bathroom drama

26 July 2012

(but right now we're in the kitchen ... where we also encounter the dram)

Why do kids love love love the bathroom so much? I hate hate hate it so much.

Whenever I report to Simon that the kids have gotten into yet another bottle of HUGE MESS in the bathroom he unsympathetically replies, "you just need to keep the door closed."

I know. I know. I know.

But doesn't he understand that my life is too busy and stressful and important to be remembering to close the stupid door every single dingle time I go reapply my mascara on my bottom lashes or wink at myself in the mirror or put that one silly hair back into its picture perfect place or clip that pesky cuticle or spritz my favorite fragrance to give my already contended mood a little lift?

I guess not.

So let me complain to you about yesterday's casualties. Thanks. All I did was innocently tie my walking shoes over my perfectly mismatched socks (one knee high that had to be scrunched and one that just might be Julia's -- from her infancy -- because it covered my big toe) and ready Julia's blankie, two dolls, teddy bear, empty bottle, sippy of ice water, and book for our seven minute walk (Sebastian gets nothing and is content and then he stupidly wonders why he is my favorite needling) but that was plenty of time for the kids to help themselves to the entire vat of Vaseline. They only got as far as oiling their chubby faces and giving the toilet a pretty sheen but have you ever tried to clean Vaseline off of anything? It's like taking candy from a toddler - just as awful as it is impossible.

My tried and true baby wipe route proved to be a 6 on the effective scale and I'll just apologize in advance to any visitors that pop in to use the toilet for the next three years. It will probably be forever just a little bit slick - F to the Y to the I.

Sebastian then heaved his way into the downstairs shower a little later and despite Julia's obnoxious reports that he was in the "show!! show!! show!! show!!" by the time I had recovered enough from crazy Michaels' shred of death to check on Mr. Clean I discovered him very contentedly eating a bar of soap (for any worrywarts out there: he only ingested 1/2 of the bar and seemed to be energized by his potent Shower Fresh breath) I just hope he never has any cursing issues like Julia did because I am fearfully positive he would be tickled pink at the prospect of any mouth-washing-with-soap! threats.

We closed the day with Julia (yet again) painting her nails with some lip gloss. Just annoying enough to get annoyed with myself for even being annoyed and spiraling into an even further state of annoyance just as Simon waltzed in the door from work dangerously close to spotting this little scene ...
and potentially asking me that not annoying question that never ever annoys me because I know he is annoyingly right.


  1. those two little faces. trouuuuuble. and i'm pretty sure we almost had the same day except Myer got into the cotton balls, toilet paper, toilet bowl cleaner, and to top the day off he pooped in the tub. i'm locking that bathroom door.

  2. I'll blog about it tomorrow, but what the heck is with these children and their constant, constant, constant neeeeed to be in the bathroom? Honestly, I don't think my kids are truly happy unless they're brushing with my toothbrush and dipping my curling iron in the toilet. Not to mention the make-shift luge out of body wash in the bath tub...sigh and sigh again. Unfortunately, they know how to open the door and knock down the baby gate, so that's just that. It's pretty much just turned into a race of who can get there first. And my speed is dwindling.

  3. Those little munchkins are so stinkin' cute.

  4. For real. The bathroom is some magic magnet to babies and toddlers and kids aaand I'm still waiting for them to outgrow this whole thing. Remember the flood I mentioned earlier? Ya, that was both boys in the bathroom with their toys, the sink, the toilet, and a bleach tablet involved. :S
    However, this picture of J and S in the bathroom is so flippin' cute! I love how Julia's face is like, "What?"

  5. How do you get these hilariously awesome photos every time? I just love how candid they are! PS- I've been reading your blog for close to a year now and I think it's great! Super funny, and I love the sarcasm.

  6. I'm so relieved to read your blog and know that I'm not the only mommy on this planet in a constant state of ready and fear. Last week alone, my 2 and 1/2 year old son dumped tooth paste in the bathroom sink, put mascara on his eyes, wiped foundation into his hair, and was found doing the running man in the shower while screaming. It's absolutely insane how little time it takes him to carry out these schemes too!

  7. Oh Grace! The last picture of Sebastian and Julia just gets me. His little smirk! So cute!

  8. "or wink at myself in the mirror".
    So funny. And so, so, so creepy when seen in my mind's unwinking-in-the-mirror-eye.

  9. We should do a link up of "most awful bathroom moments" posts. Within 30 minutes of each other yesterday a book was dunked into a toilet full of pee, and Naomi peed the biggest puddle of pee I have ever seen all over the floor causing us to have to rip up the linoleum which it had penetrated and gone under. I hate the bathroom.

  10. ugh, it really is strange how the bathroom is the most interesting/ intriguing place for toddlers! a few days ago Rose came out with my face wash covering her hands, later Ry came up with desitin all over him. At least I don't catch them playing in the toilet water anymore. Oh, and before Rose was born I found D and Ry in the bathtub covered in baby shampoo, like the entire bottle poured over their heads. Tear free must only be for small, watered down amounts, they had red eyes for hours afterwards.

  11. My husband scolds me the exact same way. "You could just remember to LOCK the DOOR and then you would not have to complain to me". We even have a hook and loop lock on the outside of the door about 5' 8" off the ground...rarely do I remember to lock it unless I have just pulled my 1.5 year old out after taking the bottle of toilet bowl cleaner from him that he was squirting into the bathtub, or Daddy's toothbrush that he was brushing the toilet seat with...once my daughter poured an entire bottle of baby shampoo on the carpet outside the bathroom door. I wiped and rinsed with a wet cloth for what seemed like hours and hours and it NEVER STOPPED being bubbly. I finally gave up and let it dry to a crispy spot, which I have covered with a little rug. Of course my kids always take the rug to play with and there is the spot, reminding me that perhaps if I was not so lazy maybe things would be different.

  12. Ugh. I too had a vaseline incident. of gigantic proprotions. in the dining room. nuff said. Don't ask why there was vaseline in the dining room. I am sure I had a perfectly reasonable reason. Anyway, love Sebastian's look in that last pic. priceless!

  13. O my gosh. Bash is giving you the business in that last pic. The big business.



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