After changing an especially pungent diaper Simon said, "this is exactly like living with glorified barnyard animals."
In response to me asking if he needed anything at the grocery store, Simon didn't skip a beat and said, "maybe pick up some 5 Hour Good Mood for yourself."
Before coming home from work on Sunday night Simon asked if I wanted anything from the cafeteria and before I could respond he added, "and I'm sorry but they do not sell vodka."
While on a walk someone asked if the kids were triplets and Simon (quietly) replied as we walked away, "they are! The two big ones ate the little one's placenta in utero hence the insane size discrepancy."
Upon being jolted awake by the (sort of! loud) alarm on my phone one morning, Simon grumbled, "I didn't realize I was sleeping with Helen Keller."