short stories

07 April 2016

I fear (know?) these are all, "you had to be there" polite chuckle type tales but that's never stopped me before ... 

1. Several weeks ago Simon's sister and her husband were visiting and as we were filing out of Mass on Sunday morning, I was holding Bosco and making sure Julia had gotten alllllllll of the trinkets and treasures she crams into her little backpack for church when trinketless Sebastian sort of skipped ahead of us. Simon looked up a few steps down the aisle and saw Sebastian, business as usual, holding a very elderly gentleman's hand and nonchalantly leading him into the vestibule. Me thinks Bash just got lost in the crowded shuffle and grabbed the first hand he saw. I'm not even sure the poor man realized he was being bashnapped. Again, had to be there.

2. Another Sunday story. Believe it or not there was a local Don Bosco festival to celebrate the feast of St. John Bosco (Bosco's patron - shockingly) and we felt like we couldn't not go and so ... we went! It was such a fun time and they had pony rides led by humans set up for the kids. The four older kids were so excited and happily waited in line for their turns in the saddle.

First up ...

no issues. saddle club series, here she comes.

rider numero dos ...

happy as a clam. on a horse.

third born ...

less enthused once he got on stage but managed to ride around with no tears and flirted with smiling for the briefest of seconds.

And then along came Phoebe. She saw the other three go around and insisted multiple times that she wanted to ride too. And then Simon got conned into riding with her ...

She made it through the majority of the three minute circle with minimal tears but ...

maybe if she'd (gasp) touched the animal ... it would've been worse

I do admire her commitment to a completely contact-free ride.

Luckily, Bosco was happy to celebrate with a fat and happy nap through the horstivities.

3. Not a Sunday story but we were at Mass. Simon had a weekend long work commitment several months ago and so we had to go to a new-to-us parish on Saturday night. As soon as we walked in and got settled we realized we made up half of the congregation and brought the age average down by several decades so suffice it to say ... any little Patton child peep was heard loud and echo proud. Simon took the oldest three out to the back of the church almost immediately because no one was going to hear anything with all of us present. Phoebe was none-too-pleased about this development but we made it through. After we all met back up Simon let me know that the oldest two had gone to the bathroom and somehow managed to overflow the toilet ... quite a bit. He found a mop and took care of business but ... we won't be back. Sorry and you're welcome, foreign parish.

4. And last! Simon was watching the kids a few weeks ago when he suddenly realized he hadn't seen or heard Phoebe for a few minutes which is somewhat unusual. Bosco was napping behind closed doors and after a thorough search of the house (closets are her usual go-to) he started to worry that maybe she'd escaped outside? He scanned the perimeter of the house and even peeked into the neighbors yards and nope. His growing panic was interrupted by giggling coming from Bosco's crib. She had somehow slithered into his room, thought to shut the door behind her, climbed into his crib, woken him up, and started in on a little laughy hour.

Not laughing, P.

(photo reenactment ... Simon was not in the mental space for big camera grabbing and fancy photo taking)

And that's all.

For now!

Happy Thursday.


  1. I love your church stories, they remind me so much of my own family! This weekend our second oldest makes her Firs Communion and I am going to be brave (stupid) and take her VERY loud and antsy brothers (ages 3 and 4) to the mass too. Teacher informed me we were the first pew up front to help with the nerves of the First Communicant.... so this should be REAL fun!! (prayers accepted for us and all those also in attendance and sitting directly behind us! HA!)

  2. I love that you found a Saint Festival and got to go! One of our kid's Patron Saint's Day is on April Fools and you have boys so you know how this plays out, not well for parents...

  3. That is like the coolest saint festival ever! Also I really miss Simon says and I desperately want you to bring those back!

    1. haha hoping to have one soon! can't force them!

  4. Dying. I cannot believe she let herself on in there!!!

  5. The overflowing the toilet story! Ahhhh! Way to handle it, Simon. I met Philip (Surprise! We came to worship with you!) with all the kids down by the hospital at the university's parish for Ash Wednesday. Once I was good and quadruple parked in, I texted him to let him know we were there...we'd be in to meet him. He was all, you're where?? Apparently, a priest FROM that parish came to the hospital to do their abbreviated Ash Wednesday we all filed in with a church full of college students for over an hour of sweating (me), loud tooting (Wyatt), and crying baby. Never ever again. PS! As I hustled all the kids out, past one of the only older ladies there, she counted nice and loud, "One. Two. Three. Four. MAN, that's a lot of kids." 😒 I led them in a hurry past another priest (the BISHOP, because I'm an idiot and barely had a chance to look up while kids were escaping to tell him thank you) who said, "Doing great!" I only realized later when I was telling Philip about my adventure, and I put two and two together. Good fun. 👎🏻

  6. Maybe the foreigners were elderly enough they actually couldn't hear your kids? Wishful thinking?
    I was super impressed with Simon's blogger husband photo op for a hot second

  7. you always have the best stories involving your mischievous muffins, and i get a good laugh every time!! i so admire how well you do it with five. :) i feel like a hot mess with two way too often!!!

    1. I'm promise I'm a MUCH bigger mess. All the time. :)

  8. I feel as if I should apologize. I DREAMT that as we were driving through Tampa, I stopped at your house to help you out. Simon was leading a parade down your street for some kind of tribute to you, and you thanked me but said we were a little too loud and would we please leave. we did, but came back the next day. I have felt badly about this since I woke up. I'm sorry :)

  9. These stories are so great. The horse photos just got me! Phoebe and non-contact riding *insert crying laughing emoji.*

  10. Simon on the horse with Phoebe is hilarious! Such a sacrificing father.

  11. I knew as you were enumerating the riding experiences of each kid that Phoebe was gonna be the interesting one, but I was unprepared for the pic of Simon holding her on the horse. LOL! And I also noticed (before reading your commentary) that she was managing to make sure her legs were nowhere near touching that horse. Just hilarious! And the story of her crawling into Bosco's crib & shaving a few yrs off Simon's lifespan... she keeps you guys on your toes! <3

  12. #4! and the reenactment photo of P & B is awesome :)



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