15 July 2012

From thee 4th. I thought a little b&w action might throw you off my scent but now you're in the know. Lucky.

(Simon is working a hellish shift this weekend so I'm going to scribe my traditional novella about how horrible it was for me. Skip if you don't like optimism and sunshine.)

Whenever anything unfortunate happens, such as Sebastian falling and hitting his head on the floor or Julia falling and hitting her head on the floor or my coffee mysteriously morphing into a toddler beard, Julia always immediately half declares and half asks, "happened?!" I don't know if she is trying to convince me that she is innocent and did not have anything to do with Sebastian's head trauma or her own klutziness or the coffee that she tidily consumed. I don't think she is quite that smart yet; I think my little mockingbird has just heard me half accusatorily ask and half sigh, "what happened?!" 56 too many times.

Well, little bird, I'll tell you what happened today. Simon is on call ("on call" being an inadequate euphemism for being at the hospital and working every blessed second that he is there) this year for fewer weekends than he was last year but his shifts are a looooooooooooooooooot longer. I'll be sure and do a side by side pro/con chart after this year is over and let you know which setup I hate more. Probably both equally. Anyway, this weekend was the start of the new loooooooooooooooong shift for us - I mean - Simon, whatev. Of course the kids woke up at the exact same ugly moment of the day in nasty moods with Sebastian just wanting to playfully paw at Julia's teeth while he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and Julia wanting to kill Sebastian while she greeted the day. I sprinkled the living areas with Cheerios -- hoping the genius tactic would keep at least one of them happy for 27 seconds while I went outside to see if the weather was scorching enough to skip my physical activity for the day (nope) and throw together my creamer, milk, and dollop of coffee. The tactic totally worked and I think I'll try it again tomorrow while I simultaneously test out the kids' short term memories. You have my permission to try it too. No copyrights here.

Moving on.

last recycled pic. I promise.

We survived the early morning with minimal tears, only one coffee beard, one emptied tube of toothpaste, one Costco bag of chocolate chips found and consumed by crawler and toddler and related to the latter two items of biz: a quiet shower for the adult in the crowd. Not perfect but we've weathered worse so we trudged on before we skidded and plateaued. We hoped to see Simon for a little cafeteria fare and adult interaction/English language but had to settle for a short parking lot hello/goodbye because the plethora of pregs had some serious needs that were somehow thrown above my own in the hierarchy of importance. I took it like a woman - terribly well.

I didn't mean for this to become a timeline of the day. Whoops, but it is.

Naps. Glorious naps for the kittens while I ate potato chips and took photos of my clothes like someone who has a real grasp over the true purpose of her life. Sebastian woke up 90 minutes before Julia did like he always does. He lovingly carved new bite marks into each of my toes while I debated shaving his head for the third time in his life (eeny-meeny-miny-no) before sleeping beauty woke up and instantly filled the house with an aura of post-nap pleasant. She also left me a present of ninja vomit, urine, and guess what was behind lucky door #3 right next to her little potty just as I was trying to rush the turtles out the door for try #2 (you like that pun, don't you) to see Simon.

Almost done. Running out of boring steam.

Our valiant efforts to see Simon were briefly deterred and then halted in the parking lot (again) by a patient's claim that her Miralax wasn't doing the trick (I'll respect the fact that she considered this to be an emergent situation but I strongly disagreed with her at the time). Finally, not unlike the pot of gold at the of a rainbowy day, we got to feast on cafeteria cuisine. Julia drank and spilled another child's chocolate milk. Sebastian ate 12 French fries. Simon only got called away once. And we initially left the cafeteria without Julia. I can still smell the success of the sojourn from my view up here at hindsight.

And that's what happened ... with just eight more hours to go.



  1. I'm coming out of the shadows of lurkiness to formally declare my love for you.

    (No offense, Simon. You can keep her. )
    But I neeeeeeeed her posts often. Preferably served on a tray. With a side cinnamon toast.

  2. Dude, Miralax, seriously? When is that ever an emergent situation? (I'm a nurse!) Simon is way conscientious, or he has to work with nurses who don't know how to include the words "WHEN YOU HAVE A MOMENT" when talking to him on the phone. Lord have mercy!

  3. Oh, Grace! I know these days are so long for you and I totally sympathize with being by yourself with little people for long periods of time. That being said, you make me laugh so hard!! I know it's not (ok - I just typed it' snot..!)funny when you're in it, but it's funny!! On a completely different note, my people are, at this very moment, snarfing down homemade cinnamon rolls. I don't know whether to hug you for sharing the recipe, or hate you for sharing the recipe! I'll let you know......

  4. Miralax= not an emergency. Couldn't he have texted a nice, "Just go eat some raisin bran," and kept hanging out with his family?, I don't have any formal medical training. Why do you ask?

  5. OH, those pictures are so darling!
    I swear, the wives of OB's must be saints. I have often thought that about my own OB's wife with the crazy hours he still works. Ya'll are awesome.

    It's funny what a mom will do and ignore just to take a shower. More than once this week I have given Tagg a full tub of peanut butter and a spoon with his only instructions, "Please DO NOT wake up your baby sister while Mamma takes her 30 second shower." ha ha
    And potty training... oy. I just waved the white flag on the third attempt with Tagg. He's 3.25 but right now I just can not take another day of cleaning up poop and puddles from places it should never ever never ever be. All well. He'll get it someday, and call me lazy or call me crazy, but it is now at the verrrry bottom of the priority list.

    Anyhow, hope the rest of the shift was uneventful and full of chocolate.

  6. Yep, can't stand medical environments because people are such ignorant fools. What stupidity!

  7. I haaaaaaaaaaaaate all the patient who need at Simon. Hate them. Hope he accidentally tripled her Miralax dose.

  8. *patients. my anger was so strong it destroyed my grammar.

  9. There is a special place in heaven for the spouses of doctors :)

  10. You are just very very funny.

    I loved the line about "took photos of my clothes like someone who has a real grasp over the true purpose of her life."

    1. Yup. That's where I lost it, too, and actually was crying, I was laughing so hard. It caused the 10 year old to stop eating her lunch of saltines and Kraft singles (too hot to cook), to ask me "what's wrong?"

      See? The line is still saved on my computer: Glorious naps for the kittens while I ate potato chips and took photos of my clothes like someone who has a real grasp over the true purpose of her life.

      Yup. Still funny.

  11. well, as luck would have it, i won an award that allows me to bestow said award on 15 blogs i feel are worthy of the "lovely blog" award, and you are one of them! you are most definitely lovely!

  12. I seriously wake up every other day giddy to see what you've written about. Not that I relish in your tough days, but now that I have a 7 month old it gears me up for what's to come. You're hilarious.

  13. Weekends were the worst. Everyone else has their husbands and you are stuck at home with little people. I can't decide if I need to stop reading your blog because it brings back negative residency memories or keep reading and then remember that I survived. You can do it! (but yes, it sucks!)

  14. What ARE the new rules for call shifts? I hated call weekends, and I swear it was during his four years of residency.

    The worst was night float, though. Those months, I thought I was going to lose my mind. Completely. I think I actually did a few times in there - I'm sure my neighbours enjoyed the free entertainment by the last week of the month when I was completely and totally at the end of my rope.

    There's no air conditioning in Maine in most of the houses. Maine + night float + Heidi + end of the month = lots to listen to for the neighbours!!!



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