playing with fire

01 April 2015

Lately I've been avoiding taking all four kids to the grocery store at the same time. It's nice having the one-on-one or one-on-two time by taking one or two kids at a time a couple times a week (I'm not a person that hates grocery shopping ... but I hate plenty of other things to make up for it) or sending Simon with the boys when we're out of bananas .... again. And if I'm being perfectly honest it's a lot easier and faster with fewer in tow (you don't say, Grace!) and it's sort of nice not to garner loads of (understandable) comments and stares on occasion. But! Sometimes I do a poor job of timing when I run out of my thyroid meds and have totally maxed out the number of days I can go without and no my pharmacy doesn't have the drive-thru option and sometimes Simon works too late every single day SO ... I have no choice but to make the sojourn with the entire crew.

WHAT is my life? All woe, I know.

One of Sebastian's hidden talents (and another reason I avoid trips a la everyone) is sneaking things into the cart without my knowledge. He goes into stealth mode and takes full advantage of Phoebe's stranger danger cashier freakout and quickly loads his secret loot to be scanned and bagged before I've even had time to say, "nope, no coupons - like always!" over the roar of Phoebe's cry (that Simon recently witnessed and said would make him turn bright red if he were all alone, she's that loud). For a long time he was on a generic marshmallow kick. We had more bags of marshmallows than a rice krispie treat making factory but soon he realized that he didn't even like marshmallows and started thieving little pouches of pureed fruit, "for Phoebe!" Right. But last week he went in an entirely new and fortifying direction ...


hot popcorn.

it was the color of Cheetos and tasted "like fire and cactuses" according to Julia and Sebastian's eyes started water working after he tried a fat fistful and he swore off eating them ever again right then and there.

And while I can scold him and laugh at his just punishment you know who I found silently stuffing their little (and big) faces with the flames?


I normally have my phone holstered and will never forgive myself for not catching Theo + Phoebe (Thoebe?) in the actual chipmunked cheek act ...


... well, here's 1/3rd of the culprit crew. Those guns of Pillsbury don't grow themselves.

And the child that loved it MOST of all ...


... his/her middle name shall be Shameless.

(and I'll welcome your judgement if and only if I slash the baby make a repeat purchase on purpose. Stay tuned ... )

17 comments:

  1. Ha! Maybe Bash will sneak another bag into your cart if his fingers stay sticky. For Patton bebe no. 5, of course.

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  2. That one thing none of mine ever did - too busy having meltdowns over ALLLL the things their mean mother wouldn't buy them!

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  3. hahaha! I tend to go to the grocery store all alone on the weekends while my husband rides herd over the crew at home. It's like a nice, restful vacation. My husband doesn't have Simon's crazy schedule, though, so that's do-able for us.

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  4. Oh my gosh I laughed so hard at the picture of Phoebe, could she get cuter with those cheeks stuffed? And I am nervous, like soooo nervous for the day that I have no choice but to take all four kids to the store. If the looks from the on lookers could kill....RIP Kelsey!

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  5. This post made me laugh so much. I love you Grace and family. Guns of pilsbury? Where in the heck do you come up with that stuff? Continue forth Patton family

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  6. I love Team Thoebe. Guess you'll have to have #6 to keep teams even. (too soon? sorry)

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  7. My 19 month old loves to put random crap in the cart too (or on the bottom...embarrassing if we don't catch it!). The weirder the thing the better (tuna, tartar sauce, bread...)

    Http://tisourlife.blogspot.com/

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  8. LOL! (thats all I have to say :) )

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  9. Spicy food! Isn't that boy craving supposedly?!

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  10. My son tries to put random things in the cart, too! Last week it was a pack of gun... I don't even let him chew gum!

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  11. Your kids are so adorable! I can't wait to see how baby #5 will fit into the current dynamic!

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  12. Cracking up! Thanks for a morning laugh!

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  13. "Fire and cactuses" - your girl kills me!

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  14. This is absolutely hilarious! And I am with you on the whole grocery shopping with kids thing. Sad thing is, when I take my husband and 15-mo and the toddler starts the meltdown, suddenly my husband is no longer beside me and instead is hiding in another aisle somewhere, while I have to deal with it. Parent fail.

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  15. This is too good. I feel you on the grocery store, I only have 1.5 kids but it is the worst day ever when I realize I too am out of thyroid meds and milk. Le sigh.

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  16. You are a BRAVE woman, shopping with 4 kids in tow. And now I feel awful for complaining about taking my two this morning. I think every five seconds I heard "Can I get ...?" "But Mom ... we NEED this!" Ugh. Hence why I do my main grocery shopping trip only one time a month!

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  17. Much better than the bottles of contact solution Sam snuck in the other day...or the bottles of sage and thyme that Ellen STOLE...on accident, but, come on.

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