Robin Williams who?

21 June 2010

I can't think of a better way to start of the week than to tell you a bit about an old co-worker.

A long time ago I worked in Washington, DC on Capitol Hill as a very important phone call answerer, tour giver and envelope licker. I was the administrative glue that held the office of a California congressman together. I had some unique co-workers that kept things nice and interesting but one of them went the extra mile every day to ensure that the day was ultra spicy. We'll call him Billy. Billy was probably about 64 years of age, five feet and nine inches tall and weighed about 275 pounds. He was a very nice but confusing gentleman to work with.

No one was quite sure what Billy's official title or role was in the office. Rumor had it that he had saved the congressman's life in Vietnam and that that was why was kept around. The Billy stories and encounters are endless. Billy had affinities for saving his tobacco chewing juice for months on his desk, carrying an umbrella around in rain, snow or shine, racing me to answer the phone, talking illegibly into the phone, sending very confusing picture emails of helicopters and wearing his lunch pail like a purse around the building. One particularly dreary morning in March, I was importantly loading some paper into the printer when Billy strolled in and scared me to almostdeath roaring this greeting:


just to give you an idea of his antics. An exchange with Billy usually went something like this:

(Billy shuffles up to my desk and tosses the only type of envelopes housed in the office onto my keyboard….)

B: are these the envelopes you use to send things out??

G: yes


G: do you need me to fold those up? (he has been toiling for weeks on two letters …they are ready for take off..apparently)

B: yes

G: --folds.--

B: I majeeered in 'countin and finance, I never was tot how tee feld ledders

G: well, I didn't major in letter folding

B: -doubles over chuckling-

G: now lick the envelopes

B: no, ill jest uze thee zeenk (sink)

Proceeds to douse both envelopes in water….and sprint them to the outbox…sopping/dripping wet.


The last I heard of Billy was that he was trying to get a job over in Iraq. He had successfully "passed" his colonoscopy but couldn't quite seem to pass the physical fitness test. He took to wearing ankle weights to tackle the passage of the test. I certainly hope wherever Billy has landed that he as happy as a little clam in tobacco juice in a seashell by the sea.



Camp Patton © All rights reserved · Theme by Blog Milk · Blogger