Theo's Birth Novella Part I

07 February 2013

I probably should've known something was up when I found myself scrubbing the bathroom floor with my go-to "Grace means business" bathroom cleaner (baby wipes) at 4:30 in the morning on Sunday (December 30). I was 37 weeks and 1 day along and I don't want to gross anyone out so I won't mention the fact that I had lost my (prettiest word marriage alert) mucus plug two days prior. This had been a sure sign that labor was impending with the other two kids but I had read enough "am I in labor am I in labor am I in labor??" "when will I go into labor when will I go into labor when will I go into labor??" forums with the other two kids to know that plugs can easily reform themselves and losing it could mean absolutely nothing. I won't get too graphic but my OB had checked me (code for "checked my cervix" which is just too much too share, probably) on Wednesday and I was barely 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced (I think?). It was directly after that appointment that I drove straight to get Chinese takeout which I think maybe gave me the stomach plague directly from the fires of hell. You remember .... I wrote a notgross post about it? Good.

Anyway, back to the floor scrubbing. I had been sort of nesting (buying enough groceries to feed a family of 90, taking lots of bump pictures for preservation and posterity, putting up a pack and play in the guest room which would serve as a super fancy and Pinteresty nursery for Sebastian) for the majority of the pregnancy because while I'm no seasoned veteran of a mother my memory is sharp enough to know that newborns are lifebombs and that they leave no time to be deep cleaning any bathrooms or buying any food or anything at all for many, many moons after their arrival. I finished cleaning, probably drank some creamer and coffee, ignored several strong Braxton Hicks because I always have strong Braxton Hicks from about 20 weeks onward, and scheduled this post because my priorities are my priorities.

Normal Sunday activities commenced .... Mass and cafeteria donuts with a splash of spontaneity ... a stop at the mall to walk and see if maybe the contractions would pick up? Not really. We came home and put the kids down for their naps ...

but not before I got a picture of Sebastian and his forehead dent (still there) on his 14 month birthday
whilst riding his sibling

I went upstairs to lay down and right as my head hit the pillow ... BOOM ... gush of too much fluid to be one of those unfortunate "whoooops, that sneeze/laugh/cough/vomit was too violent and I may have urinated myself justalittlebit" occurrences. If you've been pregnant and you don't know what I'm talking about .. check your pants because they're on fire and you're a fatty liar. Anyway, could it be??? A broken water of my very own? Simon was at the foot of the bed and he confirmed my suspicion ... totally broken. It was mostly clear with a tinge of pink and no meconium which is all very good.

We didn't freak but the result of my strep B test wasn't back yet and Simon didn't want to dilly dally in case I did need a dose of antibiotics before I delivered sooooo I started texting sitters while packing my bag. We lucked out and found one (hi Mary!) that could come for an indefinite period of time. This was probably my biggest worry regarding the arrival of baby #3 so I was really grateful and relieved to find someone that the kids (ahem .... crazy J, Sebastian loves any and everyone with a beating heart) loved. We left around 3 while the kids were still sleeping but not before taking some pictures .... of course!!
Big Mama in her slippers and spandex.

My contractions were picking up and I continued to leak fluid but I wasn't in any real pain and I most definitely wasn't in any sort of active labor. We debated going back to the mall to do more walking but then remembered that we were paying a sitter and decided to go straight to the hospital.  Before we walked into the hospital we were talking and wondering if the baby would be a lady or a gentleman and I got Simon to sort of admit that my face WAS puffier than it was with Sebastian's pregnancy and that maybe I was having a girl (he was sure it was a boy). I got all gowned up and checked in and checked by a nice nurse (who had five kids of her own and was awesome) that declared me to be an exciting 2 cm. I think my uterus got performance anxiety because the contractions tapered off and all but disappeared. A different nurse came and put my IV in which wasn't awful. She likened my veins to "thick ropes" (vomit, shudder, look away) and had nooooo trouble getting it in and cautioned that I not look at my arm for a few due to all the blood. NO PROBLEM.

There was a lot of confusion as to what doctor to call for orders (which doctor is on call? oh ... there's a doctor from your doctor's practice here for an induction ... maybe she'll see you?? Or not ....) so after an eternity of popsicle eating, texting the sitter because I was a really annoying nervous nell about the kids ... I finallllllllly got started on Pitocin around 6.

The nicest nurses made and put this on our door with their votes ... by the end there were mostly boy votes but I was still absolutely convinced we were having a girl.

Simon left around 7 to go help put the kids down for bed (I was super emotional and concerned about their well being and insisted). Simon asked that I hold off on the epidural till he got back so that he didn't look like a deadbeat.

Wellllllll just as soon as the Pitocin got kicked up to a 4 (what this means ... I know not) I started sweating and heavy breathing through the contractions and went ahead and waved my white flag and put myself on the list for the juice. I was at a very impressive 4 cm. I texted Simon that I had done so and he said to try and wait.

No.

My new (young and very sweet) nurse said the anesthesiologist was ready and waiting so I explained that Simon wanted to be there so she held her off for a few because she is the nicest human ever (I always get the nicest nicest nicest labor and delivery nurses). Simon zoomed on in and they made him sit during the procedure. My feet were sopping wet with sweat at this point because the contractions were painful and close together and feet sweating is my coping mechanism. You ladies that go all natty with your births .... you are amazing and heroic and out of your damn minds. Never will I ever. No shame in my cowardly and comfortable game. No offense to Ricki or Ina.

My epidural placements were virtually painless (well, Julia's wasn't amazing) with the other kids and this one was no different. Painless with just a little pressure, started working almost immediately and came complete with a button to push if I felt like I needed more of the magic.

Simon and I ended the great name debate, he got some food, I ate more popsicles, and we watched The Office.


Finally around 10 I was declared to "have no cervix left!!" Yee haw. The same doctor (not my doctor) that had delivered Sebastian was on call again (and I really like her) so she got there around 10:45 and the pushing began.

B-b-b-back up for a warm minute real quick .... everyone kept saying that I was just going to "sneeze that baby out" and that there was "NO WAY" I would deliver the baby on December 31st and the nurse was even worried about a possible precipitous delivery (which I was NOT looking forward to because the residents on call that cover precips were male and I know them and ........ no.) I didn't even do any practice pushing because well ... third babies just slide right out, right?


laugh.
cackle.
laugh laugh laugh.


RIGHT.

{part II here}


39 comments:

  1. Loved. Can't wait for the rest! I AM out of my damn mind but never will I ever face the epi juice. I'm too selfish. I LOVE the huge endorphin rush after a natural delivery and the speed demon recovery. But yes, ouch. Anyway: Part 2! part 2!!

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  2. I'm with you - epi all the way! Made childbirth about 1,000 more pleasant, if pre-epi pains were any indication. Looking forward to part two!

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  3. All hail the epidural, mighty defender of motherhood and having more than 2 children. And when I saw this post pop up in my feed, I may have squealed a little bit audibly.

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  4. Yay! Thanks for the excellent 2am reading and for waking me up enough to keep me from nursing Jack at the wrong end. Sequel, please. I know you're not busy.

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  5. Since I'm planning on possibly having bebes in the next year-ish, I'm actually now picturing myself in these situations. Thank goodness no horror stories from Theo, yet. After all, this IS a cliff-hanger.

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  6. "No offense to Ricki or Ina." ... I die. I tried natural (GBS+ and early water breaking ruined that for me) and I'll try again. But man oh man that epidural was peaches and cream.

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  7. KEEP TYPING!!!!!!

    I love that Simon just plays the part of the hubby, not the doctor. I would have made him check me every stinkin' day with updates.

    And yup, I WAS out of my mind for 2 natural births...next time I'm going with the good stuff.

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  8. I'm going to have to schedule the next installment of this story for a different time of my cycle, because there is something about birth stories that make me forget the "we're done, we're done, we're done" mantra that's been in my head since the last time I was in the 3rd trimester and get baby fever.

    Dagnabbit, woman!

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  9. "No offense to Ricki and Ina". I actually lol'd on that one. Can't wait to hear the rest!

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  10. "Out of your damn minds." Hahaha! I hope some overzealous first time pregger ladies read this, for their own sake!!

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  11. God bless the person who came up with epidurals. Definitely want to go that route this time!

    Keep typing! We want to hear (read) the rest!

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  12. Team Epi, right here! On pins and needles waiting for Part II.

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  13. Can´t wait for part two, you´re funny!!

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  14. I don't know many people who go natural while on Pitocin! I know I couldn't! :)

    Looking forward to the next part!

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  15. ahhh YES! i've been waiting for the birth story!! i love that the nurses made that adorable sign. i feel like every birth story i read the nurses are these amazing angels...must be in the job description. can't wait to read the rest!!!!

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  16. First off, I agree -- mucus plug (or the word mucus in general) is one of the worst words ever (followed only by the word "moist").

    Though I'm one of those who is out of her damn mind enough to want to go au natural, I think it's great that happy juice is available ...

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  17. woohoo I've been waiting for this!! I love your birth stories and I liked the very suspensful cliff hanger you left us with. Don't make us wait too too long for part 2 please!

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  18. oh and "trish rawicki blog" ?? Do they think it's me or something (that would be fantastic)

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  19. Yep, definitely out of my damn mind, you can read all about it on my blog if you are bored and don't have better blogs to read! I've been waiting anxiously for this story since little Theo was born, can't wait for the rest!

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  20. yay! finally! i can't wait to read part 2!

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  21. YAY! I've been waiting for this! So excited for Part 2!

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  22. LOVE this! With every single one of my pregnancies, I have gone to the hospital saying "Maybe I'll try to go natural this time" and every single time, I have tapped out with that lovely epidural. This last time with my girl was a little scary (he nicked a nerve or something and the craziest/painful reaction occurred..I'll spare the details), but I'd still do it again! High fives for the girls who can go all the way :)

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  23. Ah, yes. I remember from his little Popeye picture where this is going. I had the same experience with my 4th, who, with a triple history of precipitous deliveries, was promised to be sneezed out without me even noticing..... And then she was face up, little booger. Being in the 'out of my damn mind' camp sans epidural, made for a labor and delivery harder than my first. BUT, God is good and all was well. She'll turn 2 on St. Patrick's Day, hopefully a week or two after I deliver #5. WHO HAD BETTER BE SNEEZED OUT. ;) Thanks for posting your story!! I can't wait to read the rest.

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  24. So I was just thinking and remembered that I read somewhere that when your water breaks before you're really in labor it can be a sign that your baby is OP (face up). Maybe there is some truth to it. The same thing happened to me with Ben (at 37 weeks) and after 3 hours of pushing they sectioned me. Perhaps I couldn't do it because he was my first baby? Let's just say I was way BITTER after that experience and didn't let it go until Sam was born vaginally. Which is why I won't type Ben's birth story as it is an angry one ;-). Way to go Mama! You did it!

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  25. Can't wait for the rest if Theo's story! If you have pitocin I cannot imagine going natural!!! I have a huge respect for women who deliver sans meds but I am truly grateful for epidurals. :)

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  26. "No offense to Ricki or Ina."
    The best. I actually snorted. Is there an acronym for that...? IAS?

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  27. super mean cliff-hanger Grace. I scrolled down and was like "nooooo!!"

    Uh, yeah. Natural birth is for the birds. If birds are crazy brave ladies with a penchant for punishment. The epidural changed my life.

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  28. bah, girl, you're giving me mad baby fever!! stop! good thing I'm breaking out and having a terrible hair day in frumpy clothes, lest I tempt my husband. Can't wait for part two!

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  29. YES! It's finally here. I'm gobbling up birth stories like they are a nice cold Reisling or something (wine on the brain).

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  30. Hahahaha. This is awesome and hilarious tell me more.

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  31. Finally! Can't wait to hear the rest!!!

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  32. I am on the edge of my seat waiting for Part 2! Even more so than Part 2 of this week's The Bachelor: Two-Night Special Event.

    And mucus plug? There's just so much I don't know about pregnancy. I am terrified.

    the brayn of chalayn

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  33. Ah finally! What could you have possibly been doing that took you so long ;) Also, Simon, you wanted her to wait? Hardy Har.

    Looking forward to part 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6!

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  34. Yay! When I saw your Facebook post that you were working on this, I hoped it would arrive before my work week ended! ;)

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  35. I'm SO very happy to be reading this story!

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  36. AHhhh, I loved reading this! More!! More! Haha. :)
    This reminds me I need to finish writing Ellee's birth story.. cough.slacker.cough.

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  37. On the edge of my seat to hear what happens before the end! Since we already know the end is a little Teddygram.

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  38. I'm so excited! I love birth stories so so so much. I need to keep reminding myself that I HAVE a baby I don't need ANOTHER baby rightnow.

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