Easy Breezy Street

06 August 2013

I'm sort of struggling for blogging material but instead of simply blogging less (never!!!) I'm just bringing down the quality a notch or ten ... and repeating a theme from last week ("don't think that you have things under control because you don't. ever" slash "parenthood is always hard")

Not in your wildest nightmares did you think it was possible to post deux on an already stupid theme, did you?

Well it is ... sit down and have some proof flavored pudding. 

Something really weird happened this morning. All three kids were awake and I took a shower and not a single toddler ogler came to throw aside the curtain and pepper me with whines and questions and demands. And no Theodores starting crying from their Bumbo perches because said ogglers were harassing him. I got two legs shaved, hair shampood and rinsed and conditioned and rinsed again and don't think I didn't stop to realize that I was living the HIGH life for eight whole minutes because I was. So I thought I'd write a post about how things are actually getting maybe a tiny little bit easier because you know ... one peaceful shower makes you a professional parent. Hell, maybe I was even about to graduate from survival mode to "maybe I won't die" mode. Hearty laugh. Keep on thinking, Grace.

But look! Julia decided to walk at Costco instead of ride and Sebastian - who fakes a sneeze .03 seconds after Julia real sneezes these days was like ...


... and Theo was busy rehearsing his meltdown to go down at the exact halfway-through-the-warehouse point.

But you know the walker hitched a ride after I refused to let her park on one of the multiple display couches because the walk from the parking lot made her "so very tired like Goldilocks" ...


Convo on retired baby monitor that she snuck onto the prem ...

Julia: Hey Dad
Fake Simon:
Julia: So how's your day at work?
Fake Simon:
Julia: oh no! you dropped a French fry?!
Fake Simon:
Julia: okay, we'll be there soon to help you pick it up

Julia thinks Simon just sits around and eats French fries at work all day because guess what we do when we visit him? We don't deliver babies.

And Theo melted so loud and so proud that I had no choice but to carry him while I tried to steer the cart around which was about as successful as pretending that I didn't notice one of Sebastian's bombs before Simon gets home to deal wit it. Death by smell is a thing. By the time we got to the checkout I couldn't even hold it against the cashier that joked, "I wish I could sell you another arm!" because I wished that too.

Simon starts nights in two weeks and five days and maybe figure out a way to stay far, far away from this blog because night float hasn't succeeded in killing me yet but this just might be the month. BUT in the mean time ... glorious rotation with only two call weekends and sometimes freedom for lunch!!!


5, 6, 7, 8 and dance. Someone get this boy some Ace of Base and an audience.

And this is before a one Julia Grace looked directly at me and tossed that heart covered cup in the trash ...


 ... and threw one of her more vocal tantrums when I wouldn't lower my already terribly low standards to the depths of despair to 1. give in to her shenans and 2. rescue the plastic.

And then I arrived home with my human cargo to the usual scramble to get everything put away before Sebastian tears into it, tastes it, decides he hates it, and moves onto the next thang. Same song, different week.

Theo refused to sleep until I gave him some Oragel and a long session full of undivided attention (selfish) and I finally realized that one quiet shower does not a know-it-all make. Optimistic Grace for the lose. Just kidding ... everyone knows it's "loose".

vink.

27 comments:

  1. This line totally cracked me up.

    "Julia thinks Simon just sits around and eats French fries at work all day because guess what we do when we visit him? We don't deliver babies."

    and I love how she is "so very tired, like Goldilocks". That is adorable (to us in bloggy-land, I'm sure it's not so adorable to you when you have to deal with it,.

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  2. Hey, if Costco DID sell arms then they'd come in bulk. So... Octomom? (But with 8 highly functional arms, not 8 exploited babies.)

    Love it all, as always.

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  3. Yay for better rotations and small victories!!

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  4. Be there soon to help you pick it up!?! That girl is the awesome-est!

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  5. Now I know why this whole Internet Friendship with you works so well for me: because you know the difference between "lose" and "loose." THANK YOU.

    I thought I was the only blogging lOOser that knew how to spell it.

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  6. My husband starts nights next week. But luckily since switching from surgery to family med it's only 1 week instead of a month. And I also HATE IT so bad!!!

    I for one love these post, it's pretty much the same around here except my kids are a few years older.

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  7. The caption of Bash watching Julia walk into the store - bwhahahaha!!! And I think God gives us those little moments, like getting to take a quiet shower, every once in awhile so that we can see that, maybe, someday, life will not be so cray-cray all the time! It's what keeps you in the game.

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  8. Yeah, every time I start thinking, "Hey, this is getting easier!" something crazy happens to remind me that no, it is NOT easy even a little bit! But you know, parts of it get easier and then other parts get harder and our standards get lower so overall it does feel kind of easier, right? I dunno... I took all 4 kids to Costco last week and thought of you! If you wear a baby on your back you'll have no problem getting 4 of them through the store once you have your next one :)

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  9. An uninterrupted shower and not one but two shaved legs???? I am super jealous at this point!

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  10. hey, a shower is a shower! I admire you and all moms who are home with the littles all day every day. Hoping Simon's next rotation will be a bit easier on the whole family. :)

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  11. Loved this post! The lack of blogging material didn't lower the quality at all. If you start writing a post about the brand of trash bags you prefer, it's time to step away from the laptop. Until then, keep the posts coming!

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  12. Never doubt the necessity and deceiving abilities of a nice, uninterrupted shower. That's my thing when there is a new baby in the house - I must take a nice shower once a day - its the only way to convince myself that everything is fantastic and I can conquer new-baby-dom.

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  13. Do you ever feel like your kids' cuteness detracts from the difficulty they cause? They are literally "too cute." Just when I was mustering up my sympathy, I saw the Costco cart cuteness. And then Theo's chubby thighs. You better tell your kids to ugly up. :)

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  14. Your kids are hilarious. I love that Julia thinks that her dad just eats french fries at work all day. They're all so cute! I know I just told you on one of your other posts that you scared me about having more kids, but this also makes me want to have more kids! :)

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  15. hahaha "we don't deliver babies". yes.

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  16. Julias rain boots & pig tails, are absolutely the best! That french fry conversation was hilarious, they're too cute!!


    www.SimplyJoanna.com

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  17. I showered this morning while my girls were playing together! I was feeling quite proud of myself. And then I got out of the shower...and discovered the baby had chewed the light bulb right out of the plugged in and turned on nightlight! And by light bulb I mean JUST the glass bulb part...amazingly she was fine. No blood! And the nightlight was still working sans glass:) I was horrified and immediately stepped down from my super mommy pedestal!

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  18. Perhaps this is stranger for you than me (I'm sure it is. I'll chalk it up to CampPatton reading during late-night feedings. Thanks, btw. Vink.)

    Anyway, I dreamt about the Patton clan last night. Somehow, Julia ended up with my purse and I had to fly out to retrieve it. When I arrived, you directed me to your family's van where the purse was located. When I opened the side door, I saw that you had taken out the back seat and converted the area into a large sandbox where Bash and Theo were happily playing!

    And I remember thinking: genius!

    Have a great Wednesday.
    BJN

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  19. Okay, I forgot everything you typed before the "loose". Argh!!!!! Biggest. Pet. Peeve. EVER!! It's like you trampled an exposed nerve with razor edged tap shoes.

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  20. you know why you are so amazing? b/c you make the mundane and everyday hilarious. bravo!

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  21. i'm dying from laughter. thanks for keeping it real.

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  22. So so grateful there are people like Simon around to pick up french fries. Bless him.

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  23. As soon as I get cocky... I get a taste of humble pie. Double strength.
    One of the funniest posts :) Thanks.

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  24. Ya this really cracked me up.... Bashers "wtf is this" face and Julias convo with Simon :)

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