deviated system

14 October 2013

three strawberries
unrolled roll of toilet paper
another roll of toilet paper (still tightly rolled)
all of my makeup
Theo's socks (feet removed)
all things I found in the toilet before the hour of 9:45am 

wanted out of bed
wanted to stay in bed
wanted out of bed
wanted mascara in hair
wanted deodorant in hair
wanted oatmeal
didn't want oatmeal
wanted Theo to play trucks
didn't want Theo to touch his trucks
all things Sebastian threw a tantrum about before the hour of 8:30am

wanted to watch Strawberry Shortcake
wanted to watch Strawberry Shortcake
wanted to watch Strawberry Shortcake
wanted to watch Strawberry Shortcake
all reasons Julia threw separate and epic fits within ten minutes of rising on this glorious Monday

so really - really at first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth glance one might think it was just another keep on keepin' ON type of day here at our abode. But no. Nope. Nay!

I love a good game of diaper roulette and I've gotten pretty good at knowing the exact hour that we will absolutely be totally and completely OUT out. Like out of the ones stashed behind the passenger seat of the van, and the ones smashed behind the dresser, and even dipping into the forgotten pack of Target generic size 2's that are all things cruel to pour poor Sebastian into. And today was the day. Costco diaper run it was! (I get diapers every third week, I get almond milk, chicken, bananas, avocados, greek yogurt, and Theo's poison powder every week - burning questions answered right here).

But we weren't stopping with a Costco run. Who do you think we are?

We forgot the sound machines and half of the baby monitor at my Grandma's this weekend because sometimes Simon and I parent as if Julia was born yesterday and I've sirened on and on about the starring role that sound machines play in the feature presentation that is: The Patton Children's Sleep so .. we rigged an old iPod with a free sleep machine app (weak, very weak - but it works) but Sebastian sleeps like a newborn Patton needs the real deal sooooo Bed, Bath, and Beyond it was!!

where one Theodore was buh-lown away.

Julia was overcome by all of the neatly made beds and thinks that Wednesday would make a great day for a sleepover at that store, "does that sound like a good plant, Bash?"  .... he agreed.

Oh, back up. It was 63 degrees this morning so naturally I had us all dressed as though Christmas was tomorrow and the first snow just might start dancing at any blessed minute ...

everyone ELSE out in public in flip flops and Cardinals t-shirts was giving us the up-down and checking for sweat glistens ... warranted! very, very warranted.

So. B-cubed. First exotic item business. And the trip went down with only one little pout fest from Julia about how she needed a (hideous!!) neon purple pillow for the floor in her room. No, and no 99 more times.

And the Costco trip saw zero hair pulling fights betwixt the Bobbsey Twins which was a first and made the second crazy item-o-biz. We won't talk about how this bizarrely blissful semi-silence was completely cancelled out by Theodore's stealth Pear Harboring of his diaper because it was an event that I'll gladly sweep under the blurry rug of disastrous public parenting lows. Plus Julia will tell you ALL about - just ask. Or don't -- she'll still tattle on a brother in a heart beat.

Sebastian got in a fight with Maybelline's Volum' Express. And he lost. How I didn't notice this until we had a lovely sit down lunch of hot dog and pizza and lemonade .... is beyond a stay-at-homer.

Julia rode dirty out in the parking lot to the Odyssey and didn't freak ....

"weeee - but just go slow - weee - don't go fast, please!!!!"

And then we came home to Julia insisting that they watch "no shows!!" which is embarrassingly weird. Super weird. She is just really obsessed with her new favorite game, "sleep over" which involves pretend snoring and talking about sleeping and pretend snoring some more. Play on, playas.

And now for the grand finale that is the classic irony of the evening ... Simon has to work late (happens lawts) and I have dinner made (happens never) ... when will I learn? Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll learn ya, tomorrow. Okay.

So anytime I'm tempted to complain about how staying at home can seem a little monotonous .. please direct me to this post. Because I know how to deviate from a system that isn't even broken in the first place.

*oh! And I'm slowly(!) adding some things to this Instagram account if you'd like to take a look. No pressure. I'm terrible at sales. 


  1. Sebastian's list of tantrum-inducements sounds like my three-year-old... which makes me think of Dwija's post on Talking to Toddlers and her rule numero uno: Don't talk to toddlers. Because engaging Mr. or Miss I-Just-Want-To-Assert-My-Will will drive a person bonkers!

    That being said, that you survived all that plus a trip to TWO stores is pretty amazing.

  2. Ba ha ha ha! Pear Harbor. I'm going to have to use that one:)

  3. I always chuckling reading these kind of posts because that was me 3 years ago. Fast forward and add an extra kid, now my life is "drop older kids off at school" and let 20 month old follow me around the house and undue every thing I try to accomplish. It gets easier...but nothing gets done.

  4. Every time. EVERY. TIME. I actually have a decent dinner prepared, Ryan isn't hungry. And EVERY TIME we have leftovers the self professed King of Eating refuses to eat them. Drives me batty.

  5. OK hold on let me stop laughing before I continue...hahahah! I mean its not funny, but it is funny, but its totally not funny when you are going through it and you want to just crawl in a deep dark hole. But on the bright side you now live to see another day of joyous shenanigans, that just might end up in a blog post that I can relate to and go...yay!!! I don't feel so alone :)

  6. weeee - but just go slow - weee - don't go fast, please!!! <---- me, on every ride ever, since i was born. I feel ya, Julia.

    And LOL at the picture of Bash all mascara-ed up!

  7. So am I lying to myself thinking that a white noise machine isn't really all that better than the white noise app on my phone even when the phone is stuck right next to the sleeping one's head?? Better yet, am I just plain dumb to be lying to myself about this when we live in a l.o.f.t.?

  8. Do you have an Iphone?? There is a great iphone sound machine app called While Noise by TMSOFT.

  9. I can't believe they threw all that stuff in the toilet. Was the make-up totally ruined? My 19 month old just likes to put her hands in the gross!

    Oh and I tried the cc cookies. They were really good, but your oven must be super awesome because I had to cook mine for 20 minutes.

  10. I don't know how you do it!! You are awesome! I can barely go to Targ for a diaper without a crazy meltdown (from me, usually..) Costco AND The Beyond!? Bravo, Grace.

  11. It was 70 degrees here today and I wrapped Court up in two blankets just to go out on the front porch for a bit. Yes, overkill thy name is Mary. Sebastian looks good in volume express mascara...brings out the color of his eyes...LOL!

  12. I need to catch up on my Camp. I am new to this new gram account. Following. Love my insta.

    And, please. Please. Tell me who took that picture of you walking the three kiddos into the house. I am just spending way too much time trying to figure it out.

  13. After that list at the top, I applaud for making it til noon. As always, I snorted throughout. Thanks.

  14. The toilet list was too much!!!

  15. it looks like bash is trying to push julia off the cart. he probably was?

    were the burritooooos good? i hope so. you've said nothing thus far which makes me think maybe they were a bust. come clean.

  16. Way to go, momma!! Theo's facial expressions are amazing...he cracks me up!

    ps...that bag in yo cart?! Where is that from??

    1. you can read ALL about it right here :)

    2. oh goodness...duh to the duh! I didn't recognize it. sorry about the repeat!

  17. The noise machine in our house is for ME! So my noisy children don't wake me up at zero-dark thirty in the morning when they choose to exit their beds. They are old enough now to entertain themselves without getting into trouble until the clock reaches an hour that is acceptable to normal human beings and not vampires. And we just had a "discussion" at my house last week about how when you normally come home from work at 6pm and that's when I plan dinner and you arrive early at say, 4:30, and you're hungry then, it is NOT acceptable to scrounge from the fridge and then tell me you're not hungry when it's time to eat the nice dinner that I took the time to prepare. Sigh.

  18. Man, the children and the mascara, if I had a dollar for every time someone decided to do their own makeup...

    And, Kirkland Forumla Fo' Life!

  19. Audible laughs and yet another read it out loud post to the husband coming from over yonder! P.S. Have you ever tried the White Noise Lite app? I downloaded it (free!) when I was visiting my sis a month ago and it's the best I've ever heard. :)

  20. Anyone else LOVING Theo's attitude-look? I can just see him riding in a Jeep, one hand on the wheel with that expression.

  21. Love this post! I'm laughing so hard at the things you found in your toilet. I'm impressed at your shopping trips as I was just posting about my first one with four kids. Great blog!



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