never say never or title posts with cliches

14 February 2011

Because nothing screams romance like a post about poor parenting...
There are lots of things I swore I would/would never do when I had a baby. However, I am slurping generous servings of my own wordsoup these days despite the fact that Julia isn't even quite five months old. 

Here are some of the biggies (to date....many more to come no doubtaboutit)

1. Julia sleeping in our bed. No good. After a week of sleeping 14 literal and separate minutes...and a very selectively deaf Simon waking up every morning bright-eyed and claiming Julia had had "a great night--she slept through again!"...I decided that my slowly waning sanity deserved a boost and that co-sleeping was the road that would lead me to my happy days once again. It was win-win-win..Julia slept and I slept. . .and Simon continued to sleep soundly. This practice has (thankfully) been coming to a gradual halt but she is almost 1/2 a year old and is crowding the bed as she is the size of a very well fed medium-sized terrier.

2. Formula feeding. Although this was somewhat of a medical necessity (maybe if I had gotten along better with the breast pump and had attached myself to the ugly for all waking hours of Julia's first two months on God's greenest earth..I suppose I could've avoided the old f-bomb)...I still can't help but admit the convenience of formula feeding (come and git me La Leche League--I'll come crawling back asking for absolution if Julia turns out to be a complete dumbo due to all of her Similac)...especially in Mass, when traveling and for the hour that I am able to tear myself away from her every month...which leads nicely into...

3. Being a total weirdo about leaving her with other people. I had previously watched other parents panic over leaving their small children with sitters, leave heavy manuals of do's and don'ts and thought they were smoking some serious crazy until little J came along. 
I'll never let you go!!
 Thank goodness for the wonders of the modern cellphone to satiate my obsessive needtoknoweverythingrightrighrightnow addiction. You don't need to tell me how pathetic I am...I am well aware. Promise. 

4. Let her watch movies. Well...Baby Einstein. She is 4 1/2 months old...she does not need to be babysat by some baby-friendly Mozart and flashy neon fireworks on a screen....but...actually... she does.  She loves it...not as much as she loves her books, her mom or her pureed green beans...but she loves her screen time and I love detangling my hair in peace and making lots of cups of coffee with two free hands, honing my sewing skills and being very, very selfish. 

5. Wake up in the middle of the night to check her vital signs. I do. I hope I stop soon. 

6. Put accessories in her hair that serve no practical purpose.
 Sometimes its ugly and I think I am in complete denial. 

7. Never let her cry. Being the oldest of seven children, I heard many a baby cry it out. 
We only aim to please
My mom was really good about being disciplined with nap time...the Seaton babes would be in their crib for the allotted amount of time every morning and afternoon whether they were sleeping, awake, happy, sad or mad and I thought I would be the same exact way. Nope. Not even kind of...and I don't see myself letting her cry it out ever. Cringe cringe cringe. Indulge indulge indulge. 

8. Let her smoke a cigarette. 

Just Kiddddddding. laugh, laugh.
Hopefully Simon and I will stay strong in these resolutions as she grows up:

1. No dating until the age of 24. 

2. No skirts above the Achilles tendon until death do us part. 

3. No makeup. Ever. 

4. All A's in school always. Or else...

5. No fun. At all. None.

We only strive to be the best parents in the worrrrrrld. Hopefully, success will be ours. 

...and for a romantic chuckle


  1. I am pretty sure resolution #3 has already been broken... remember when she begged for mascara?! O J-- live it up!! Much love on v day!

  2. I believe I saw her in mascara....but dont feel crazy at ALL about your list of broken parent promises...ALL of those things plus a couple extra were on my "shameful parenting" list only to be embraced seconds after she was born and now I would die without them all. Die!

  3. i mean, virginia says all bets are off when you become a mom. do what you want to do w/ your kid and don't worry what other people are doing. you'll work out all the kinks on your own time.

  4. i was going to comment on the mascara, but see that others have already pointed out that you are an even worse parent than you thought.
    hee hee.
    don't worry, who cares?! she's your kid, have fun! :-)
    and come visit us in dallas

  5. I love everything about this post. ...because hi I can just put it into word so perfectly!
    Oh and right now, Thomas the Tank movie runs at least once a day. No qualms on my end.



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