Simon Says

30 April 2013


Let's take the kids to the park and take a selfie. We can call it "responsible parenting".


After changing an especially pungent diaper Simon said, "this is exactly like living with glorified barnyard animals."

In response to me asking if he needed anything at the grocery store, Simon didn't skip a beat and said, "maybe pick up some 5 Hour Good Mood for yourself."

Before coming home from work on Sunday night Simon asked if I wanted anything from the cafeteria and before I could respond he added, "and I'm sorry but they do not sell vodka."

While on a walk someone asked if the kids were triplets and Simon (quietly) replied as we walked away, "they are! The two big ones ate the little one's placenta in utero hence the insane size discrepancy."

Upon being jolted awake by the (sort of! loud) alarm on my phone one morning, Simon grumbled, "I didn't realize I was sleeping with Helen Keller."




43 comments:

  1. TRIPLETS?!?! Oh my...people. lol

    Awesome Simon Says - as always.

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  2. Simon is a funny dude. Gotta love a guy who can make you laugh, right? (That's why I love my husband, anyway)

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  3. Triplets?!?! Seriously? Was this person drunk? I mean, I guess Julia and Sebastian are close in size. ish. But Theo? Come on.

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  4. He should check their pharmacy - he might find the good stuff. My husband's hospital keeps liquor (for heavy drinker patients) and he sent one of the techs to 'restock' the supply with the following directions: "Go and get the biggest bottle you can find of the cheap stuff." She came back with Grey Goose.

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    1. HA. Oh my goodness. You shouldn't have opened that can of worms -- now I'm curious!

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    2. I can vouch for this... as a nurse I have dispensed hourly shots of Wild Turkey or cans of Bud Light to pts we don't want going into withdrawals. Takes me back to my bartending days.... except now I can't take a drink with them :(

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  5. I can't decide which of these is the funniest. So funny!

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  6. Triplets??? At this age/size? I could more understand it in a few years (like, when the kids are in high school). My Mom used to get asked all the time how old her "twins" were. Assuming they were referring to my older sisters, she would reply: "18 and 15, with one in the middle {my older brother}". Some people... sheesh.

    Hilarious Simon Says, as always :)

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  7. Please thank Simon for me. Just laughed out loud all by my lonesome self. The last two are the real winners, I think.

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  8. I think that with the triplets comment maybe someone raided the pharmacy before going on their walk. ha!

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  9. Sunglasses!!! Where can I find them?
    So funny, especially the in utero carnivores. Hahaha!

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  10. An especially hilarious set of Simon-isms today, muchas gracias :)

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  11. People think our girls are twins constantly! And they are 20 months apart. It's like....???????

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  12. OMG! The triplets! Simon Says always makes my day!

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  13. OMG! The triplets! Simons Says always makes my day!

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  14. Triplets? People are crazy these days. Theo is a third of big bad Basher's size!

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    1. ha! agreed. I think they just assumed with the triple stroller? Or maybe they were 1/2 Helen.

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  15. Most excellent, especially the last two!

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  16. I get the twins/triplets thing too, but now I'm going to use that line...because its awesome.

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  17. 5 hour good mood- best ever!
    we should set up a solidarity skype session for Simon and Mike- it wouldn't be awkward at all.

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  18. Your blog is hysterical Grace! It has become one of my daily reads - thanks for always making me laugh! :)

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  19. Your blog is hysterical, Grace! It has become one of my daily reads - thanks for being so honest and always making me laugh! :)

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  20. The last one. Oh gaw, I'm crying.

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  21. The last one. Oh gaw, I'm crying.

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  22. Ha! This post was great! :) Simon is a witty guy.

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  23. Hilarious!!! I love me a good Hellen Keller joke...

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  24. Triplets... Some people are uniquely stupid.

    Thanks for the snort-laughter as always, Señor Patton!

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  25. Just wanted you to know Gabe and I are sitting here, and we read through these laughing out loud at every single one.
    Thanks for the end of the day stress relief Simon. We sincerely thank you.

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  26. I love it when I see the title 'Simon Says' on my blog roll! They are always hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

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  27. The Hellen Keller Card: always a winner in Apples to Apples

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  28. LoL Seriously sounds like conversations with my husband! So funny!

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  29. Those were really funny. I loved the 'five hour good mood'. sounds like something my husband would say. Also, just recently people have started asking us if our two boys (14 months a part) are twins. But one is like, clearly larger. So, I get confused by that question. I am certain when we add our next boy (who will be 14 months from my current youngest) we will get the triplet question as well! Awesomeness.

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  30. The triplet comment, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHhahahahaha ;D

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  31. What no anonymous haters today? Let's hope it's a new trend.

    Simon - so funny as usual!

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  32. the triplet comment is awesome. Along with the Helen Keller comment.

    Ok, all of those were awesome. Well said Simon, well said!

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  33. "And I'm sorry but they do not sell vodka."

    These all had me stifling my laughter (and consequently snorting) in public!

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  34. Just snorted out loud... Thanks for that! You guys both have a great sense of humor!!!

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  35. Just snorted out loud... Thanks for that! You guys both have a great sense of humor!!!

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  36. Helen Keller was the best! I'd love to hear a post from him about the things you say!! From his point of view I bet it'd be hysterical!

    I get triplet questions all the time too, which I find just as brilliant as the "she's so cute" remarks about my buzzed cut son wearing a blue outfit.

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  37. These made me laugh on loud!
    Ditto on the post from his point of view on what you say--that'd be just as funny, I bet!

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  38. I'm behind, thanks to vacationing, but this made me laugh out loud. I so want to meet you guys someday. In a totally creepy stalkerish manner.

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