the case of the Crayola contraband

04 June 2014

Several weeks ago Simon and I threw away ALL the crayons in the house. ALL OF THEM. The kids just fight over them and draw on everything that is not paper and Theo eats them. The crayons had formerly been stored on top of the refrigerator - very much out of arm's reach of all four of our children. AND STILL ... the will would find a way so ... death to Crayolas in the casa.

So you'll join me in a little brow furrow and a head scratch as new picassitos continue to pop up all over our abode ...

(if anyone was curious about the color of our basement walls/doors/ceiling/trim ... it's called, "most depressing beige of all time" and I think you can find about 99 gallons of it in our storage room left behind by the former owners ... SO weird they didn't want to take it with them to freshen up their new place! Right?)


And this is not counting the scrawls all over the television screen (again! high above their little reach) and Simon's laptop.

Simon says we're never going to sell the house next year and Grace thinks he might have a point. 

Anyway, Imma bout to get Nancy Drew up in here to question all the little Pattons.

ALL of them.


Trust but verify, right Mrs. Clean?


Vill do.
 
I hope this qualifies for a little linky action over at Blythe's hilarious house. I'm either really late or super early. We'll go with both.


38 comments:

  1. Just wrap Mr. Clean Magic Erasers in the Crayola wrapper. That way they think they are drawing, but, in fact just cleaning up the mess!!

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  2. Meredith: many lols. That is brilliant.

    Grace: Phoebe is chunking up nicely! Her cheeks are so sweet, and I love when tiny babies do the Michael Jordan tip-of-the-tongue-out-the-mouth thing, so I'm pretty much helpless.

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    1. she is! definitely lost that newborn look!

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  3. New follower love your writing! I swear they are all little Houdini magicians. The last time I watched my niece and nephew the two year old got a marker that I can't even tell you I don't think I even own markers I think he stashed it away in his clothes to use for mischief at Auntie Amanda's abode. Cracked up with that paint color ;-)

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  4. I'm about ready to ditch the crayons too. And I LOVE Phoebe's onesie. Do share where you got it. :)

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  5. Are J and Bash thieving crayons from school? Or maybe Bash added a hidden compartment when he renovated J's room recently.

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  6. I totally agree with you on banning crayons. I've also banned markers, colored pencils, nail polish and syrup.

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  7. Oh, I went through four boxes of magic erasers last week and I'm still not done. Around here, to find the culprit, I stand the kids in front of the "masterpieces" and have them hold out their arms, seeing who reaches what. If the arm height fits, we must acquit.... or something like that.

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  8. ahhh we just recently had our first wall/furniture art sesh and i have no idea how to get the looovely black crayon off!!!!

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  9. Phoebe looks VERY suspicious with that little tongue hanging out. :) hope the magic erasers do the trick. Good thing the big kids are able to use them and clean themselves, right!? ;) this is also a good mental note to NOT ever buy crayons for the kiddos. right? isn't that what you're trying to teach us new moms? :)

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  10. I would question Phoebe very closely. She definitely looks like she has something to hide...:)

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  11. Skip the magic erasers, really. Buy Goof Off. It's crayon magic. A little squirt of Goof Off and a wipe with a paper towel - crayon all gone!

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    1. Thank you!! Will definitely do!

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    2. If that doesn't work, try rubbing a cucumber on it. I've heard that the cucumber peel (the green side) takes crayon right off walls!

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    3. ahh this is the answer i needed! fabulous!!

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  12. I love that onesie. I have magical appearing marbles at my house, with a crawling baby I tried to pick up all of the marbles and the baby still manages to find them. That and foreign coins, kids love coming to our house because they always find money. Also magic erasers work well, and plus you can make it into a (well-supervised) game

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  13. Oh my gosh - those super-chub baby cheeks! Love them!

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  14. Oh my gosh - those super-chub baby cheeks! Love them!

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  15. DAMN KIDS!

    jk. i can hear the magic eraser people now itching to get a sponsor post on the patton blog. those things are legit magic.

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  16. Oh my. They have a crayon stash hidden somewhere??

    Phoebe is precious!!

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  17. Where did you get Phoebe's onesie?! SO CUTE!! 'Bout to have a little girl myself, and think I might need it :).

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  18. If I kinda squit at the headboard (? - the thing with the white scroll work), I see an interpretive horse's head . . .

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  19. I offer my sincerest apologies for every sending a box of crayons to the Patton household. I solemnly promise to never cross that line again. ever. hope you find the "missing" devil sticks soon. with a humble heart, miss mary (the worst crayon sender offender ever!) :)

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  20. Grace- I'm sure in all your spare time of late, you been out too see all the latest flicks. Butforrealtho, if you can steal away a precious couple of hours you have to see the movie "mom's night out." It was HILARIOUS!!! And so our life! And a positive message to boot! :) check it out if you can! The babe is presh.

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  21. haha oh man I'm laughing as I look at these photos but also thinking... dang it, I'm sure this is my future at some point

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  22. I'm distracted by the cuteness of Phoebe's outfit. But I do sympathise with the crayons -- my parents' dog eats them, and no matter how many I think I pick up off the floor when #1 spills them everywhere, it seems the dog still finds a couple to munch on. Like Gremlins -- they're everywhere!

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  23. I threw away all the play-doh yesterday. My Sebastian grinds it into the carpet and the walls. It's stuck in his toys too. No more. No more I say! I won't do it anymore!!

    Ps. I won't allow paint or markers in my house either. I know exactly how that will go. I'm not even going to test it.

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  24. Rut-ro, Shaggy!! Gotta love the Crayola! I found Crayola'd hieroglyphics in my fridge recently...which may or may not have been there for a few years - they were rather toddler in design, and I haven't had toddlers in a looooong while. (I'm not a huge fan of fridge cleaning, what can I say?)

    Hope you guys are having a great week!
    Jessica

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  25. I'm not saying Julia's the culprit, but isn't she famous for her stashing and hoarding? There could easily be some crayons stashed away in her purses. Just be glad it isn't permanent marker; my brother once got mad and covered my sister's entire bedroom with black Sharpie Xs.

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  26. Oh my gosh, WHERE did you get Phoebe's onesie from??? One of my BFFs is having a baby girl in August and she NEEDS me to give this to her.

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  27. Hahah that reminds me of this pin: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/299630181428949250/

    "hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, ever. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican druglord."

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  28. I think most parents have been there at one point. I've been there... A LOT! And not just with crayons. Markers, pens, stamps; if it marks the wall, they've done it. Oh, and can't forget boogers. Yup, that was (not) a fun find.

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  29. hmm...maybe I won't go get my kids all the crayons I was planning too....the pictures are very compelling case against that....
    Phoebe is so incredibly cute!

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  30. Came across your blog a few months ago and I can't stop reading. It was perfect timing as I just had my 2nd baby and on the days when I think I am going to loose it I seriously think of you and remind myself.. "Hey blog lady with 4 little ones can do this and her husband is in residency, so I can do this too!". Thanks for keeping it real and for all the laughs that keep me going =)

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  31. OMG, just last night my MIL emailed DH to say she sent a bunch of Amazon stuff, including FIVE different kinds of crayons (for exactly one kid big enough to use them) and FINGER PAINTS. Thankfully, he intercepted and cancelled the order before disaster rained down upon our home. It was like the hacker scene out of some action movie. "Well, should I keep this, or this?" "No, shut it all down NOW, before it's too late!"

    P.S. The people demand to know where Phoebe's outfit is from!

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