Simon Says

19 July 2012

"Please make sure I'm not in the picture at all."

After dinner one night Simon said, "Julia is plucking and licking Reeses wrappers directly from the trash which I know is probably a habit she inherited from you so I'm going to let you deal with that."

After observing both kids digging through the overturned kitchen trashcan Simon walked by and paused briefly to say, "you two are both disgusting" before he kept on walking. 

While enjoying a little family outing for some frozen yogurt and listening to the kids whine grunt for lick after immediate lick of our froyo, Simon said, "we're surrounded by barking seals."

While I was taking a little too long to finish and publish a post Simon said, "I think you would have an alarmingly difficult time choosing between me and an unsaved blog post in the event of a life threatening fire."

After I woke him up to tell him that I had really bad insomnia Simon said, "and how much longer do you think it's going to last?"

After he offered to take Sebastian to a work dinner but then observed as he whine-whine-whined and claw-claw-clawed at my legs while I tried to make dinner for lowly me and Julia, Simon (seriously) said, "I mean, would it really be helpful to you if I took him?"

After a successful week of finally letting Sebastian truly cry it out Simon aptly renamed sleep training, "put your damn foot down."


  1. The right answer to that question about "will it be helpful if I take him" is ALWAYS "YES YES YES YES"

  2. Simon is too funny. Love it

  3. That. was. hilarious.

  4. i literally love simon says.
    i literally love camp patton.

  5. Simon Says posts make me want to do an externship in St. Louis. :)

    1. I keep trying to convince Brendan to! He's thinking gastroenterology, though. psh.

  6. Can I just say that when I see a "Simon Says" post it absolutely makes me smile because I cannot wait to hear what Simon has to say! :-) Hilarious! And could you please do something about your kids licking the Reeses wrappers?! :-)

  7. you Pattons are realllly funny. (p.s. Julia's a smart cookie not letting a Reeses crumb go to waste.)

  8. Rofl! I'm a new follower and I just have to let you know that I think our husbands very well could be brothers! Love your blog... -Christy

  9. it is 2:14am and i cannot stop reading the simon says tag and laughing OUT LOUD (which is very hard for me to do), because, really. i feel like i've found my snarky soul mates.



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