In response to an email asking how to go about starting a blog, Simon suggested, "tell them to make sure they have a husband and children to exploit."
After coming out of a c-section and finding 798 texts from his wife about the state of insanity and chaos ensuing at home Simon responded, "your life is in shambles."
After taking a long gander at the scrambled egg, kidney bean, and quinoa creation I was enjoying Simon said, "eating tasteless cattle feed again, I see."
While witnessing one of my finer moments as a mother Simon said, "you should really consider writing a book and title it, 'Realistic Parenting: I Give Up'. "
In the middle of wrapping up Theo before we put him to bed, "the key to a good swaddle is to make sure the baby's face is a nice shade of blue when you're all finished."
After finding Sebastian emptying the trash for a zillionth time in a row and, Simon said, "Julia's kind of trouble takes real finesse and Sebastian's kind of trouble requires a bulldozer."
While observing an awake Theo for a few seconds Simon said, "he always looks like he's in search of a French kiss."
While talking to me on the phone in the middle of the night about how I was pretty sure I heard a human banging around outside and how disheartening it was that we still had x number of days left in February Simon said, "maybe you should read some Edgar Allen Poe to lift your spirits."
After I complained that while trying to get all three kids in the car in an effort to visit Simon in the evenings, Sebastian always ran out into the dark street and was always difficult to locate, Simon said,