too much ado about absolutely nothing

13 June 2014

alternate title: destination: crazy, population: Grace

hola.

Yesterday Phoebe cried a lot. And the night before she cried a lot too. Oh, and the day before that she cried quite a bit as well.

But I kept my appearance in total check. Like, totally. Lucky Simon. This is Phoebe's, "gearing up for another round of life-ruining FUN" face.

The internet tells me that there is a fussy stage from 6-8 weeks and the internet better be telling me the truth or else ... nothing. Nothing will happen but I am so grateful for false hope right now. It was a little bit draining and all I could do was write elaborate letters of admiration in my head to any parents that have ever dealt with a truly colicky baby. You're a parenting god/dess and don't you forget it.

Anyway she woke up relatively happy today and even threw her old mom a bone via one little crack of a smile but that's not why I'm here today. As much as I would love to regale you with every painful detail of the episode (isolated! please! be isolated!) ... I won't. No, I'm actually going to document a little story from last weekend. Just in case future Grace ever doubts that former Grace-during-residency wasn't totally and completely crazy ... I can come back to this post and remember that she was. She so was.

Real quick: I think I've mentioned several thousand times before that I have some weird predatorphobia and usually can't sleep when Simon's gone. I've gotten better as the years go by sleeping 2-3 hours a night vs the usual 0-30 minutes I used to get but I know I have a serious problem that no amount of top of the line security systems or hours of logical thinking can cure. We all have our things! But, I welcome your judgement. Completely.

Okay.

Simon was at work from Saturday morning to Sunday morning and I don't know how or why it happened but he had a really bizarre string of workless weekends leading up to this particular weekend. It had never happened before and won't happen again but it was amazing. So - this call weekend slapped me in the face pretty hard because I had been so spoiled the past few weekends with having Simon home to help with our herd of kittens.

Saturday wasn't terrible. We were able to visit Simon and it was raining so we didn't feel like we were missing out on some weekend of beautiful weather. I drove the kids home around 8 and immediately put Theo to bed and let the big kids stay up since they'd napped till six that evening (no rules on call weekends) and I'll admit that I like the company when Simon is gone.

10:15 rolled around and I had just put the big kids to bed (again, no rules!) when someone knocked on the door. A loud knock - maybe more of a rap. They loudly rapped on the door at 10:15pm. My heart skipped a LONG beat while I went into full on panic mode. Of course I immediately assumed it was a cold blooded murderer so I called Simon (because - he would be super helpful at his post) who was about to scrub for a c-section so he couldn't talk and I told him that I might be dead when he was done with the surgery. He assured me I wouldn't be and that an intruder wouldn't knock before breaking and entering but I didn't believe him. At all.

The big kids were still bouncing off the walls in their room because that is what, "goodnight, kids!" means to them. So I brought them upstairs to sleep with me (always logical! the 2 and 3 year old will keep you super safe, crazycake) and Phoebe which resulted in Sebastian falling asleep almost immediately and Julia talking to me about everything single one of her toys that she keeps in all 99 million of her purses/backpacks until 2am. And I stayed up to keep my panic mode fire alive for the remainder of the night.

After the c-section Simon asked a million times if maybe one of the kids had gotten a hold of the car keys and pressed a button and one of the van's sliding doors was open? Maybe a kind neighbor was just letting me know? I said no, absolutely not because I had put the keys in my purse and my purse up high and I said a few times, "I am absolutely 100% sure it had nothing to do with the van."

Fast forward to the next morning when Simon came home to this note on the front door:

 (Julia is very into "making tickets" aka ripping every paper she finds and this note fell victim but it said, "and your doorbell didn't seem to work" - it doesn't)

So, I was wrong.

Super wrong and crazy and suffered one of the worst no-sleep hangovers all day Sunday. I can almost think about laughing it off now but then I remember that we still have 19 call weekends and two months of night float to go before residency is over and I rein that laugh in real fast.

Waste of your time? Absolutely. I'm sorry!

What else do you have going on around here ...

ah. I styled Theo's hair the other day ...


he loved it.

And there is a nest of baby cardinals in our front yard hedge ..

quality photos of nature are my charism.

I showed Sebastian who said, "have one, please?" and then Julia who said in her highest pitched voice, "awww they look just like Phoebe!"

I keep going outside to look at them and Simon warned not to take Phoebe just in case mama card gets territorial and dive bombs me.

And in between and during Phoebe's cry-wolf-colic sessions yesterday I plowed through a lot of this book. Chick lit meets beach read meets candy lit at its finest. (Thank you Hallie for recommending!).

Oh! And I asked the Facebook page what their thoughts were on Jawbone Up vs. the Fitbit . Do you know/care about either? I'm curious.

Happy weekend. Thanks for putting up with me. You're the best, always. 

55 comments:

  1. YOU are a parenting goddess. seriously. sometimes i get weird phobiafeelings at night even when my husbands HOME. haha.

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  2. I also always think someone is trying to break in, especially when we are all asleep. Oh the way the mind works. LOL
    I consider you a pro with four little beauties, but I am sure lack of sleep has you befuddled as it certainly would me!! What Miss Phoebe is going through reminds me of a growth spurt. I remember one night our son would not stop crying, he ate a bottle, threw said bottle back up, was chipper, ate again, cried, slept and the cycle continued for a few days. Seriously, we were so freaked out thinking something was horribly wrong until Dr. Google informed us our child was most likely going through one of many to come "growth spurts". Not a single person who had children warned us of these wretched things. Now, it is the first thing I tell every mom to be about so they have a heads up because I found the first episode such a blow to one's shaky confidence as a first time parent.

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    1. you're totally right. I'm sure it's a growth spurt. My memory is probably shot because I don't remember the other kids doing this!

      Thank you!

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  3. There is nothing more bone chilling than a knock on the door after dark...so creepy!!! It's only ever happened when Andrew was home, thankfully. You are braver than I, Super Grace!

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  4. You are so much braver than me! I also can't sleep when home alone - man I wish I had some toddlers to keep me safe! Called the police (non-emergency number!) to please do a drive by when they could as quickly as possible last week at 1 am because someone was BANGING on my door....it turned out to be a malfunctioning air conditioner but it really sounded like the front door and I didn't know until the next day so I slept exactly none that night. Week long business trips will be the death of me, either by predator or sleep-deprivation.

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  5. I'm the same way when my husband is gone. I swear I "sleep" on the couch with one eye open the whole time.

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  6. Please do not feel crazy. Because then I would have to feel crazy too. Biggest scaredy cat over here, and I never ever ever read or watch anything to feed my jumpy imagination.

    The only thing that I think would cure me, would be to go out and get me a little revolver. And shooting lessons.

    Though perhaps that would make everything worse... as in bullet holes in my doorway and lawsuits? I don't know. I like to think it would make me LESS jumpy.

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  7. This reminded me of something that happened to a friend of mine. A dude, so it's super pathetic of him. He was watching Mothman Prophecies and heard a huge crash outside. He was so scared that he refused to look out the window to see what was going on. So, next morning he leaves to go to work....and found out the crash he heard was his car being totally smashed during a hit and run. Oops.

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  8. When my son was a baby he would cry all the time. We finally figured out he had a milk allergy. Cutting all dairy out of my diet solved the problem! Thought it might be worth a try for you.

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  9. My thing is fire...how will we get all (4) of the kids out in time..what if we (husband and i cant wake up due to smoke inhilation..inhalation (whatever)..what if we cant' get from our end of the house to their bedrooms (not a huge house!) . .and then I can't sleep. Cray Cray I am.

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  10. I feel your pain on never ending cry sessions with the wee one. We used this product http://www.amazon.com/Colic-Calm-C06998-Tummy---/dp/B0087FFIES/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1402689991&sr=8-1&keywords=tummy+calm and it was an absolute life changing thing for us.

    It's real pricey but you know - sanity is important and all.

    Good luck!

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  11. Colic is horrible. There were two things that worked(ish) for elden: moby wrap and a giant exercise ball which we sat on and bounced him. Godspeed, friend.

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  12. I very rarely tell this story because... I don't need to give people more reasons to call me crazy... but I called the cops on an intruder when Aaron was deployed. It was probably 3 am and of course I wasn't sleeping, heard clawing at the door for a few minutes. It stopped, then started again a few minutes later. I hid with the kids.

    Cop shows up.... it was my neighbor's cat. Called the cops on a cat. Awesome.

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  13. Also: just switched formula to Good Start Soothe for the crying. No verdict yet since we just made the switch a day or two ago but yeah, I feel you!

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  14. Hey. I just wanted to say that growing up, I was afraid of a number of things way past the age when I "should" have gotten over it. Things like the drains at the bottom of pools. Anyways, I was not able to sleep in a house alone until very recently, and I think if we did not live in a city where there are people all around, I still wouldn't be able to. One of my most humiliating memories is calling up one of my parents' friends and asking to come over to their house when my parents were away for a week because I had not slept in 48 hours. I was 21.

    Now I come at this from an entirely different angle. You're right, real fears are totally irrational. There is no way you are going to convince yourself logically that you're not really going to get killed by an axe murderer once you've gone to that place in your brain. I don't have any advice, but I'm so glad that I'm not the only one!

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  15. My second went through a one week patch of unhappiness at six weeks and then went right back to his explosively happy self.

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  16. Just read "one and only" this week! I love emily giffin books!

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  17. In the Jawbone/Fitbit debate, I am a huge fan of the Fitbit! I have the "One" and I wear it ALL.THE.TIME minus showering (for obvious reasons). It seems to be very accurate when counting steps and distance and I love the online log that automatically syncs (which is my favorite because I am the worst about remembering to plug it in!). Their customer service is great should you have a problem (like accidentally washing it...) and they seem to hold up very well (I've had mine for over a year and it is still like new through all the sweat and usage). Highly recommend!

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  18. During Henry's 6-8 week crying sessions, the ONLY thing that would calm him down was going outside. We tried all the other S's (swaddle, swing, etc.) but the second we would take him outside, he would start to calm down. It was my favorite thing to do at 3 in the morning, though.

    Thanks for the book recommendation. I'm reading a fictional book that talks a lot about the Holocaust and I really need a "light" read after I am through with this.

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  19. OMG I am exactly the same way. When my husband travels for work I cannot sleep either and am TERRIFIED all night long that someone is going to break in and murder me. Er, too much "Dateline," maybe? Gah. Anyway, I SO feel your pain. Also---a knock on my door at 10:15 p.m. would BE TERRIFYING. UTTERLY TERRIFYING. (p.s. I also sleep with my kiddos as if that will keep me safe.)

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  20. baw-haha. This is my life. I can't sleep a wink when Tim travels, and during an election year that's like six months straight of no sleep. I spend every second planning on how fast I can put all the kids into one room, barricade the door, call the police and blow my US Coast Guard fog horn out the window all in less time than my intruder could make it up our very short flight of stairs. And despite being a big 2nd amendment fan, I won't let Tim have a gun in the house ,so I got us a very scary looking pit bull who turns out doesn't bark and usually greets strangers with excitement...so she would be useless in protecting us.

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  21. I am freaked out if home alone at night too! Whenever Chris would be out of town I would go stay at my parents' house rather than get no sleep. So I totally understand! I don't think an alarm would help me either. When Chris has come home late I bring Noah (who's only 19 months) in with me too... Like there's any chance he would protect me lol.

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  22. I am not loving The One and Only. Usually I like her writing but this is manure. It is just bad. But of course I'm going to read it all the way through so I know exactly how it ends.

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  23. BAH! I totally freak when my husband's out of town... It never used to bother me (living in a 600sq ft apt where I could see all corners of our living space while sitting in the same spot on the couch), but now that we're in a 4br house, with lots of closets and such, that has changed. I creep around at night like Benson on SVU thinking that there might be someone around the corner. I will be an even hotter mess when the baby comes, I'm sure. Hang in there!

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  24. I love this post. I freak out about stupid things too when I'm home without the hubby. Love Theo's hair and Julia's reaction to the birds. Priceless.

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  25. Court has been up since 4:32 a.m. having had three seizures today. I totally get the no-sleep hangover. Totally! So I will offer up my general bitchy101 for you and your sanity. hugs from VA!

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  26. Right after my divorce from my babies daddy we had just moved into our new place that was in a trailer park that wasn't sketchy but wasn't exactly shangrila either... and my kids were at their dad's house for probably the only visitation weekend he ever took advantage of... and I was by myself for probably the first time ever in my life and around 11:30 pm someone started banging frantically on my door. I WAS SURE it was about to be a home invasion and pulled the covers over my head and did some hard core pentecostal like praying for them to go away which they eventually did. About twenty minutes later I figured out it was the next door neighbor who had also just moved in and didn't have a phone yet wanting to use my phone to call 9-1-1 because his HOUSE was ON FIRE! Seriously. He had to walk about a half mile to find someone to let him use their phone. I apologized but explained that... you know... stranger banging on the door late at night... :shrug:

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  27. Haha I do the same thing! My husband worked overnights when I was pregnant with our girl and I was so paronoid! He doesn't work overnight anymore but I still jump and get in panic mode when I hear anything at night. What helps me and is going to sound sstupid is I think that there are alot of houses in my neighborhood so the odds of someone picking mine are unlikely. I know crazy logic but some how it calms me especially when my husband sleeps like a log!

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  28. Dairy and orange juice removal worked for our colicky baby....I know someone else mentioned it before!

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  29. I won't even let myself put my earbuds in while I work in my office at night if Paul is gone because......that ax murderer Isn't gonna sneak up on me!!!

    #crazycakesunite

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  30. My daughter had colic, reflux and a milk/soy allergy....we were not friends for a good two and a half months. Luckily we got it figured out and I won't suffer with the next one the way we did with her. The crying does get to you and I know you know this because you're four times the mama I am, but it does have an end! It does! Eventually... Also, swings were our BFF.

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  31. You = my hero. That is all. Theo's hair is the best thing I've seen all day :)

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  32. I rarely comment on your posts - I'm a big fan of your blog though! It cheers up my bad/boring days! I'm currently 25 in graduate school getting my PhD in genetics, single (sadly no men on the horizon right now) and no kids. So my life is pretty different from yours. I was a nanny for years and I loved (and hated) every minute of it. I'm anxiously awaiting the day I can start having kids of my own! I know things are crazy hectic for you right now - but you seem like a fantastic wife, mother and woman! You are an inspiration - keep it up! I'm sure it will get easier! :) P.S. Your kids are adorable. I just want to give them all a hug and make them all balloon animals ( random I know - I got really good at that during my nanny days. Sadly now that I'm a scientists it doesn't come in handy).

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  33. Ughhhhh call nights and grumpy babies and pseudo-predators are the WORST. I have been there, minus the three older toddlers. I'm glad you made it out alive!

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  34. Glad to hear it happens to someone else ... Both my babies go into crazy fussy, nothing makes me happy mode at about 6 weeks and it lasts about three weeks and then they go back to normal for no apparent reason. About made me crazy both times! I had several people tell me that its pretty normal for fussiness to peak around 6 weeks. Good luck!

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  35. I'm super afraid of sleeping by myself at night and will still bring my 7 year old (who knocks out cold) into my bed to protect me. It's craziness!

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  36. Have you heard of The Wonder Weeks?? They are supposed to be predictable fussy periods during a baby's first 1.5 years or so when they go through developmental leaps. The author says that it can produce the three c's - crying, clingy and I can't remember the other one off hand : / Check it out! It seemed to be pretty accurate with my boys and it just helped me know that fussy periods are normal and will end. And get less as the baby gets older - as you well know! Best of luck!

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    1. Yep :) she supposedly just finished one though so I'm not sure that's it.

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  37. I got a note like that from my neighbors too...once when I left the front door wide open when I went out and once when I left my minivan unlocked overnight. Glad I am not the only one that's a hot mess sometimes. And Theo's hair...poor guy...he doesn't know now but he'll be mad later.

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  38. Don't feel crazy. When my husband was on night float once, he left the garage door open all night by accident. The next night our doorbell rang very shortly after he left for the night, and since I could clearly see that no one was at our front door (which is stupidly mostly glass), I was 100% certain that Ben had left the garage door open again and there was a murderer in my garage. Who had kindly rung my doorbell. Soooo, I grabbed Ben's hunting knife, turned off all the lights inside and stalked all around the house, pausing to yell at the garage door, "Who's there? WHO'S THERE???" Then it dawned on me to call Ben, who assured me he had closed the garage door and suggested that maybe it was the neighborhood kids playing "ding-dong ditch," because he had seen them running around the neighborhood when he left. I still kept the hunting knife in my lap the rest of the night.
    So, see? You're not crazy!!!

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  39. Oh noooooooooo. That's terrible! (Terrible of me to laugh.) ;-) But I really do feel bad that you routinely lose all that sleep because of your fears. It IS sweet that you need Simon so much, though. :-)

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  40. Jordan and Weston were both 3 months a-colicky. It was the pits. I wonder if it's partly because they're c section babies but I don't know things.

    I hate hate hate when I have to sleep solo (except the kids of course but what protection do they offer?) when I lived with my sister and she left on the occasional weekend trip, I slept at my parents. Swear. I'm pathetic.

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  41. If it makes you feel any better, I once freaked out and "hid" in bed when someone knocked on the door of my first apartment late at night. Turned out I'd left my keys in the front door when I brought the groceries in!
    But don't worry, it didn't happen again just two weeks ago.
    Well.

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  42. Theo has SO MUCH HAIR! Wilson will probably have that much when he turns 6.

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  43. Omg Grace. I also have predator phobia when my husband is away, and I don't even have babies yet. One night I CALLED THE COPS (sorry, caps were necessary) because this person kept banging on the door of my apartment, and yelling in a language I didn't understand. When the COPS CAME, they discovered the murderer was actually the pizza guy, who had undercharged us earlier that night and wanted his $3. A simple misunderstanding that I suppose could have been cleared up had I, you know, opened the door? All of this to say that compared to me, you are calm, cool, and collected. :) No judgment! (And yes, the police had a good laugh at my expense.)

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  44. Ellee went through a crying phase where for like two months she would cry from about 4 pm until about 11 pm every single day. It was awful and we tried everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) with no success. So my condolences and best wishes in that department.
    And my gosh, that's so funny about the van, but I can totally relate. Dev had the boys at a campout over the weekend and his truck had been broken into a week or so earlier and of course it was a really windy night so of course I remained calm and didn't think someone was trying to break in every time the pool blew around the back yard or the neighbor dogs started barking. Of course. And I'm happy to report that Ellee kept me very safe in our bedroom, ha!

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  45. I am also crazy paranoid and am convinced that every creak in the house is an ax murderer trying to break in. My fiance is in med school and starts his surgery rotation next month, along with overnights, so we'll see how the sleeping thing goes. Probably not that well!

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  46. six week growth spurt is THE WORST. it brought me to my topless-bleeding nipple knees.... this story of no sleep made me sick to my stomach... and was a good reminder to get the heck off my computer at 2am.

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  47. Oh my gosh, I SO feel your pain with the predatorphobia! My husband works nights, and has since before we were married. In the first year or two of our marriage, when he worked, I slept with my bedside lamp, hall light, and downstairs light a-blazing! Oh, and bedroom tv on, too. I've gotten a TON better over time, to the point where we've been married 6.5 years, now, and I only need to have the bathroom light on to sleep on the worst nights. However, our neighborhood is full of some truly punka$$ teenagers (I think they finally went away to college, praise God), and one night when I was home alone with the kids, there was a SUPER loud knock at my front door, probably around 10:45. I about puked, and ran to make sure all the doors were locked. I called our friends who live down the street from us (almost in tears), and the husband came over to check on me. He was so sweet, he called me to let me know he was on my front porch so it was ok to open the door. I was still afraid that maybe somehow the killers had gotten ahold of my friend and had a gun to his head, making him tell me everything was ok and to open the door. Luckily, when I did open it, it was just him. And he was so sweet, he had brought a hammer with him (makes me laugh now). He came in and talked me down and assured me that he had done some laps in his car around our block and didn't see anyone lurking. I am finally able to laugh about that incident, but it scared the life out of me.

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  48. OK, so yeah, totally agree about bowing down to people with truly colicky babies because when my daughter would go crazy, I couldn't stop Googling. I mean, there haaad to be a reason, right? I would stare at The Wonder Weeks and the growth spurts on KellyMom and all that, trying to figure out which I was dealing with. I mean, sometimes it lined up and sometimes it didn't, but it totally made me feel better. But, as you know because duh you're on number 4, it passes. Life goes on. And I totally never answer the door if my husband isn't home...especially at night. What, I'm just going to practically invite the killer/kidnapper/scary people in? Um, no.

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  49. i love emily giffin. what would dr. braun think of us now?

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  50. Haha! I totally bring my not-yet two year old and 5 month old to bed with my when my husband is out of town. I think I get a few more minutes of sleep that way!

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  51. Laughing. Hysterical. I'll be needing these types of posts come October when "new baby" arrives.

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  52. HEY! I am loving that blue paint colour!! What colour is it if you don't mind me asking. And by colour i mean color...I'm Canadian. Also I love your blog, it is beautiful and entertaining. Also I would react the same way as this post... my husband works nights and I dread the day I get a knock on the door at a weird hour.

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