predict-a-mom

11 December 2013

blazer: American Eagle via thredUP
sweater: Style & Co. via thredUP
boots: Hunter via eBay
purse: c/o Caitlin

Ohhhhh look. Another leggings + boots + tunic sweater ensemble. Let's all clap it out for Grace's reliable predictability. I know. And it's not even Winter Proper yet. Silent scream.

The other day Simon laughed as he told me that he'd woken up on Sunday morning in the same inside out and backwards shirt he had worn all day Saturday. I didn't laugh because I do that all the time. I bet a lot of stay-at-homers do that too, right? I hope. If it's comfy and stretchy and suitable for sleeping ... why change, I say.  And then I sprinted out the door to Target about .00000001 seconds after Simon offered to watch the kids while I grabbed some dinner/cookie baking supplies. A trip to Target alone is one of the most serene experiences for me in my current life stage and again, I'm guessing I'm not alone. We moms know the alternative all too well that involves cherub lugging and appeasing and everythinging so even if Target is buzzing with all the holiday crazies - it still smells downright euphoric to a free bird flying. Anyway, it got me thinking about all the blessed ways in which I've become a little bit of a happy cliché of a mom. Let me pelt you with my thoughts ...

I drive a minivan and I don't like it. I love it.

It's habitual for my 4pm face to look identical to my 7am face. Like absolute hell.

I don't say, "going to the bathroom" ever. It's an automatic, "going potty" every single time.

I probably say, "I'm just really tired" to whomever will listen 99 times a day.

The mail? I check it eight seconds after the mailman has walked off the premises. And five times before - just in case.

As far as kids and their attire goes - I have a strict, "no stain - no change" policy that can last a scary number of consecutive day-night-day-night-day-night-I-can-keep-going-I-assure-you.

When the kids are awake the world is one mini tantrum away from crumbling into a million pieces and promptly ending. When the kids are asleep, yes of course this is the easiest job in the world.

I washed our cloth shower curtain liner a few weeks ago and have gone into the bathroom to admire my toil every single day since. Damn it feels good to be an efficient homemaker.

Every morning I make a nice cup of coffee. And every night Simon finds it sitting on the counter with exactly two sips gone.

Sometimes I wear my yogas and a hoodie and a puffy face to buy groceries because who really cares? And sometimes I wear a painted face, an outfit that's trying far too hard, and Saturday night in college hair to buy groceries because I do. 

I brown some meat, chop some tomatoes + avocados + onions, open a container of sour cream, a package of tortillas and a can of salsa and oh, look! It's gourmet taco Monday. Leftovers will follow for the next two nights if I can't stretch it to three (where we say hello to gourmet nachos).

Showers when I'm home alone with the kids: three minutes. Showers when Simon is home to watch the kids: twenty three minutes.

Blog posts start to sound vaguely familiar and annoyingly repetitive because they are. Almost exactly. 


And now I'm off to check the tangible snail and heat up the comida.
See ya.


50 comments:

  1. Pretty sure you've been spying on me because this is exactly my life. The joys of motherhood!

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    1. Guilty as charged...we're having night #2 of those gourmet tacos right here... ;)

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  2. LOL! I RAN to the mailbox today...I think I scared the mailman who sped away as he saw me running toward him like a lifeline to the sane world. My world looks very similar except replace "tantrum" with "seizure" and consider every time I take the princess out with me, I need to make sure I have an exit strategy. Ahhh parenthood rocks doesn't it?? Oh yeah and yoga pants should be considered a national treasure. Just sayin. Enjoy those tacos! Sound yummy to me.

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  3. Oh, I'm with you on so many of these. It's always especially amusing/disheartening to hear the feigned interest in my husband's voice when I've actually done some obscure, random household chore. I get SO excited about it. And he tries really hard to be kind of excited for me.

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  4. Hey you know what, leggings, boots and sweaters are A OK! I used to beat myself up for that but hey, life happens.

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  5. you forgot the scarf??? love it!!!!

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  6. You just hit the nail on the head! I love how your postings correspond with nap time over here on the west coast.

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  7. The coffee on the counter. OH yes. Been there. And then, of course, I wonder why on earth I have a horrible caffeine headache...

    Your tacos *are* gourmet. Psshhht, Daddy's working tonight here, and my kiddOs are getting gourmet Annies mac n cheese with peas. And they'll love it probably more than anything I could spend more time on.

    Showers? What? I admittedly realized this morning it'd been well over a week (maybe closer to 2...) since I last washed my hair. It's washed now, but I think it was bordering becoming dreads.

    Thanks as always for being real. =)

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  8. Ya know, leggings + tshirt + sweater tunic is basically the holy grail of early pregnancy outfits, so why wear anything else, amiright?

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  9. This is a fabulously chic outfit! I'm not a mom but I would love to look this put together every single day! :)

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  10. Yes, all of this. I took a shower yesterday while the kids slept and - get this - got to shave. I'm pretty sure my neighbors think I own one hoodie and one pair of yogas because that's what they see on the daily mailventure. Oh, and nachos are a weekly staple here at the very least.

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  11. Mail time is the best time of the day!! Even thought everything is ALWAYS for Aaron since his business address is our home address. So annoying.

    We had the same soup 4 nights in a row a couple weeks ago. My kids hated it and refused to eat it, which is probably why it stretched so far.

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  12. This is my favorite thing I have ever read by you. #preach

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  13. Thanks for reminding me my coffee is in the microwave! Guess I will try again tomorrow morning...

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  14. You pretty much painted a picture of my life. Except my husband doesn't like to eat the same thing 2 days in a row, so I alternate meal A, meal B, meal A, meal B, etc. And also - the minivan. I have dreams about such luxury that will one day be realized.

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  15. I never know what to say in comments on your blog because I think you would get sick of me saying "ha ha ha, you're really funny" all the time.... but hahaha, you're really funny!

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  16. I love your blog. You almost make me wish I was raising all my kids all over again. I remember all the fun and horrors and actually miss it. Lol I must admit it is just as much fun if not funer to watch my kids raise their kids. I think you are off base with Theo he does look like one of you ... You.

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  17. I'm a stay at home person (I can't get away with calling myself a stay at home mom anymore because my kids can all shave, buy liquor and vote and only one lives with me) and I definitely find myself trying to remember how many days I've been in the same outfit. I have spread out showers so far apart that my hair no longer gets greasy until the 4th or 5th day. I have actually reset my hair's biology. I turned "No-shave November" into "Only shave once a year, in November". There's no shame in that game. You're raising three humans and incubating another, you get a pass.

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  18. Taking a shower when my husband is home seriously feels like a spa day and I feel really fancy afterwards.

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  19. Yep. Yep. Yep. ...and yep. Although, I faithfully drink a pot of coffee a day, with the last token one left in the microwave to discover tomorrow.

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  20. You're great! That cup of coffee though I do everything with one in the mornings before i get it in and typically end up spilling it on me and some other people plus the floor because I have skills... I was honestly super impressed that your kids go days without staining their clothes! How does that even happen? As far as sleeping in the clothes I wore all day...pajama's were just invented for more work in fact I like to sleep in my normal clothes... although usually switch leggings for jeans but beyond that who cares....

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  21. I kept saying YES out loud. Even read my husband a few. I especially enjoy sleeping in my daytime wear. It's a daily thing pretty much.

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  22. No stain no change! Thank you for naming this maneuver! The husband had the nerve to call me out on this in front of someone and proceeded to get a face full of eye daggers. Also the shower time is beyond accurate!

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  23. "Sometimes I wear my yogas and a hoodie and a puffy face to buy groceries because who really cares? And sometimes I wear a painted face, an outfit that's trying far too hard, and Saturday night in college hair to buy groceries because I do."

    Abso-freakin'-lutely.

    Rob walked in to the bathroom the other day where I was using the flat-iron on my hair after I finished a moderately smoky eye with nude lip gloss face palette. "I thought you were just running out to the grocery store?," says he. "Aaand? . . . ," says I.

    You do what you have to these days. That's all I'm sayin'.

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  24. The nice cup of coffee? It is my dearest wish to just be able to sip and savor ONE cup every morning, but then the kids beckon and I constantly find my unfinished cup on the counter hours later. Whenever I hear a mom mention "pouring a second cup of coffee" in the morning I want to ask her her secret!

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    1. The only reason she's pouring her second cup is because she can't find the first one ;)

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    2. The only reason she's pouring her second cup is because she can't find the first one ;)

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  25. Yes to everything! Especially shopping alone. I went grocery shopping alone at 7pm the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. It was probably the most relaxing thing I've done in a long time.

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  26. No worries... we did non-gourmet tacos tonight. As in meat, tortilla, cheese... the end. :) My husband is just thanking his luckiest of stars that I even went to Target for food-stuffs tonight. (By the way, have you discovered the wonder that is the Target Cartwheel app? It is the easiestpeisiest of saving money.) And when you're ready to complain about night shift again, holla at me... we just finished a stint in this house. Nothing but the sunniest of dispositions here. May or may not have thrown a small tantrum (may). Thanks for writing, as always, back to my leggings and Subaru outback (the mom car for moms with their first child).

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  27. I used to create excuses to run errands on the weekends just so I could go ALONE. There is nothing better than leisurely strolling through Kroger/Target/Costco without the panicked thought in the back of your mind that someone is going to lose it soon, and it's probably going to be me....!

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  28. hahahaha. smiled through all of this.especially the shower curtain bit.

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  29. I too drive a minivan and I love it. I was thanking God this morning for the minivan as I hauling one snack bag, one diaper bag and four kids including a car seat.

    And I recently ventured into taking a quick shower while the kids I'm sure destroyed my home. Such is life. Your leggings and tunic look is always cute and stylish. I can't even tell you're pregnant!

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  30. Pretty much my life exactly. Except I take long showers no matter, which is not to say I actually shower every day...

    This post was so great, Grace. (And have those Gourmet Nachos tomorrow - Thursday - and call it a fiesta for the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe. That's how I do it.)

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  31. your life sounds like mine! the part about the coffee made me laugh out loud. i reheat mine at least twice during the day and still never manage to finish it. and not because i don't want to! :)

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  32. Laughed through the entirety of the post but snorted at your homemaker comment.

    BTW you didn't say where your scarf came from. Just sayin' ...

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  33. I also sleep in the same shirt that I wore the day before and just swap my jeans for pajama pants. I'm sure it's normal.

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  34. This is perfect. It captures the day of this stay-at-homer perfectly. Love your blog so much.

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  35. I just went ahead and declared taco Monday to be a weekly thing. And taco Tuesday too. Yes to all of these!

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  36. I feel like I will be saying "going potty" until I die; it's so ingrained in my daily vocabulary. However, I give thanks to almighty God that I can at least now go potty with the door closed.

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  37. I wish some anthropologist (had to re-write that because my fingers muscle-memory typed "anthropologie". Wishful thinking, anyone?) would take your list to all the mothers of the world and see how familiar it is. I'm better most of them would get nods of recognition, with slight changes for cultural specifics (forgotten cup of coffee would be, like, forgotten cup of squid broth for people in Indonesia or something).

    Also, I'm now sort of perversely wondering what the word for "potty" is in other languages. Does it sound as ugly and humiliating as it does in English? I hope so- I'd hate to know that French women not only got the great clothes, but also the cute child word for toilet (which I also hate, but not when you say it in French- point proven).

    Off to go make (and forget) my morning cup of coffee.

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  38. Do you also compulsively check the tracking numbers on packages bc that has been my main form of excitement haha. Total dejection when the package box key is jammed and I know the package is in there but I cant. get. it. out.

    Pretty sure my coffee gets reheated multiple times if it isnt spilled first too haha

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  39. Yes! This is my life. Why is the mail so exciting? I don't know, but I feel so crushed when I open the box expecting it to be there (because the mailman comes every day at 12:00 and it's 12:01) and it's empty. You always make me laugh :)

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  40. Yes! This is my life. Why is the mail so exciting? I don't know, but I feel so crushed when I open the box expecting it to be there (because the mailman comes every day at 12:00 and it's 12:01) and it's empty. You always make me laugh :)

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  41. You have made my year. I had no idea the daily mail check was a hilight to others, I feel such a sense of solidarity. And everything else is spot on too, only I have too many kids for a minivan now so I drive a big white behemoth of a catholic family van. And I put my coffee directly into a travel mug so that it's still warm by the time I rediscover it hours later after "traveling" from diaper to soggy morning diaper.

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  42. I started buying costco's rotisserie chicken and their NEW pretzel bread rolls. Chicken sandwiches all day, every day! I check the mail incessantly too.

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  43. Yes to it all! As I sit here in what I slept in drinking my cold cup o' joe. Love the outfit and all things leggings + tunic! And loving the hunter green boots! Must learn your ebay ways!

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  44. i'm scared that you've found a way to see into my brain. yikes!
    (and SERIOUSLY about the mail. i'm sure my neighbors have noticed by now, and i bet they all feel just a smidgen sorry for me. ah well.)

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  45. We are out checking the mail at 4pm on the dot too. And yes I love long showers even if technically
    I can do it in 5 min...which is definitely more the norm. So you love your minivan? I have a small SUV and we need a large SUV or minivan soon and I can't decide which to get. I love the idea of sliding doors for toddlers and easier access to the 3rd seat, but so far I've always had an SUV, so I don't know?

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  46. Damn it feels good to be an efficient homemaker. Yes, ma'am!

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  47. Loved it. Glad Instagram helped me find you!

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