a dream come true

23 July 2014

You longtime and loyal (and kind and generous and patient) readers just might recall that one time Julia found a snake. That clip is an important part of the backstory.

Anyway, recently Julia and Sebastian have taken a great interest in collecting and hoarding worms ...


... and as fate would have it, I hate worms. I hate them almost as much as I hate the current rotation that Simon is on (HOMESTRETCH THOUGH) right now. He's gone a lot and so we popped over to say hello last night and upon our return Julia found a, "REALLY BIG GIANT GIANT WORM!!!!" in the front yard ...


Gross.

But of course I took a photo to send to Simon so that he might know and love all that he is missing on the homefront.

And then I noticed that the "worm" kept aptly slithering out of Julia's hand. Julia just chalked it up to, "oh! it's such a SILLY worm!!" and then would scoop him right back up again.

AND THEN I noticed that the "worm" kept sticking it's tongue out and isn't that something that only ...

SNAKE.

Oh, freshest of hells it was a cursing snake. Albeit a baby or maybe a dwarf but a snake nonetheless.

My current fearset goes a little something like this: predators, needles, snakes, dry hands, and running out of diapers. So snakes are my bronze medal fear.


After I told the kids, "It's a very dangerous and poisonous snake ... please kill it immediately and come inside out of harm's way" Julia asked, "hmmmm ... what does kell mean?!" and kept on playing with lucifer jr.

Sebastian played deaf and made an obstacle course/soccer goal for the serpent who didn't bite. Lit or fig, thankfully.

Eventually, the kids came inside after I pulled out my biggest gun and threatened no more almond milk ever (something I find disgusting but they LOVE).


Phoebe was clearly petrified as a courtesy in solidarity with her pansy of a mother.

Could it have been worse? Absolutely. Will Sebastian find a much larger reptile in the wild in the near or distant future and make it his own first pet to know and love? Potentially. But still! Was I scared enough to scream loud enough to make our elderly neighbor come busting out of his house and speed walk down his wheelchair ramp to see what all the ruckus was about? Yes.

Three minutes in the life. Much fun. So very much.

Nightmares coming to life left and right.

Love,

Mother Warrior


56 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you had such a close experience with a snake, but this story made my day!

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  2. haha this is too funny! I would have flipped out also! Snakes are prolly the most awful thing ever!

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  3. I actually shivered reading this. EEEEK! Snakes. No. Ew.

    But also, hilarious.

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  4. I live in fear of this happening in my immediate or ever future 😐

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  5. I share this fear.. actually it is my gold medal fear. To the point that if there is a snake in a movie, I need to cover my eyes and someone has to tell me when it is over. No snakes. On screens or in life. Please.

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  6. What does "kell" mean? You gotta step up your game in teaching Julia what "kell" means so she can take care of those nasty snakes for you!!!! Ewww and Gross....nothing worse than snakes, well maybe but not close enough!

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  7. I was thankful I birthed a girl 7 months ago so I could avoid creepy slimy things. Seems as though Julia is proving that is not the case. Yay me.

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  8. And this would be my worst fear. Please Lord make my boy a sissy.

    www.stmurrie.blogspot.com

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  9. I feel about rodents like you feel about snakes. Actually, rodents might even be silver medal for me.

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  10. Someone in my city accidentally lost their pet boa constrictor. If I think about it too much, I will vomit. I'm 100% convinced that no normal person owns a reptile (sorry Sebastian!).

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  11. I thought Julia had higher standards than to participate in something so repulsive.

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  12. I would have nightmares, too. Not not not OK.

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  13. Oh man I would have flipped out in fact I did. I was teaching at a daycare. We were outside for recess. I was sitting in my chair and a little boy came up to me and said "Ms Brittney there a snake" I said boy hush thats a lizard. I turned around and it really was a snake (a baby snake) I freaked out jumped over kids and screamed loud enough for all the teachers to come outside and see what was going on.

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  14. My husband is terribly afraid of snakes.... and because I'm a sweet, loving wife, I enjoy sneaking up behind him and "slithering" my hand around his ankle/calf whenever he's suspicious there's a garden snake in our yard. Ha!

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  15. "speed walk down his wheelchair ramp" - I die!

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  16. OMG!! I'm having heart palpitations. I was in our shed the other day and looked up to see a 4.5ft snake skin staring me straight in the eye. If it wasn't arson I would have already torched the thing. Needless to say nothing in that shed is EVER coming into our house again.

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  17. There are no snakes in Hawaii.

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  18. I'm pretty sure I would have fainted or gone blind from shock and would not gave been able to take a picture! Yuck!!!

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  19. Think yourself lucky you don't live in Australia. They're pretty much all poisonous here. I would lose it if I saw my child holding a snake!

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  20. I see a PICTURE of a snake and flip the freaking frack out. I see a snake-skin on the ground and I run across the street to get away from it. SO HOLDING A FLIPPING SNAKE?!?! NO. JUST NO. EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW.

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  21. but why is it flesh colored??????!!

    oh freshest of hells indeed. That is sickening.

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  22. Nope. Nope. Nope Nope. Nope. Aaaaaaaaaand, nope.
    The kids picked up a dead, two-foot-long snake last year, and I about had a heart attack, set the backyard on fire, and sold the house. Actually, we're selling the house right now, so my little plan is in motion.
    Oh, and while we're on the subject, the kids also found a HUGE "snail" they brought in to show me the other day. Yep, a slug. A disgusting slug made it's way into the dining room.

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  23. Oh man...y'all are moving to Florida though. Aka the land plentiful with snakes and reptiles. Sure, the weather's nice but is the move worth being surrounded by little and big lizards all.the.time?

    Sorry if I just ruined your excitement over the constant nice weather...but better to be informed, eh?

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  24. I'm not good at commenting enough when I read things, but I couldn't not this time, your vernacular had me actually laughing, as in audibly, which doesn't happen except every few years -- "Oh freshest of hells it was a cursing snake" -- great weird choice, hahaha.

    I mean, uh, my sympathies, right yes. Not laughing at all. Awful. Truly awful. ;]

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    1. Oops, word* choice. Phone thinks it knows stuff.

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  25. I would have screamed also! (But for the record, the fact that you called it lucifer jr made me laugh so hard)

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  26. Nope nope nope nope.

    Have I mentioned we have some zoo-sized lizards living in our backyard? And my boys love nothing more than to find them and squirt them with their water guns, which makes the lizards run around like crazy and occasionally head toward our back sliding door that the boys never remember to close? Heart. attack.

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  27. I thought you were going to say you found a collection of dried worms in your back seat, but this is so, so much worse.

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  28. Oh man!!! Snake creep me out like WHOA. I am scarred for my lifetime after this little incident…

    http://www.ourabclife.com/2014/05/you-know-you-have-snake-in-your-garage.html

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  29. Snakes and bugs are much bigger in Florida!!! BUT if you kill all the snakes, you get rats. I operate under the theory of the enemy of my enemy is my friend and just hope I don't see my "friends" too often!!!!

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  30. Holy moly, I might have died! "lucifer jr" - the BEST!

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  31. I actually like snakes! If they had picked up a tarantula though......

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  32. I am DYING... this is sooo funny! I literally laughed out loud which I don't do when I read blogs. I swear to Buddha, if my daughter ever decides to play with snake like things, I will sell her. I can't even watch something slither on TV!

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  33. WOW....wow, wow, wow, wow, WOW. You're MUCH braver than I am for even taking pics THAT close to Julia and the snake. And wth! JULIA! No! Ew. You've officially given me nightmares, too. And Lucifer Jr..... brilliant. love it.

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  34. Too funny! I probably would have reacted the same way. Good reactions, mama :)

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  35. You crack me up. I love your blog and I'm so glad I found it a few weeks ago. I believe from the photos and description you found a worm snake! They don't get any bigger than that and are perfectly harmless. I used to work at an environmental consulting firm and part of my job included searching for reptiles and amphibians all over the southeast. I was terrified at first of holding the snakes, but finally got over it after a few weeks.

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  36. Oh my gosh, this would terrify me. I hate snakes.

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  37. Dare I warn you of all of the fun creatures your kids will love in Florida? :) I'm a sissy with bugs - large bugs, my husb says "What happened to the Seattle in you?"

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  38. Worm snake or real snake aside, when I got to the part where you revealed the wriggler's true identity, I gasped, "holyshit" out loud. Right there with you, no to snakes, always and 4eva.

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  39. Bronze medal fear for sure..my toes scrunched and raised off the floor IMMEDIATELY while reading this. AHHH!!

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  40. Snakes are my gold medal winner. Just wait until Florida... they get in the house down here. Sorry.

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  41. LOL! What do you know? Maybe your kids will be biologists one day! :P Aren't there crocodiles in FL???
    Anyway, I'm usually the one that brings the "bugs" inside the house so my niece and nephews can see how "cute" they are. Of course their mom also screams like a mad women...
    Look on the bright side, at least it wasn't a scorpion ;)

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  42. Thissssss issss hilariousssss (said in a slithery Slytherin or Parsel tongue voice) (apologies if you aren't a Harry Potter fan :) )

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  43. Oh and btw I know a mom who had a son Basher's age who brought a snake into the house and lost it. A few days later she was emptying a hamper of 3 day old dried clothes and out fell a truckload of baby snakes! The snake her son brought in the house had been pregnant, found the hamper of warm clothes fresh from the dryer and gave birth. [Shudder!]

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    1. Noooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will never be right again after that.

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  44. OMG even that tiny thing would have me trippin'. Snakes are my silver medal fear. After predators. They take the gold medal for me, too. Duh.

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  45. Oh.my.god.

    I have this irrational fear that everytime I have to lift up a toilet seat there is going to be a snake in it. *shudder*

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  46. Gross. I have a weird issue with things turning out to not be the things I originally thought they were. Your worm turned snake story qualifies.

    Gross.

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  47. Hi there Ms. Grace. Mom of two under four here. Thank you so much for all the laughs. Currently I'm reading through your archives in my spare time. Which is never. But really. I loved the "scream loud enough to bring out the neighbor". Will be laughing for days!

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