Tuesday, December 11, 2012

the dinner that fun built

I made sweet potato soup for dinner last night with enough leftovers to provide meals for Lazy Tuesday and Lazier Wednesday.  Yes, that is what I made but we actually ate Tootie Fruities on the kitchen floor (for sulky Grace and the vultures) and a breakfast burrito brinner by Simon (for Simon and sulky Grace).

All thanks to ...
Little Boy Blue seeking refuge from Sebastian-the-Mean under the Christmas tree and behind the couch and breaking a lamp in the process. Just killed it dead.

Fine. After I communicated to Julia that she was in "big trouble!!!" (which means exactly nothing usually)... then we had a little incident in the kitchen ...
... the smallest of glass pops and splatters all over my person and the stove and the soup.  (I mean - I think it went in the soup if it erupted all over my belly? I couldn't find a willing member of the family to try it and risk a bloody throat/esophagus/intestinal tract). Apparently glass lids don't tolerate being haphazardly tossed over open burner flames for long periods of time? Weird. I never learned that in Housewifery 101 or Life Skills 203 or Common Sense Million. But before I could even begin the proper mourning proceedings for the three meals that would never be ...

this smartypants ...
dove head first and fully clothed into the bath that Julia was enjoying to soothe her angry "diaper trash" that very suddenly appeared after she bombed her diaper twice over the course of 43 minutes.

Maybe he thought he had a case of the "trash" because he too had timed his (two!) bombs to be eerily close to hers and back to putrid back. Who knows what goes on in that big head of his?
Not I.

Luckily today has been redemptive in the all the best ways because I only spent 10 delightful minutes cursing silently and then loudly the minivan that was definitely ours (!!!!!!) but refused to unlock (??????) before realizing I was just an entire row off in the freezing cold store parking lot. The parking lot with the man ringing the bell next to the bucket that had Julia asking allllll sorts of questions about mans and bells and Santa hats on mans that are not Santa. Julia has kindly taken her rash treatment into her own hands and aired herself out for a mere 3 minutes before popping a squat on the carpeted area of the house and shamelessly emptying her bladder -- twice. And while walking through an especially busy intersection in the hospital hallway while visiting Simon she lagged about 14 feet behind us and loudly proclaimed how grateful she was for my services, "sanks mommy putting medsin on Jewia's boddom all bedder!!!"

And now Sebastian is doing his best to make sure this post is written as shoddily as possible as he will not nap or leave my suddenly-so-cling-friendly legs alone. So, I'm off to try really hard to find a warm and fuzzy ounce in my really large and hospitable bod.


Wishes of luck appreciated.

29 comments:

  1. oh i'm sorry you're having a rough day! it's like these mini humans don't understand that you need a break. but can we just talk about that bottom?!? so cute.

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  2. Ugh. Hope your day gets better! The mean thing is that you can't even have a glass or seven of wine at the end of the day to unwind.

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  3. I definitely destroyed our one piece of Le Creuset bakeware on our stovetop. I called Jacob bawling. and by the way, Sebastien is one cute chunk of love.

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  4. Oh, and I'm loving the naked-except-for-socks pic. Too cute and funny!

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  5. I wanna whine and I'm not even pregnant. Why must these children pee on everything??? Why? I just finished cleaning poop off everything in the twins room, for the second time this week. I think I may just drive to St. Louis so we can cry together and eat chocolate. I wouldn't even drink in front of you and add insult to bad day.

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  6. diaper rash woes are the WORST. At least Julia is polite about it :)

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  7. oh, sweet Grace! Craziness knows no boundaries en la Patton casa. Hope tonight starts the up and up. And I third/fourth/fifth Basher's squishy wittle bottom -- SO cute.

    xoxo

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  8. today the daycare woman informed me that baby j's blow-out was the worst she has ever seen in her daycare working career. the outfit in the bag that awaited me when i got home was not remotely pleasant. mother to mother i salute you

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  9. I'm sorry you're having a tough time, but I have to admit I love your "stuff of life" posts the most. Basher is the cutest!

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  10. Oh man. I totally exploded an entire homemade lasagna the same way...didn't realize the burner was still on when I set the Pyrex dish on it. Five minutes later? BOOM. All over the kitchen. Scariest thing of my life. Also maybe one of the more embarrassing since my in-laws were over to eat the now exploded lasagna.

    We got pizza instead.

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  11. Um, Bash is feeling his own sculpted buns. If there's humor to be found in these types of situations, leave it to body-curious toddlers to lead us there.

    Jordan figured out that I can't keep a straight face if she lifts my shirt and pokes my belly button. Charming.

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  12. Oh this is one of the best posts yet. :)

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  13. Sorry for your day! But thanks for sharing and making my day look just a little bit better! I've never exploded a pan lid, but I've exploded a coffee pot or two before. Not pretty.

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  14. Teach me your ways of turning a rotten day into a funny blog post. Because today was a doozy, and all I can think to do is weep into the couch cushions.

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    1. P.S. I have done that very exact same thing to a pan lid. The lid to my favorite pan. About 3 years ago? I miss that lid on an almost daily basis.

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  15. Grace - I don't even know you, but got hooked on your site via Jen Fulwiler some time ago - I love it. I'm in your same boat, but not prego right now. What you need is a glass of wine and some chocolate. Praying for you!

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  16. I cry for you, because been there, done that. Yesterday in fact.

    Living the dream, just living the dream.

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  17. Being pregnant just makes little people shenanigans seem so much more overwhelming. I feel your pain. I burnt a plastic measuring spoon on the burn in our first few weeks of marriage, and my husband kindly moved it to our next home as a keepsake.
    Is there anything cuter than toddler buns? So squishy!

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  18. I had just made a homemade apple pie baked in a glass Pryex pie plate, set it on the back burner to cool. Hubby comes in the kitchen to make tea, turned on the wrong burner - KABOOM - glass shards and apple pie e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e.

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  19. oh man, the glass in the soup thing is the absolute worst.

    About the parking lot mishap--I once made the same mistake. Except that the stranger who owned the car forgot to lock it (??) So I actually got in the car (with my roommate) and spent oh, something like 25 minutes trying to figure out why my key wouldn't start the car. Cue really confused law student (owner of the car) knocking on the window asking "can I help you?"

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  20. Oh laws! Night from h e double l. Trying not to laugh, but it sounds so funny when you write it!!!

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  21. I shattered a pyrex dish by taking it out of the oven and running cold water on it. Duh. You live and learn. But I feel so bad for your soup.

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  22. Shard soup is not safe? Who knew! I am hoping today is all bedder.

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  23. I cannot believe after all this you actually offered to google my silly little problem! Props to you for maintaining control and not weeping into a pitcher of virgin margaritas! I would have sought solace in a dark closet and the rest of the mayhem be darned!

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  24. i once shattered my mom's porcelain casserole dish by taking it out of the fridge and sticking it right on a hot burner. and then i broke a pot full of fudge doing the same thing. i learn from my mistakes as you can see.

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  25. Awww, hang in there Grace! That is such a tough day. Please go treat yourself to a giant slice of cheesecake (or whatever culinary therapy suits your fancy)

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  26. Oh my goodness you deserve an award for surviving that day! All wishes of luck go your way

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  27. ugh the pee in the carpet...sometimes i am so tempted to just say "it will dry, right?"
    cute little hiney, Basher!!!

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