The Martyr Complex

14 May 2013

... mine specifically.


Oh, I know lots of moms and dads had to work on Mother's Day and so many families have it worse and I'm lucky (not an ounce of sarcasm there - swear) to stay at home with the kids. I know I am. This is a stupid little blog - not a count-my-blessings, look-at-me-not-struggle, ode-to-smiles bestseller and I've been feeling really cuticle chewy/cautious when I've posted lately thanks to some super sweet (do you hear that sarcasm siren? it's loud) comments on some recent posts but blog reading is always optional - no forced reading here. Click out at will.

I think two people have asked that I write a post about residency -- maybe one person -- maybe none persons. To be perfectly candid - I think a picture of both of my middle fingers or maybe just one big caps locked expletive would accurately portray my exact sentiment toward residency but ... things are sort of family friendly around here so ... I'll refrain. Also, to be fair, I am writing this in the midst of a bad rotation. They're not always bad rotations but there are always call weekends no matter how great the rotation. And you know the kind of cold where you have to sleep sitting up because you're so congested and every sneeze warrants everyone to duck and cover under an umber-ella Rihanna style?


He's got it and he's got it bad. So we're not sleeping a lot and an extra set of parent hands would be great right now but .... schmesidency.

Simon walked out at 6:40 Sunday morning and the exact second the door shut all three formerly slumbering kids started crying. He would be back home in 11 hours which was 14 hours sooner than the Friday morning - > Saturday morning shift but that cheery fact didn't stop me from laying in bed fighting back my own tears while the wails quickly crescendoed to screams. Eventually, I hopped out of bed, prioritized who got my divided attention first, and hello new day.

I remember one of the veteran wives telling us at the kick-off picnic intern year that, "residency wasn't as bad as she'd expected." In retrospect I should've asked what she was smoking and where I could get some because Mother's Day 2013 was not fun. Christmas of 2011 was terrible. Thanksgiving of 2012 was depressing. Valentine's Day of 2012 was disappointing. Memorial day weekend of 2012 was miserable. Labor day of 2011 was ... you get it! Stop with the gratitude and uplifting, Grace!! I know, but I promise it does my heart good to read about that vommy Christmas because I know all Christmases from here on out can't be worse. Chin up.

Simon always leaves before the kids wake up and this morning I found Julia under the covers of our bed crying because she couldn't find her Simon. The odds of him being back before they go to bed tonight are skinny just like they were last night and I'm scared to ask about the rest of the week's surgery schedule because we're facing yet another call weekend in four long days. The kids are still really little and Julia forgets when I lie that he'll be home for dinner but I'd imagine that trick will stop working soon.

I'm not trying to paint a sympathy-inducing picture but I think it's important to give myself permission to admit that it's really hard on me. It's hard on Simon. It's hard on our marriage. It's hard on us as a family. I fall into the woe is ONLY me trap more often than I should but then Simon comes home and the kids are ecstatic and all is mostly forgotten for the moment.


Until he crashes and Julia doesn't like when people sleep because, like her mother, she's a raging sweetheart.

I know some residencies might be worse than Simon's. More call weekends? More night float months? Fewer emergency c-sections on the nights I'd made a "nicer" meal but more/different types of emergencies that take longer than 90 minutes? Yes, yes, and yes, I'm sure. Just let me think that we've got it the worst of all the residencies for one post. We don't - but I like to pretend.

When Sebastian was born I waited for several hours for Simon to take me home after I'd been discharged because he was working up a patient one floor above me. Don't think that kind of irony is lost on me and yes, I should probably get over that one of these days.

I love taking the kids to visit Simon but I think we've been stung so many times with stat pages, unforeseen emergencies, and just the nature of the medicine beast that after getting the kids dressed and in the car and almost to the hospital or not even out of the driveway only to hear that it won't work out but maybe later -- the visits are becoming fewer and far between because I guess I'm less of a risk taker than I used to be.

We're seven weeks away from the halfway point - two years down and two years to go. I wish that fact was far more encouraging than it is depressing but we'll get there. We will. And not that I'll ever need reminding but I'll look back on posts like these and say, "well, that was really bleeping awful but now it's finally bleeping over."


Forever and ever. Amen.


You don't need to tell me that Simon is the one working the long hours as one kind reader already pointed that out to me. Also, I'm the queen and commander of the badittudes and I am well aware of that fact as well. 

158 comments:

  1. Amen, amen and amen. And my hubbie's residency is probably easier x1 million, plus we only have one kid. Sometimes you just gotta complain, and not to the guy who's just come home from the hospital.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel for you, Grace. I have no idea how you do it, honestly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. No condemning or judging for your attitude from me! My husband works the night shift at his full-time job and farms the rest of the time so I am pretty much a single parent 95% of the time. Don't even get me started on how much my birthday and Mother's Day (which are close together and sometimes on the same day) have completely sucked ever since I got married and became a mom. Hubby is....not great at making special days special and I'm being nice when I say that. Every year, I dread the middle of May and am glad when it's over with. So go ahead and live up your martyr complex-I'm right there with you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You're a rock star Mom and anyone in your situation would feel the same way. We don't have kiddos yet, but Chris has been working a ton and sometimes I think, "I sure hope all this is worth it." But, I know it will be. Chin up because Julia, Bash, and Fee-ohhh have the best Mommy in the world and no amount of yelling or "battitudes" can change that!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I see a tag labeled 'shut up grace', but really it is 'shut up people that can't leave nice things to say'. C'mon people...everyone has different circumstances. If you don't like what Grace has to say ON HER OWN BLOG, then GTFU!

    Sorry about that outburst. :) Oh, and sick Feo is completely adorable. Sorry he is sick though...sad face!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You have every single right to moan and complain as much as you like because it is tough. It's not as tough as lots of people sure, but it's your life and it's tough for you, your husband and your kids. I can only hope that in two years time you guys can look back and laugh. Keep on trucking Grace, you're doing a great job!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm not going to say anything encouraging because first off, I suck at being encouraging and B. I don't really think that's what you're looking for here. Not that you are looking for anything at all. We all need to have a good vent session every now and then and I have to say that I had major and I mean MAJOR meltdowns during planting and harvest when the hubs was working 12 hours a day. That was nothing compared to what you deal with and I understand that Simon is making some huge sacrifices as well but it's okay to make it all about you occasionally! I know I do. Besides, it's your blog and hey, that's why we do it right? So we can write what we want and thumb our noses at anyone who doesn't like it? Okay, maybe that's just me. Pardon the novella!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Grace-You don't know me but, I found your blog a bit ago and found myself reading back to the very beginning. You know what I think about those people who feel the need to leave less-than-nice comments about your honesty? Screw (excuse me, F$&%) them. This is YOUR blog...you can say how you feel and I personally, am glad that you tell it how it is...they can leave...I, darling, am not going anywhere. -Lauren

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I completely agree with you girl!!!! Grace- I love your blog, You are one funny woman and sometimes we all just need to vent and get it out in the open!

      Delete
  9. I can't even imagine what that is like...I get upset when my hubby works on weekends, but you are doing a great job with 3 kiddos keep it up!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think I need to bookmark this post for nights when I feel like "it's only me going through residency." Right now Ben is on night float and it sucks. However, I've got myself so occupied with a never ending to-do list and McCartney (who also is getting over a cold!) that I think I've managed to distract myself from how we're only on week two of the two months and the exhaustion has set in enough that he comes home and sleeps until he leaves. During the week I think we hang out awake for 10 minutes when he gets home and if we're lucky a half hour before he leaves. Next week I'm booking it to KC just to get away from nightfloat (like IIIIII'm the one that needs the break the most.) But still, it can take it's toll and I think that most people outside of residency don't understand that. I mean, I have no idea how many times I've heard "it'll pay off someday." Yes, it will we hope. But we're currently dealing with right now and sometimes it's really hard. Anyway, before this comment turns into a novel I'll wrap this up. I think it takes a special person to be married to a doctor. It requires so much sacrifice and patience and I think you're doing a great job. And I whole-heartily agree that it is important to give yourself permission to admit that it's hard. I always try to be really glass-half-full but sometimes I just turn to Ben and say, "This sucks" (basically every holiday, ha!). Just being truly honest about it is liberating.

    Anyway, here's an e-hug. Or more appropriately an e-martini.

    -KJ

    PS - So jealous that you only have two years left! Is Simon thinking of doing a fellowship?

    PS - Just saw one of the labels you have this under and literally lol'd.

    ReplyDelete
  11. In a world full of pinterest-perfect mommies and blogs and mommy blogs, your blog is my saving Grace, haha. I love your honesty and humor and wish only I lived nearby so that we could share a pitcher of margaritas while watching (hopefully) slumbering babes on a monitor. Keep on keeping on!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Jen--some of the Pinterest-perfect blogs can be too much to take sometimes. I love the honesty at the Camp. No two ways about it: what Grace is going through is tough! So worth it, but tough.

      Delete
    2. I totally agree. I have quit all my other blogs because I realized that I was feeling more and more dissatisfied and frustrated with my lack of perfect life, and then it hit me that those women don't have it all right all the time either, they just pick the good bits to blog. So I quit all of them because I think they are peddling some pretty dishonest stuff.

      Yours is the blog I come back to time and again because you are real about what you are going through, you have a wicked sense of humor about the whole shenanigans, and I, frankly, think we'd be friends IRL if we ever met. You are my kind of people.

      I say with all sincerity that I will keep you and yours in my prayers.

      Delete
  12. In your defense, hard is hard...no matter what "better" or "worse" hard there is. I think I learned this lesson well while my husband was in the military...there were those that had it harder (lots of kids with a husband deployed) or easier (civilian husband on a business trip). But I found belittling others' plights OR my own plight wasn't entirely helpful...because in the moment FOR ME and OUR LIFE...it was hard! Comparisons didn't make me or others better or worse. I think 3 under 3 with a husband with long and erratic hours is NUTSSS, so I think you just getting by is a hugggge victory. Your are wonderful for being so transparent and honest and fun during your few blissful nap moments for us readers - it makes me feel more normal and "carry on warrior-esque" with my one little (sebastian-like) toddler.

    And probably none of that made much real sense. [Hopefully it came across as supportive and martyr away because you DO have it hard!]

    ReplyDelete
  13. We're dealing with nasty congestion here too. Best trick I learned (works on babies too!) - take a hot bath/shower/or just soak your feet. You want to make sure your feet are nice and toasty warm. Then take a pair of cotton socks and get them damp (just the foot part). Put them on your dry warm feet. Then put a pair of dry wool socks on top. It feels weird and you want to wait until just before you go to bed to do it. By morning the socks will be dry and your congestion will feel much better. It will come back during the day but being able to sleep without the snotty goodness is amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Nothing will make you feel better til it's behind you-- and I wish that weren't true. But I will admit to a small bit of envy (ok not small) because we don't have residency to deal with, we both work normal professional hours as engineer and lawyer, and we would probably trade in a heartbeat, because we're struggling to get pregnant and it probably won't happen, just medically and statistically speaking. So sincerely I feel your pain and don't even wish it on myself-- and yet I do.

    Sending you a hug from a total stranger :)

    G

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh Grace, I think residency is so hard on everyone but to be the sole caregiver of a 2, 1, and newbie day after day is just exhausting. I used to stay at home and now work full-time, and I can honestly say that staying at home was harder. Emotionally, mentally, financially, everythingy...it was just plain harder with lots of littles. I used to count down the minutes until Phil got home and he got home at 3:00 every day! So yes, you have every right to vent and write the truth. Last time I checked this was called Camp Patton and so you should be documenting most of the goings-on at the camp, amiright? Life isn't pretty but it's still a gift, and I know you're thankful for the family God has given you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. love your blog and am glad you can write it all out. your children are adorable!! you definitely are a rockstar mama!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Aw, thank you for your honesty.

    And can I say that even with a stupid cold, Theo is seriously adorable.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You have every right to vent. I just sent about 4 texts in a row venting (complaining) about something happening at my job to my fiance who is currently out of town working 12 hour shifts in a hospital teaching nurses/doctors medical technology. We all have our moments and its better to take it out on a blog than on the people in your life.

    I found out my soon to be husband will be traveling out of town for 2 weeks the day after we get back from our honeymoon. I complain to anyone who will listen. Holding stuff in is good for no one. Anyone who thinks differently should go read blogs about "perfect" people.

    Hope it gets better soon and y'all come out stronger than ever.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I can't believe people have the nerve to gripe at you for posting YOUR thoughts on YOUR blog. But then again, I once wrote a blog post that was totally tongue-in-cheek, goofing around and I made the HORRIBLE error of saying that it was pumping boob juice for my children that made my boobs sad and saggy, and hot damn, you would have thought I said some horrible lie like....I don't even know....maybe that women have it way easier than men or something? Some wonderful lady jumped down my freaking throat and informed me that pregnancy, in fact, was to blame for my boobs. Could I possibly be any more ill-informed? Sheesh. I am not even going to tell you not to listen to those grumps that post annoying crap in the comments section of your truly delightful blog (I say that with zero sarcasm - I get super excited when I see a new post from you and read it immediately). I know that telling you not to listen is pointless, as I am living proof - the comment I mentioned was posted on my blog when my son was around 5 months old and he is 3.5 years old now. Clearly I have problems letting things go.

    But as you said, reading your blog is voluntary. And when I think I have it hard because my husband works 12-hour shifts at night, I read your blog and grow ever-more-grateful for my husband's predictable hours and schedule and how the bulk of his work hours take place while my children are blissfully sleeping away. I don't know or understand how you cope with your husband's schedule. And to be bluntly honest, my heart broke for you when you said you are only half-way through. It's ok for you to say that it's hard on you. YES your husband is the one working those schedules. YES it's hard for him. But it can be hard for you, too. They are not mutually exclusive. It's not a freaking competition. Good grief. Sometimes I hate the internet. Keep on keepin on, Grace.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Haters gonna Hate. I love your honesty!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Amen sister! I think so many of us are in the same trenches. Sadly, my husband isn't an MD. He is an engineer and I too have similar circumstances. Sadly, I think it is perfectly fitting for Simon to have emergencies as his profession deals with human lives and I am sooooo thankful there are on call doctors as my baby wasn't supportive of arriving 9-5 (ha). That only makes it worse for you though. My husband's? He deals with storm water. I find it difficult to swallow sometimes when his boss says this has to be worked on RIGHT NOW..because NOOOOone could see the deadline that was clearly outlined four months ago, but at 4 AM on a Sunday morning after an obscene week of hellish hours? Of course. Or a project that his boss forgot to tell him about that is due tomorrow..but hey he only worked 45 hours by Wednesday at noon..no biggie? Grr.. I keep telling myself that this will get better, this will get easier. But that doesn't seem to help as even as you climb up the ranks of whatever profession there is always something. Shoot. This is doom and gloom. I too feel his profession is hard on our marriage, hard on a family etc. I came to the realization of what we were "up against" when I analyzed the other people in this office. NONE of them are happily married, some are no longer married, and most have children that show that. There are many days in the week when my husband leaves before our son is up and gets home after he is asleep. I threatened to start writing on the calendar the "crazy" weeks as he thankfully forgets how often they are but I remember them all to clearly. I know that would only do more harm lol! There is little I can do as I know meeting him for lunch will soon be a chore (hopefully with more kids), and not always a possibility as meetings just randomly pop up. I find it unnerving that this is what society expects. This hasn't changed since the beginning of time - men worked sun up to sun down. Our job? Fight. Fight like hell to maintain. Maybe the world will then see that life is more important, family is more important and who knows..2 day work weeks? Hey..I can dream can't I? At least our children will see incredibly strong men who worked to provide for their family. They will also see INCREDIBLY strong women who are holding down the fort, even if through tears. They will see how much we truly adore or spouses and cherish the time together. I am praying for you :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Seriously why anyone would crab at YOU on YOUR blog is beyond me. Lame.

    ReplyDelete
  23. The jerks can suck it. This blog makes me feel better every day because it's nice to know I'm not the only one just trying to hold it together some days.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I can totally relate as we are just finished with 4 + years of grad school and being far from family. My husband is/was getting his Ph.D in Greek/Latin and it was not pretty... commuting to DC and all of the exhaustion you can imagine with us having 3 under 5. Now we are close to home and we have help and it is easy, but not perfect even now. I still romanticize THOSE days because I was tougher and less selfish than I am now. You are tough.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I appreciate your honesty Grace. Sometimes I get depressed with my husband's work/homework/flying load... But this is eye opening and I don't know how you do it. Its hard for me to be alone with the kids as much as I am...not to.mention I feel like I suck at motherhood most of the time. You're a strong wife and mama!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh my friend - I empathize with your situation. Your post reminds me of my early marriage when Jerry was in flight school followed by his fist two deployments. It was a rare thing that he was home and when he was he was studying or sleeping. Our son Jonathan was always creating interesting situations involving cheerios and Vaseline all while learning to climb the nearest bookcase. The days were long and with his asthma the nights were longer. The bags under my eyes grew deeper by the day and my countenance darker. That being said...I survived. I made it through...with a few scars mind you and some wicked carpet cleaning skills but I did it. My marriage was intact and my son is now in therapy but we are all here and together.
    So keep expressing yourself. This is your space, your safe zone. So spill it sister! Be loud and proud. Cry, yell scream and flip the bird if you need to. Life is short and residency is long. I think you are brave and strong and a brilliant Mama. You love your hubby and adore your kids. You are human and have good days and bad. So just keep marching my friend. Keep looking fabulous and keep caring for your family in the magnificent way you do. We will keep reading and lifting you with with prayers and chocolate.
    Carry on sister! carry on...

    ReplyDelete
  27. Totally trembling in my boots since my husband is set to start med school in August. I have a feeling I'm going to miss these freer days soon...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't look too far in the future. Otherwise it will seem impossible and really really long (which it is:). Learn to enjoy all the little milestones along the way! But what do I know?! My husband is just finishing up his second year of med school.
      Enjoy the ride because it is quite the ride!

      Delete
  28. I just wrote a long comment and the internet ate it, so let me just suffice to say-you are not alone and i'm right there with ya. John had pretty much the same hours on Mother's day and schedule wise it is looking like Christmas 2013 could be pretty much the same. Blah I don't want to think about it.

    ALso-nasty commenters can scram until they have spent 2 years in our "someone's been walkin' in 'em" used mocassins. (Ancient macklemore proverb)

    ReplyDelete
  29. I for the life of me can't understand why people read other peoples blogs just to bash them. Hello its an option if you don't like it don't read it. You have every right to complain!! I don't have 3 three kids or a husband that is in residency and I complain too!!! You are a stronger woman than many women I know. So more power to you!! Keep doing what you do I love the blog!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Oh. My. Gosh. I would punch the person who said Simon's the one working the long hours (obviously he is and it's tough for him too) but it's not as if you are sitting at home with nothing to do, but paint your nails. That makes me furious for you. (You already know we've been through the night shift thing, so I really understand how frustrating it is. Especially with small- can do nothing for themselves children.)
    You and Simon are going to make it through this, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to acknowledge how miserable it is sometimes. You are awesome for blogging, keep it up because I and about a thousand other people love your blog and how candid you are. You rock.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Ditto what JD said. ^^ You write, "Simon is the one working the long hours." No, you BOTH are. God bless.

      Delete
  31. Grace, you're a rockstar. My husband works longer than the usual 9-5 hours, sometimes including evenings and weekends, and when I start getting grouchy about it, I sometimes remember what you're dealing with and (try to) shut up. I don't think I could handle it. The haters can all shove it- it's not like they don't know how to click elsewhere.
    I hope Theo gets better soon! It's always so sad when babies get sick, even when I know it's not serious. Their little coughs and sick cries melt my heart. The angry-because-they-don't-want-to-sleep ones (my current background music)... not so much.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hey, I think you're doing great! Mothering 24/7 is hard!

    And yes, he's working the long hours, but it's kind of like a break for him, right? My husband would fully acknowledge that:)

    Keep up the good work; I always know where to come for a good laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  33. You are seriously a saint. I have a hard time having half of my evenings alone with an 8 month old... I couldn't imagine entire days (from start to finish, not just work days... holy hell) on my own with 3 cute little terrors. I have to say you are doing awesome, from the little we can see. I seriously applaud both you and Simon for managing such a difficult time. I know two years sounds like a lonnnng time but halfway is halfway and that is better than a quarter of the way. One day at a time lady!

    ReplyDelete
  34. What I love about you (well, you know, virtual you) and your blog is your honesty! You write with humor, but it's true. It's real. (And it's funny!) I don't know why people read (and then comment on!) stuff they don't like. Why are people so quick to criticize and condemn what they don't even know?!? Anyway, before I go off on a big, huge tangent, I just wanted to thank you for the beauty of this honest piece.

    And for the millionth time, can I mention how much I am DREADING residency?!? By the time we start, you'll be almost done! There's a bright side for you! For real, vent away, and I'll stop rambling!

    P.S. My Clare (10 mos) was totally eyeing those pictures of Theo...might I have a cougar on my hands?!?

    ReplyDelete
  35. Is there any way to get a mother's helper to come to your house? i have a teenage girl who homeschools in the area to come to my house for 12 hours a week to help me out. i have three under three as well. it makes a world of difference for me. i called the local churches to help me find someone

    ReplyDelete
  36. I emailed you a while ago about this, but I feel like it needs to said again. No one knows how hard it is to have a spouse with a crazy irregular schedule unless they to have a spouse with a crazy irregular schedule. My husband works as a railroad conductor and I know how it feels to have your spouse come home only to sleep. It sucks, and it is hard. Sometimes, I read your blog and think, I am not alone and I thank you for that. Stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Prayers and prayers and prayers! I'm sorry people are such jerks :( I, too, have done the stay-at-home and the working full-time and now am working part-time and I am a MUCH better mother when I have a break from the kids. I love them and all, but this whole "Everyone is tiny and completely dependent on me and nobody is capable of carrying on a conversation" gets old FAST. Are you getting support from any moms' groups or anything? I've found that getting out of the house/hosting playdates at our house makes the monotony a little more bearable. But basically it still sucks :(

    ReplyDelete
  38. Grace, I. Can't. Imagine. I know you weren't looking for props but I'm giving you them anyways. The fact that you can at least write about something that sounds so godawful so candidly and humorously is impressive. To me, at least.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I appreciate your candid-ness! Summer time is ROUGH around the poolman's house. One of my favs is my 3 yr old waking up and first thing out of her mouth "Where's Papa? I need my Papa".... ummm yeah... he's been at work for an hour - does not go over well with her.

    Yesterday my 15 month old who happens to be getting all 50 teeth at one single time was having an epic screamfest and I had to put her in her crib and let her scream while I walked away for 5 minutes to regain my thoughts/sanity. She got over it. I felt like a horrible parent but then I got over it too

    ReplyDelete
  40. Ummm...who exactly tried to make you feel bad by pointing out that Simon works the long hours? Because, as far as I'm concerned, it sounds like you BOTH work incredibly long and exhausting hours!! Seriously, Grace...how do you do it??? And don't feel like you need to acknowledge how you are "lucky to stay home with the kids," because...Grace, they are soooo blessed to have you. Yes, you are blessed to have them, but they are so blessed to have you! A lot of mothers aren't willing to stay home with their young children and in your situation, well...you're the one keeping the family together! From my vantage point (limited to your lovely blog) it looks as if you are a true blessing to Simon and your three littles because...can you imagine what your life would be like as a family if you worked and your kids were in daycare??? Your willingness to tough it out through these rough years (I love my own little ones...but I do NOT love the infant and toddler stage!!!) is why Simon has a home to come home to! It's why his kids actually know who he is and miss him! And I'll bet he knows that, but - as a fellow mom - I know you probably don't hear it enough! You complain all you want, dear Grace, because in my mind, you're a hero and I can't imagine your home would exist without you and your willingness to trudge through the awfulness of residency for the sake of your husband and his vocation. And thank YOU for being a reminder to me that I have absolutely nothing to complain about :-) I'm sure I'm not your only reader to say this, but I admire you so much for all you do!! I know I couldn't do it!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Never made much sense to me to leave negative comments on someone else's blog. Some people are always just looking for a fight, I guess.

    Hang in there. So sorry the baby is sick...that's no fun. And I can't imagine doing what you're doing for 4 years total. Brutal. Prayers for your sanity.

    ReplyDelete
  42. My FIL is an OB and STILL does the on-call/house doc weekends (he actually decided to be house doc when he is on call because then at least he is there and can get a few extra minutes of sleep). My husband was born during his residency and I can completely see that my MIL did what she needed to do to cope with a colickly, prone to ear infections, child. He was the only ob on a Nebraska military base when their daughter was born. I think that us having a child have given my inlaws the opportunity to relive the childhood years that they didn't get to appreciate when their own children were little. I know that I freak out when I have to do the solo parenting thing on the occasion. It is hard work to be the spouse of a resident. Relationships suffer/put on hold. You know what, he will be done soon and while there will still be on-calls and rotations, there will be bit more regularity. My FIL cancelled his entire day of appts to come to the hospital "just in case" which turned into having to explain to my mother/father, MIL, and husband what exactly when wrong with my epidural and why i couldn't breathe. He was the first one to hold our son because he had to get back for the 6pm start of his on-call rotation (still a bit bitter about that as an FYI). It does get better and the kids will love him just the same in 2 yrs.

    ReplyDelete
  43. ARGH, you know every stay-at-home Mom is just shaking with rage over that "he's the one working the long hours" comment. Because, dude, staying at home, even with easy easy easy children, is no picnic. It's not call weekend. It's call LIFE.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Alternate title: Future self inadvertently mocks current self by telling interns' wives that the residency years aren't that bad:)

    Has a ring to it right?

    ReplyDelete
  45. Girl, it doesn't matter that you aren't the one at work. Those long, long hours are HARD and LONELY, so those readers can stuff it. Spencer even said, deep in the hell that was bar prep, that at least he was busy and had something to occupy him so the time flew. Me? I turned to Netflix and food.

    And doing this with three little babies? Or two or even one? You are my hero. As Spencer told our residency-friends, he's basically always on call (and it was one of those weekends for us too) but at least I can hang out with friends, go shopping, or do absolutely nothing. I'm terrified of being an "for all intents and purposes" single parent, but you are doing right now. You do it with such panache and humor. Your entire family is so lucky to have you. And that was not sarcastic.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Um... I'm a big fat whiner when I have to take care of both dogs and Phil isn't home yet. And he's just in graduate school. Obviously you do value your life and your family and anyone that not realize that is stupid. Everyone is allowed to complain and I feel kind of guilty because most of the time, I find your rant-like posts pretty stinkin' hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I really appreciate posts like this! please continue, if you're willing. i think you do a remarkable job of writing candidly yet with humor and humility about what happens in your home, and i always, always look forward to reading any and all of your posts!!

    I'm a newlywed with a baby due any day noq (hopefully today? haha...), and a husband graduating med school in less than two weeks. We live on the west coast and will need to move to the east coast in a month to make sure he gets to his residency orientation in time, and we are hoping to have a few more kids during his 6-year residency, Lord willing. I am doing all I can to prepare by reading blogs of resident's wives, and i don't even remember how i found your blog but i am sooo thankful for it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 6 year residency?!? What specialty is he going into?

      Enjoy the new babe when he/she arrives! There is NOTHING as wonderful (& exhausting:) as a newborn!

      Delete
  48. Oh, sweet Grace! I'm older and my children are grown which affords me the right to say all the cliches are true. It does get easier. You blink and it's over. You're gonna miss this. I promise. That's all true. It's a major suckfest to feel like a single parent when you aren't. I went the same thing for less noble reasons (my ex was an alcoholic and him not coming home meant he was passed out drunk somewhere) but the result is the same, lots of little people depending on you and you only. You earned a "woe-is-me" post and you did a great job of it! Carry on!
    heather

    ReplyDelete
  49. I totally feel you...dealing with life is so much harder when you feel like you're the one who has to keep it all together or it will all fall apart. Praying for you. Pray for me too...I have two little kids and we are 2 months through a 6 month deployment...and although I could write a book-long vent about all the tough/missed holidays, birthdays (and the time when I actually birthed a child while my husband was across on the other side of the planet)

    ReplyDelete
  50. You are right to complain! That sounds so tough. March through Oct my husband works 70 hour weeks and I always hate life about 3 weeks in. I cannot imagine 4 years straight. Also you do really good and it's great you are both sacrificing to have you stay at home (daycare would be easier for you) and you are open to life and he is prolife in the OB field which will help tons of families over his lifetime. I hate having to say "no we don't use contraception" for the millionth time every time I see (my awesome but not catholic) doctor and would much rather see a doctor like Simon I could trust. So big picture you are both doing great things...you at home and him in his career! :)

    ReplyDelete
  51. Oops, got cut off...anyway, I could write a book, or a blog, but I don't, so you keep on writing what you want because obviously you have plenty of people who actually do want to read your blog. Hope your kids take a good nap today and you have an extra bottle of wine on hand for tonight!!

    ReplyDelete
  52. Residency IS hard. My husband was two years ahead of me, so from when he started until I finished was LONG. And we didn't have any babies while he was a resident. Most of our friends did, though, and I was totally clueless then about how in the heck they managed. (and this was 20 years ago before work hours laws, back then it was FINE to have every other night call, and it wasn't like you got your post call day off, it was 38 on 10 off 38 on ten off, no problem. hah.) But anyway, having been a resident myself, a resident's wife and a mama of five, I can tell you this. IT IS WAY EASIER TO BE ABLE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE AND GO PLAY AT THE HOSPITAL.. So there. You totally rock for your honesty, and I hope your husband appreciates you. Because I've been there and done that and you truly have the harder portion right now. email me if you want, esdehority@aol.com

    ReplyDelete
  53. If I use my credit card to phone in a margarita or 3, can you get yourself to the nearest Chili's and be sure you're seated in a window-facing booth with a good view of the (locked, well ventilated) mini-van full of movie-watching children?

    ReplyDelete
  54. I think you have every right to vent, dear Grace. Everyone has hard circumstances in different periods of life, and you're in the trenches right now. How could any one of us look on your situation and say, "YOU can't complain, because I've got it worse!" No one can know that. And more importantly, it isn't Christ's response. He knows when you're at your wit's end that it's as hard as it can be for YOU right NOW. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it.

    I'm in a situation where my hubby has been out of town for the past month and we have a month to go. At home, it's me (23 weeks preg.) and my 2.5 year old. It's really darn hard MOST of the time. Especially when I pick her up and she's just made a lovely diarrhea deposit on my carpet(sorry, tmi).

    Honestly? I am so happy to read another mother's honest response to situations like this because everywhere else on the interwebs all I find is rosy sunshine and rainbows that don't sound like my life at all. It's not that I want you to be going through a rough time, it's that I appreciate your honest response to it.

    I keep hearing that it gets easier, and so I really hope it gets easier for you too. In the mean time keep writing, because it gets you through, but it gets us through too.

    ReplyDelete
  55. OB residency is the worst! By far the hardest most unpredictable hours! Plus, I am willing to put my money on it that very few wives go through it with three littles so close together. I really appreciate posts like this. It's the truth, the reality and the frustrations of motherhood in your situation!!

    I know nothing will make this easier but for it to be over.... but, I know how badly we so desperately need pro-life OBs in this world. I work full time teaching NFP online and we always say how thankful we are for the prolife, pro-NFP OBs. I know Simon is working extremely hard, but we also always say the wives of OBs work even harder... Probably not the happy, slightly cheesy, glass half full thing you want to hear right now, but lots of people are thankful for what your'e going through for life!

    ReplyDelete
  56. Oh, I also meant to say that I get why you've stopped going to the hospital as frequently. It's to the point where I make zero plans with Spencer, and then when he happens to not be working and disrupts my previous plans, I get mad at him, haha! He thinks I should be happy that he's free, but I'm frequently just pissed (not really, but sorta).

    ReplyDelete
  57. Vent away. I genuinely don't think there's a worse rotation than OB. God bless you, and I mean it. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  58. My husband is just ending his first year of surgery residency, I HATE IT! He's actually changing to Family Med in July, so we are starting over. But it's still shorter than if we would have staying in surgery. I'm prego with our third and it is hard for sure! The kids never see him and when they do he falls asleep on the couch. Luckily I have one kid in school so there is no screaming for half of the day.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Let me just say that there is NO way I could do what you're doing. NO way. I don't know how you do it and God bless you, Simon, your marriage and your kids.

    ReplyDelete
  60. I said it on the almighty fb, and I'm saying it here...you are my hero! truly! your honesty is so comforting and refreshing too, such a blessing to me and so many. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  61. Oh for the love of Pete. What is WITH people?! Who would look at a woman with three kids under three whose husband works hellish hours and say "Cut out that complaining, you ungrateful B"??!? Either they think the "you should be GRATEFUL" is actually encouraging, in which case they need some socialization, or they're just mean, in which case they need to watch Bambi. In any case, that's dumb and I hope you know that most people don't think that way. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Wow Grace. I have heard many, many people say that residency is a cruel type of indentured servitude. You are so right that it is important for you to be able to say residency sucks, because, yeah that sounds pretty bad. Yes there are good days, but its hard when there are so many bad/difficult days. Even just the nature of SAHM-land with young kids is like that sometimes, but not having Simon around to get your back (through no fault of his own) makes those struggles even more difficult.
    Not to bash too loudly on those who criticize, but... that's just rude. We have no idea what other people are struggling with (even if they do write it out on their blogs), so an ounce of kindness would remind them to do what my mom always said, "if you don't have anything nice to say, be quiet and go outside!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And Thank you, both, for these sacrifices. Truly, thank you.

      Delete
  63. If there's anything that threatens people it's a strong woman. Haters are just jealous of you & your inner strength. I think I speak for all of us when I say you are an inspiration. Your honesty is refreshing & people are drawn to that/your blog because you dare to be vaulnerable. So, thank you, for trusting us enough to be witnesses to your journey! Being real takes mountains of courage. We love you!

    Side note: Have you watched the show Green Wing? If you ever find yourself with some time, it might just be an antidote to all this crazy! It's British...there, you've been forewarned!

    ReplyDelete
  64. I just scanned all your comments for a crappy "Anon" commenter because I am feeling feisty and I wanted to start a fight with anyone being a jerk. Of course on the day I want to fight, I didn't see any, damn. I'll keep coming back.

    Your blog is a constant reminder to me of the crazy things mothers are capable of, you really are incredible, Grace. (And it does not matter if you complain through it- you are DOING it) One of these days we'll road trip to see you during one of the crappy stretches and keep you company... then you'll wish we never did...

    ReplyDelete
  65. I have yet to be blessed with children. Of course all my family and probably his would be saying you are almost five months into your marriage spend time with yourselves. Alas, I am not going to start about that, yet...anyways, I want to say that I am a military wife and somehow I think The Martyr Complex does come in a lot with military spouses/wives. I have yet to feel it, but then again, I think I have yet to have children to really feel that complex. But, the big key for me and my husband is the communication, to let each other rant about what is being pent up, sometimes I do not always tell him, but that is because he is one training in one of the toughest jobs in the Navy. (I mean come on I have been told so many times that this job has the highest divorce rate...truly sad.)

    But, what I am wanting to also say is my husband has that tendency to get the complex because like tomorrow will be our anniversary of our first meeting and his Navy Birthday and he has to be in work most if not all day. He feels crappy that he cannot spend time with me.

    I hope I did not rant too much, please have a better week and know that you and your family are in my prayers. Certainly, one of the positive lights in my life (which husband and God are the brightest) is that I can read blogs of great people like you who are able to express frustration and joys of everyday life in a marriage. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  66. I still cant get over the idea that there are people who cant love your blog. So sad. But never listen to them ever.

    I really hope that these sacrifices are being banked for you. Because this is sacrifice! Marriage, kids, keeping it all together is hard work. I've had that feeing when the door closes and every kid crying and feeling so hopeless and completely buried in babies and its ridiculous. No platitudes make that easier. Prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  67. Here at the nuthouse, the Hubs heads out cross country several times a year, and I try to console myself with the idea that he's not deployed for months/years at a time, he's not getting shot at, etc., and you know what? It doesn't help. It sucks when he's not here. Your blog says, "guess what? Marriage and family life is damn hard and we're doing it! And we're laughing through it, too!"

    ReplyDelete
  68. ah the sacrifice of staying home while your husband works/goes to school. Everyone used to say "poor drew' when he was in school 20 hrs a week and working another 50 (plus all the hours at the library studying (or sleeping, who Really know) for Jaspers first two of life. But yeah I would say poor ME. I was the one 10 hrs away from all my family and friends taking care of a baby 24 a day 7 days a week alone (okay he would get 2 sunday off a month but otherwise it was all me) and damn its HARD. Thankfully there Is an end in sight, at least I told myself there was, now at least he's home for bed time once or twice a week. And this apparently has turned into a martyr novel of a comment. But just gotta add, you Might just be my hero. For real.

    ReplyDelete
  69. I absolutely love your blog and you write about your circumstances with more humor and grace than I EVER could if I were in your shoes. And seriously, residency and 3-under-3 is HARD. You are amazing. Don't let the jerks make you feel bad about your posts! As a mother of two (one still in utero) with much less on my plate but a very low stress-tolerance-level, coming on here and reading your blog always lights up my day.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Hahahahaha! I don't know how you can make such hard thing so funny, but you do! Dev works 10-11 hour days every single m-f, and I think that's hard, but OB residency makes it look like ice cream on the beach! For real, you doctor wives deserve some sort of award. Or spa time. Are you reading this Simon? Spa time!!

    (And I swear Theo looks like Conan O'Brien in that bottom pic. Haha)

    ReplyDelete
  71. Honestly, all I can think of when reading this (and other times when you've been honest and open) is that I am so very, very grateful for you and Simon to be collectively doing what you are doing so that he can reach the patients he does (and will). I am incredibly grateful for the ob-gyn care I've received, particularly that in St. Louis when I was under the care of my Catholic doctors (who were amazing!!). There isn't a second of judgment on my part. Vent, complain, share all you want!

    Also, my husband travels and travels often. I will have a three year old and twins in just a few short weeks and I wouldn't be surprised if my husband, Paul, is traveling eerily quick after they arrive and I know it will be difficult. But it will be NOTHING in comparison to that unpredictability of residency. The mind games of not knowing exactly when you've got help is a particular burden. When Paul leaves for wherever, I know it's all on my shoulders but it's definitive, clear cut, absolute. That makes all the difference. That gray area of some maybe help and some maybe time is so very difficult!

    Keep sharing. Keep blogging. We love you!

    ReplyDelete
  72. I don't know how you do it. You are a total rock star. My husband is only gone for 8 hours a day and I feel like I am going crazy most days when he comes home but there was a time when the kids didn't see him at all on days he worked and that just sucked. And that crap about Simon being the one working long hours is only partially true because you work just as hard and can't even pee alone.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Sending love and happy thoughts your way Grace! Haters gonna hate. Worst (one of the worst?) part(s) of blogging. I thought one 12 month deployment was hell. You're basically living that life x4, with another child in tow. Really can't imagine looking at our calendar and instead of a few months being left, a few years being left. Admire your strength even though I am sure you are laughing at that!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Grace, I wish I could come over and help, really :) And it´s ok to complain sometimes, we're only human. As for me, I don´t mind this type of post, just keeping it real, love it. We love you and we're here (if only to cheer you on). ((Hugs)) Oh, and Theo is looking so handsome!!!

    ReplyDelete
  75. Theo is crazy adorable!

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  76. I believe YOU are the one working long hours, too. And your sleep schedule is probably just as unpredictable. And you know what? Its totally ok that you feel these things! I don't think you should feel guilty either. You are a great mom. Its hard, but you are doing a great job.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Hang in there Ma Ma! From one resident wife to another, you can do it. We have one year left and have 4 young kiddos so I know how it feels. Very few understand what this path to becoming a doctor is like, especially with young kiddos in tow! Keep your chin up!

    ReplyDelete
  78. All I want to do is give you a hug. And I don't even "know" you! Eric works some nights (tonight included) but his schedule could never hold a candle to Simon's.
    Sending an e-hug your way. :))

    ReplyDelete
  79. Oh my goodness, I know we are supposed to treat everyone with love, but I would seriously like to give those commenters a polite kick in the shin. Let's see them walk in your shoes for a week and then we'll see how they feel about how long the hours of parenting are. Good grief.

    I love your writing. You inspire me as I learn how to be a mother. You also give me implicit permission to admit that being a mother is really hard, and admitting is SO much healthier than pretending everything is perfect. Thank you for blogging... please don't stop.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Did someone actually say that to you? What an *expletive*. But seriously. Don't feel guilty. I know I haven't commented in awhile, but that's not due to your rants ;)

    If it's any consolation, you still have three of the cutest kids EVER. No amount of "complaining" could ever drive us TRUE Patton Addicts away :)

    ReplyDelete
  81. Hey look, solo parenting is solo parenting, and it is HARD no matter how you cut it. My husband works long hours, works from home in the evenings, travels a lot, and is generally absent the building even when he is here, so I feel ya, sista. Three under three is difficult even with two parents (I have three under five with developmental delays and special needs, plus another babe due in less than a month, so I feel your pain).

    Hang in there--the rotation will end some time.

    ReplyDelete
  82. How could anyone ever criticize you! I have absolutely nothing but sympathy for you and wonder at how you do it. And going to visit Simon? I am in total awe of you! I would never attempt anything so ambitious. I appreciate your honesty because life is hard and I love a bit of a reality check so I stop wanting it to be perfect all the time. You should also know that I pray for you everyday! I know it is only by the grace of God that you do it. You are my role model because I am pretty sure that although I love kids if my husband had a work schedule like that I would do nothing but cry eat ice cream and watch netflix. So you are doing great! I always LOVE your posts! No matter how upset you . . . Don't ever stop!

    ReplyDelete
  83. I do feel for you Ms Grace!! it is hard!! dare I suggest that you enroll Julia and Basher in a nursery school for just a few hours a week so that at least you could get some shopping done with out toddler meltdowns in the store. Or even sneak off to mass with theo then get a little "Grace" time!

    ReplyDelete
  84. Some one told me the other day that the best employees are the ones that complain because they are actually doing the hard work. A study actually proved that so I'll take your complaing as evidence of a good Mom!

    ReplyDelete
  85. whoever said those heartless things to you... well, this is a familyish blog so i won't say what i think should be said to them. the point is, you are a rockstar! i know i'm just a creepy blog follower/stalker (ok that last one was a lie) but i wish i could pile my 1year old into the car and drive the many miles just to hug you and bring you something containing chocolate. you're an awesome mom and please please don't ever stop blogging. it would demolish my routine of sipping my thrice reheated coffee while catching up with the pattons and yeah, that would suck. hang in there grace!

    ReplyDelete
  86. I have a 10 month old little boy, and leave him at home every day to work. I hate it. I cry and complain and try to make everyone feel sorry for me about it (no one does). And then I read your blog, and I remember that being a stay at home mom is hard too. So hard. Harder than working.
    On Sunday my husband had a stomach bug and didn't spoil me with flowers or gifts or even "Happy Mother's Day"s, and I spent the day sulking. I thought I had the worst Mother's Day ever. And then I read your blog, and remembered that so many other mamas had it worse than me.
    Thank you for the perspective! And for your hilarious blog. I'm an addict.

    ReplyDelete
  87. You know what? I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I get pissed off when my husband decides to make the hour long commute to work on a 'work-from-home' day because it means I've got to deal with the morning and after school/daycare routine on my own. And I only have two, with a third on the way. The oldest is in school full days, amazingly helpful and self-sufficient.

    This is your corner of the internet so for what it's worth, vent away and banish the haters. I can't imagine a single one of them is being forced to read your blog. :)

    When I worked in youth ministry full time, I used to make a special point of honouring the husbands and wives of the volunteers who helped out with the ministry. Because even in my young, unmarried state I knew that while the volunteers themselves deserved some accolades for being willing to help out, so did their spouses, who gave them up at regular intervals.

    I'm so grateful for men (and women) like Simon, and for their spouses. May the Lord bless you, your beautiful and your marriage.

    I'm sure you've read this before, but even though I have more than one child, I personally find Simcha's words comforting. Because she speaks the truth! http://www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/to-the-mother-with-only-one-child

    Be assured of our prayers. And thank you for keeping it real.

    ReplyDelete
  88. hi...i've never actually commented on your blog before but i have been reading and admiring for a long time. i find your blog to be my favourite of all i read because it's true. it's honest. it's funny and sweet and because of the fact that you write about the every day little things and don't leave anything out. you don't sugar coat it and you don't cover up and make it all sweetness and light -- and i appreciate that. and i think so many of us mothers out there *need* to hear that other people are also doing it tough. so THANK YOU!

    but in saying that, i don't find your blog to be all "woe is me"...in fact quite the opposite. i see the love and the fun and i'm often (well pretty much all the time) left smiling or chuckling or outright laughing. because your blog is uplifting and you can just feel the love radiating through your words.

    i understand your need to perhaps explain sometimes, but i don't feel that you need to. but i can see why you do -- because that's honest too...and that's what you and your blog are about. and i think that's just bloody wonderful. three cheers to you mumma! x

    ReplyDelete
  89. Listen, I don't know who's making nasty comments but you have every right to complain about your lot in life...because you have complaint material and your blog's a place for you to put it. I agree: if the commenter doesn't like it, she can quit reading.

    ReplyDelete
  90. keep doing what you are doing because it is honest, hilarious, and did i say honest? and hilarious? good, i made my point then.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Boooo to that mean commenter. I have 3 kids 3 and under and my husband is in night school and I feel like my head is going to explode on a regular basis. I do have a babysitter that comes for a couple hours two mornings a week, and it really helps a lot. I'm not sure if that is something you could or would want to do, but I look at it as just part of the investment of his education.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Isn't there an old saying "Shoemakers wives have no shoes and doctors wives die young"? Yay for us.

    Mama, you have it HARD. And I don't give a rip who is criticizing you because I KNOW how it is. People forget that there is a reason that it's called "residency" - it's because the doctors used to actually live in the hospital all the time until they finished training. Now it just seems like they live there. It's also the place where we get the term "house staff" -- meaning their house is the hospital not their own actual houses!

    Residency SUCKS, and I didn't even do it with 3 littles - we only had the one at that time. And still his residency demanded that we move our entire house when she was 2 weeks old. Fun? Never. Residency is the crappiest for families and marriages, maybe second only to military deployments (which he did those as well!)
    When Rob was a resident he always had to do back to backs instead of the system of night floats that they have now, and he was always sleeping in the frakking hospital. It got to the point where I didn't even come over to the caf because it was too crazy - and we lived literally around the corner. He took his boards in a city 5 hours away on my due date. That's the kind of stuff the spouses deal with.

    On those rare occasions that he was home, we'd try to plan something nice and he would basically fall asleep in the middle of anything. And because I am such a sweetheart, I would never let him sleep on the couch because it seemed like an insult. "We are here, together, NOW! Why are you sleeping?!" I made him sleep in our room so I couldn't see him because I was used to being alone. See? You are totally NOT the worst ever, my friend.

    Complain all you want - it's your blog, it's not required reading, and there are people out there who completely understand! And for what it's worth, it really does get better. Residency will not last forever, but it sure as heck feels like it will.

    ReplyDelete
  93. First of all, hugs!! Residency DOES suck. Wholeheartedly. And it's hard to express that without feeling like an ungrateful witch. Especially since this is one specialty that has NO respect for time clocks and prior commitments. It sucks. It just does. And you're supposed to be all happy and supportive while your husband is working 100 hrs a week and getting paid $3/hr, and yeah. It sucks. Third year was the worst for us. I almost left mike. Like left him. Like packed the kids up and moved home.

    I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I really do. Email anytime if you just need to yell.

    I've got a cushy job in Maine for Simon in two years if you all want ;)

    ReplyDelete
  94. I don't want to comment because there are so many other, better women who've said what I want to convey in much prettier terms; however, I can't help it. If I was you, I'd be "woe is me"-ing myself whenever the heck I wanted. And I'd have way better hair, but that's neither here nor there.
    Marriage is hard work. Raising a child(ren) is hard work. Working is hard work. Being a SAHM is HARD WORK. I work full-time and have off on the weekends; Saturdays are my only day home alone with Ryder. By noon, if I have not yet cried and/or contemplated getting in my car and driving till I could no longer hear the tantrums, that's a great day. I may not know you in RL, but I think of you often and tell all 2 of my RL mom-friends how awesome you are on the daily.
    I know nothing of residency or of being a SAHM or raising 3 under 3, but I admire the grace (pun intended, ha) and honesty and transparency in which you blog of your experiences. You deserve to feel overworked, underappreciated, tired, cranky, overwhelmed, etc etc.
    Kudos on having the courage to give yourself permission to admit how hard it is; you need that for YOU and your loving, loyal readers need it because that's (one of the MANY) reasons why we love you: You don't pretend. You say what we think and feel, and personally, since I don't have a blog, reading yours helps me remember I'm not alone when all I see on FB are "perfect" moms with "perfect" lives and "perfect" kids.
    It's hard. It sucks.. some days it is less hard or it sucks just a teensy bit less, but the hardness and suckiness has no correlation whatsoEVER with how good/not good of a parent you are. Your kids don't yet understand how lucky they are to have you, and since my mom was right about everything else, they, unfortunately, probably won't understand until THEY have 3 under 3. THEN you can laugh at their pain and it will all be worth it <3

    ReplyDelete
  95. I recently befriended a girl who throughout conversations kept saying over and over again that her hub was working. She said it so much that I was afraid to ask what his job was, haha... I kept thinking...what in the world does this man do?!!! Anyway, I later learned that he was in his residency. Yikes, once I heard first hand all about it...I had no clue it was such an undertaking! My guess is that the meanies #1 don't have young children and #2 have 0 experience with what your going through. Blogging is such a good outlet because most women (minus the meanies) like to lift each other up during difficult situations. That's what we are here for so complain away dear friend! :)

    ReplyDelete
  96. As a product of a stay-at-home mama and a daddy who worked normal hours to longer hours as I grew older... I can say with certainty that BOTH parents work LONG hours. Yea, my dad went to an office and worked all day and then came home and cooked and tidied and did baths and bedtimes, but my mom also did wake-ups and lunch packings and get us to schools and take us to practices and laundry out the wazoo and entertained us in the best ways she could on a sometimes tight budget. So don't listen to the haters! You both work hard, and your kiddos will appreciate it - trust me :)

    ReplyDelete
  97. Also - seriously. Theo is an adorable old man even when he is miserably sick. If you ever find the need to ship him across the country for a few days just to cut down your workload, I would glaaaaaaaaaadly take him :)

    ReplyDelete
  98. Grace, this probably qualifies me as a stalker or a weirdo or both, but frankly, I love your blog for many reasons, but honesty is WAY up there. You don't sugarcoat, and it helps people like me, who are allergic to sugarcoating as just another form of bullsh*t.

    I live in Cincinnati, but if I lived closer, I'd come over with food and pitchers of margaritas. Even on a Tuesday morning (especially on a Tuesday morning?).

    ReplyDelete
  99. Dear Grace - Quite beating yourself up!! You are a loving, amazing wife - a truly great Mom and a funny, interesting person - life will go on and you will be a major part of it.

    ReplyDelete
  100. Nice to hear your side of the story. Spouses of med residents deserve a medal, certificate or MD diploma or something!
    Badge of honor!
    My hubs went through the same thing. Me Being away >30 hours q4 nights didn't help him. He fed a breast fed baby, who ignored totally refused the bottle.... Brought little Daniel to see me.... Only to wait half an hour to sometimes 2 hours because I'm busy seeing patients etc. I don't have tons of emergencies on call except the icu calls and some stroke 1's....they did happen though and I was so sad to leave them. Derrick waited for me for hours because he knew it will another 10-15 hours before the babe will feed again..

    Same story for baby #2.....
    But good thing they were young to remember I was gone... All... The.... Time...

    Now I'm on home call... I can tuck the babies to bed even I get paged.
    Praying for u.. It will get better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I totally snoozed like Simon post call.... Quite a few home videos of the kids with their new milestones and you'll see me snoozing in the background.

      Delete
  101. I seriously read through all of the comments so far and HOLY COW, sooo many people love and support you! It makes my heart so happy for you. I am like the rest - I don't think I could ever do what you do! You are super mom, an even better person and how you hold it all together and maintain a functioning home only means that you're a bigger bad-a than I already thought you were. You are not throwing a pity party - you're sharing your life with us. Like said already, "hard" does not fit one shoe and how dare someone try to belittle what you go through. Who knows...you probably give us the lighter version of what really goes on at the Camp and your days are probably even more hectic than you lead us on to know. How is anyone supposed to know? So, %#(@ them because they really have gotten on my last nerve! All that matters is that you have an immense amount of love and support here who will hear (or read) you through and through, good days or bad. Wow, I have rambled forever and probably sound super cheesy at this point. Much prayers and love to you, Grace.... you are my hero!!

    ReplyDelete
  102. I discovered your blog this weekend through some voyeuristic blog-jumping; you're three degrees separated from a friend's sister. I am confident that I am single-handedly responsible for 30239842 hits to your blog over the past 2-3 days.

    Your posts are awesome. I had my own experiences of putting my life on hold to help patients during my residency, but my specialty is definitely one of the easier ones. You clearly show how difficult residency can be for doctors' loved ones, what huge sacrifices it can require of our families. The vast majority of the time, these sacrifices feel like they're worth it, but pity parties are perfectly natural where residency's concerned.

    So, basically, here's a pretty useless comment to say I love your blog. Your writing is so authentic. And, frankly, hilarious. I LOL'd today as I was telling some coworkers about how I LOL'd at one of your posts. They responded with blank stares, but I thought it was funny (obviously). Humor is a great, healthy way of coping with stress and I think this blog is a testament to how strong you really are.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Who the heck else is it supposed to be about if not you. My husband travels internationally 3 weeks out of every month for his job. Miserable, thy name is my life. I only have 2 tinys, a 4 year old and a 9 month old, but I also have a career outside my home which is a prolific breeder of endless hours of adultsitting. My very latest Facebook update from somewhere near midnight 10+ short (long) hours ago stated that I would be quitting said job in the a.m. Due to three solid days with a grand total of 3 hours sleep and me being the whiniest of whiners and throwing a three-year old sized tantrum (trust me, that's a BIG tantrum). Simply stated, it was all about me at that moment. Because those are the shoes in which I am standing. I didn't quit today, but here's a clue about how great the day was: a gourmet dinner of deviled eggs and microwaved bacon was on the table promptly at 8:45pm. Yay me.

    ReplyDelete
  104. I'm a super fan of your blog. You crack me up and your kids are the cutest, funniest things ever!

    ReplyDelete
  105. I am a huge fan of your blog and love the fact that you tell it like it is with no sugar coating!

    ReplyDelete
  106. Your blog is so much fun. Please keep it up! My husband works two jobs and while it is *nothing* like what you go through, when he works Saturdays I go crazy. I assume as an OB he'll always have a crazy schedule. but it will get so much easier when the kids are older and able to help you! Only littles + crazy hours + low pay...hopefully you'll never have to go through all three of those again at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Mean people leaving mean comments, that is all kinds of wrong!! Ugh!
    Don't even worry about them. You keep doing what you are doing, taking care of your family and writing about it with humor and honesty.
    Oh and Theo is so so cute in that last picture. I hope he feels better soon.

    ReplyDelete
  108. So, I've been silently reading for like a month, and this post made me want to stop being a stalker and say that I love you and your attitude and your blog. Also, I'm not sure if I can say this in a way that makes sense, but it's the most important thing I ever learned in that one psychology class I took (and half paid attention to) in college: stress is relative. That doesn't mean it's not all about you and your life doesn't feel horrible and overwhelming, in fact, it means the exact opposite. We all have our stress-things and our things we don't like and just because someone/society tells us other people have it worse doesn't mean that's true. ever. I guess what I'm saying is that it's ok to own it, and to complain, and to keep talking about it, cuz we're all there, or we've all been there and it's a big part of how we experience life.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Hi there. I would like to give you a hug - if only I was a few miles closer to you (I am living in the Germany)! The one telling you you were not working has never ever spent even one hour alone with a needy baby or toddler- let alone three under three. You actually have the harder Job because your Job has no clock-off time your on duty 24/7. I am not a stay-at-home mom but every Time i have to stay home with my very own needy toddler (she is one month younger than julia) i can very much relate to your situation!
    So, I need to get back to work!
    Hole today will be a good day for - with lots of sunshine and good behaviour from the Kids...(my new resque sentence for when p. is in bad girl mode is "if Santa is watching this")
    Greets, Susanne

    ReplyDelete
  110. Not everyone has the nice "appreciate each moment" attitude. Some people are glass half empty and if they did not exist then the glass half full people would not shine the way they do. Not everyone can be like mama Ingalls and face the tough moments in life with a straight back and an encouraging word to everyone surrounding her. Nope, some of us face every hard moment with plenty of whining and complaining, being certain we will die of this and that it will never-ever get better before it will get WAY worse! Keep those expectations as low as possible! It does not make us bad people, because we still face the hardships with courage and if we want to vent then it is no one else's business.

    My husband is in the military and his last assignment was of the kind that I was certain was going to kill ME. It was also our first with a child in our lives and I canNOT imagine if there had been more than one. The strength will only carry you so far and it is the sheer bullheadedness and complaining that will take you the rest of the distance. I admire you for having the courage to come and vent online! What a healthy way to do this! And with such humour and wit! Gosh, I wish I was half as entertaining as you when facing difficult situations - instead I genuinely sound like a bucket of vinegar. :S But I am trying to take notes, trying to keep it light-hearted and trying to stay as positive as this mostly negative personality will let me. Do, please, keep blogging - you are a unique and honest voice in the blogland!

    ReplyDelete
  111. I have 5 kiddos, and I would literally not be making it if I had to deal with residency like you. I say have your vent moments, you deserve them, and do what you do- pull yourself up and make the best of it. Sometimes the best of it is cereal for supper and kids in bed by 6:30 because you can't take it anymore. And that's okay.

    ReplyDelete
  112. I love your blog! I wish I could come over and give you the afternoon off... (to far away!) But thanks for the honesty! We all suport you and your SUPER cute family. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  113. Don't be afraid to write about YOUR life that's why you started the blog no? Just keep doing you and forget about the negative comments from people that do not matter. Your blog is my favorite thing to read in the morning and I have always appreciated that you are real and not putting on a perfect mommy show.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Wow, some of your mentioned commentating readers sound like real buttocks wipes. I'm sure the other 10,000.99999999 are really really nice and love you to death though! (count me in!) I am not the wife of a resident, I cannot offer much other than I know know know know know you are doing an amazing amazing amazing job at keeping your cool and trucking forward like a champion. I know this because I stalk your blog like mad crazy and see how happy your babies are and how cozy your house looks and that Camp Patton looks like such a fun place to grow up in. That, and I will be praying for you and Simon and that the world spins just a little faster so this "season" of your life picks up the pace and is finally a distant memory. Until then, carry on Camper, we love you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  115. One word - preschool! Get those kids signed up now for the fall and don't look back. It was a true life saver for me.

    Hang in there, Grace and keep writing about your feelings, your life and your babies. Those that don't like it can get. over. it. The rest of us have your back!

    ReplyDelete
  116. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN. The medical field is the "other woman" in the relationship. It's never just you two. It's you, him, and that bitch who is allowed to call any day, any night. You have three kids. You are single parenting. You are allowed to complain.

    Anyone who says any bullshit about how lucky you are to marry a doctor, just remind them it's not worth it. The money is nowhere worth the time and the energy and the dinners alone. There are much easier ways to make the same salary.

    Standing with you, sister.

    ReplyDelete
  117. I love this entry, as I am a military wife with an eight month old and am spoiled with a husband on shore duty, but I know in a few short months I will be in your situation, alone with the little one(s) and frustrated, knowing it's only temporary but that at the moment it sucks. Thank you for your honesty, I've bookmarked this so I can look back at it when the honeymoon of shore duty ends!

    ReplyDelete
  118. Oh, Grace! I'm so sorry! I wish we could help you! Please call us if you need a babysitter so you can walk around the block or go get something at Costco or just go sit outside in your car down the street, or sit in time out in your room while we watch the kids. (I always used to say I wanted to go to time-out to have some time alone.) I truly can't imagine how difficult it must be to be Mom to 3 littles pretty much by yourself. Let me know if you need us.
    Teresa

    ReplyDelete
  119. My husband traveled one week on, one week off, for three months when our first child was 6-8 months. She took poorly to solid foods and nursed exclusively stil at that point. I was up many times at night, and the only positive was the tremendous weight loss from nursing a very hungry babe! Otherwise, I was skin and bones and every nerve frayed. His week away drained me so much I needed most of his week back to recover. It was a death spiral.

    I think it's important to acknowledge that it is hard on each of you, and hard on the marriage. That time for us prompted us to reevaluate our marriage's needs and take steps to change things. He was able to, over time, shift some of his work, and now his travel schedule is more like 30%. Still hard, but better. I also had to step out of my comfort zone and get help. My favorite is mother's helpers, fourth and fifth graders that come over after school and entertain the kids for an hour while I convalesce. I also try to get home to my parents' house a few hours away. The travel is a headache alone, but it's worth it when I'm there. I know this idea might not be possible for you...

    I hope things get better. Some day, it will be awesome. You'll be finished. Complain all you want for now.

    ReplyDelete
  120. I can't believe someone actually commented reminding you that Simon is the one working the long hours (which of course he is). Do they think the hours you work are short? Or maybe they don't consider parenting everyday all day to be work. I love people like that. Thanks for lending me your sarcasm siren, by the way.
    As you've said, it's hard on ALL five of you. Maybe that reader just wants Simon to write his own blog in the interest of equal opportunity blogging. That would be interesting to see!

    ReplyDelete
  121. I think it is so freeing to be able to admit that it is hard and it does suck. My husband works 24s with the Fire Dept and sleeps when he is at home and I used to feel SO guilty having a hard time with it since, you know, thousands of other's have it worse than me (I'm looking at you G!) Anyhow- actually letting myself acknowledge how miserable it can be really then allows me to get the help from God and whoever else. When I pretend it is easy though, all types of passive aggressive ugliness and crazy resentment make their way into the picture. But yes, it is so hard on the one working, the one at home, and the marriage. We just live on grace most days around here.

    You are right. You are living through something unthinkably hard. AND without the help of family nearby.

    Wish I could do more than just offer up a prayer for you AND for all in similar situations.

    On a side note.. It is so sad to me that doctors have survive this completely unhealthy schedule and be absent from their family in order to help others. So backwards to me! I want my Dr.'s to be getting lots and lots and lots of sleep!

    ReplyDelete
  122. My husband manages a resort, not exactly saving lives, but I totally understand the long hours. He worked from 6:00 a.m. - 10:30 p.m. on Mother's Day, had to leave to do payroll a few hours after my son was born, etc. etc., The thing is, I never thought of myself as a drama queen, but those long hours drive you to extremes sometimes.

    ReplyDelete
  123. Finally getting around to joining the love..! First - you have every right to vent. Holding it all in just leads to an unreasonable explosion. And the season of you life right now is HARD - because your have tiny people whose neediness can suck the life right out of you, AND you have a husband (fab as he is!) who can't be available to help you always. It's a tough time right now, and sometimes, just saying it out loud (or writing it out loud) takes a teensy bit of the "bad" out of it. I have felt that way all three times my husband has been deployed - even the last time when the kids were older. It's just hard. And sometimes, your "regular" friends don't always get it, because they don't have a husband who is deployed, or a resident, or a railroad conductor (as another person mentioned),etc. So, we just soldier on and let loose sometimes. You do what you need to do to make it bearable. Sure wish I lived closer!!

    ReplyDelete
  124. I am not a doctor, nor do I work unusual shifts. I do not have children. I am not married. Yet, still, I often drive down "Martyr Road" complimenting myself for maintaining a budget; being on schedule; smiling at the barista; not shaking those who are less quick witted.... you get it.

    We are humans, its natural to air our frustrations. And you do it in a very lovable way. Want proof? Besides being Catholic (and I am the poster child for cafeteria-style) we have very few common interests. Despite note really being able to relate to your life, I love it!

    Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  125. You know I read your blog and think, "Grace is doing it, I can do it!" My husband starts his family medicine residency next month, and I must say I am more than a little nervous about all the solo parenting I will be doing :) Part of me wants baby #3 while the other part thinks I must be crazy! Hopefully as the years pass so we will only remember the good crazy?

    ReplyDelete
  126. Your blog is one of my favorites, but you should know that by now.

    ReplyDelete
  127. THANK YOU. You are the FIRST blogger (yes, I love using caps lock to emphasize) I've read that sums up exactly how craptastic I was feeling this past Sunday. I do not have a husband going through residency, but I do have a husband who works long hours, getting paid close to minimum wage on every single holiday of the year (except Easter when he threatened to go to HR b/c it was a religious holiday for him) and every single weekend (when I'm off) plus school full-time. I only have a little over a year (hopefully), but I can sympathize. You will survive this. And thank you for being real. I needed a dose of that. I count my blessings and I'm the kind of girl who sees the glass half-full most days, but every once in a while, I just need a dose of admitting the reality of the moment, so thank you :).

    ReplyDelete
  128. 1. I just died a little inside about the nasty comments made a while back. Your honesty is a NEED for other real moms and those people are hiding a lot more than their names. Clearly, they can't even stand up to their comments, which is worse than a tired, busy mom who might just leave a door open one time. Please don't let the ugly pull your awesome down.

    2. I wish I had a clue what you are going through so I could offer something helpful, but all I can do is say a prayer for you so I will.

    3. That picture of Simon and Grace, reminds me of Dominic, who loves to make dad or I wake up so we can entertain ever important stories of duplo helicopters and clocks. (My 4 year old has special interests.)

    4. I just want to squeeze Theo, and those two pictures are the cutest things I have ever seen. I love his pouty face....ridiculous.

    5. You are so super cute. That is all.

    ReplyDelete
  129. oh dear oh dear. thanks for the honesty! you're doing amazingly and i totally understand the long hours' toll on life and a marriage. you'll make it through, and venting every once in a while is a totally ok way to get there!

    ReplyDelete
  130. Hi! I'm new here! I've been reading you for a few weeks, and I'm kinda in love. Baditiude, and all. (Actually especially the baditude.) I suppose I love your blog because I sure your tendency to hate the husband's job (he's a chef, working all of the holidays, weekends, and basically every hour in the day. Oh and we actually LIVE in the hotel where he works, so separation between home and work = zero. On the up side, though, I don't have to change sheets or clean my bathroom.)

    Martyr on, woman, martyr on!!!

    ReplyDelete
  131. I think you're most amazing and most honest. And most funny. Reading your blog keeps me up through some crappy times, so I hope this helps when you may be feeling crappy. You're doing a hard job, and you've got to be a great mommy and a real awesome gal. Wish I knew you in real life! Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  132. I've never commented before, but I check your blog obsessively for new posts. I am also a mother to three little rascals, one of which is Basher's long lost twin. During rough minutes or hours or days, I often honestly think "Grace is doing this, too." Cheesy, but it works. Feels good to know we're not in the trenches alone!

    ReplyDelete
  133. Grace
    I clicked over, remembering you as a host for 7QTs a while ago....I;ve not been back in a bit...just the busy-ness of life.
    But I do enjoy your blog and I love your honesty. Truly.
    One thing that strikes me as a mom, a writer and a recent...within 6 mos, a blogger is that many bloggers are competitive and'or present a facade of perfection. I know that we can only write abt a glimpse of life. Let;s face it, I don't write all sunshine and unicorns all the time either and my life is certainly not that. That's for sure. But we do blog to record lives, photos, events, etc...None of us set out to make our blogs a venting ground; so no blog will depict the total honesty.....
    But at times and on days when I feel like running out of the house screaming, I just don't blog b/c I can't Not be honest.

    Mommys can make competition a sport, whether it is in writing or in "real life" on the bb or soccer field. The reason I bring this up is b.c you mentioned that someone pointed out that your hubby is the one working as if you are a spoiled complainer. Well, my hubby is not in residence, but I know if which you speak b.c he does work long hours and is gone often due to bringing home our 1 salary....and he maintains I have the harder "job," not that he doesn't love the kids and spending time with them. You know what I mean.
    You are not being a martyr; you're not complaining. It's your blog and in this season of your life, if your writing reflects the stresses and the exhaustion, that's how it is. Don't let anyone tell you you should or should not be feeling/writing as you are.
    Frankly, it seems you are a terrific, fun Mom to your kids and they are very very lucky!!

    Take care and hang in there!
    Peace
    Chris at
    campfires and Cleats

    ReplyDelete
  134. I just scrolled through like a million comments to get here on my cellular device. Can you stop being so popular and loveable for a second??

    I read this in good timing. I was feeling oh woe is me the past couple of days and all snippy snappy. Like everyone else here I don't know how you do it and I don't know if I could if I were in your shoes. But I do know a lot of people benefit from your experiences and blog. And we love you. <3 you're doing great. Those kids are alive right? :)

    ReplyDelete
  135. Julia, {{}} I get this, I really do. Not that my husband is a doctor, but I remember the days with three little ones and dh was pulling all nighters for months on end. One night I rang him in tears, I was pregnant and the toddler had thrown up all over the floor and when I was pregnant vomit just made me want to .. I'm sure you get the picture. I begged him to come home and clean up but he couldn't. That was a low, low night. Those were the hardest days of my parenting. Probably sound strange to say but 9 children is far easier than 3.{{{{}}}}Sending my empathy. Oh and one of my friends is married to a doctor, one day we chatted about the reality of her life, I inquired whether knowing he was a doctor before marrying made it easier to bear. She said once they had children the reality was different to the theory.{{}}

    ReplyDelete
  136. Thank you, truly, for keeping it real. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  137. Yeah, David did that at Target for 15 months. And then he quit.

    So, I feel you. I wish Simon could quit. But on the plus side, David'll probably be cutting down the trees at your mansion some day and we'll still be in this hovel.

    ReplyDelete
  138. People are POURING their hearts out here.

    All I have to say is- parenting is wayyyyy easier than I ever thought. I just don't get what people are always complaining about. I mean, maybe my baby is just perfect or we just have a super natural bond?

    Ha.

    You are doing great- mothering & blogging. Keep it up and let me know when you sign your book deal.

    ReplyDelete
  139. You're working the long hours, too, babe!

    ReplyDelete
  140. I have felt your pain. Can I offer some coping mechanisms?

    #1- Expectation Management. Expect nothing- no birthdays, holidays, weekends, nothing. So then any little thing you get- even if it is coffee on the couch post call seems like a blessing. I know it sounds crazy but it worked for me a little bit. That and offering up a ton of $%^&.
    #2- Write each other notes- they leave before you get up so you have the coffee timer set with a little love note for the day. We had a little binder by the coffee maker to just say a few quick nice things. It was some sort of a connection, especially giving him a chance to say something nice before getting beat down by the day.
    #3- expect meltdowns from the children after not seeing dad for 2 days. Get the chinese food or do the nuggets. Don't feel guilty. Chick down the street has her husband around. You don't, so you get to cut yourself some slack. Whatever you do eat, sit down and eat it with the kids, even if it is for 5 minutes. Pretend happy family dinner even when its not. Because let's face it- call (and holidays and weekends)is going to happen post residency and you've got to get good habits down now.
    #4- tell the kids how special dad's job is and get them proud (daddy's taking care of sick people or helping moms have their babies or whatever based on his rotations). They will absorb it a bit, pray for his patients, and for some reason it helps them realize that its not that he doesn't want to be with them, but that he is helping others. Obviously, they are still going to cry and miss him. I just found it helps a bit.
    #5- thank God for the 80 hour work week. No joke.
    Looking at what I wrote, it looks so pathetic but you know what? It is damn hard what you do and you should be proud of any little victories. Prayers for you and all spouses of residents and doctors! It is truly a vocation!!

    ReplyDelete
  141. Thank you for writing this. I'm the wife of a 1st year med student (we have a long way to go - pray for us!) and a pro at self-martyrdom. Your post has kinda scared the s*** outta me, but it's also encouraging to know that many, many other families have forged the path in front of us. Sometimes this path we've chosen seems so, so hard, but I try to remind myself that any path in life is hard. And we'll get through it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  142. AH! My husband works normal hours and I still feel as woe-is-me as humanly possible on every single day. So thanks for keeping it real. Your blog makes me feel like I belong.

    ReplyDelete
  143. As someone who survived residency and fellowship and whose husband did the same at the same time, it does get better. Different, and some things are more challenging- there are still call weekends but they are fewer and Simon will have more choices as to what type of job he has. Some days I dread leaving those 3 little faces behind while heading to work but things are so much better than the "bad ol' days." Hang in there

    ReplyDelete
  144. Grace, I'm reading though the archives and this post... made me feel a lot better. :) My husband isn't a doctor, but he's in the Navy. Even though he's on shore (no deployments) for his current station, he works horrible horrible hours. Night shifts, long shifts, rotating shift work- no week is ever the same. He's next to unreachable at work (no cell phones allowed), which makes the 14 hours without him that much more awful. I've only got one 2 month old little bit, so I can't relate to your life with 3! Just wanted to say thanks for painting a real picture of life as a wife to someone who doesn't have M-F 9-5 hours. It really can be hell and it's much less lonely to know that someone else is going through it too. Love your blog and I look forward to your posts about anything! Solidarity in martyrdom, Lauren

    ReplyDelete
  145. (I wrote a good comment but it didn't show up for me, so sorry if you get 2.) I'm reading through your archives and this post... makes me feel better. I'm a Navy wife and sahm to a 2 month old girl. My husband is currently on a shore tour (no deployments), but works horrid hours. Night shift, rotating shift work, 7 days before any time off, and insanely long hours. I only have 1, so I can't quite imagine life with 3, but as I can't reach my husband (no cell phones allowed) unless of an emergency, I know the feeling of being stuck when you really wish you had an extra parent. Thank you for writing, sharing your gorgeous kiddos, and making the rest of us feel not so very alone in the world of spouses with not M-F, 9-5 jobs. I love your blog and your honesty. Solidarity in martyrdom, Lauren

    ReplyDelete
  146. i found your blog through the middle of the night my 11 month old doesnt sleep i will look through instagram black hole...and you have made me laugh out loud repeatedly. i'm a mother to two boys, 22 months apart, and wife to an orthopedic fellow, we just finished (survived?) 6 yrs of residency + a masters and now that the end is in sight, i can look back and somewhat smile, maybe at the fact that my two year old wakes up and sings songs like "my daddy's working, my daddy's at work, come home daddy" and all he does is pretend play to go to work and "fix peoples bones"...i guess i'm just writing to say, it will get better, it does suck, you're allowed to feel that way and that your writing, is funny and honest and portrays an all too familiar picture. we're in boston now for fellowship and i've lucked out in finding an awesome network of moms who are all in similar situations and i will say that has made it easier to have a place to vent and someone to text at 9pm when no one will sleep and dad's not home. power to you mama, you're doing it right.

    ReplyDelete
  147. I'm only 2 days into my husband's residency and already feel like I'm drowning. Thanks for sharing all of this. At least we can know we're not alone. :)

    ReplyDelete

 

Camp Patton © All rights reserved · Theme by Blog Milk · Blogger