waxing wordy

27 August 2013


I guess this post could aptly be titled, "brain dumps like a truck .... truck truck" but less class and more trash isn't the theme of the post. Not that there is ever a theme. Especially this one. No cohesive theme to see here so don't try looking.

I would use the word random but that word got run into the ground circa the year 2001, don't you think? It did in my neck of America.

Enough.

Let's go.

Simon started the rotation that gives me cuticle chewing anxiety for a week prior and exhausting PTSD for a month after on Sunday night. I was going to be cool and brave about it this time and just not mention it because after all! this is our fifth month of this nonsense (I really wanted to say fifth month of this shit ... but I sort of refrained) and you'd think I'd just surrender to the awful and roll with the kicking and screaming but never. Ever. Everything gets all screwy and I actually get jealous of the sleep I got when Julia was a newborn and slept for approximately one consecutive hour a night. Basically if you were to Google, "despondency" during these months you would probably see my notsmiling face.

Like this but more brow furrowing and less bangs. I cannot do bangs.

I'll happily admit that I rely pretty heavily on my trusty babysitter by the name of Net Flix - you've heard of her? during these months. The kids can watch an episode of something super edifying while I make them dinner or zone on the couch or get all of their various formula/water/lemonade drinking devices ready to go visit Simon. But tonight ... our internet went out and let's just say that my exasperated little chat with tech support was seasoned with a lot of toddler screaming and fighting and attempted discipline via yell whispers and I can guarantee that the internet lady typed a line or six in her note about our call that was recorded and monitored for quality assurance purposes stating that Grace Patton should be put on hold for 68 minutes next time she calls because ....... she crazy and her chimpanzees? they crazier.

But there will be plenty of time over the course of the next several weeks to doom and gloom it on that front so let's move onward and upward by looking backward ...

our anniversary.

We used some Christmas gift cards from some super nice attendings at el hospital to go out to a reallllllly amazing Italian restaurant. And I don't even really like Italian food. I hate hate hate hate cold leftovers but I made an exception for these leftovers and I fear they've ruined me for all future dining experiences.

And other odds and ends ...

Sebastian sometimes goes on these smiley rants of yelling, "shut up!" but it sounds like, "shop puck!" and it cannot be taken seriously. But it has to be! I can't be letting him get away with that but ... I also can't take him seriously so it's a vicious cycle ...

I'm going to go ahead and blame his pronunciation skillage on his medicated birth.

Speaking of births, I've been getting a gross amount of spam on the birth story link-up about spell casting?! I try to delete them as they come but I have not succeeded and well ... wtf. It's very weird. Weirder than weird. But you know what? I still refuse to throw word verification up and at you. Never will I ever.

I was putting some bags of clothing in a donation bin today when I spotted a baby stroller in a trash pile across the parking lot and you better believe that plastic baby got thrown into the trunk faster than you can scream, "trashy". Dumb. That was realllllly dumb on my part because now the older two just fight over their new flashy toy and Julia hides it all over the house and then tells Sebastian, "I hid the stroller upstairs from you but DON'T go and find it, okay?!" and Bash is off like a shot up the stairs and Julia spirals straight into hysteric mode which always brings ALL the warm fuzzies to the yard on the parenting front.

And last and most certainly least. At the hospital yesterday I was walking around the courtyard with Theo and Bash waiting for Julia and Simon to return victorious from the cafeteria bearing donut gifts after Mass when a lady approached me in all my stroller pushing and Sebastian herding glory and asked if I smoked and if she could bum a light off of me. Mmmmm. I looked at the 88 signs telling everyone to, "¡no fumando!" and had to confess that I did not which seemed to shock her.


this is actually from hospital sojourn number two of the day but you get the general photograph. She stereotyped me good. God bless her.


And now back to my Katy Perry documentary which is embarrassingly interesting. Judge me hard.

35 comments:

  1. If you see a ridiculous amount of readership (??) coming from Hawaii... hi, that's me. I have semi-recently stumbled upon your blog and I can't stop. I also cannot stop laughing. Sorry, not sorry. So... thanks for the laughs, and aloha, and mahalo, and all those Hawaiian sayings.

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  2. we found a baby toy stroller in the trash. My Sebastian wheels that thing all over town. When we pass people keep saying, "That little girl is wearing boy clothes." and they judge me hard. They don't know which is worse, that a boy is pushing a pink stroller or that a girl is wearing boy clothes. Who cares!!

    I always get asked if I smoke at the doctor's. when I say NO they give me another look and wait. Wait for me to tell the truth. Then I repeat, "No."

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  3. Eh not embarrassing at all that Katy perry doc was pure gold, watched it the other night with my sister.

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  4. Oh you totally look like a smoker. How could she get that wrong ya know?!

    Netflix is such a good sitter. We use a locked down YouTube sometimes in a pinch. It's amazing how much my 3 year old loves those toy reviews. Consumerism at its finest.

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  5. Two more reasons to love you:
    (1) You hate word verification as much as I do.
    (2) I watched the Katy Perry documentary twice... in a 24 hour period.

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  6. Um... A smoker? Not really your vibe. If it makes you feel any better I got asked if I was pregnant today (and when I said no, got the follow up "are you trying?" Ewww)

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    1. Oh, no!! I once asked a woman if she was pregnant and when she said no, I said "oh, you just gave birth then"....I feel so bad and now I think before I speak :(

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  7. I know this is a stretch....but! My uncle's wife's twin sister shot some of the early footage of Katy Perry documentary! I still haven't watched it myself because I think my husband would leave me ;) Hang in there and don't be ashamed of babysitter Netflix.

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  8. When our daughter does the 'meltdown into hysterics' over some stupid thing like that, it's all I can do not to yell "shop puck!" at her. CHILL. OUT.

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  9. "shop puck" .....bawhaaaaaaaaa......I hope puck does not morph into something else eh ;-)

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  10. I wasn't aware that people still asked for a light in public but i guess smokers gonna smoke. Also-I haven't seen the katy perry bio yet but this always cracks me up http://pinterest.com/pin/14003448813521975/

    And thank youuuu for the recipe tab. You da bestest

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  11. I've heard good things about the Katy Perry documentary, so no judgment here!

    And isn't that why the inventors invented Netflix? I can throw on Curious George, and with the exception of shouted demands of 'juice!' I can get away with entertaining only one child while I lay on the couch instead of 2. Heavenly.

    ps- thank you for your stance on word verification. if that doesn't inch you closer to sainthood, I don't know what will!

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  12. We have a bad case of "shop puck" over here, only Easton's is a rather enunciated "shuT Tup!" So far correcting it isn't working. He also has thrown in "get out my way!" And "leave me alone!" This mama is so proud of how clearly he demands...

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  13. It's always nice to find validation in my full-on Netflix addiction. For real, what would we possibly do without it?? Now if they would just start giving us some notice before yanking my daughter's favorite shows...

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  14. I would feel cool if someone asked me if I smoked when I had all my kids in tow.

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  15. i hope this rotation goes quickly! joel starts OB next month with night call out the wazoo... im dreading it so much. I feel like I'm going to take scarlett and sleep under the bed until he gets home. at the slightest noise in our house i'll probably dial 911.. i'm in for a rude awakening. mad props to you grace, i just don't know how you do it!

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  16. how old is bash again? because i swear, he's bigger than my 3-year-old nephews, or at least he looks it when pushing theo around in that stroller. methinks he could easily be a linebacker.

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  17. I'm thinking a 2nd play stroller from Goodwill? Of course, if it's anything like my house, they will ONLY want the one that their sibling currently has. I think it's just an excuse to bicker. Hope you survive the rotation with minimal psychological scarring - for you and the bebes...!

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  18. I love your blog so much. The sarcasm, the Catholic-innuendos, the well placed and sparingly few curse words (or revised curse words) ... It reminds me so much of the way I talk/write/think that I believe I read it perfectly.

    *pats self on back*

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    1. haha thank you Alli!!! I'll join you in patting your back as well!!!

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  19. Hilarity! All of it!

    I recently bought Liam one of those toy shopping carts from a flea market. He has this thing for pushing around his gaggle of belongings, and I need his former chariot (my laundry basket) back! Anyways, he has this ridiculous obsession with it. If Laiden so much as eyeballs it and begins her army crawl in it's direction - total meltdown. If I hear one more high pitched squeal-scream "STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP", I'm going to LOSE it. Seriously.

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  20. You can have one of our 4 play strollers. Seriously, my kids will NOT let me get rid of them, but I plan to be sneaky and do so. What 6 year old needs his stroller from when he was 2, really? And I still have more strollers than kids (in a tiny 2 bedroom apt., mind you). But they still fight. Oh, do they fight.

    And no judgy on the Katy Perry documentary. Is it on Netflix? I saw it on Amazon Prime which we will eventually be switching over to...in the meantime, I may watch it if it's on Netflix.

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    1. it is on Netflix! I finished it last night and I may have shed a tear .... pathetic. I recommend it!

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  21. Jason and I saw the Katy Perry movie in the theaters. And we loved every minute of it.

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  22. I'm sending Ted to pick up a reeeeallly dirty slide off the side of the road when he gets off work. Pray it's still there!

    And was it on the Hill? Because if it was then it was definitely the best Italian you've had in your life.

    And this: "I'm going to go ahead and blame his pronunciation skillage on his medicated birth." That one really hit me by surprise. Could not stop laughing. Still laughing actually.

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  23. I got sucked into the Katy Perry movie on Netflix too... The real shame comes when I tell you the Justin Bieber movie caught me too. I'm drawing the line at the ones about Taylor Swift though, there have to be some standards 'round these parts.

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  24. OK...I really enjoyed the Katy Perry documentary. She works her butt off. I know I couldn't do what she does. Holy Maxwell...anyhoo...I am assuming you have the internet situation well under control now, so you can go take a smike break if you need to. LOL!
    You can do this Grace...it will hurt like hell, but you can do this!

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  25. What I took away from this was: When could I sneak in a Katy Perry documentary without my kids around or my husband judging?

    And of course, a sufficient amount of Theo fix- get that kid to Wichita soon!

    I just realized that I am nursing and gazing deep into the computer screen instead of Wilson's eyes. I'm. So. Classy.

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  26. Also, good luck with this rotation...prayers!

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  27. Happy Belated Anniversary! I've been so busy, but I never miss reading your blog, just have been reading and not writing.
    Glad you got to enjoy some of the GOOD STL Italian.
    Your whole family is adorable.
    Let me know if I can ever help with anything.
    Teresa

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  28. I love the way you write about your adventures with your kids. and that is funny about Julia and Bash fighting over the new baby stroller. That is, by far, the most fun toy in our house. Every kid has gone through a phase with it. I even caught a picture of my Vincent sitting in it (he'd gotten himself in) and then...not even 2 seconds after i snapped the pic, the thing tipped over and he hit his head on the floor. Anyway...stroller...major cool to pick one up for free like that.

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  29. spell casting. i totally get that spam often. about bringing one's husband back thru spell casting. strangest thing. also, i think maybe you can do bangs, grace patton.

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  30. obsessed with that pic of you two! and seriously...that lady had to be delusional. but whatever. Annnd, is the Katy Perry docu worth watching? Have had it queued forever now but haven't wanted to waste my time but I am a sucker for documentaries sooo....

    Ps, ^^^you could totally rock the bangs.

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