Monday, August 18, 2014

Simon Says

"Now I know how the poor kids feel."


After stepping on a toy that the kids had left on the ground ...
Simon: curses curses curses
Grace: what did you step on?
Simon: it doesn't matter but it felt like a shark tooth.

After getting home from work and seeing that Julia was wearing a form fitting grey ribbed tank top Simon said, "did your mom make you wear your brother beater today, Julia?"

After seeing me anoint myself and Phoebe with lavender oil to help us sleep Simon stared, rolled his eyes, and offered, "or you could just turn off the baby monitor."

When talking about his future in female pelvic medicine and vaginal surgery Simon instructed, "in mixed company let's just say I fix leaky bladders."

After reading the synopsis of the book I'm reading Simon said, "another one of those 'troubled marriage lit' books you love so much, I see."

While looking at his 4th of July Instagram of the kids and its three lonely likes a few minutes after posting Simon confessed, "I guess I just assumed a snap like that would go viral immediately."

And recycling a cleaner version from Twitter ... Simon took the kids to the park, dealt with a diaper situation, and reported via text, "there's a tiger dad running soccer drills with his son and I'm like well my son crapped himself."


24 comments:

  1. "brother beater", bwahahaha!!! I just LOVE Simon Says!!!

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  2. Haha... oh, and I assume you know this, but essential oils are really potent and I bet Phoebe doesn't need much at all. :) (I don't want to sound like a know-it-all, but I've heard a lot of stories about people overdosing on EOs, especially with little kids. They are awesome but they are so strong!!)

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    1. thanks! Yes, I always dilute with coconut oil and only put a tiny bit on the bottom of her feet. Doesn't seem to help at all though :)

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    2. oh i tried and prayed lavender oil would help with sleeping baby too! why doesn't it work?!?!?!

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    3. Aww... sorry it isn't working for her! I wonder if diffusing some would help. Sleep, Phoebe, sleep!

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  3. Hahahaha!! And is the book any good?

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  4. peace and calming!! let me tell you about how my super cranky five year old and naughty almost two year old passed out all night- peace and calming on feet, necks arms and diffused- BOOM! best night with hubby in a while, ha! yes, i sell young living; but that is because i needed to support my habit (with oils and hubby!) :)

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  5. "It doesn't matter but it felt like a shark tooth" is the best. I am the clumsiest person and am ALWAYS stepping on Duplo blocks, pony figures, toy cars... >.< and they ALL feel like shark teeth.

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  6. LOL! I especially loved the last one about the tiger dad because something similar happened to me as well.

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  7. Yes. Maybe the next time you're home alone at night you could just leave toys on the floor as a defense system? And how is the book? I'm in need of a new read.

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  8. these are the best posts on all the internets. You need to get him to do a vlog. That WOULD go viral. Immediately.

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  9. I literally LOL'd many times during this post. Hilarious!

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  10. oh man the baby monitor comment... lol

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  11. fav: "let's just say I fix leaky bladders." lol.

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  12. he's really funny. how long does it take to come up with this post? steve's funny, but it'd take a good while of collecting these gems.

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  13. I started The Expats about a month ago and haven't really gotten into it...is it worth it to keep trying to wade through it?

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  14. There's my favourite t-shirt again!

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  15. "Tiger Dad" vs. "Poop Cleaner Extraordinaire"
    Hilarious.
    For my son's birthday we wanted to get him a little piano (no batteries, think xylophone in a box). I lucked out on an Ebay, half the price and local pickup. When we went to get it from seller, an elderly woman, I told her it was for my son's birthday and she smiled and asked how old he was turning and I said 3. Her smile disappeared and she instructed me to "just be careful with it because that is vintage and it can break."
    We got in the car and my husband bursts out laughing, "Little does she know!!!!"

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