Making perfectly sweet analogies regarding the kids' temperaments, Simon said, "Sebastian is a Jolly Rancher and Julia is a Sour Patch Kid."
After returning home from an errand Simon said, "did your boyfriend pay you a visit while I was out? You're in an abnormally good mood."
After I asked Julia why she was being so bad Simon said, "she's not being bad, she's just being herself."
Before we left the house and after taking a gander at Julia's attire the other day Simon said, "let's go change your diaper and your ugly outfit. Someone just might mistake you for Honey Boo Boo."
While I was debating a healthy meal option versus a very non-healthy meal option, Simon suggested, "you're at the end of the pregnancy - you should just let yourself go."
Regarding Sebastian's good looks Simon said, "I feel like for the past week or two Sebastian has finally started to look a little bit cute for the first time in his life."
Reaffirming our decision not to pay for Santa photos, "Julia looks like hell anyway."
After watching the kids inhale their favorite meal of cold and cut up turkey dogs Simon said, "child abuse."
After watching me eat one of the pieces of cold and cut up turkey dog Simon asked, "what's it feel like to have just lost a significant chunk of your dignity?"
In response to a spate of texts regarding the first two days alone with all three kids Simon said, "we are going to have an official Lowering of the Standards Ceremony where we eat cold hot dogs with our hands off of paper plates."
While changing one of Sebastian's diaper bombs and listening to Julia and Theo carry on and on and on Simon said, "I think I was meant to raise children in the era of nannies and butlers."
Answering my "have you seen the pump?" question for the 89th time, Simon said, "no, I haven't! It's like you think I steal your pump so I can sneak off and milk myself."