Confessions

23 July 2013

Linking up with Blair.

1. Every Tuesday I wake up with a little skip in my stumble out of bed to cater to a crying child because you know what is hot and fresh and waiting on Hulu? Another episode of the Bachelor/ette. Even though this is the worst season in the history of the franchise ... addicts will take what they can get.

2. I let the big kids drink from the drinking fountain at the (nice!! St. Louis has some impressive playgrounds) park. I don't have enough fingers, toes, eyes, ears, mouth and nose to count how many times I've watched a mom kindly or not so kindly reprimand their children for even touching the drinking fountain at the park but ... it seems to be one of the (MANY) unforgivable parenting sins. Drink on, little darlings.

3. I talk a big game when it comes to crying it out. Theo has been requiring these insane marathon sessions to be put down for naps and bed that leave me rocking back and forth in the fetal position in the corner where I stay for about 2 minutes until he cries and wants more coddling. He needs to cry it out and so I pep talk myself into doing the deed THAT NIGHT!! only to have him go down easily. And then the marathon strikes again after he's tricked his dumb mom into thinking that he is an angel child. I'll walk the walk soon enough. 

4. I took all three kids to Target for the first time by myself today. I know. I'm a coward and it's pathetic that Theo is almost 7 months old and I am just now braving the bullseye but ... I know my limits.


Anyway - I was out of nude nail polish so the trip really was important and worth the hassle and to the people that wonder what stay at home moms do all day? We do this. In between sips of champagne and nibbles of the finest chocolate (soft "ch").

5. Every single time we go to Costco Julia asks if we can sit at the tables and every single time I say no. But today I said yes ...


 ... and no one died. Sebastian almost succeeded in mounting that water ski beast in the background but the kids weren't terrible and Julia even walked us out while holding onto the cart that she promised she wouldn't let go of ...


... (until she did to sprint ahead but we all lived and learned valuable lessons about parking lot safety - save me from myself).

6. Every day is a new beginning, a fresh start, a blank slate, a something. I wake up every morning telling myself that we are going to have a good and harmonious day that looks nothing like yesterday with minimal mom meltdowns and toddler tantrums and overall frustration. But then 7:14 in the am rolls around and I fail to let Julia smell her blankie for the appropriate amount of time (don't get me started on her normalcy ... ) before getting her out of bed and she wages a world war against her cruel mother. Tomorrow .... definitely tomorrow.

7. I'm back on the coffee. There was a little spell where I stopped drinking coffee mainly because I kept forgetting to buy creamer and so I went with it (enter timely new addiction to diet soda) but then I happened to glance in the direction of the faux creamers at the store the other day and they restocked straight up chocolate creamer (not mocha, not chocolate-caramel, just chocolate) for the first time since I was pregnant with Sebastian and so ... I'm back on the coffee. Only in the afternoons though - when no one can beg for a sip and then spill it and then explain that "its not my fault because it was an axe-dent" ... no one.

8. Friday was a boiling mess. We were stuck in the house all day waiting for various a/c technicians and comfort advisers (? that is what it says on his business card) to come and go. Simon was stuck in a late surgery after being stuck in clinic late on Thursday and the house was a balmy 86 degrees at 7:00 in the evening (new a/c tomorrow!). So after throwing chocolate chips in the general direction of the big kids for several minutes and watching their faces turn into another mess I didn't want to deal with I was sort of proactive about the situation. I marched the kids and their bare feet and chocolate faces out to the van, cranked the a/c, cranked the beats, and texted Simon to let me know when he was home because then and only then would I return to the scene of the longest day ever. Oh -- I know. I'm a doer. We only drove around for about 30 minutes before he was able to meet us so I'm not any sort of bizarre housewife on strike activist ...... yet.

9. This mess? Still there. But the upside is that Sebastian has added a new syllable to his growing collection ... "MASS!!!!" every time I open the door.

10. I took the kids on a walk and didn't wear headphones.


Simon was working late again last night (this rotation? needs to end. Thanks) so we went on a second walk for the day and I decided to just enjoy the company of the kidlets rather than the blare of Rihanna. 99 requests to walk to the hospital to see daddy the savior, 88 cries for a blankies, 77 questions about watching "just one episode" of a show, 66 yells for no reason, 55 cries from Theo as he settled in for a 3 minute snooze, 44 accusations that I was walking too slow, 33 requests to find a sprinkler, 22 complaints that someone was too cold, 11 yells that someone was too hot and ....... Never Will I Ever Again. But now I know.



33 comments:

  1. I so wish I could quit coffee... And now I know there's chocolate creamer. Oh boy!

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  2. "Soft ch." You are the funniest, truly. How you can be this hilarious every post boggles my feeble mind, but you are. Anyway, here's to chocolate coffee and harmonious stroller rides. Caffeine be praised.

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  3. I mostly quit the coffee when we moved to England and I discovered, to my endless dismay, that faux creamers do not exist over here. I make visiting North Americans smuggle them through customs, so once or twice a year I can over-indulge my habits, but it's never enough. At least there's tea and Pepsi Max, but it's just not the same! My husband went so far as to contact International Delight to see if they would ship to us (I think the email was a plea for them to have mercy on Expats), but we never heard back.

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  4. Grace!!! Thanks :) You make me smile...and laugh!! Sorry about the Theo Marathons but I couldn't help but picture you crying in the fetal position for two minutes in the corner...sorry.

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  5. I have one child. He is 2.5 yrs old. I avoid taking him out by myself at all cost. I still believe him when he says that he will sit in the cart...and I am always surprised when he takes off running across the store to find a mirror...so he can talk to himself in it...

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  6. The best thing I could do for cry-it-out: do the bedtime routine, pour a drink, and crank up the volume on whatever show I was watching that night. Not like you don't already know to do this. Hope it gets better soon!!

    I love the "soft ch." But I must be doing something wrong, because I'm fresh out of champagne.

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  7. Today I was stoked at my patience as I coddled my 3 year into his car seat and out of a tantrum about blue t-shirts. Totally ruined it when driving down the street I slammed on the brakes to yell at his 4 year old brother.
    I get you on that crying it out, that stuff is HARD.

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  8. And also, I had to explain to said 4 year old yesterday, that once is an accident twice is just ridiculous.

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  9. Chocolate creamer? What??? I've just been putting straight-up hot fudge in my coffee instead of sugar, but that miiiiight be a better idea!

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  10. Not drink from the _drinking_ fountain wha??? Another adult reprimanded my child for putting her mouth on the drinking fountain spout the other day. I had to pretend I hadn't noticed and actually cared.

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    1. Laura, my thought exactly. Shoot I still drink out of those fountains.

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  11. I'm having your day. Only with bigger, uncooperative people. As I try and get 7 people ready for the annual family camping trip. And my husband announces that he will probably be staying up ALLLLL night to finish something for work that HAS to be done before we can leave. Won't he be fun tomorrow setting up the campsite? And he's basically working 3 jobs right now - two for the military and his "regular" job. I totally sympathize with you and Simon's rotation. 10 more months of this c$#^%p. Bleh.

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  12. I'm all talk on the cry it out too. TONIGHT! I will not go in that room tonight!

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  13. I am the worst at cry it out...but it's the only thing that works (for us anyway). Matt still can't get me to turn off the baby monitor. I keep it really low but if I don't have it on I hear phantom cries all night long. At least this way I know they're really screaming. How did you get the big kids to sit in the cart together? Mine just seem to fight fight fight.

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  14. May your house be cool, your coffee yummy, your bedtime smooth and your husband home soonest!!

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  15. Oh my goodness...love the water fountain bit! I'm of the "I have bigger fish to fry" persuasion (unless the water fountain is legitimately disgusting looking) so I highly applaud your use of park water fountains.

    Oh, and CIO messes with your mind so bad as a mom. My daughter is 2 and she still has to cry it out sometimes and I still go into a mental fetal position when she cries like that. (Unfortunately, she's in a bed now so CIO is less effective, grrr.)

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  16. I have to know ... who makes this chocolate coffee creamer??!

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  17. I love reading your blog...it makes me feel normal! Very very normal which I need :) I know the feeling of finally attempting a solo trip with the kiddos. I have yet to tackle Costco, my palms started sweating just thinking about it!!

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  18. Yes, to the "today won't look like yesterday" business... and then it does.

    By my count, that's 2 outings in one day. Which means at least 12 buckles in and out of car seats and that's pretty impressive - not cowardly. Better than I did today... after the park, I pulled up to Trader Joe's and I have only 2 and a 36 week belly and after parking the car and hearing the requests start for suckers and crap, I backed right out of there and went home. Whatever I thought we needed - we didn't need that much. Look at you being the fun mom with the benches and the water fountains (I have to admit, I am sicked out by the water fountains... my kids still get in them, but I try to steer them away. I know.)

    Finally, so glad to see that someone else has put everyone in their car seats just to get them trapped in one place and the eff out of the house. It's not just me.

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  19. I'm one of THOSE moms... drinking fountains totally gross me out. But I admire you for living on the edge and letting your kids enjoy them. Totally hear you on the other confessions. That's so my life!

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  20. i can't even handle taking ONE child to target... ryder is a menace. i have to say, mrs patton, you are my hero!

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  21. Re #4: Target Shmarget - Haven't I read about your taking all three kids to Costco by yourself (e.g., #5, above)? That is far, far more impressive. I haven't dared do it yet with my two.

    Re #7: Funny you should mention this. Today is Day One of no coffee for me. I fell asleep for an hour wearing children's size noise cancelling earphones while my three-year-old did....? No idea.

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  22. In tears over "comfort advisor ".....lol

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  23. Um, I used to LOVE to smell my blankie. If I knew where it was right now, I would probably go smell it AND ENJOY EVERY SECOND OF IT. The day it inevitably got put in the laundry was traumatic... it took months to get the smell back to where it belonged. So yeah. Whatever you do, don't wash the blankie.

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  24. Awwwe, I love what and how you write. Seriously, always a breathe of fresh air. Never disappointed :).

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  25. you've inspired me Grace. I am going to attempt to take the kiddos to Costco

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  26. I wish my stroller had those teensy dividers that might negate a few of the interchild slaps as we walk, and thereby reduce the noise coming from down there. BUT my stroller has speakers. Recommend.

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  27. 2. Wait, we aren't supposed to do that? I let the kids drink out of those all the time.
    4. You are braver than me. I have only taken all 5 kids to Costco once since Ike was born.
    6. Happens here too.
    7. I couldn't make it through the day with out coffee with lots of Coconut Caramel creamer.
    10. I am glad to hear I am not the only one who uses earphones to help not hear the kids something.

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  28. "Just one episode mommy?!" --- my world. You had me laugh out loud in solidarity. Surprised others in the doctors waiting room. Love your writing.

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  30. Very funny Grace. Your blog is so much fun!

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  31. I'm a new follower (from Bloglovin) and I just love your blog. We're in the midst of cry it out sleep training our 7-month old, Camden and I hear you. Some days/nights I feel like a big piece of coffee cake that is just going to crumble if I hear any more cries from his room. Other days - I'm ok.

    Thank you for the reality and the laughs!!

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  32. Driving around in the car with my crazy kids is my go to move. "John let me know when you are on your way home because I'm not going back until you do!"

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