the state of the Patton

05 June 2014

That title suggests a more serious tone rather than the baby book theme I'm about to chuck your way. Sometimes I'm struck with thoughts like THE KIDS ARE SO BIG AND GROWN UP AND HIGH SCHOOL IS JUST AROUND THE RIVER BEND and then of course, I have to check myself because three of them are still in diapers. Hold off on the colorful meltdowns until someone actually goes to kindergarten, Queen Drama. So I just wanted to freeze time for the hottest second while I jot down a factoid or two (UPDATE: I went with three fax ... such a mom) about each of the kids. Right here. Right now.

AKA ... this post will only be mildly interesting to the grandparents.

We'll start from the tippy top with Julia ...

the queen on her throne barking orders at Sebastian to find her special book while he abides and scrambles around trying to keep her happy. They have a healthy working relationship.

1. Julia has taken to calling Simon, "Sime" ... like, "oh, Sime! don't be so silly! I know you brought us donuts from work!".
2. She is constantly digging up worms and roly polys and bringing them to the space one inch in front of my eyes. I don't love it.
3. She is napping again! All it took was setting up Sebastian's former bed upstairs and now she sleeps there and always tells Sebastian she slept in his bed. You know how much he cares? None. None cares at all. Whatever it takes.

Moving onto Mr. Careless himself!

he was so pleased I was taking his picture and wanted to see them all after I was finished snapping a million.

1. Still OBSESSED with trucks. All trucks, all the time. If you ask him how old he is he says, "truck cake" because age means birthday means cake with a theme.
2. Sailor mouth. He's picked up some not so great language from oh, I don't know ... his parents, I suppose. He uses the words in perfect context and it's horrifying and slightly humorous but don't tell Simon I said so.
3. He still calls Phoebe, "Fifi" and will gladly pet her head all day long but has no interest in holding her which is probably for the best as far as safety goeth.


his official perch.

1. The kid loves Phoebe. Loves her. I thought it was just the newness of a new baby in the house but he's stayed loyal to his affection each and every day. He tried to brush her hair (aka her head) today and it did not go over well, shockingly.
2. Purses. He likes to throw anything with a strap on his shoulder and make a big production of saying goodbye and make sure we know he is headed out and then he goes to the front door and waits to be let out like a dog. Like I'm just going to say, "hasta! have a blast out in the street!" ... no.
3. Learned how to safely climb down the stairs. Next to grocery cart sitting ... it might be my favorite milestone.



1. Six weeks yesterday. boo, hiss. Don't grow up, please.
2. Is sometimes super fussy in the evenings which sends me Googling and convinced she is colicky but she's been better the past few nights and hey! she's a baby that cries on occasion. CRAZY.
3. She slithers and sweet talks her way into our bed most mornings and happily commiserates with me when the big kids sound their barky sirens at their usual ungodly hour. She's a peach.

... and Grace and Simon are big fat snores. No milestones to report today.

Thanks for humoring me. Off you go to spicier pastures.


  1. I feel like Theo turned into a big kid all of a sudden. Like one day he was a baby and then BAM he's going down stairs and filling his purse and stuff. All are still just as cute as ever, of course!

  2. While not an official Patton grand, we live on Patton Lake and my son is dating a girl with the last name of Patton so I thoroughly enjoyed the update. I co-babysit my two nieces today - they are 9 and 11. We went to Babyland General (home of the Cabbage Patch Kids), bought boiled peanuts at a peanut stand and watched a gazillion episodes of My Little Pony and I am WIPED OUT. Have all the babies you can while you're young because even when they're awesome and delightful and wonderfully behaved like my nieces, they wear out old people like me. At 46. For realz.

  3. I love all the camp kids but I think Theo is my absolutely favorite! (It's okay for a blog reader to have favorites, right?)

    But Phoebe is running a close second with those cheeks. They are just begging to be covered in kisses.

  4. Ok, little Fifi herself went from newborn to full on baby mode overnight!!! So I agree, stop all this growing up biznass!

  5. Wyatt calls roly polys "coly colys" and we turned THAT into a song to the hymn of "coly coly coly, Lord God Almighty". The fun just does not stop here.

  6. Oh, I love all of you Pattons. You light up my (e)life.

  7. they are so much fun!! thanks for sharing their unique and adorable differences with us... I love that they are all their own person (of course they are) but you get what I mean...maybe. :) the Patton Pack rocks!

  8. Love it. I think Julia is a 22 year old trapped in a tiny body

  9. Filling the bag and saying "Goodbye!" or "I'm going to work!" is a favorite here, too. So much cute.

  10. Oh, they are so super cute! Mine were always fussy in the evening, just to get their "cluster feedings" in. Maybe? Maybe not. I don't want to be the mom who acts like she knows everything ;)

  11. It is hard to reprimand a child who knows how to curse correctly, isn't it!? Hiding my laughter usually leaves me shunned among the other mothas. Easton is also a fan of first names, he tries to call josh "papa" or "dad" and if he doesn't answer he screams "JOSSSSHHHHH!" And I laugh again... These fax were fun, how are you doing these days lady? Three Grace fax about how you're maintaining sanity? ;)

    1. My husbands name is Josh, and my 2 yr old does the exact same thing. When "Daddy!' fails to catch his attention, he hollers "JOSH!" in the exact same inflection as I do....

  12. Love these updates!
    Given that my oldest FINISHES kindergarten tomorrow may I recommend not blinking much.

  13. and not a crayon in sight! Yes! love those little cheeks of Miss FiFi. Love them. Happy Thursday!

  14. Phoebe has gotten so big. Definitely out of the newborn phase..BOO!!! Your kids are so cute!!

  15. These are the kind of posts that make my day. I know I've never met you in real life, but just seeing the love and joy you and your husband have for your kids in the midst of so much craziness, just really warms my heart and makes the world a brighter place.
    And makes me want to have more kids...

    Julia is so funny :)

  16. I have such a baby crush on Theo. He just melts my heart.

    And, J and E would just love to hang out and pick up bugs and shove them in mothers' faces. "Hey! I found this in the house, and it doesn't belong here. Put it outside."

  17. Julia sounds just like me re: sitting on her perch, bossing Bash around. Oldest child syndrome?

    Bash's hair looks darker! And he looks so much like Simon.

    Theo is the adorablest thing I have seen today. And I see a lot of adorable things (ok, that's a lie, but still...)

    Phoebe has little chipmunk cheeks! Chub it up, bebe!

  18. I love these posts! And my middle child is the same age as Bash, I might say shi* a lot and now she says it for everything. And then the 4 year old says "you can't say shi* Alexis!" Both saying the word loud and clear for all to hear. I can't help it, i laugh hysterically every time!

  19. I love these posts! And my middle child is the same age as Bash, I might say shi* a lot and now she says it for everything. And then the 4 year old says "you can't say shi* Alexis!" Both saying the word loud and clear for all to hear. I can't help it, i laugh hysterically every time!

  20. i absolutely just died died died laughing at truck cake. that's amazing. and oh so much respect for julia, sending orders down from her thrown! what are brothers for but to do your bidding?! ;)

  21. They are So precious!! And Phoebe is getting so big, good job, Mama!

  22. That picture of Theo is so cute I could die!!! What a darling!!! and Pheobie!!! She is adorable. Don't tell Julie and Bash but I might have new Patton kid favorites!

  23. Just found you via A Healthy Slice of Life and had to comment because I have a Phoebe too! Love it!

  24. Julia - "Sime" - oh my gosh I can't even
    Bash - "Fifi" - love it
    Since Theo loves Phoebe I have hope that my little angel won't automatically react with horror and revulsion when the newborn arrives and upsets her "center of the universe" perch
    Phoebe - holy cheeks! Adorbs.

    1. Allllllso Garrett had some colorful language too at 2 yrs old. He had learned most of it from Daddy during football games and NASCAR. In fact, he thought the appropriate way to respond to seeing football on TV was, "Ho sh*t!" Also, he would offhandedly yell at our (or anyone else's) barking canines: "Doggies shut UP!" We won't even talk about the time he watched a Kevin Smith movie. (Mommy was not involved in that decision making process.)

  25. Although my kids are big now (a high schooler next year? my last elementary concert last night? NO!!!!), I wanted to share my favorite milestone: pumping their legs on swings. Oh, how heavenly it was to only have to watch swinging, instead of actively participating.

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  27. In that picture, Bash looks just like Sime - I mean, Simon. I know what you mean about growing up fast, even though they are not, um, grown. Sometimes my three-year-old looks just so not-babyish. So kid like. But then he throws a monster tantrum, and I think I won't mind if he's that thirteen-year-old that refuses to talk to him mom. J/K. Sort of.

  28. Every single one of your posts has me laughing. I appreciate that you keep it real! The real, true, unedited life of a mom! - one crazy, fun rollercoast, amiright?



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