short stories and shoes

22 May 2014

"Gracer - the toilet won't stop watering!!!!!"

- Julia yesterday during her "nap"

And she was right. It watered all over the bathroom floor, the hallway, the kitchen, and eventually the basement ceiling leading to actual ceiling chunks falling onto the basement floor because they couldn't handle the weight of said water. From my limited knowledge and lengthy investigation of the empty toilet paper roll (previously fresh and full) I believe that she unraveled the entire roll and attempted to flush it to its death ... which resulted in the great toilet vom sesh of 2k14. And while I was trying to quickly! quickly! quickly! mop and sop up the disaster the boys woke up, smelled my distracted demeanor, and emptied the pantry and all of the accessible cupboards. All of them. And the pantry - I mentioned the pantry, right? And Theo discovered a full box of pads by the name of maxi and went to town ... he decorated the entire house with those suckers with the sticky backing.

So that was yesterday's carnival.

And today ... Phoebe was woken up by the sound of me putting the three big kids down for naps (always! it's her thing) ...


So I was just soaking up some special time with the little lady and contemplating the possibility of a nap when Julia knocked on the inside of the attic door and said that she had something REALLY important to tell me.

Oh, good.

...  I think she was scarred by yesterday's toilet fiasco because apparently she bypassed the toilet and went straight for our bed (where she naps) BECAUSE I just had to cut her shirt (a new shirt! do you know how many new shirts I've purchased for her ... ever? ONE -- and I just cut it ... so please know that I did not make this decision rashly) off of her body because the "didn't bother with a toilet" situation involved more shit than I knew what to do with. And right now my days involve a lot of shit ... but this was way out of my realm of shit expertise. I've never seen or smelled anything like it -- we'll just leave it at that. And she's never allowed to eat food again. J to the K ... calm down, parenting po-lease.

Oh, I know it all comes with the parenting territory but sometimes the territory is really bleeping gross.

Switching gears.

I have a bad habit of mindlessly browsing eBay in the middle of the night when I'm up with Phoebe and I bid on two similar pairs of shoes and oops! won them both.

Which should I keep? 


Or option C - sell them both and look for something flashier?

Help me live my life to the fullest, please.

Thanks.

92 comments:

  1. I like "A". More brighter means less chance of death by car.

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    1. ha! I like that logic .... I like it a lot.

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  2. Option A for sure sure. Then sell Option B and buy yourself a drink.

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  3. I vote C, only because I have horrid luck with that brand lasting longer that 6 months to a year. Also depending on your shoe size you may fit into youth sizes and save a ton of money. I am a 7 1/2, 8 and fit into a size 6 youth. I save about 20, 30 dollars when buying sneakers and a lot of them are the same print as the adult. Don't get it...

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  4. I vote A AND oh my word the tales of the past 2 days had me in stitches and I am sorry for that b/c I know in your moment of shit and toilet water all over your house it probably wasn't funny BUT you just have the best way of explaining it all!!! You win mom of the universe award on the daily!!!

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  5. i vote A, and sell B! hope the poop-palooza calms down over there!

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  6. I vote A. And I have shit tales to rival all the shit tales in the land, but I'll spare you and just say, I feel you.

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  7. Oh dear. OH DEAR. Wow, you win a medal and maybe a large bottle of Jose Cuervo. Yikes.

    Option B.

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  8. I also vote A...sell B, hope someone overpays, hire a sitter and go to the spa. Is it wrong to leave a newborn? I'm not sure and am totally asking for a friend.

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  9. We had an over flowing toilet yesterday too! high five for empty toilet paper rolls.

    And there's something about A that makes me love them.

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  10. A - flashier of the two and will save you from having to return both!

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  11. I want you to be my personal ebay shopper. I like B.

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  12. I vote A, and I so, so sorry about Julia's "accidents." All the alcohol should be sent to your house, immediately.

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  13. Keep whichever pair looks/is newer. If they're the same, I like A.
    Grace just had gross underwear for the third day in a row and is decidedly not napping. Joe likes to talk about how glad he is that she's not in diapers anymore... but with the "accidents" I'm always cleaning up, I'm not so sure anymore!
    Do yourself a favor and order dinner tonight! You deserve a break!

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  14. The only good thing that came of me working at a hotel was learning how to turn off the waterline to a toilet. Unfortunately I had to learn it the hard way, while wearing sandals.

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  15. If either of them is a size 10 sell them to moi. Seems like Julia has a crap load of explaining to do.

    I'll go now.

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  16. Love the labels on this one. I think you hit the nail on the head:)

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  17. B! I like the color combination better :)

    I'd like to caption the first picture with: "Yawn, Mom, life's been too boring lately... I hope something exciting happens." and the second picture: "Huh. Thought I was the only lady in the house that was allowed to have poop-splosions... oh well, excitement for the day is complete!"

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  18. A! You need that pizzazz to match the energy that your children exert!

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  19. My vote goes to A as well. I think I'm in love with the way you tell your stories. Thanks for entertaining me! Just earlier today I was questioning my sanity and getting pretty freaked out about how life will be when my twins are born in September.....these thoughts went through my head as my 2 year old put yogurt in her hair, colored on about every surface of our house, and threw herself on the floor mulitple times throwing fits over various things. Oh motherhood. I thought my life was difficult before working with 8 family medicine residents and 3 demanding supervising physicians. Yeah right.

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  20. Yikes. Just Yikes.

    But shoe wise...B. I think the teal offsets the orange and purple nicely.

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  21. I am so sorry for all the shit you've been dealing with around your house. What a difficult decision about the shoes. I like both. A is a bit flashier though, so I feel like it's the better choice.

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  22. I like B, sorry about the poop. : /

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  23. You made my day seem like a walk in the park. Thanks!

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  24. A forever, assuming you're not just going to like burn off all your skin and stuff after two days' worth of shit? Because that would be a TOTALLY reasonable/proportional response.

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  25. When the shitstorm hits around here, I call it a "poopocalypse." And I blog about it; natch. Hang in there, sister. Also, why didn't Theo think to use the maxi pads to soak UP the water? Men...

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  26. I vote for C and totally relate to the poop/toilet situation. My two tots have mostly only unrolled the toilet paper and I've spent more hours than I care to admit re-rolling TP back onto its tube.

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  27. Hilarious, from a distance, in retrospect.

    We have had toilet issues like never before. But, of course, I have a daughter who knows how to overdo the paper thing, too.

    Bless you.

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  28. Yikes! Not fun. You're a hero.

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  29. Girl... you have four kids under four... I say that if the toilet overflows you have the right to call a plumber and then a clean up crew. I think ServPro is nationwide. Save your energy for those kids!

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  30. B! Has anyone said B yet? Because B! And why do they think more toilet paper is the answer? It is NOT flushing...stop putting more in! My son did the same thing, then screamed when the water started coming out, then was SO petrified he couldn't get the door open until there was a man made lake in there. Ahhh! You are superwoman, four little ones and putting on your plumber hat!

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  31. You know I have a link-up right? OHMYGOSH. and B.

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  32. that is a terrible, terrible story. i would take you out for a gigantic, heavily-alcoholed drink if i lived close by.

    option b.

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  33. So sorry for the shitstorm. Our life has recently been more of a vomfest, but I still feel you.

    and

    B.

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  34. Keep B. Sell A. And I'll stop complaining about my last week of sick husband, sick kiddos, no rest for the weary momma bc thank The Lord our water drain issues happened weeks ago and it wasn't the potty drains!

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  35. Love your description of the poop incident. Hysterical! (From my end that is) We've all got a good poop story but that's bad when you have to cut the shirt off lol.

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  36. Love your description of the poop incident. Hysterical! (From my end that is) We've all got a good poop story but that's bad when you have to cut the shirt off lol.

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  37. ahhh the poop that defies understanding. THIS I have intimate knowledge of my friend and I feel for you. Truly I do. It is no laughing matter and smelly as hell. But the pads all over the house??? Now that there is funny. Sort of like the time Jonathan discovered my box of tampons and thought they would make great torpedoes so he shot them off the porch into the snow all winter long. Then the snow thawed and it looked like a tampon factory had exploded in the back yard. Oh yes, parenting is Fun 101!!

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    1. Dying laughing! At least it was the back yard?

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  38. And your post was highly entertaining.

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  39. I am laughing right now, so thank you for that. Sorry your day was so, ahem, poopy.

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  40. Wow. That is insane. It really helps me keep perspective! I vote B, colors are similar to A but with the mint added it gives even more options.

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  41. B. I'm sorry that I had to laugh a little at your situation (dang, that Julia is just so funny)- because I too had a poop explosion today. 8 month old was sitting, pooped, smiled, poop went up the front AND the back. Then (and had I read your post earlier, this would not have happened), I did not attempt to cut off the onesie, but pull it over her head and... messy. So messy. So many wipes died trying to save the baby and the onesie and we ended up doing laundry and in the bath anyway. Novella over.

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  42. Holy Moses! I'm dying. Like epic laughter. I'm so soso sorry! You definitely deserve both pairs. And maybe even one more?

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  43. I like B! When I can't sleep I browse ThredUp (thanks for that addiction btw) and order all the things. Then I browse outfit ideas pertaining to what I just ordered, on Pinterest. Is that just me?

    Sorry about the toilet situation. Poop ugh. I feel you!

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  44. I got hives for you when you typed how well Julia was during her not naps! Why is this little tale soooo true. I skirt the issue soo awkwardly when someone asks about sleep in our house...I am just that crazy about the rest/lack there of/whatever it is because i'm not committing for FEAR!

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  45. Oh my goodness, thanks for the laugh! I needed that this morning. :).

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  46. I choose A

    Pheobe looks fatter - go girl!

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  47. Oh god....what a day!

    Also, I like the first pair of shoes!

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  48. Sometimes it's like: Motherhood - What the effing ef?!?!
    T-shirts available next Wednesday.

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  49. Late to the party to vote shoe b...and also AAAH sorry you had such a literally shitty day. But as always, a hilarious retelling of the mess. Here's to a weekend with more sane levels of poo!

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  50. Ugh! Awful!!

    B, though A is so cute too!

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  51. You are hilarious! Thank you for sharing your stories.

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  52. Oh wow…can't even imagine the grossness. At the risk of getting shit on (me, literally), I haven't had a really bad poop situation yet with either kid. I'm sure it's coming. You have had a hell of a week, woman. You deserve two tiny bottles of wine tonight! It's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase….CHEERS!

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  53. B! But I'm just not a neon lover ...
    What sandals are you wearing in the top pics? Love them!

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    1. saltwater sandals :)

      I was going to blog about them today but ..... kids. ha

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  54. i don't normally comment and have no shoe vote to cast, but the sh*t. oh my. i don't know if it's consoling to you or just being mean and rubbing it in, but you have to deal with a lot more of it than i ever have with my three boys and many years of aunt-ing. while i feel i've whittled my purgatory time with many others things, yours seems to come to you from the bowels of hell, er, children. (and i've now cursed myself to many, many poop insanities, for sure.)

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  55. Oh, Grace. What a shit show. I'm so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  56. Oh man, here I am complaining about the poopmageddon of 2 kids. Mad props to you for dealing with 4, lady! Also, A!

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  57. I own option B. LOVE em and get compliments all da time.

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  58. Keep both. Give one pair to Julia ;)

    Gosh you make me laugh

    big love.

    xx

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  59. oh my gosh, Julia stories never cease to crack me up. i gasped so many times. i'm sorry you had to deal with the shit storm, quite literally.

    my vote is b! :)

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  60. I vote A! B reads a little "Golden Girls living room" to me. ;)

    I am so sorry about all of the poop! I really don't know how you do it. And there is zero judgment coming from me for cutting off the shirt. My version of that is sometimes just throwing out the plastic container with leftovers in it if I think I can't deal with what it's going to smell like. It's wasteful and awful and first-worldy and probably makes me a terrible person, but all this to say...I'd probably cut and throw the shirt too. ;)

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  61. OPTION B! they're so cute and remind me of my NBs that I used to wear everyday when I was younger (they were plain grey without the pretty colors). And feel free to send me the pair that you don't end up keeping haha :)

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  62. I just love how Julia calls you "Gracer". I'm committed to teaching my 18 month old to say her dad's name so she can run around yelling it...he'll have you to thank :)

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  63. I'm jealous of B, so that gets my vote.

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  64. I'm a Brooks girl, so I vote whatever makes you the most comfortable running. (Is that too wishy washy of an answer?)

    I want to hear about the sandals too! I have no talent in picking out sandals. Help. Please.

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  65. Option A... the brighter the better.

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  66. i love b! (which means i not so secretly think you should sell them-- what size are you?)

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