a {half} day in the life of a stay at homer

06 March 2014

Way back when Theo was a newnewnewborn I typed one of these out and snooooore. Why am I doing it again? I'm not sure. It was this or a collage of my favorite maternity staples but I think I'll save that for a rainier day.

I'm not doing it to showcase, "look at me!!! my life is SooooOoooooOOOooOoOOOo crazy!! I have small children! I stay at home!! I work HARD!!" .... because your life is probably crazier and you probably work harder. Things were much crazier when it was just Julia and Sebastian and Julia wasn't walking and I refused to ever ever leave the house because the physics of carrying the two of them anywhere was just too much for me to wrap my postpartum mind around. The days around here are fuller and louder and busier but definitely a little bit easier. My biggest problem is that the house gets dirty in .000003 seconds and that it drives me crazier than it should. I would imagine that a year from now with baby #4 underfoot I'll look back at this post and think that things have gotten even easier despite having another kiddo. Riddle me that but I'll bet you a bag of your favorite treat that it be true.

So ... let's begin the night before.

11pm ... Simon got up with Bash and discovered that Theo had gifted the lucky duck with the bug. NO. Get him cleaned up and tucked back in and say some fast and furious prayers that it's just a 30 minute flu and that the rest of the Pattons will be spared.

Bash is calling for me and I fear the worst so I run down but find a clean crib. Praise the good Lord. He was sweating buckets so I changed him into one of my maternity t-shirts (his clothes share a dresser with Julia's clothes in her room ... it's all so very complicated), hold him on the couch and start singing a lullaby mashup of sorts but he immediately requests that I change the lyrics to a truck theme. I oblige. He finds this hysterical and is lulled right to sleep.

4:32am ... heave him back into heavily toweled crib.

4:34am ... Theo is up. Rock him back to sleep.

4:54am ... Julia is in the most desperate need of a tissue ... talk her down, fetch a tissue.

5am ... Back to bed. Toss and turn and debate just getting up.

5:33am ... Still tossing. Check the 5 day forecast.

5:34am ... gawk and resist urge to wake Simon for a straight up praise and worship sesh because look at all that beauty.

5:44am ... the debate to get up gets super serious but not super serious enough because I drift back to sleep until ...

6:27am ... Theo is awake. Get him a bottle and sprint downstairs with Simon before Theo wakes up enough to realize he wants out out out of his cage.

6:30am ... Simon showers, while I make coffee, reply to emails, map out the day (remember I have an ultrasound at 1, entertain the idea of a Costco trip)

6:50am ... I think about the turkey/pesto/somesortofcheese sandwich from the Costco snack bar and make the executive that we should totally go to Costco ... and we DO really need diapers.

6:55am ... Theo is up for good. And angry. I ignore for a few.

7:00am ... He's quiet. Weird.

7:05am ... discuss definition of "business casual" with Simon because he has clinic today and wears notscrubs ...

no tie?
we go with tie.

7:06am .... get Theo and smell reason for his quiet.

7:07am ... change the gross.

7:08am ... watch the trash truck do its thing ...

7:10am ... say goodbye to Simon. tell him he looks like a studmuffin. just kidding but .... fooled you.

7:15am ... make eggs for Theo

7:20am ...  so that I might snatch a shower but he gobbles them up in 2.1 seconds so I throw some blackberries on and trot off ...

7:25am ... return to the scene (did not wash hair - hair wash showers are reserved for when Simon is home or the kids are in bed for the night - it's a hard knock life for Grace)

he is not a blackberry lover, apparently.

7:30am Julia knocks on her unlocked door to be let out

7:35am make her a breakfast of apple sauce and instant oatmeal ... throw in some Chia seed to make myself feel a little better

admire her ability to mute the monster.

7:40am ... get suited up for the day, start laundry, help Julia get dressed (her pick of outfit today ... you'll see) make a deal with her that if she helps me speed clean the basement she can watch an episode of Shirley Temple. She agrees.

8:00am ... but not before she treats me and Theo (not pictured, raiding pantry) to a Shirley Temple dance to the tune of some Usher (c/o the Mumford and Sons Pandora station .... I don't ask anymore)

8:15am ... put Theo down for his morning nap because baby boy is not functioning

8:20am ...  time to crank the productivity... finish cleaning the basement, send a few emails, do some dishes, text with Simon about possibility of meeting for lunch (won't work), wonder if Sebastian is breathing because he has never in his life slept a second past 7:00, and sweep the dining room flo ...

8:45am ... turn around to find this

Good morning.

8:50am ... Bash requests French toast and I oblige because I'm a mothersucker.

8:55am ... Ask Julia if she wants some .... she says no.

9:00am ... Julia comes upstairs and asks for some French toast


9:15am ... more laundry, more dishes, get Bash dressed.

9:30am ... dig for something old/new to wear because I think the Costco peeps have my two outfits memorized. Decide to quickly alter this shirt ...

but the neckline is less slidey and the sleeves won't bunch under a cardi .... worlds of difference to me.

9:45am ... have the big kids help me pick up the basement again because they dumped everything out .... again.

10:00am ... realize I'm starving. Eat a million blackberries and a banana with peanut butter. Stare into space on the couch while the kids sprint circles around the living room.

10:20am ... Get Theo up. Change him. Feed him.

10:35am - 11:00am ... lost vortex of time that always occurs when I'm trying to get out the door. Sebastian needs a new diaper, the kids all need coats, I can't find my glasses, I email Simon like I do every day around this time that today might be the day I go clinically insane.

11:00am ... ready to roll out

Explain to Sebastian that he cannot crush on his sister.

11:20am ... get to Costco after jamming to some Jock Jams c/o el radio despite Sebastian's multiple requests to hear, "Hey Brother" ...

11:20am - 12:00pm ... my favorite warehouse in the world

(I pulled up to find all of the cart corrals empty as usual and as usual I carefully consider mentioning something to management about how much I appreciate the frequency and thorough manner with which they empty the corrals ... BUT maybe leaving a lone cart in each corral for moms might be something to consider? bring it up in a team meeting? but realize that that would be crazy and high maintenance as curse ....... lots of curses. It's a dangerous trek into the building sans cart. It is!! Don't laugh.)

12:00pm ... hand out 1/2 a granola bar to everyone ... eat 1/2 myself while driving home.

12:20pm ... bring in groceries while trying to super politely avoid eye contact and conversation with our SUPER chatty neighbor while making sure Sebastian and Theo don't make a run/crawl for the open front door/street. Set the kids up with some lunch (Costco hot dog, blackberries, and some granola ... I KNOW ... I know)

12:40pm ... the sitter arrives and I sprint out the door to my ultrasound.

1:00pm ... ultrasound because the baby belly was measuring small last week.

which seems insane because .....

31.5 weeks of not small.

1:05 - 1:30pm ... the baby is measuring right on track ... a little large even. And is breech. I know, I know, I know .... I won't freak out just yet. Or ever. But. Let me freak a little.

2:00pm ... get home. get the kids down.

2:15pm ... well 2/3 of them.

Not pretty boy.

2:30pm ... all down.

2:35pm ... lunch.

dark chocolate cherry granola from Costco. I gave up sweets (and french fries and soda ... because I'm 13 years old) for lent and am thinking this is a total cheat. But I read online that this might encourage the baby to flip. I did.

3:00 to now ... answer emails, type this post, get Theo up, feed Theo, remember that the sonographer called the baby, "he" ............ hmmmmmmmm, dig the FEW ultrasound photos out of my purse from the afternoon to study ...

looks like a baby. No more pretty than handsome. No more handsome than pretty.

text Simon that I bought a Costco snack bar sandwich home to split for dinner and that he's lucky to be married to a domestic goddess, hide from the stranger knocking on the door, continue to hide as they continue to knock, come out of hiding once the coast is clear and .....



  1. Praise and worship sesh... snort. You're looking awesome, as per always. Aaaannd 15 minutes for an alteration? Color me impressed. (And color me a spaz because that's what I am when it comes to sewing anything.)

  2. Dark chocolate is a legitimate health food. Cherries are a fruit. And I think we can all agree granola is not a sweet treat;) You are surely in the clear.

  3. Read it. Read it all. . .and I like these sorts of posts. Sorta like a reality show, but with far more correct grammar. :-)

  4. phew...made it through! I kid I kid! Anyway, why is it so entertaining to read another stay at home moms day? Even though many of them sound vaguely familiar? Or maybe its just yours that is so fun to read? Whatever the case...I liked it, I liked it aaa-lot!

  5. I read through this whole thing and am expecting my Camp Patton Hall of Famer Badge of HONOR in the mail when you have some free time. Maybe you could just pencil it in between Sebastian waking up in your shirt (so good!) and you hiding from the knocks at the door (a woman after my own heart!).

  6. Completely with you on the shopping cart thing. There was a period when I debated sending a little letter to my store's manager on the issue every. single. time. I went to the grocery store. Never did it. Chickened out.

  7. i'm exhausted just reading that. where's my reward?

  8. We spend the first six years of our kids' lives praying they'll sleep late and the next 15 years trying to get their lazy butts out of bed. #irony

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. That's awesome...I was just thinking about doing a day in the life yours!

  11. stumbled onto your blog and you had me at "Explain to Sebastian that he cannot crush on his sister." although i already feel so crazy and i only have to take care of myself. this is an excellent reason to be thankful we don't have kids yet (even if they are ridiculously adorable and you are such a cute/witty lady!)

    and apparently i cannot comment with stupid wordpress because i have 2 blogs linked to my account? anywho. over at

  12. We have that same big ass pack of mac and cheese that I swear we won't get through...and then we do :)

    Our u/s tech told me that they refer to all "surprises" as 'he'... although in our case, that's really what it was, so hopefully that's the case and she's not a surprise-ruiner.

    I'm praying that baby flips!! Are you totally against chiropractic care? I have a friend certified in the Webster method which I always keep in my back pocket/don't freak out yet folder. NOT dishing out advice, just saying if prayer doesn't turn 'him' :), then you still have options!

  13. We may or may not buy at least 3 of those giant boxes of cheez its every time we go to Costco, and the twins may or may not have flipped their lids when they saw them in the cart but couldn't eat them immediately last trip... I'm going to need to find some sort of camouflage so that they never notice the telltale red box?

    Also your belly looks so tiny to me buuuuut I just choose to assume you're mega-tall and that's why you at 31.5 weeks are about the size of 5'2" me at 21.5 weeks...

  14. Yes ma'am. Your day sounds quite familiar:) And YES 1-2 babies is FAR harder than 3-4 toddlers. Just sayin'.

  15. Nothing comprised of oats and other things could possibly be officially defined as "sweets." Even if it is tasty.

  16. First off, three young kids plus one on the way is a very hard job and I don't think you give yourself enough credit because you're such a great mom. Yes, we all have hard jobs, but at the same time I enjoy reading through these because it helps me know I'm not alone... so thank you! Now onto my comments ala the face book:

    1 - The first picture you have of Theo looks like a spitting image of Julia. There's no denying they are siblings.
    2 - What is it about second borns that wake up on the wrong side of the bed every.single.morning? Bash's sunshine picture made me giggle.
    3 - 8:55am-9:00am happens on repeat all day long around these parts, too. I feel like I should just become a short order cook and call it a day.
    4 - Cart corrals. I think the SAME thing every time I hit up the grocery store, Target, or Sams (oh how I wish we had a closer Costco). Maybe if we start an online petition, we can persuade stores to take pity on our woeful cause.
    5 - Pretty boy - bahahahahahahahaha! I just want to give all your kids giant hugs (*in a non-weird way cuz I've never met them... I promise I'm not a stalker!*)
    6 - Glad everything is going well with baby #4. We will keep ya'll in our prayers that baby turns soon. I think dark chocolate cherry granola does the trick every time :)

  17. I gave up sweets and chips, because I am also 13. And then today I ate Captain Crunch with Crunchberries straight from the box. And wondered if it was cheating because, sweets. Lied to myself that it was truly cereal, which is a breakfast food, and not sweets. Avoided looking at the sugar content on the box so I can live in De-Nial.....

  18. I also gave up sweets for Lent but I am sick today and decided that sugar free popsicles don't count as a sweet. Loved your cardigan and agree with everyone else, you look great!

  19. I think my favorite part of this is Julia reading something in the cart after Costco. Duudadoo, just reading my mag.

  20. I will pray the baby flips soon! If you want a list of all the crazy I did when Lily was breech, I will be happy to do so. I think Ryan cut me off from my methods when he found me upside down with my feet on the couch and head on the floor, lounging on an ironing board rehearsing my argument for why we should pay for a "pot stick" (real thing) therapy at the acupuncturist. I sort of wish I were joking.

  21. Love this post...and those costco sammies. Delicious.

  22. I think it's written in the Catechism that pregnant ladies should never give up food treats for Lent. Which you would know if you weren't so busy reading the passages about being open to life :-)

  23. You are SO productive. And you altered a shirt with kids up?? I will never do one of these posts because then everyone will officially know how unproductive I am.

    That granola reeeeally makes me wish we already had a Costco.

  24. Why so the cart boys have to be so damn efficient??? And I said a Hail Mary for that breech babe to turn.

  25. you have the best sweaters...donde esta this one from?

  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

  27. Already saw the pic of bash in ig but boyyyyy did I lol at it a second time.

  28. I was taught in college that business casual for men is nice slacks, a button shirt, and a tie - so, you win!

    Also, Theo looks like a little grandpa in that first picture and he's adorable.

  29. Duuudde... tell Theo I have and love those plates! .84 a plate at Target! Sold.

  30. Love the photos of her dancing! So precious.

  31. I so agree about the carts. I purposely park near cart corrals anyway but sometimes they have no carts, or they have the dainty kind that ONLY hold groceries and not small people. Sigh. It ain't pretty trying to get them all into the store without a cart.

  32. Love everything about this post, but especially "Explain to Sebastian that he cannot crush on his sister." :) Praying that baby flips. You and your kids look adorable. Kind of relieved you think three kids is easier than two. But mine are much further apart, so I'm pretty sure I'm just weak-sauce. I have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old. A month ago, the baby was not sleeping well at night and the 2 year old was putting me through Potty Training Purgatory. This post makes me realize I just need to (a) chill out (b) get less emotionally and physiologically dependent on sleep and (c) put on my big girl panties and be less freaked out about more kids. Seriously though, you're amazing. I still don't know how you do it. Love your blog. :)

  33. bash in that shirt is too good. and praying that baby flips around for you!!

  34. I love this. It's hard to choose, but I think Bash might be my favorite Patton. Love Theo's crossed ankles. Yes yes yes about the carts - I always park by them. I'm jealous of your 5 day forecast and seriously considering moving to St. Louis or equal points south... Joe can come if he wants. Hope that bebe turns for you soon!

  35. My tech referred to the baby as "he" the other week, too, and I made her tell me if she knew, and she promised she didn't so, here's hoping our secrets stay secrets! Hope no one else gets the "crud". Love these posts-- I wrote one just after you your first (see- you're a inspiration!)

  36. wow! Julia is pulling out her advanced moves. I have got some work to do to catch up on my skilz! LOL! I love her sense of style. Truly do. Will be praying that baby flips and your freak outs between now and then are few. Hugs! BTW - Bash and I could be twins the way we wake up...just sayin. Scary!

  37. Glad to know I'm not the only one who's considered mentioning leaving one (just one!) cart in the cart corral. The worst was last week when there was one cart left and I pulled my minivan in right next to the corral and AS I WAS PARKING the cart guy came and swiped that cart. Not. Cool.
    Also - I'm not gonna lie, every time you post about Costco I get a little closer to getting my very own membership. Buuut, then I drive by our Costco and the parking lot is ALWAYS INsane. Skip for now.

  38. BEST part was the 11:20 request for Hey Brother. Yep!

  39. My girlies like Shirley Temple, too, and when I informed the eldest recently that she died- she ran to the drawer to ensure the DVDs were still present. Upon finding them, declared, "at least we have her movies!" How's that for glass being half full? And, cheers to costco....better get my hands on some of that granola next time we venture out.

  40. Love t. Laughed out loud the whole way through...especially Bash post-nap and you hiding from the stranger at the door. My kids witness me doing this wayyyyyyy too often--they will have such a complex as adults--but in my defense, we have no peep hole and no view of the porch from a window. So I NEVER open the door. I have been known to shut out my husbands kind aunts stopping by to play with the kids!

  41. This is SO awesome...what a busy day!! That picture of Sebastian waking up made me laugh out loud for 2 mins. So, so funny. Your kids are adorable :)

  42. Your little family has more personality in it's little finger than I do in my whole body.

  43. where is your sweater from? i love it!

  44. totally the best little baby bump ever.

  45. I also hide from people who knock on the door. :)

  46. Theo always looks so pensive. He must be your deep thinker. :)
    Totally rejoicing in the STL weather with you. Playgrounds, here we come!
    My baby was breech until I drove down some very bumpy roads and hit all the potholes (sorta on purpose). Flipped the baby, but didn't do much for the vehicle's alignment. One flipped baby for one car re-alignment was a fair trade to me tho!
    Thanks for making my life look like a breeze and for making me laugh.

  47. This was absolutely hilarious! I love that Bash already knows and loves "Hey Brother" because that's the new favorite song around here too - who knew my husband had so much in common with your two-year-old? :)

    Also, I'm impressed with how healthy you all eat and that's NOT sarcasm - pretty sure I'd be serving up frozen junk on the daily if I had 3 littles to feed every day - between all the fruit, oatmeal, chia, etc., you guys eat, I don't think you should feel bad about the occasional hot dog at all!!

  48. I love these posts. Seriously. You could do one a month. :)

  49. Also--I gave up chocolate for Lent. I now have to hide all the yummy reeses peanut butter eggs in the deep freezer. Plus all that very pretty spring colored candy. You know the pastel wrapped snickers, rolos, kit kats and a couple other bags. *wink*

  50. I love this post, it'll be lovely to look back on when your kids are all grown up and you have time to spare once again! x

  51. I stumbled upon a sad facebook post and need an emotional lift before heading to bed. Your's was the first place I thought of to try to turn my frown upside down. Thank you for being that place!

  52. I love a good "day in the life of" post! Makes me equally excited and scared for the potential of multiple children.

  53. I saw that forecast too...then I clicked on the 10 day and realized that although it will be 70 degrees on Tuesday, on Wednesday the high is supposed to be 39!! And more snow...are you kidding me??!! Crazy St. Louis weather.

  54. I know breech is scary, because it can make delivery more complicated/risky. But I delivered one of my twins at 41 weeks, and he was a footling breech. I was lucky to have a doctor who was willing to deliver. I hope this gives you a little encouragement, though it's likely baby will turn before you deliver. You have lots of time left. (: You have a beautiful family. Keep up the good work!

  55. I loved this post! Hilarious as usual. How do you manage to get all these pictures?! I keep thinking it'd be fun to do a post like this and then two pictures in I forget I'm trying to document my day and alas I always only have the first couple hours in the morning!

  56. I was a little worried this post would overwhelm me, since most stay-at-home mom day-in-the-life posts are just cray-cray. But yours was, as usual, hilarious and remarkably close to what my days with my littles resembles. And thank goodness Bash only had the 30 minute bug or your day would have been much, much different :)

  57. I love it and I am overjoyed that you typed it all up! I await with bated breath for every word and homework has to wait because i needed to know what you do daily!! I love those photos of your baby bump and I pray the rest of the pregnancy goes well!!!

  58. your house looks so clean! I am literally standing in a pile of noodles mixed with a few halved grapes and some playdough.. :s



Camp Patton © All rights reserved · Theme by Blog Milk · Blogger