the mothermoon

04 May 2015


What a weekend.

There was a big televised fight. And a Derby. And that's all I can truthfully say I know about those blessed events. 

But then Princess Charlotte made her debut and eight minutes later her Duchess mother was out on the campaign trail lobbying hard for her name to be etched in history as, "postpartum unicorn gazelle of glitter and wonder and wtf."

I'll have the prenatals that she's having. As long as they're gummy. Thanks.

Oh! And I went on a babymoon with me, myself, I, and baby #5. I'm always apprehensive about leaving the kids (even though Simon is a far more capable parent than I'll ever be and we had a great sitter to fill in when he had to go to work) but I got over my apprehension real quick like as soon as I got off my flight and into my Corolla rental and buckled zero car seats and was off to the house hunting races down in Tampa.

Top Grace

(I put that FINE piece of photoshop together on my flight home last night and the gentleman to my right was suddenly very well assured that he was seated next to a perfectly sane human. Perfectly sane!!!)

Anyway, I went down with a very specific house in mind that I "just knew!!!" was perfect for us and made a beeline for the potential home as soon as I landed but surprise, surprise! I was wrong. Luckily, I was steered in smarter directions and after looking at many, many, many houses and sending Simon many, many, many photos and videos ... I'm hope-think-hoping we found a winner. So, hopefully we've got that bit of important squared away for the impending move.

This is not the house but wouldn't it be nice?

Don't mind the creep snapping photos whilst slooooowwwwlllllly driving by. Twice.


A few things I learned on my journey to find house love...

+ I would almost prefer to buy a house that had been previously inhabited by heavy smokers than cat owners (I'm sorry cat lovers! I am). Almost! No amount of candles or air purifiers or open windows can hide those feline fumes and I've got the well-loved bottle of Wal-Dryl to prove it.

+ A for-sale-by-owner home takes triple the time to tour because the owner has a lot to tell you about their beloved abode. Almost none of it is pertinent to the purchasing decision but! it is nice to know that three owners and twenty seven year ago the kitchen linoleum was lime green. I suppose.

+ 99% of the time a house price that seems too good to be true .... is. And the other 1% of the time the diamond has gone under contract five minutes before you called. Fie on you, faster buyers.

+"Loads of vintage charm!!" means dark wood paneling throughout said charmer. Nary a wall missed.

+ "Endless possibilities!!" means that the house is a glorified piece of sh - it needs a lot of work.

+ "Loving artistic touches!!" means every color of the pastel rainbow legitimate life sized murals. In every bedroom and bathroom.

+ Being very visibly pregnant will officially earn you "disabled"status and score you pre-pre-pre-boarding privileges. Even before the triple crown platinum eight star elite members. On select mostly empty flights. If the flight is full? No.

+ Prescription sunglasses (I found a reasonable pair here!) are worth every penny and maybe a few more. I'm sure I could've constructed some sort of sunglasses on top of glasses situation but it was really nice that I didn't have to while searching for teeny tiny street names and addresses etc. I'm a big kid now.

+ Dining alone wasn't awkward or unpleasant but downright ... nice.

... I'm still think about that fancy + glorified egg McMuffin 36 hours later ...

... this outfit was ALL fine and dandy until I had to "gracefully" (fake an LOL for me, please) unbuckle my shoes in the security line while standing and trying not to start heavy breathing like I was post-marathon ... I survived. I did. But mark my words that either I'm toting around a couple extra gallons of amniotic fluid or I'm gestating goliath because this baby feels scarily huge. Words marked? Good.


And a few short stories ...

One of the houses had a little fish pond in the yard (alllllll I could think about was what a match made in absolute hell that would be when paired with a sweet little cherub by the name of Sebastian) and there were hundredS of fish in said pond which didn't strike me as that c to the razy until I learned that the owner had initially started out with seven fish and has since given tons and tons away.

I'm not sure why rabbits get all the reproducing credit. Go fish, go. {and apparently they were camera shy or maybe just not photogenic ... it's fine)

On my way down, I did NOT anticipate or allot time for the security line that rivaled Thanksgiving eve travel ...

... and um, I missed my flight. By two minutes. But there were tons of other people in the same boat (plane, polite chuckle) and Southwest was kind and understanding and it wasn't a huge deal aside from the hours and hours of alone time I had to spend in the airport. So rough. So quiet. So peaceful.

So geriatric.

And that was that.

No, it wasn't.

A few hours after I'd flown the Camp Coop .... Simon sent me this clip.

First steps. Little shittling. I've been trying to get her to walk for weeks. And now she's cruising all over and totally prefers Simon to me which isn't the most terrible development only a little bit hurtful. I jest. Mostly.

All for now. But not tomorrow.

See you then.


  1. "Little shittling" bahaha! I am totally stealing that one! Sorry you missed her first steps, but I am so jealous of allll the alone time you got!

  2. Love hearing about the trip. And cannot believe her!!!!

  3. I am dying over your description of the duchess. Hilarious as always. I'm glad you found a house!

  4. Leave it to the kids todo something big as soon as you are gone! Glad you maybe -hopefully found a house though!

    'Tis Our Life Blog

  5. True story - my neighbor and I were sitting in my driveway while our kids were playing. This Jeep flies past us to the end of our street (5 houses and it dead ends to a field). A lady gets out snaps a picture or two of my neighbor's (who is sitting out with me) house. Hops back in the car and slowly drive past her house and then zooms back down the street. If it happens again I gonna think y'all are moving to NC instead of FL : )

  6. Of course she did.
    I'm so glad you might have found a house and you got a little vacay to boot.

  7. Grace! We seem to have comparable houses and I wanted to pick your brain about selling if you are willing. I just had a few questions about what to expect (we have a 6 month old and 2 year old and my husband is a stay at home dad so he will be the one I need to prepare for unexpected showings, etc. I shudder). Can I email you? If so - what's your email address?

    1. emailed you back, but you already knew that ;)

  8. Gooood luck with the house hunt! And oh Phoebe!!!

  9. Oh, I love that green house! Thanks for the lolzz this morning!

    X. Morgan

  10. Where are those annoying-buckle shoes from and are they comfortable? I need black sandals that are appropriate for high temps, work, and the third trimester.... also known as a miracle.

    1. right here!

      And they have black!

      they are comfy!

  11. Bahaha! Grace I love these posts. So. Freaking. Much. I've been telling my fiancee for some time about the little Phoebs and how she'll "stand for hours but won't take a step." Who knew it would happen the one weekend you fly the coop... That's funny but not all at the same time. Good luck finding the right house! Can't wait to read the adventures that will ensue :)

  12. I'm rolling with laughter over here .... house shopping - you nailed it! Plus, little shittling? That's my new word. I'll credit you.

  13. Last week my Husband took our daughter to FL for a funeral. Saying goodbye at the airport had me in tears (they were going to be gone for 2 days.....), but then I got to the car, cried a little more, and realized...I can do whatever I want! I then took a day off from work so I really really could do whatever I wanted. Little breaks are nice. :-)

  14. It all sounds so dreamy.
    Trust your instincts on that baby. I thought the same thing my last pregnancy because I could feel the baby in my ribs and deep down in my pelvis. He ended up being 8lbs 11oz. Which I know isn't 10lbs, but my one before was 6lbs 15 oz, so it was a big jump.
    Shittling is totally something my Mom would say. It cracks me up. My mother also says you never tell the mom they missed the milestone, you just act like it was the first time when they see it. Otherwise they will be afraid to ever leave again. She is such a cute little walker!

  15. Glad you found something! I would also never buy a previous-cat house. I'm so desperately allergic and that cat saliva (to further gross you about cats) sticks to EVERYTHING - walls, carpet, etc. Virtually impossible to clean without sterilizing the house and re-painting every single surface. And love me some Real Simple on an airplane!

  16. dying over your photoshopping and the little shittling. I was just contemplating prescription shades but wondered if that makes me a geriatric? and do I care? I am tired of squinting and contacts don't like me much anymore. le sigh.

  17. Yeah, cats in the house. Yuck.

    And I understand about the caring previous owners... we looked at an acreage and the nice lady (who grew up there) told us that all the buildings had to stay. All 7 of them. In all their "we ALL need roofs!" glory.

  18. SHE WALKS!!! I love it. Jonathan did the same thing when Daddy was across the ocean. At least you have video to console your mommy soul. Remember your disappointment when she is racing across the floor headed straight for the wall and all your thinking is "It was nicer when she was still" LOL!

  19. You are 100% my favorite blogger! Thanks for making me laugh every day :)

  20. THE LITTLE PHOEBE STEPS. Also - this was the most hysterical weekend recap since...last weekend's. And that security line is UNREAL.

  21. Good luck with the house. I live in Tampa and casually looking at houses. A lot of things are really over budget or gross. haha

    Long sleeve and turtleneck in florida....I am sweating just looking at your picture.

  22. This is so great!! We're house hunting too and finding the same things to be true!! All the good houses get scooped up in 0.01 seconds. Also, I've vowed off "For Sale By Owner" houses after one house was a haven for cats (had 50+ running around) and the other house had mannequins all over the place and we are 99% certain there are dead people under that house. Both took WAYYY too long to look at. Hope the one you like works out :)

  23. Simon! How could you tell Grace she missed the first steps?! Amateur move by a very professional Dad ;)

  24. I imagine you could commission Julia to be on stand-by to provide hair and make-up post birth of Cinco de Patton! Obviously, that is what Princess Kate is doing!

  25. Can you give the details on your black top in the outfit above? I'm maternity clothes shopping....thanks!

  26. I soooo wish I was house hunting in Florida rather than St. Louis! Have you considered doing a post on selling with littles running amok? I seriously don't know how I can keep this place clean and show ready when no one can seem to keep food in their mouth and my vegetarian baby plays throw the meat as far as possible at every single meal!



Camp Patton © All rights reserved · Theme by Blog Milk · Blogger