My claim to fame ...

01 July 2013

... I finally have one. Praise be. She was recently on legitimate television, her name begins with Paige and ends with Kellerman and she just went and published (and wrote .... but I know you're smart and that goes without typing but I'm typing it for the dumbs) the most hilarious book, At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles.


He staged this himself. "Funny because it's true" says him.

No amount of warnings from my formerly pregnant friends, or Googling, or even a close reading of Jenny McCarthy's Belly Laughs (that has nothing on this book - nothing) could prepare me for all the pleasant pregnancy tidings. This book could've broken all the pleasantries to me while making me laugh through the heartburn, edema, and melasma which would've been a feat - because my face swelled so badly with Julia's pregnancy that even a smile was a workout.

Do you have any pregnant friends? Friends that have been pregnant? You have to. Sometimes it seems like pregnancy is an epidemic and I know you have a pregnant friend or twelve this very second. Well .... forget the annoying advice that you were going to give her or the recounted horror stories about your own pregnancies and you can even forget the formal "congratulations" ... you just need to give her this book. It will be the best eight dollars you've ever invested in her emotional and hormonal well being.

Let me give some examples:

The general public may not be aware, but it should be noted that the pregnant woman fears the night more than she does a rogue hemorroid. 

um, Amen.

And from the chapter, "Piddle":

Somewhere around the fourth month of pregnancy, an unknown individual forgot to put their bowling ball in the ball return and dropped it on my bladder instead, the pressure to relieve myself rivaled only by the pressure put on a grilled cheese sandwich in a George Foreman grill. 

Truth. Me too.

And on her husband's understanding of the urgency that is pregnancy hunger/need food now:

What was usually a fifteen minute drive to downtown turned into my stomach's equivalent of Hannibal marching elephants across the alps. Slow and steady.

Sounds familiar.

She's a wordsmith. An accurate and hysterical wordsmith. She walks you through all trillion trimesters of morning sickness, crying, more crying, a little more crying, the swelling, the unfortunate bladder malfunctions, those early ultrasounds, those later checkups, gestational diabetes, tenting the belly, preeclampsia, and my favorite:postpartum fun. The whole book is phenomenal but this bit will make any postpartum mom feel so much better and normal and normaler.

I knew Paige's book wouldn't disappoint in the humor department but I wasn't prepared for it to be so relatable. She's got talent. I sometimes let myself dream about writing a book but after reading hers ... intimidation's got my tongue. Thank goodness I've got it on good authority (email in my inbox) that she's already started another. She's the best.

But wait, how is this your claim to fame, Grace?

Oh! I'll tell you right now. Paige and I go way back to our preteen years (that are never ever awkward and why do all preteen girls seems to have circles under their eyes or was that just me?) when we attended a summer camp in Kansas together (that oh so weirdly - was organized and put together by Simon's mom). We soldiered through morning exercises, "making" our beds by way of zipping up the old sleeping bags and fluffing our pillows full of dirty clothes, brushing our teeth simultaneously in the bathroom made entirely of cinder block, and I think there was some kayaking done in a glorified puddle. I don't remember how I found Paige's blog but I think I was probably up with baby Bash last Christmas surfing Facebook? I think. Anyway, we reconnected via email and she threw this at me after e-pleasantries had been exchanged:

I told my mom, yesterday, about realizing who you are, and she said, "You've got to be kidding me because I just found that picture Grace sent you eons ago of her in her dance costume." Say what?? Then I remembered that yes, we used to be pen pals and you did send my a picture of you in a red leotard.

Obviously, I was destined for greatness sending my penpals wallets of my person in my red lycra and sliver sequined dance number. And she still e-associates with me after that. Kindheart, that Paige. 

Want to win one? You do. Paige is generously doing what I like to call a "flash giveaway" --- it's quick and painless and I hope you win.

Break a water.


a Rafflecopter giveaway

91 comments:

  1. This looks great. Thanks for the giveaway!

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  2. That book sounds fabulous!

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  3. I think you'd make a wonderful book...seriously. :)

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  4. Haters are going to hate...especially those that are going to say that their child was reading such nonfiction at a mere 3 mths and it shameful! shameful! that Theo is merely laughing about the book at his advanced age of 6 mths.

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  5. Replies
    1. Just wrapping up first trimester and could use a few laughs!

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  6. This sounds hilarious. You should write a book, too.

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  7. Leave it to Paige to put a humorous spin on all the unpleasant parts of pregnancy!

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  8. Thank you a million times over for the abundance of kind words! Seeing Theo hold my book is pretty much equivalent to a celebrity doing the same thing, so do I really need to write another? I feel like my life's work was just fulfilled with that picture.

    Also, I plan to find that dance picture so you can maaaaaybe scan it and share with the blogosphere. No? Me thinks, yes.

    Thank you again, my friend. And to all you lovely Camp Patton aficionados, may the odds be ever in your favor!

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    1. I'm so on it, the next time I go to my parent's house.

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  9. Want it. Need it! Great review, Grace. And maybs you should still write that book. Just sayin.

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  10. In postpartum crazy right now! Sounds like a good read

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  11. I'm going to order a copy for my sister-- she's expecting her first baby and it sounds like a much more useful book than any of the books I read while pregnant.

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  12. The bowling ball on the bladder- yes! Sounds like a great read.

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  13. Even though this is my second pregnancy so I'm "prepared" for all of this pregnancy madness in some ways...this looks like a great book and one I definitely need to read! Thanks for sharing!

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  14. I can't remember how I found your blog, but so glad I did. Thanks for the chance to win what sounds like a very funny book.

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  15. Due in July with #5 and could definitely use some laughs about pregnancy right now!!

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  16. Glad to see someone else laughing at the craziness of pregnancy!

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    1. also.... you totally should pursue the writing-a-book dream. do it.

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  17. Would love to read this book!

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  18. You always have the best giveaways! Thanks

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  19. The real war on women is the silencing of hemoroids. Paige for President.

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  20. This looks SO great! I love reading books like this! Thanks for offering a giveaway.. now all you gotta do is pick me :)

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  21. Ummm.....where is the leotard picture?? Don't tease like that!!!! Lol :)

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  22. Considering I'm 34 weeks pregnant I think I would greatly appreciate Paige's book!!!

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  23. This is wonderful! Great giveaway!

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  24. I am pregnant right now, and am keeping this comment short and sweet because, surprise!, I have to pee.

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  25. This book sounds hilarious! I will have to check it out, I'm on my third pregnancy right now. However it might make me pee on myself!

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  26. I'd try to win it, but I already bought it and just finished it today. Loved it :)

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  27. Looks pretty funny! I'm in the final weeks of pregnancy #2 here and could totally use some laughs!

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  28. Looks like just what I need to read right now!

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  29. I went to high school with a (now) professional basketball player and we're facebook friends. That's my claim to fame. Yours is way more legit.

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  30. Just had a baby about 10 days ago! Would love a little postpartum treat :)

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  31. Just had a baby about 10 days ago! Would love a little postpartum treat :)

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  32. Got a random text from my friend Bek (see above) today in which she forces me to share the book with her if I win... We'll see about that! ;)0

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  33. I want to see the picture of you in a red spangly leotard. Please share.

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  34. Want to give this to my preggo sister in law!

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  35. I'm on my 5th pregnancy and would love to read this book!

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  36. sounds like a great read! hope i win!

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  37. Sounds like a funny book. And I do have a pregnant friend or 12 , how'd you know?

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  38. Certainly buying this either way, but it sounds like multiple copies will be in order.

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  39. I might need to bulk order this and just hand it out to friends for baby shower gifts. Just from what you quoted, I was laughing and nodding in agreement vigorously!

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  40. Paige's folks are both hilarious too, so I'm not surprised she's got the funny down in print.

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  41. Can't wait to read it. Looking it up shortly!

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  42. So looking forward to reading this one, whether I win a copy or not! Thanks for sharing!

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  43. This book sounds great, excited to read it!

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  44. so glad you did this post, I forgot about this book and had wanted to nab it! yay!

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  45. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE reading about your crazy life. It makes me think that someday even I can be a mom! Also - Theo is A-DOR-A-BLE!!! Looks like you picked him right out of the cabbage patch!

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  46. You said anything, so . . .

    delayed response, I agree with you that Ang-Jo is a better bomshell than J-Ani. The latter is too girl-next-door to be a spy or a south-east Asia-trekker. Which just screams "vixen."

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  47. It's so funny how small connection rekindle down the road. God's work for sure!

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  48. I might be expecting soon, and I would love to read this!!

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  49. I can't to read it (and I have had my last baby...sniffle, sniffle) but looks hilarious!!!

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  50. My sister-in-law just had her first baby, and I'm sure she'd love this! Thanks for the giveaway! :)

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  51. Sounds like a great read! Thanks, Grace!

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  52. I'm 18 weeks along with twins and I could use something funny instead of all the serious information I've been reading.

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  53. LOVE Paige and now I LOVE YOU for giving away her book!!!

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  54. I request that you collaborate on a book :) I think you guys together would be nothing short of hilarious!

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  55. love reading about paige's twins. have to say though paige..you and simcha...sometimes TOO FUNNY that i dont even get it!!! and then my sister laughhhh

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  56. I won't lie, when I was reading your blog, and the name of Paige's book came up, I snorted water out of my nose. I'm pregnant right now, and I'm pretty sure I have cankles, but I can't tell because my belly is in the way, haha. Thanks for the opportunity and for the info on this book! I think my book club would love this, we'll add it to the list!

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  57. I think that humorous pregnancy books should be all that is allowed, people take pregnancy way too seriously these days (from 35 week pregnant lady).

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  58. Definitely need to read this book. Pregnancy is the pits unless you can laugh about it. But not my husband. He can't laugh at my swollen state, ever.

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  59. Haha, yeah, pregnancy humor is the best! I'll probably need that book to read during the next 8 months ;)

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  60. In postpartum life right now and could use a few laughs!! would LOVE it!!!

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  61. Jenny McCarthy had me cracking up so I can't wait to read this even funnier book!

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  62. This sounds like the book I need - someone who can tell me pregnancy stories with humor! Some days, this ever-growing mama could use that...

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  63. This book sounds hilarious and will be a perfect gift for the many baby showers that I will be attending in the upcoming months. Thanks for sharing!

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  64. I'm currently expecting no. 4 & would love some pregnancy humor!

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  65. I love Paige. WIth the burning passion of a million suns AND, I am fairly certain that is how I found you. There are few humorists that have her gift. She's stellar. You're not so bad either. ;)

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  66. Can't wait to read this book, even if I dont win it!!

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  67. Can't wait to read this book, even if I dont win it!!

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  68. Can't wait to read this book, even if I dont win it!!

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  69. Can't wait to read this book, even if I dont win it!!

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  70. This sounds great! And a pretty big (sadistic) part of me wishes I had been pregnant already so that I could join this club.
    Also, write a book Grace!!! Seriously you are so funny and so good with words. Don't be an old lady in many years time and regret not doing it. Life is short and all that. I would love to read a book if it had your name on it.

    Flora
    www.twowithseven.blogspot.co.uk

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