Interview with the frenemies

24 March 2014

You know what I don't blog about enough? MY KIDS. Not enough. Never enough. Nothing is more interesting to anyone than someone else's offspring. Nothing.

{maybe people would stop asking if they're twins if their mom stopped dressing them like the Bobbseys}

Theo is going through some sort of 14.8 month old crisis in which he just can't decide if he enjoys life or not. He's leaning towards not and as a result I've decided to tough love him through it and boycott him from the blog today. That should learn him.

Let's focus on the teenagers in the house ... Julia and Sebastian. Never were there such devoted frenemies as these two. Holy love/hate/love/hate/waitlove/nowait!hate. Maybe it's just wishful thinking or my wild imagination but it does seem like ever since they've start preschool they are fighting a teeny tiny bit less. Just a little bit less. But they still fight and Sebastian still bites Julia on occasion and sends her into a fit of giggles. And by giggles I mean tears and hysterics and dramatic declarations that "everysing is the WORST!!!"

Now that Sebastian has broadened his lexicon horizons a bit he takes great pride in commanding that Julia say Grace before meals (she is generally opposed ... confirming lots of suspicions that I'm well on my way to parenting guruhood), getting in Theo's face and asking him if he is okay while Theo throws one of his heinous tantrums, and telling me I look like Santa Claus every afternoon after he wakes up from his nap. Charmer.

Julia has taken to narrating life via song 24/7, claims she prefers to wear her underwear backwards ("oh, it's just comfortable like this" .... I'm going to beg and beg to differ but .... enjoy!!), and fake/nervous laughing at random.

About six months ago I interviewed the kids because ... I don't know. We've never had professional photos taken of the family or kids but we are good at interviewing our offspring twice a year. Different strokes, I suppose.

I asked them a very similar set of pressure cooking questions this morning and if you are desperate to entertain your toddlers for a few minutes .... you should try it. The kids actually got a kick out of it and forgot that they had requested to watch a show about dragons (?? again, parenting goddess) by the end.

Hit it ...

What's your name?
Julia: Julia Grace Patton
Bash: (thinks) oh, Bashy!

How old are you?
Julia: free
Bash: cake

What's your favorite thing to do?
Julia: play!
Bash: play trucks

What is your favorite book?
Julia: princess books
Bash: cakes, big cakes

What is your favorite show?
Julia: the white rabbit show
Bash: trucks

What is your favorite song?
Julia: Katy Perry
Bash: Hey Brother

What does daddy do at work?
Julia: well, he just works.
Bash: he eats treats.

What do you want for your birthday?
Julia: a beautiful junior princess cake
Bash: truck cake, Theo wants a superman cake, daddy wants a choo choo train cake

What's your favorite color?
Julia: purple
Bash: because

Where is your favorite place to go?
Julia: the biggest park in the world
Bash: no.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Julia: I guess just maybe a princess, maybe.
Bash: silence

Who is your favorite person? 
Julia: My friend Emily (does not exist - to my knowledge)
Bash: When Emily cries

What is your favorite toy?
Julia: my tricycle
Bash: potty training

What makes you happy?
Julia: food
Bash: hair

What scares you? 
Julia: monsters
Bash: curious trucks

When you get sick what makes you feel better?
Julia: medicine
Bash: water

What do you think we should name the baby?
Julia: Madelina
Bash: sprinkle donut`

And yesterday we faced the musical bedrooms and did what we've needed to do for months ... threw Sebastian in with Julia and moved Theo down from the basement into Sebastian's old room (the technical guest room but there is no bed so .... the portacrib room, I guess). Theo screamed for an eternity (five minutes) before he settled in for a nice nap and the older kids did not nap. 99 threats from both parents and two hours later .... we let them get up and were happy to put them down for bed at 7pm sharp. Last night was mostly uneventful and I'm hoping for an eventless night tonight. This morning I walked into Julia reading a book on her bed and Sebastian crying in his crib and Julia not looking up from her reading offering half-hearted consolations such as, "its fine, Bash" and "your mom will come find you soon."

Julia just napped in our room today and .... that will have to be the nap plan for now. You parents that get your kids to nap together in the same room (and they have black out shades and sound machines and everyTHING) ... I salute you. I salute you forever.

Anyway I asked them ... what was it like sharing a room for the first time last night?
Julia: it felt like a dream
Bash: I cried



  1. Cutest post to date, I do believe. Love love love! "It felt like a dream; I cried." My favorite.

  2. How are you so funny? Haha, seriously though! Every word you write cracks me up. I love your humor.

  3. This was awesome!! I am going to play a round of 20 questions with my kiddos just as soon as they stop the 77th round of hunger games going on in the living room right now. I am thinking the odds will be in the younger brothers favor as he is heavier and sitting on the older as I type....anyway loved this, your children are hilarious!

  4. "it felt like a dream"... where does she get this stuff? Too funny! Maybe once the newness wears off, they will nap together? Like I have a clue.

    They are too cute.

  5. I love it. "It felt like a dream." "I cried." I love these posts, they make my day! Can't wait for my E to start saying her mind. Right now I've got Octopus and Apple for everything.

  6. Curious trucks are horrific - CAN'T BE TRUSTED....lurking always...and nobody knows why.
    I'm with ya, Bash!

  7. I played 20 rounds with the toddler tonight on the way home from work. I learned that him gives his friends "glasses" (thanks grandma for not using any other term:() but that doesn't happen to him

  8. I'm thinking Julia must be close to my little girl's age because, from what I read, they sure act alike! Also, no tips on the two kids napping together stuff. We have our littler one sleep in a closet because I'm too terrified to mess up the good thing we have going. Yep, wuss right here.

  9. Ha, love that last photo so much! I hope little Theo starts enjoying life more soon because I like seeing pictures of his face. :)

  10. Seriously, the curious trucks and sprinkle donut have me laughing so hard I'm crying over here. You go, Bash.

  11. I was all ready to ask you to tell Simon to say some things so you could share.... But this was awesome. I can't wait to have two verbal kids. Good luck with the room sharing!!

  12. "When Emily cries."
    I have 4 brothers. Can vouch that crying imaginary friends make happy brothers.
    Seriously, still laughing.

  13. Santa Claus? Oh man… I'm dying!

    We also have the oldest napper who 'rests' ('because mama, 3 yr olds don't nap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!') in our room. Of course she has to have the most particular junk out of her room - several babies, the Mouses, a few bunnies oh and Goofy who ends up getting married to a bunny during rest time at least once a week.

  14. Ours kids have shared a room for five years (they are 3.5 years apart in age) never napped in the same room once. Nighttime = no problems ever so I let it be. Separate napping rooms for everyone!

  15. Every time you write down stuff that Julia says I just die because my oldest is almost exactly her age and comes up with the same kind of random amazing... oy. We're not even expecting another but she decided the other day that we will have three more children (currently only at two), and their names will be: Mara, Crantelope, and Tefla (two girls and a boy, in that order, in case you couldn't tell). My husband and I have agreed to disagree about the spelling of Crantelope because he thinks it is a cranberry canteloupe whereas I believe it is a crazy antelope. Mine thankfully is usually willing to put her underwear on the right way but we very frequently have conversations where I tell her her shoes are on the wrong feet and she says, "Um, it's okay, I like them this way."

  16. Sprinkle Doughnut. Yes. Great name. My kids all share a room too. It's the worst. We split up for nap, one on the couch, one in our room, one in their room, sometimes one in the hallway... you never know where a kid will be sleeping! At night they have to sleep in the same room, but usually by the morning there are kids all over the place and you have to watch where you step because somehow most of them end up on the floor in very random places!

  17. Leo (older one) sleeps in our room for nap, and then they are together for works OK-ish, but took some learning curve time for sure.

    Al-so! The funny laugh thing! Maybe this is weird, but I had a patient the other day (I'm a nurse) who had had a brain injury in the past to his frontal lobe, and he laughed like that. All I could think of was my son (3.5 y.o), and I was like--eureka! Toddlers really do have frontal lobe deficiency! Mind blown.

    1. We call our daughter SCP - small crazy person. She's 2.5. I'm a nurse, too, and sometimes the depths of her "imagination" really worry me.

  18. I feel like there's a strong love/hate relationship between my three oldest kids. It's a complicated dynamic that I won't bore you with here. But I wanted to mention that Maggie and Lucy nap in the same room together - at least, I put them in the same room together and sometimes they sleep, and sometimes they just steal each other's things {they're both in toddler beds now} and yell at each other. It's the worst, but with four kids and three bedrooms {we bought this house 2.5 years ago, right before we knew I was pregnant with Lucy}, there's not really another option. Whatever happens, I keep them in there for two hours because I need some time to myself or... you know, something bad. Let me know if you find something that works. ;)

  19. sprinkle donut!! haha love it and can I do what your husband does for a living too?? hahaha

  20. Gosh your kids are the funniest.

  21. I may have to steal the name "Sprinkle Donut" if you don't have your heart set on it...

  22. PUHLEEZE make these interviews a weekly thing thanks.

    1. Oh oh oh I think you should give them the Proust questionnaire:

  23. Such a relief to know we are not the only family to not have any professional photos...I am surrounded by people who have yearly photo albums and family photo shoots out the wazoo and here we are with two kids and nary a professional photo in sight

  24. love this so much...i think it needs to be a regular (monthly?) feature....and i think it should be videotaped next time ;)

  25. I never got any of mine to nap on the same room. Separation. Always. Because no one messes with the nap. Ever.

  26. honest truth here my 10 year still puts his underwear on backward and when I point it he says well they feel the same...HE'S A BOY how can it with that little trap door thing in the front going on the in the rear? and yet I PICK my battles and I don't pick that one--someone who is NOT his family will point it out and BOOM that will be over

  27. This post made me laugh until I cried. Kids say the best things. I also have two frenemy kids (22 mos. apart) who complete each other's lives except for when they are ruining each other's lives. It will be interesting to see what happens with the youngest gets older (he is 18 mos. behind the middle child).

  28. Your kids are hilarious, but your writing is even better. I love the way you capture everything. Bravo.

  29. Your kids deserve a reality show on tv.
    And did I mention how much I am in love with your writing style??!
    I recently mentioned your blog is one of my 5 favorites.
    Hope you like it.

  30. Love it!

    My husband was two when his sister (Julia) was born, and his suggestion for a name was "dump truck". He defends his choice by saying it was his favourite toy, so perhaps Bash is working on the same line with sprinkle doughnut.

  31. I love that Bash's favourite toy is potty training...I think he may not be taking it too seriously right now?! Love thiss post and your blog in general!

  32. This is hilarious- I need to interview Marley soon! Also, I must have forgotten about the 14-17 (and counting!) month stage with Marley because Beckett is a bear 65% of the time right now. Cranky, nothing is right, screaming, etc. Maybe it's the inability to express his thoughts? I don't know, but I'm ready for my sweet boy to come back.

  33. Oh my, laughing so hard at that last Q/A. My girls are 7 and 9 now and have shared a room since the baby grew out of her porta crib (yes, we had our youngest sleep in a porta crib as a baby, too---b/c she cried a million x a night and there was no way the older could have slept through all that!). But we never, NEVER did the same room for naps. One always slept/rested in the guest bedroom or even the master bedroom. I mean, two children napping in the same room at the same time--that would be sort of like pigs flying, right???

  34. In regards to present day fashion, the fitness world has created a craze of certain items such as gym tank tops and yoga pants that are worn as casual wear by many people on a daily basis, whether they attend a gym or not.workout clothes.

  35. I read this post out loud to my husband and I was almost crying i was laughing so hard. Can i adopt Bash?

  36. I read this post out loud to my husband and I was almost crying i was laughing so hard. Can i adopt Bash?

  37. I read this post out loud to my husband and I was almost crying i was laughing so hard. Can i adopt Bash?

  38. I'm with Bash on naming the baby "Sprinkle Donuts" lol

  39. adorable outfit, Julia. I totally dress like that. faux fur, button down shirt, leggings and Hunter Boots... so does that mean --I am a big preschooler?? or princess Julia Grace is totally a grown-up!?
    (my husband will say the former)

  40. My favorite blog post, from anyone, ever. Your kids are freaking hysterical.

  41. Crying laughing. Can't wait to hear what Sprinkle Donut has to say when he/she is interviewed some day!

  42. Henceforth, I shall only give my age as "cake."

    Thanks, Bashy!

  43. I just... I can't. Laughed out loud at work again to the wonder of my colleagues... check. Thank you for sharing this and make readers round the U.S. cry laugh during their downtime at work. ;)


  44. adorable! when I ask my almost 2 year old how old she is ... she replies. "jerk." ...out of the mouths of babes.

  45. Bash is now in the running for funniest Patton - keep it comin' - so funny, so cute!

  46. I am in love with this! And now I want to do an interview with Sydney!

  47. Oh my gosh I love them. I just don't think there are any kids out there that are funnier than yours. (And good luck with the room sharing!!)

  48. Umm...yes. To every bit of that. :) And speaking of J and S, is it just a coincidence, or were their names inspired by the Flyte siblings from Brideshead? Don't know why it hadn't occurred to me to ask before...

  49. Two thumbs up. I had to read this to Chris.

  50. aaaamazing. Found you through Motley Mama and am sooo glad she shared!

  51. Love their responses, especially Bash's. Very cute little frenemies!

  52. I know you have been on an everlasting hunt for the perfect mascara, and I think I have it. I got it in my birchbox about a year ago. It stays on really well and doesn't clump up.

  53. LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog. Your babies are too cute. I don't know how you do it with 3 and being pregnant. I have a 17 month old & a 6 week old and I can't imagine having any more, lol.

    The interview questions were hilarious!

  54. After WEEKS of trying to get my two oldest to nap in the same room, we moved the oldest into our bedroom for naptime. It works and it may make us week parents, but whatever.

  55. I sit in the room by the door with our 2 and 3 yr old until they fall asleep. It takes about 5 mins and then I'm free! I read or I'm on the ipad

  56. HAHA! I request a video version of this in the least ONCE. Pretty please?



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