Simon Says

01 November 2012

"Just ignore your mother. This is Costco not a photo op."


While out to eat and in response to my songs of praise for my balsamic Brussels sprouts, Simon the vegetable lover said, "what I'm hearing is, 'Julia's dirty diaper is REALLY tasty, I promise.'"

Kindly offering to go into Pea in the Pod while at the mall recently, Simon said "we can go to that one maternity store ...'the bean factory' if you'd like."

In the midst of a fun little morning when both kids woke up in particularly salty moods, Simon asked, "would you care for some Sutter Home for breakfast?"

On a particularly delightful car ride with Julia, Simon said, "I think we'd miss her ... if she left us ... after a few days."

After putting on an especially fancy outfit complete with tie and sport coat, Simon said, "I was wondering if you could tell me what it feels like to be married to a badass?"

While I was pouting about who knows what, Simon said, "if your name were Charlemagne I'd say "cheer up Charlie!"

After watching Julia climb the stairs to a freshly awakened Sebastian waiting in his crib and hearing her start crying in an inevitable response to being bitten, scratched or pinched, Simon said, "I don't feel sorry for her ... I told her not to go into The Cobra's Lair."

In an effort to not curse and use the old favorite that rhymes with 'shit list' but still trying to get his point across regarding Sebastian's ghastly church behavior, Simon said, "Sebastian, you're on my fecal scroll."


21 comments:

  1. "fecal scroll" is now my A-1 most favoritest euphemism EVER!

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  2. I think the man is on to something with the whole "Shutter Island for breakfast" idea. Thank you for making me giggle like an idiot in public while I read your blog. Again.

    Callie
    www.coffeeandcardigans.com

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  3. Oh, I do love me a good "Simon Says"!!! I do, I do, I do!!!! :)

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  4. knocking them out as per usual :) fecal scroll is way better than my thrice hourly "sh..oops"

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  5. Fecal scroll... baaaahahahah
    "I think we'd miss her..." .... that line is stated daily around these parts....

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  6. Giggling outloud at my kitchen table!
    PS. Brussel sprouts are delicious

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  7. Are we married to the same man?! As with all "Simon Says", I wonder if you're secretly following my husband....I think we could be good friends.

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  8. This one is a gem: "I was wondering if you could tell me what it feels like to be married to a badass?"

    My fav curse around any kiddos is "poop in a jar" ... not sure how I came up with that, but when said with a British accent, it certainly elicits some giggles.

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  9. You guys are seriously funny! Tears every read!!

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  10. fecal scroll. I love a good poop joke. Instead of "get your shit together", I tell Ellen to "get your poop in a group!"

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  11. Uhm, hilarious. Thanks for the laughs.

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  12. Hahahahaha. I love these posts. You rock my Friday.

    www.domesticatedworkingwoman.blogspot.com

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  13. "I was wondering if you could tell me what it feels like to be married to a badass?"

    Joe asks me this every time he puts on his banana costume.

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  14. Sutter home for breakfast is my favorite (comment)!

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  15. "Fecal scroll" is amazing and I hope to use it in conversation soon.

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  16. Fecal scroll!!!! Love it! It reminds me of all those "Colonel Potterisms" from M*A*S*H.

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