cafeteria cookie together) I had some time to kill and the most convenient place I thought to wander with the shorts was the fancy Barnes and Noble at the swanky mall. Most convenient and most dumbest.

Our stroller tire popped the other day (and it was 95 dollars to get a new one shipped in fewer than 10 days because apparently these tires are made on and shipped from the moon) so I'm currently roaming dirty with one non-walker and the slowest public walker in the world (you can imagine how much fun our morning runs as a happy little trio have been this week).

Anyway, I knew Barnes and Quiet had a children's area and that the kids could probably handle a few minutes out in civilized society. Wrong. Well, half wrong. Sebastian was perfect and made friends with humans 6 times his age (similar weights) and wore a permagrin the entire time ...
 ... you know how he rolls (also - he has a pair of gently worn shoes via eBay coming in the mail for those of you (not me) that might be concerned about foot hygiene).

But Julia ... dear Julia was overcome with the overwhelming amount of Dora the Dumb merchandise. I should probably broaden her horizons beyond the hospital chapel, the hospital cafeteria, and Costco because I'm pretty sure she thought that she had died and gone to heaven for the rest of eternity ...
(that display on the right is cruel -- shame on you B and N)
... and was very alarmed that not a single bit of it would be coming home with us. She really needs a new idol/obsession/life because she was upset to the point that her face was a teary, snotty mess of sad as we walked out and I even came sort of close to being that softy parent that gives in when her face lit up as we passed a bin of clearance books at the entrance and guess who was sticking out at the tippy top? Yep - old bilingual short-haired backpack wearer herself. Shame on you again Barnes and Nobrain.

As we trekked to the getaway vehic in the 100+ degree heat, she continued to weep and mourn what could've been (J+D FOREVER!!!!!) and tripped and fell face first onto the piping hot asphalt which sent her into a serious fit of (still in swanky mall public) rage. Sebastian laughed from the safety of his perch on my hip which put her certifiably over the edge and I'm pretty sure if I had let the show go on Mall Security would've been on the scene in an instant.

Sebastian fell asleep in the car (hate) which always ruins his nap so we are enjoying the best snack in the universe together while commiserating over how embarrassing the Dowa worshiper's display of crazy was for us.
Like so embarrassing.

Lesson learned and temporary maternal insanity put away back in its cage. We'll try leaving the hermitage again in the year 3010. I hope.


  1. I have so been there. Just add a few more kids to up the crazy factor. Sebastian is insanely cute.

  2. Oh boy. A delightful day! I've vowed to never again take my little monster out in public after his performance at Walmart this week--he started screaming about 3 minutes after we entered the store and kept it up until we got back in the car about an hour later. He was kicking and screaming and flailing and trying to punch me and drooling and sobbing all over the place--it was a disaster. A kindly grandma said something sweet as she passed, which was nice and almost made up for the dozens of other moms with angel children in their carts who rolled their eyes at me as we wheeled by. Then the checkout girl said, "It must be someone's naptime!" as we screamed our way through checkout, and I snapped that, no, it was not naptime, he is ALWAAAAAAYS like this, right before I started crying while I was paying. A successful grocery shopping trip, all around. But, as my husband said when I told him all about it later, I'm probably not the first mom to have broken down in tears at Walmart.

  3. Only 1 place per day EVER with my brood of not-hellions. Any more is social suicide.

  4. Awww...totally hate days like that!! My four year old had a full on mental breakdown in the fabric department of a small local craft store the other day. Geesh. Talk about embarrassment! I worked there for seven years of my twenty somethings and everyone kept coming up to me laughing and making comments about my kid being a screamer. Woe was me!! I admire your pledge to hermitage!

  5. I feel for you. Like, I really feel it. My six-year-old still does stuff like that (sorry to burst your hoping-for-more-restraint-in-maturity bubble). I had to leave an indoor playground the other day because my 5 and 6 year old were FIST FIGHTING at the playground. The self-same playground that you're not allowed to play in if you're over 42" tall. They were a spectacle. Then I stood up and all four of my ex-utero children followed me with my large 37 weeks in-utero child and all the eyes of the other parents, too. Awes. some.

  6. My youngest is 7 and I STILL arrange my out-of-the-house expeditions when someone else is home to babysit. We've all been there. Children are given to us so we can practice humility.

  7. Oh grace. I learned that lesson too- at B&N. We do not go together now- only if I'm prepared to buy something. Next time: the LIBRARY!!

  8. Dude, Barnes & Noble is super smart about product placement. You have to give them that!

  9. "Barnes and Nobrain"... Hahaha. I laughed all the way through this! P.S. J & S are so adorable.

  10. I always get stopped by old ladies telling me that Ellen needs shoes. She does. She needs them in your mouth, old lady.

    Also, falling asleep in the car? The woooooorst. It shaves minutes off my precious alone time where I watch tv, eat ice cream, and drool over my computer.

  11. this was awesome. i want you to take them on more excursions to places unknown just so i can read and laugh.

  12. Oh, I have to echo Jdel! But dear heart, know that we're only laughing because we've SOOOO been there! (And I never managed to make a funny blog post out of it, either!)

  13. Hi there! I LOVE your blog! It has made me laugh a lot and i'm beginning to stop my apprehension towards having children of my own, so thank you for that!! Your kids are adorable, and I can totally relate to Julia's personality, both of my younger sisters were like her when toddlers and guess who had to take care of them while momma was working? This girl!! =)



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