14 May 2012

Julia has been killing me these past few days.

She has majorly upped her crazy antics ante which is both impressive and frustrating and frustrating and frustrating. I've been a mom for a whopping 19.5 months -- how am I still a mere novice? (that was sarcasm  -- I'm aware I still have some serious years before I hit veteran ranking) It's like the floodgates of mess/danger/accident prone opened and she was the sole recipient of the spillage.

First it was annoying and minor incidents like makeup thrown in the toilet - twice. Then the huge bag of rice that she opened and dumped into the floor vent. Then I believe it was chewed up and spit back out peanuts in every crevice of the couch. Then she found and devoured a whole tube of lipstick. Then she learned how to make a toilet water and toilet paper mache (why is Blogger telling me that "mache" isn't a word?) mask for her hair and Sebastian's mouth. Then she covered the scale, the floor, her tongue, the dining room table and her eyelids with artistic thick, black, and permanent marker scribblings. Then she managed to get on the OTHER side of the professional patio chair barricade blocking the steps leading down to the very scary and probably lethal brick landing.

I think I hit the point of pure and unadulterated exasperation when she hid my car/house keys which I eventually found two days later under the deck, right before I succumbed to a potentially fatal cabin fever.

Then I caught her doing something that prompted an immediate absolution from her loooooong list of venials. She better thank the patron of comedy and maternal mercy that I just so happened to turn the corner into the living room in time to see her giving Sebastian a very prolonged and inapprop kiss on the lips that would probably make Allie Hamilton and Noah Calhoun blush. I will never forget the stunned look on the usually unfazed Sebastian's slobber covered face as Julia casually waltzed away as if nothing had happened.
Still, not cute.

And yes, of course I gave Julia the old "kisses like that are reserved for husbands and no, you cannot marry your brother" talk which she seemed to totally understand and take very well after a series of questions.

*I meant to drop this post last week but then someone bit into a raw egg and I was suddenly very busy teaching the smarty pants how to wash her mouth out with soap. 


  1. I think I keep coming back to Camp Patton for Julia updates. Seriously. At least she's smiling (uh smirking?) in the photos, right?

  2. Oh Julia. It's like an I Love Lucy episode. She's Lucy. You're Ricky.

    "Julia! You've got some 'splaining to do!"

  3. I love that last picture of her so much!!!! I'm sorry about her trouble making antics though! Crazy girl!

  4. Look at that impish little face! Oh my gosh, she is glorious...

  5. If I had written this post (and I'm pretty sure I did), I would be outwardly funny and witty, but inwardly seething and thiiiiiiiis close to selling said child to the first band of Gypsies that wandered past the house.
    Also, I would be drinking.

    Sorry to any Camp Patton readers of Roma heritage I may have offended with my usual type-before-I-think antics.

  6. That last picture she looks like she just thinking up another plan of attack! How funny....oh, and poor you! Lol!

  7. Dude, that was Jones. Tor.freaking.nado.

    Then we installed a baby gate. And not just any baby gate! It's the kind of baby gate that a lot of adults can't get through. I feel like my frustration level went down 17 notches after that.

    Is there anywhere you could install baby gates that would keep her a little more contained and away from danger zones?

  8. Pic #2 is most definitely cute.

  9. I could visualize that kiss....ha! Xander is the one who kisses a little too culturally in our house :)

  10. That last picture is absolutely priceless!

    Welcome to toddlerdom, mama. Sam discovered my red lip stain at about that age--wowza. And he's still going strong!

  11. Is it just me or is she channeling Dr. Evil in that second picture?

  12. I do not envy you that mischievous little girl! I am realizing that I got really lucky with a child who hasn't done anything naughty enough to deserve a whole blog post. Good thing you love her, right? ;)

  13. Bahahaha that look. I can't handle it. It is so hilarious when it isn't your kid. But, I think I just ensured myself a whole world of hurt by laughing at that.

  14. Hahaha!!! She looks so devious in that last picture. I love it. Also, I've got to say, if I were a stay-at-home-mom, I'm pretty sure my kids would rival Julia in mischeviousness. In so many of the Julia stories, I can see my two kidlets. But I've got to say, you seem to handle them sooo much better than I do! Because I'd probably (ummm.. and have!) just sit on the floor and cry. lol

  15. I've been reading your blog for awhile, but have never commented before...but this post. Oh my goodness! I have been a mother for 14 years and still feel like a novice most days. It's always nice to see the spirit of my little ones hanging out at someone else's house. Not so nice when I see it while I am snorting coffee out my nose. You just made my week.



Camp Patton © All rights reserved · Theme by Blog Milk · Blogger