yo mama so crazy ... she did that.

08 April 2014

How does the saying go?
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?
Or is it what doesn't kill you makes you a certifiable loon

I think it's the latter. Or such was the case yesterday as I stepped outside of myself and watched a little bit of a horror dramady unfold starring: crazy Grace. Played by: crazier Grace.

But first let me throw a spoiler at you so you don't worry and think that someone died ...

He's fine. And grounded 4 life.

Let me explain.

Cozy up to your screen of choice.

Yesterday I woke up to pouring rain and two giddy little toddlers because it was FINALLY the day that they got to go to school.

6:54 am and looking over their transportation book of, "big shits and helicockers!!"

(which is Sebastian for, "big ships and helicopters" ... in case you aren't fluent in Patton toddler)

Julia had missed the past two weeks because of spring break + illness and she has just been raring to GO! GO! GO! back to the promised land that is preschool. She loves her circle time, and her Jesus songs, and her organized play. Loves it.

Which!!
Is!!
Why!!

I was so insanely taken aback and baffled that after I helped them put their lunches away, had hung up their jackets, and was walking out with Theo perched on my hip when Julia had a meltdown that trumped all the other meltdowns she's ever had. She ran over to her mothership, started clinging to my leg and begging me not to go and shattering my heart into a million pieces. None of my kids have ever had any sort of separation anxiety and so I couldn't pull from my file of, "been here, done this, it will be fine" and eventually left her with a teacher and walked out before I had a meltdown of my own and called Simon wondering if I did the right thing.

[I've since consulted with veteran mom Rachel and she confirmed that I need to stay firm and that it's just a phase ... hopefully tomorrow is okay ... because I shouldn't be having heart palpitations and anxiety attacks about preschool drop-off, Julia!!]

So. That was that. That was awful. Theo and I pulled into the post office parking lot down the street from Julia's newfound prison (formerly known as: her heaven) while I was still being talked down from the, "you're sure it's okay I left her?!" limb of nutso by Simon via phone when I absentmindedly tossed the keys to Theo who was crowing in his car seat.

And then:

I gathered my things.
Got off the phone.
Got out of the van.
Closed my door.
Walked around to the sliding door to retrieve Theodore.
Could not open sliding door because it was mysteriously and suddenly locked.
Looked at Theo who was laughing like a maniac and waving the keys at me.
Tried all the other (LOCKED) doors.
Tried the (LOCKED) trunk.
And then I full on F-R-E-A-K-E-D.

I called Simon who couldn't wrap his mind around how Theo had figured out how to click the lock button on the remote over the course of .01 seconds but eventually suggested I Google a locksmith.

hmmm. NO.

I had visions of a locksmith located 28 minutes away, with his feet kicked up on his desk giving me some sort of time estimate along the lines of, "we can be there in 2-4 hours ... maybe" and all but hung up on Simon. [I'm sorry, Sime]

While I was debating what on God's green (so green! thanks to the still pouring rain) I should do ... a gentleman pulled into the parking lot and I approached him (please note -- the rain was still pouring so at this point I look like a drowned rat - hair color: dirty albino) with tears streaming down my pathetic face and his suggestion? Call AAA. And then he shrugged his shoulders.

Nokay.

So ... I had to take the action bull by the horns and I sprinted across the parking lot and around city hall to the fire station. What? You would've done the same. Guarant.

I think the firefighter that came to the door to answer my frantic knocks (rapid fire pounds?) took one look at me and thought that I was going to report that someone had died and was probably pretty relieved when it was just ye old yawny, "toddler locked himself in the minivan" situation. He told me to calm down and then he told me to calm down again and I looked at him with wild eyes and faked some calm before he told me they'd be right there with a truck.

I sprinted back to the scene of the negligent parent crime where I found shoulder shrugger with an umbrella fit for Goliath's patio furniture standing and keeping watch over (a still laughing) Theo. Which made me cry more.

About .03 seconds later I heard sirens and saw flashing lights and out popped an extra large fire truck -- into traffic -- to save crazyhorse's day.

Five fighters popped out of their chariot and had (a still laughing! still waving the keys around!) Theo free from his plight in about 53 seconds flat.


I owe them some baked goods.
And some liquor.
And maybe an apology.

Tell me you've done this.

Or not ... in (sane) hindsight the worst that could've happened would've been that Theo would've been really scared and started crying really hard which would've reshattered my heart after Julia's initial morning shattering. But - the reality was that he was never in any real danger because it wasn't super hot or cold and I really didn't need to go into psycho stage-five-save-my-child's-life-now-or-die mode. But I did. And I blame the pregnant. And my standard everyday barrel FULL of fun self.

And oh! I almost forgot to relay my two favorite parts of the episode:

1. When the rescue squad gave the little rascal a hat for his troubles. Nothing like a little positive reinforcement for the naughty. 

and

2. When I went into the post office after the 8 minutes that shaved 8 years straight off my life expectancy and my buddy (the shoulder shrugger) gave Theo a big smile and said he made him miss his grandson who had to be about the same age as Theo, "around 4, right?" ....


Right.

87 comments:

  1. Never a dull moment with the Patton clan is there! That Theo.....he is just too cute for words and I about died laughing at your detailed description of your panic attack, so sorry! Love how you tell tales of those little ankle biters!!!

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  2. I have never had the panic-attack-inducing kid-locked-in-the-car experience (yet!), but I deal with separation anxiety every day. My one-and-a-half year-old daughter loves, loves, loves her daycare and babbles nonstop about her friends when she's not there. Some mornings, though, she just doesn't want Mommy to leave her. I'm assured she's fine and playing happily as soon as I'm out of sight, so I just take a deep breath to steel myself and go. I betcha Julia was fine within minutes, too, and you absolutely did the right thing leaving her.

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    1. this makes me feel better!!! Thanks Colleen!!!

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  3. Gahhhhh!!! My nightmare and so I am a psychotic mom about the car keys and locked doors. Embrace the prego crazy-my postpartum crazy was getting sweaty from anxiety just reading that so-yeah.

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    1. Also I hope you chose waterproof mascara yesterday...

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    2. ha. I didn't!!! And didn't realize it until the lady at the post office offered me a paper towel, "for your ..... face .... maybe?"


      oops.

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    3. Sadly that was the second thing I was concerned with as I read this...priorities you know.

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  4. Ah! The worst!

    I actually have done this. With my number #1, so you got WAY further than me in that department, good job to making it to child #3 without incident. Thankfully, my husband was a quick (just kidding-it felt like an eternity) 15 minute bike ride away with some spare keys and came to my (our child's?) rescue. Said child was asleep the whole time. Did I mention my car was ON while this was happening? Parent of the year right here: 2010.

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  5. Oh my goodness. I'm with Lauren T., was right there with you getting anxious as I read.
    I haven't locked either kidlet in the car yet... knock on wood!

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  6. I have! ding ding ding! Right here. Stopped a passerby and asked to use cell phone while my hubby RAN the keys right over from work... 5 min FLAT. ;)

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  7. Oh my gosh. I would've done the exact same thing, beating down the doors of the fire station and all. Now that it's all over though... what a funny story!!

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  8. Had a sort of similar situation happen to us lately. Camden (a few weeks older than Theo) was playing with my keys as I strapped him into his carseat. I shut his door and CLICK - doors locked. I broke out into a cold sweat before quickly realizing that 1) he was fine, laughing it up like the not-4 year old Theo, 2) we were at home and in the garage and 3) spare keys were resting and ready in the junk drawer. Could have been a lot worse, but now I know that he just isn't allowed to have keys. Ever. So glad you were near a fire station and could get help quickly. I would have gone equal amounts of crazy -- and I'm not pregnant :)

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  9. Did it with my now 12 year old when she was 6 months old. Had to use a stranger's cell to call me neighbor to go to my house b/c my hubby had the flu and wouldn't answer the door. Took looooooooooooots of convincing to get the then 4 year old to go wake daddy b/c the 4 year old wouldn't answer the door. Hubs finally rallied enough to get keys to neighbor to come unlock the car door. the baby slept the whole time. Good times, good times. Now go get some chocolate mama!! STAT!

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  10. 1. Jennifer Garner does this on a very regular basis!
    2. I once {just once} partook in an evening of adult beverages and crawled home during the daylight hours. A home I had been locked out of. I was in in heels, a dress, a hoodie and giant sunglasses. There were tears. A friends husband had to leave the children to come help poor, pathetic me. He had to find a ladder. Ladder was too short. Scaled the house. Got on the deck. Deck door as locked. I cried. I tossed up tools. I cried some more. He removed the door. I ate McDonalds AND Taco Time!
    3. It was once so cold my car door froze open for a week!

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  11. Terrified of doing this. We currently live in CA where cars are so hot way too many months of the year. Terrified.

    Supposedly I locked myself in my dad's pickup once. My mom remedied that situation quickly by breaking the window and fetching her darling. All bets are off when locked car doors separate a mother and child.

    And thank you, fireman, for teaching Theo that locking car doors equals cool hats. (He does look darling in there.)

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  12. This reminds me of one of my favorite Modern Family Scenes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsvBfkM7s4I

    I absolutely would have done the same thing though.

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  13. Henry goes through some days where he is totally fine being left a daycare and other days (like this week) where life is ending because he is at daycare. This morning, as he is having a meltdown, one of the teachers walked over, picked him up and said, "Do you not like being dumped on the floor?" Yeah... because that's exactly what I did. I dumped him on the floor. REEEEEALLY made me feel good about going to work.

    From everything I read, you have to stay strong and not give in because it only makes it worse. Henry is usually fine and distracted in about 2 seconds if they feed him so I know the abandonment feelings can't be too bad.

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  14. Holy shit. What a morning. Although firefighters are some of the nicest people, EVER. I have been so close to doing that, and this makes my heart race just reading it. Also, Philip starts with the "how could this happen?" in these situations when there is NO time for that. I'm kind of impressed you went on with going in the post office after all that.

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  15. Haha oh my goodness. I can so relate. Once my husband locked our baby in our car. Je came running in, saying:"help me look for the spare keys." I, pregnant with the second (right, that's the excuse) handed him a hammer, pushed him out of the door again and screamed: "There is no time! Smash the windows and save our baby!"

    Which he did hahaha. No arguing with pregnant mama's, eh? ;-)

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  16. I promise it could be so much worse. I once shut my brother's fingers in the sliding van door and the van door was locked and then subsequently jammed because his fingers were in there (no automatic doors or locks for our 1992 Ford Aerostar). At a Sherwin Williams. We had a police car, a firetruck, an ambulance and about eight bystanders watching/helping(?), including the store managers. I'm not sure who was panicked more - my mom or my brother. (In retrospect, probably my mom).

    And no punishment for this gal because it was an honest accident (besides being absolutely terrified to shut the van door until everyone was at least five feet away.)

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    1. I've also had my fingers locked in a car door! Then my dad dropped his keys in the snow, but he found them pretty quickly so we didn't have to call for outside help. It sounds like your experience was a lot more traumatizing!

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  17. Daycare meltdowns were so bad from Easton that I refused to go in and do drop off, I made the husband do it. It. Crushed. Me. So sorry that happened!

    And what a little stinker Theo was, praying on your emotional state like that! Maybe he thought you needed a good laugh (which it will be in 10-12 years when your heart rate returns to normal) I locked a screaming baby Hudson in a car, during the hot summer, directly across from a fire station and NEVER thought to ask them. I called and demanded my husband come rescue us immediately. Luckily he was 2 minutes away getting lunch, popped over and pointed out the sunroom being wide open and I easily could have climbed up and in... Now, funny. Then, worst day of my life/worse parent guilt ever/more heart pain than either unmediated births.

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  18. My friend did the same thing one morning. We had all just finished picking strawberries and she put her toddler in her car seat and closed the door...with the keys in the car. My friend freaked out..thought it was getting warm (it was not warm at all) . We hosed the car down with water while waiting for the firemen to arrive. I am sure to this day Farmer John remembers the crazy ladies with the kid locked in the car! Glad everything ended well for you!

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  19. As a volunteer EMT who is married to a firefighter, I can assure you that babies, pets, important meds, etc. get locked in the car ALL THE TIME. And of course, we are more than happy to help :)

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  20. Do you watch Modern Family? Your story reminds me of the episode where they accidentally locked Lily in the car. Here's one version (with spanish subtitles for your viewing enjoyment!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsvBfkM7s4I Or just google it. I'm sort of anal about keys. Actually, I'm very obsessive about keys. Back before my spine was swiss cheese I used to walk for exercise. I loved to walk at the kids' school because you could do one big loop around the Middle School and High School and it was a mile or so. One Sunday morning (when I was being a heathen and skipping church) I went for a long walk around that big loop and walked until I was absolutely wiped out. I got back to the car to discover that I had dropped my keys somewhere along my travels. My phone was locked in the car but - since it was Sunday morning - everyone I knew who could have legitimately helped me was in church. I had to retrace my steps all the way around that big loop until I found them. Austin was in sixth grade at the time and had just won a lanyard in some Say No To Drugs event. He put my keys on that lanyard and I have had it ever since. He's 20 now. The second I stop the car I put that lanyard around my neck and I keep it there until I'm back in the car. Yes, I look like a freak but I have never had another key incident since then.

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  21. I did that! I locked both my kids, strapped into their car seats, in the grocery store parking lot. Thankfully, it wasn't dreadfully hot and a guy was sitting in his car right across the way from mine. I'm sure he thought I was nuts and he seemed less than enthusiastic about helping, but he did suggest calling the fire department, which I never would have dreamed of in my mental state. The firefighters told me it happens all the time. I'm sure they're used to dealing with overreacting moms? Years off my life, indeed.

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  22. I've done the same thing! But after a few minutes of frantic (but cheerful, so as not to scare the toddler into dropping the keys) waving and pointing at the button hoping he'd press it again, and hoping for a stranger with a cell phone to walk by, he happened to unlock the door on his own and we were saved.

    I really didn't need to panic, since we were in our own garage and even though my keys/purse/etc were locked in the car with him, I could easily have closed the garage door for an extra layer of safety and run across the street to the one neighbor we know. But I did panic, and that solution didn't occur to me until this very second, so kudos to you for thinking of the fire fighters in the moment and not three and a half years later (like me).

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  23. Oh-em-gee!!! Are you even still pregnant? Because I am pretty sure the stress of al that would have taken me from 0-10 real quick like! But I have had a similar thing happen, only my then two year old locked me out of the house. Thankfully my then 6 month old was asleep, but I freaked. I didn't have my phone on me seeing as how I was just running the garbage out. So I ran door to door bare foot, no one was home. All windows and doors locked. So I did what any day time burglar would do and broke a window in the back. Mommy adrenaline is nothing to be messed with! Those minutes pass like hours, while your mind bombards you with every worst case possibility!

    You're a trooper!

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  24. You did just fine, Momma Patton. Being trapped in a car is a serious issue. My husband and I were on a long road so (to save some lettuce) we slept in the car. I woke up in the middle of the night in a panic because I was CONVINCED that I couldn't breathe and that we were quickly running out of oxygen. You know, because cars are air tight (...they're not) so loudly waking him up and panicking when I was "low on oxygen" was definitely the answer.

    My point is you're a good mom! He could have suffocated (no... he probably wouldn't have, please don't let me scare you in case this ever - God forbid! - happens again). YOU SAVED HIS LIFE.

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  25. How about sick with influenza, 103 degree fever, during the last hour before reaching Scottsdale, AZ from South Bend, IN? I go in the McDonalds where my husband and 5 kids are dining, so sick, just to use the bathroom. They were finishing up and my husband says "give me the keys." I say, "I don't have the keys, you do." He says, "I left them in the car for you." I say, "I didn't need them, you gave me the spare set in my purse." No toddler in the car, no emergency help. Praising God somehow one door did not lock.

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  26. Ditto what Dori said. My husband was reading your blog over my shoulder and made two comments. Comment 1: "I hear that call on my scanner all the time." Comment 2: "Wow, she got to be rescued by Brentwood's new engine". So consider it an honor, I guess?

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  27. When I was 7th months pregnant and living in the upstairs space of a duplex I locked the door behind me to do a load of laundry in the basement. I was barefoot and phoneless. Oh and my 18month old was freaking out on the other side. I ran three houses down hoping a hermit friend was home, nope. Then I decided to go to the fire station which was across the street. Mind you I was barefoot. Luckily, some kind older neighbors happened to just be pulling out of the driveway and I waved them down for phone usage. They ended up driving to get my husband's keys while I waited on the other side of the door trying to console a very upset toddler. It was traumatic to say the least....

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  28. i've done this, too. glad your little mr was a-ok.

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  29. Oh heart attack material! And re: sad drop offs, I just had the opposite this morning. An hours heartbreaking wailing and crying that he doesn't like his daycare, wants to stay home with mama, don't want to goooooooo! Finally get there and he walks in the door bellowing "Hawhoa everyone! I'm here" and takes off happily with his mates with nigh a look back. Little creep.

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  30. The nice thing about locking a kid in the car rather than just your keys is that the fire department unlocks it for free but a locksmith charges an arm and a leg!!! Made me wish that I had locked one of the kids in the car a couple years ago when I left the keys in there... And I should have learned my lesson - a few months before that, Andrew locked John Paul in the car, at which point we found out from the fire department that ours was one of the most difficult cars to steal because it's nearly impossible to break into! Thankfully they were super-pleasant, which made it a less-than-traumatic experience :) Thank goodness for close proximity to a fire department!

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  31. Been there. Done that. In Texas. In the summer. In 100 degree heat.

    It happens.

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  32. Been there. Done that. In Texas. In the summer. In 100 degree heat.

    It happens.

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  33. This is the best!!! My oldest two spent the night at my parents a couple weeks ago and about two hours after I leave I get a picture of the boys, my dad, and five irefighters. Turns out my two year old locked himself in the bathroom and couldn't get out. They had to call 911. Forty five minutes later he was free. Poor guy cried on the floor the while time. I'm glad I didn't know anything until after the fact. Glad Theo is okay!

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  34. Aw, Brentwood. I lived there when I was a little kid! The fire department always had fun stuff on Halloween in those days, kinda small town-like.

    Also: my husband had a similar situation with kiddos who locked themselves in the car, but it was a manual lock, not automatic (old car, sigh). That time the cops came and got the children free. Thankfully, I wasn't there, or I'd probably doing a bit 'o crazy myself (I know, because a few months later, when pregnant with numero quattro, I accidentally locked the car keys in the trunk of the car, just as we were leaving church to get hubby to the airport for a flight (that we were cutting a bit close, with an hour's drive). 10 degrees outside, all the kiddos strapped in the car, the church parking lot nearly deserted, no smartphone, middle of nowhere...and cue the hysterics. We did get a locksmith, but I think it was SuperBowl Sunday or something, so he took his sweet time getting there, and then charged us an armload to drill the lock, (which my hysterical "you have to get the keys out, we have to get to the airport!!" probably didn't help any). Love those gestational hormones.

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  35. I'm sorry for your stressful day but your retelling of it was certainly entertaining. Theo has a delightful sense of humor!

    When my oldest was two and my second born was about three months old I ran out to get the mail from our mailbox which was located at our curbside. The door had one of those auto locks on it that I had forgotten to disable and so when I came back and tried to open the door, I couldn't. My two year old was "playing" with the three month old who I had placed in the car seat on the floor before I had run out to get mail. My two year old was taking a dishtowel and throwing it over the baby's face and having a grand old time, but not surprisingly the baby was screaming in terror. And there was a boiling pot of potatoes on the stove and it was spilling everywhere, not far from where the kiddos were. I was just watching in horror convinced I would have to break the windows. I finally got my two year old's attention and coaxed her to the door and kept trying to explain to her how to open it. It took a while but she finally got it. The terrified baby, the laughing toddler, the pot of boiling water spilling all over the place - the whole scene is forever etched in my memory and now makes me laugh and my oldest ( who is now seventeen) frequently asks me to retell it. And that's how I survived my kids' toddlerhood - I reminded myself I would have funny stories to tell at some point.

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  36. I totally managed to lock the doors to our car with my son inside (#2) when I was putting library books in the curbside drop-off. I just stood there and stared at the car trying to figure out how I could have done such a thing, when this college guy walked up (because OF COURSE I had locked my phone in the car). I asked if I could use his phone, called my car insurance company only to get the automated message that someone could be there to assist me in 1-2 hours.

    Heck no.

    So, thankfully, this guy ran across the street to a mechanic, who went to his personal truck and pulled out a bag of tools used for breaking into vehicles. This might be odd elsewhere, but I live in Chicago, and he totally got the job done, so I won't question the reasons for the tools. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers...whoever they may be.

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  37. Cringed, but laughed! Not crazy, just a mom and pregnant. And that stinker, Theo!!

    Okay so about the "big ships" pronunciation. It's perfect that I'm reading this while watching the ND women's basketball team play for the national championship because last week one of the star players got injured and when she was being taken off the court, she yelled, "Win this shi-!" I was so convinced that she was saying ship as in national championSHIP, and I kept telling Chris that is what she said. Chris and his brother just laughed at me.

    She wasn't talking about the 'ship. Ha.

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  38. Oh my Grace. I would have been ballistic. And then after the kid was safe I might have killed him. How horrid! Thank God for firemen!

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  39. Grace-

    I am on the opposite end of the preschool exchange (and I am also going on 8 months pregnant, so maybe I am on both sides really?). I am a teacher in a 3 year old classroom and can assure you that you did the right thing! I have little ones coming in bawling their eyes out *every* day, and every time (seriously, every time) I talk them through it for 2-3 minutes, sit them down with a toy and they are happy as a clam within 10 minutes.

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  40. What an insane day!! I cannot imagine going through that- esp. in pouring rain (I detest). Good thinking with the fire department!
    And Theo looks so cute in those picts but truly, what a rascal. :)

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  41. Ever since my well-meaning-but-why-did-he-ever-show-me-this friend taught me I could lock the driver's side manual lock by pulling on the inside handle while pushing down the lock, if that makes sense, I've locked myself out of the car on a regular every 6 months or so basis. Last time it happened my baby was still in utero, so we were stranded together on the same side of the door, but baby boy's about to turn 6 months old, so...

    Julia! Before having my own kid I'd have admired your resolve, and I definitely still do, but I completely understand the mom tears aspect now. I hope she has an easier time soon!

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  42. This will be funny one day Grace I PROMISE!!! (giggle giggle laugh). Great story for Theo's wedding dinner ;) When my darling son was six years old he discovered he liked the "shocked look" on peoples face's when he told them "his Daddy is in jail". This went on for about a week or so before his grade one teacher asked me about it. After my initial shock, I started laughing as my face turn beet red and informed her that my husband aka sons daddy was a high school teacher in the local jail, not an inmate and was allowed to come home at night ;p

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  43. Okay, my Dad and brother are (were in my Dad's case, he's retired) both firefighters, and I have to say I don't think it would ever occur to me to call the FD in a situation like this! Sooo, in spite of your crazy, you still figured out the best and fastest (and cheapest) solution :)

    And my oldest daughter used to cry sometimes when I first took her to preschool too. They always said she was fine within minutes of me leaving. And now that I homeschool she sometimes asks to go back!

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  44. As a preschool teacher I can tell you, Julia's behavior was completely normal after a long break, even if she never had problems with it before. (Your reaction was normal, too.)
    I one time locked both of my little boys in the van. With my phone. My husband was at lunch and wouldn't answer the phone because he didn't recognize the number of the borrowed phone I was using. For 25 minutes, I played hide and seek in the rain from the outside of the van to keep them happy until I could reach my husband and get his butt in gear to come get the door open.

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  45. First of all, I'm super impressed that after all that you went into the post office and finished your business. I would of been way too mortified for that.

    Second, I did something similar with our then 1.5 year old when I was about 8 months pregnant. I took the trash out, and when I came back to the door it was locked. Yep, she locked me out of the house. I totally panicked, but opted for breaking and entering my home myself rather than asking firemen. I ended up crawling (how I'm not sure) through a window off our deck I was able somehow shimmy open. While relieved our child didn't manage to kill herself while I was locked out, it did nothing for my fears that man with knife can get into our house since I was able to figure out a way in in less than 10 minutes.

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  46. OMG hahhahahahahahahahaha I love this so much

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  47. Oh my goodness! You poor thing, thank goodness Theo is totally adorable in that photo or you'd really lose your mind! I struggle three mornings a week with my nearly four year old when he goes to preschool, even though he went last year two mornings a week last year and was fine! Apparently the novelty wore off and I have him sobbing yelling "why are you leaving me mama" with me speed walking outta there wearing dark glasses and crying myself. It's awful. And I too, have had a child locked I went to call the lift up to our apartment which was right outside our dodo or to let a courier up to our floor, when I looked at the keys in my hand I realised they were our neighbours spare set not our keys and that I'd left a sleeping (thankfully) feverish six month old (he had an ear infection) cue twenty minutes later of me nearing hysteria, I tried tracked my husband down hauled him out of a meeting to come home and let me in, after a further twenty minutes later I was finally inside and he was still sleeping, blissfully unaware. Worst. feeling. Ever! But is it bad to say that this gave me a smile reading that someone else goes through mama craziness! Much love.

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  48. The Theo-experience… I have no words. Or insights. Still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor

    The Julia-experience… My 3 yr old up and did that out of the blue for a day or two a few months ago. Such a mom guilt trip when you leave them screaming. I did stay down the hall until I knew she was settled down. because I'm a waiter like that.

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  49. We were in CA with a rental car in June and were packing the car for a day trip. I had set the keys on the front seat and put my 10 month old into her car seat in the backseat. All was good until I closed the door and discovered that the car automatically locked when all the doors were closed. Wtf. Worst idea ever. Car was parked under a tree but since it was around 10 am it was in the sun. My friend, whom we were visiting, called AAA, they sent a truck round in 10 minutes. But we had a hammer ready to smash the window at the sight of the first little sweat bead. (I had bought the totally overpriced max insurance, so I was ready to total that car to get her out.) I didn't want to scare her, so I kept it together until the guy had opened the car. Then I cried.

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  50. I did it with Marley when it was super hot…so scary, but thankfully she just kept pushing buttons and when I saw the headlights flash, I yanked the door open as fast as I could. The whole ordeal was less than 10 seconds long, but I think it took 10 years off my life.

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  51. I cant believe you've never had to deal with separation anxiety, it is SUCH a heartbreaker! My son is getting better the older he gets (he's almost 20 months) but still usually cries if we leave him with grandma for a couple hours. Apparently he stops the crying pretty quickly after I leave and has a good time. :) Good luck; considering her age I am sure it's a phase she will be over quickly!

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  52. I have done the same - locked my kids in the car on accident..... I think it is a mother's rite of passage! :-) Glad it had a happy ending!

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  53. In our daughters first year, I taped a picture of her to the steering wheel of my husbands car so he wouldn't forget that she was in the car with him over the summer. Not that he did, but I was uber paranoid mommy! Don't worry about Julia, my daughter will actually just give me the silent treatment when I drop her off at day care. She totally refuses to look at or acknowledge me in any way. Every single time. But when I go to pick her up, she is always having a blast....

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  54. Oh you poor mama. My mom was once babysitting and decided to take the dog to the grocery store with the kids. Three of them at the time. The dog locked them all out in a town she did not know with the mister & I a few states away and no cell phones. At least the only thing in the car was the dog........ your story trumps that by about a million!

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  55. So scary! Just picturing you and your pregnant self running to the Fire Station. I swear I've been there, but can't recall the exact details. =)
    I love the Patton toddler for big ships and helicopters. Our McConkey toddler for big trucks and helicopters is "big frucks and hairy doctors". Careful, that "r" is sometimes silent....not great in toy aisle at Cosco.

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  56. I know it doesn't help until you get to the point of shopping for a new (to you) vehicle, but about 11 years ago I bought a used vehicle that had a lots of bells and whistles on it, and hands down the best one was the number keypad on the door. Lifesaver! After that I insisted on it for my next vehicle, and I will again when I get another (some day!).

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  57. That is totally crazy stuff....your are pregnant and couldn't even drink!!! Last time I looked into the eyes of a fireman I had a forest fire in my back yard ...started by me when I threw some fireplace ashes out and a whole grove of pines were ablaze...could've kissed a couple of them for saving me.

    You did good and so glad babe and that Julia are going to be just fine!

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  58. VERY same thing happened to a friend of mine while she was pregnant with no. 2. She called 911 and the fire department came. All ended well but honestly, kids!!!!???? If you have to look on the bright side at least it gives you good fodder for the blog :)

    Oh, and my almost 3 year old and 1 year old both LOVE daycare and both hold my legs and scream before I leave, it is part of their ritual now. And they are fine 2.3 seconds after I walk out the door. The older one used to at least go to the window and wave to me while I walk down the street but she is already distracted by fun before she gets to the window these days.

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  59. You might just be my favourite writer ever. Sorry abou the ordeal but what great writing.

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  60. Alls well that ends with a free hat, I always say. Homeboy is CUUUUUTTE!!!

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  61. My son tells me each morning that he doesn't want to go to Jennie's (babysitter's) house. I tell him we'll just drop off his sister then. When we get there, he does a 180 and tells me "bye mom, I love you" and ditches me for the toys there. It's become a fun routine.
    One day I went to the car wash and my 4 year old fell asleep. I unbuckled my two year old so he could roam around the interior of the car while I washed it and he found the lock button as well. I lured him over to the passenger door (less buttons) and told him "keep pushing buttons" with a plastered on smile. After about five minutes he pushed it, releasing my two kids, my money, phone and my keys. So welcome to the group of survivors!

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  62. First off, Great post! I was a Communications Specialist at a 911 dispatch center for 5 years. Let me tell you...you're certainly not the first, or the last for that matter to have this happen. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about, not to mention, hey, you got a great story out of the whole ordeal. Get this, once a pilot, yes...the guy that flies people around the world all day, in big huge planes...called 911, because he locked himself in his vehicle. Wait for it...locked himself a full grown adult, that not only has a license to drive a vehicle, but has a license to fly a commercial plane...locked himself INSIDE his own vehicle. Ok, obviously he didn't...his car was malfunctioning and the unlock button on his car wasn't working, suggestion just try and open the door...and wala he was no longer locked in his vehicle. The man was in full blown melt down mode. The point is these things and worse happen more than you know it, we are all human and sometimes we just have an off day...I'm having an off 28 years! haha! It's great to laugh it off an continue onto the next shit show! You totally cracked me up and are a wonderful writer...I felt like I was right there with you! Keep kicking ass and fighting the daily dip shits!

    Enjoy!

    That Comfort Girl

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  63. My three oldest kids (ages 5, 3, and 20 months) locked me and the one month old out of the house once. On purpose. I was that screaming lunatic on my porch. My three year old thought it was hilarious and so did his younger sister, both of whom were waving from the window! My five year old freaked out, panicked, and suddenly couldn't remember how to get the door unlocked for about the longest ten minutes of my life. She finally figured it out ;)

    Sudden separation anxiety is totally normal, even if it never happened before. They usually calm down within 5-10 minutes; the teacher would tell you if it continued :)

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  64. We had a bat infestation in our house we lived in during college. Once of the million times we had bats fluttering, I ran across the street to the police station in my pajamas to make them get it out.

    Another time, my roommate came home drunk and called 911 to help with the bats.

    And another time, I ran to the nearest bus stop and promised a free ride home to anyone who rid the bat.

    And those are just three calm and collected ways we handled the situations.

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  65. Oh no no no. You're not the mother who went to the bathroom and let her toddler wander into the street. *looks away guiltily*

    I feel worse that you were pregnant and stranded in the rain. No justice, I tell you.

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  66. K. Lo. are you going to share your lock-in story!? C'mon Team Boda :)
    My 2 year old escaped jail (our house) the other day and decided he wanted to go to the park, he started making the trek around the corner and down the street...thank goodness, friendly Baptist neighbor stopped her car and brought him home just as I was frantically searching the yard in all the golden hiding places! Ahh! Happens to all of us in one way or another!

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  67. I locked Simon in the car once taking John Paul to swimming lessons. Still not sure how it happened but I ended up shutting my purse--with keys--in the car that I'd just locked, with Simon still strapped in his seat. Luckily the windows were cracked and I had already gotten the stroller out of the trunk. I was able to remove the wire frame from the stroller sunshade and stick it in the cracked window and jimmy the lock. My pride over this MacGyvering nicely cancelled out any post-traumatic stress, so that was good.

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  68. Bahahaha!! OK, so your only mistake in all this was that you asked a MAN for help in the parking lot. Girl, you know always ask another mom...Triple A...God help him.

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  69. What a little stinker Theo is! One time I locked my keys in the car running, no little people inside, but I think this fiasco this morning def. tops it! That's one sharp '4 year old' you have there, Grace ;)

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  70. I am DYING!!! Hahah! I needed this. I know you didn't, but God I did.

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  71. Oh, goodness, what a story! You did great.

    Back in the day when cars had old fashioned locks, you could always count on a grocery store bag guy to be able to open a locked car with a coat hanger (which they had ready) in 3 seconds flat. There's a nationally franchised mobile locksmith company called Pop A Lock that got my car opened quickly once in a time of dire need.

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  72. First of all, I am so sorry that this happened to you! But secondly, thank you for sharing and bringing me to the point of laugh-crying. Five firemen brought a truck over with sirens and flashing lights and everything?? When you just walked over to ask for help? So many things about this story are hilarious!! I'm also curious, how did they get the car open? The fire station is a legitimate place to go for help retrieving toddlers locked in cars?

    My two year old locked himself in the car last summer, but luckily, he was unbuckled and likes to crawl around the car pushing buttons, so he eventually unlocked the back window and I was able to shimmy in through the window to save him. (We were in the garage after getting home and I was also distracted by a phone call...lesson learned.) He also locked himself upstairs in my attic bedroom, and I had to take the door off the hinges, which was also quite the adventure.

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  73. I have definitely done this! Only once! Too stressful for me to let any little person ever hold the keys again. Both boys were buckled in, I closed the door, and then blam--the sound of all the doors locking at once. Only then did I remember that I let the baby hold the keys for a minute. I convinced the just-turned-three-year-old to unbuckle his top buckle (he couldn't get the lower buckle undone), reach over and grab the keys from the baby in his car seat, and then I talked him through unlocking the door. I am reliving the trauma right now! Glad everyone turned out OK and so sorry your adventure was in the rain. Hallie

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  74. I babysat for Jude Hickerson one time at my apartment and we hopped in the prehistoric van to run somewhere. I threw my keys and phone on the driver's seat, strapped Jude in, then went around front to get in. When I pulled the handle, it triggered some electrical confusion and I heard and saw the doors all lock. I did like you, walked and tried all the doors and trunk. I didn't have a phone or a way back into the complex, so I waited a few minutes for someone to come. No one did, so I ran into the landlady's office, asked for her phone, and called 911. The firefighters came, and they said they would call a locksmith, when a friend from another apartment came out with his slim jim and managed to unlock it (he was a dubious fellow.) Anyways, I know exactly how you felt! Also, I screwed up Jude for life, every drive thereafter he said to me, "You no leave me, Eminee?" Lifetime of separation anxiety for Jude, lifetime of guilt for me. WIN WIN.

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  75. I just found your blog last week and I'm only sorry I didn't find it sooner! I've been reading through some of your older posts and, as a Catholic mom with four young kiddos whose husband works CONSTANTLY, I can relate to a lot of what you write and I'm thoroughly enjoying your stories!

    I locked my son in the car when he was three days old. It was terrible! He was sleeping peacefully when I first realized the doors were locked, but woke up while I was running into the gas station to call the police. By the time I returned to the car, he was screaming his poor little newborn head off, and continued to do so until the nice firemen showed up to get him out. It was probably less than five minutes, but it felt like an eternity as I stood outside the car in tears, helplessly watching him cry.

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  76. so funny . long story short..I took our dog to the store with us and put my baby in the car... walked around to get in the car and the dog jumped up and locked the door...cried until my father in law showed up with the spare key. :)

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  77. I'm too lazy to type out my similar experience (I'm commenting from my phone), but here is my blog post describing it- http://www.spiceandsass.com/2013/06/a-precautionary-tale.html?m=1

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  78. It cut off my comment, but I was 6 weeks pregnant at the time and in such a fog! All I wanted was a glass of wine!

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  79. One time my 3-year-old locked my husband out of the house. My son was playing in his room. My husband quickly went out the door to retrieve something out of the stroller, and in the 15 seconds he was out, our son shut the door and locked it up tight. Luckily it was during office hours so the manager was able to dash over and let him in. Our son thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. My husband did not.

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  80. This has happened to me, also at the post office but my phone was in the car too. I died a thousand deaths and swore up and down I would never let her have keys again. I have and I'm sure I'll play the price.

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  81. First of all, I almost cried reading your post... I don't know why. Also, A few weeks after the twins were born and John was working late, everyone was screaming and crying and so scooped all the littles up to go for a random drive to nowhere but here... I put them in the van, slammed the door, and walked around to put the last car seated child in... but all the doors were locked with my phone and keys inside the van and the house locked... not fun. Then there was that time I almost drove away with one of the twins still sitting in their car seat IN THE PARKING LOT of the doctor's office. I totally would have driven away had some lady not been giving me a death stare as I started pulled out ( I was like, WHAT IS HER PROBLEM!!!... then I looked down and saw was her problem was). All's well that ends well. It's amazing how anyone lives to be five.

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  82. Ok so I FINALLY sat down to read this post, and I'm sorry I didn't the minute you posted! Oh my goshhhh, you poor thing. What a day! And I would have reacted the same way...so awful! Ain't no third trimester preg should have to deal with annnny of that.

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