Simon Affirms

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31 July 2012

Simon is always kind and generous enough to read the blog's posts on a daily basis (could it be that he suffered the wife's wrath of missing a post once? never) and this time he went the extra mile and let me know his thoughts via heart warming text ...


indeed.

Julia's fat vernacular

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While Julia doesn't seem to be in any sort of harried hurry to speak in complete or incomplete sentences, she does seem to put a little tiny bit of thought into her one-word-at-a-time statements. Or maybe that's just my obnoxious talking. I'll let you be the judge if you're still reading ...

"teevee" - laptop
"Dora?" - laptop
"Diego?" - laptop
"pretty" - every time I get her dressed
"pretty" - every time she smears anything from the bathroom onto her person
"pretty" - every time she looks in the mirror
"NO!!!" - anytime Sebastian comes within a 10 foot radius of one of her faux fur blankies
"NO!!!" - anytime Sebastian comes within a 10 foot radius of her food with a reasonably high sugar content
(too late - Oreo killer)

"NO!!!" - anytime Sebastian looks at her 0-23 minutes after her highness has woken up from a slumber
"Simon!" - when she really needs to get Simon's attention
"nap?" - when I ask her to help me pick up her tsunami of toys
"coffee?" - first thing when she wakes up in the morning
"coffee?" - second thing when she wakes up in the morning
"coffee?" - third thing when she wakes up in the morning
"Mommy's" - when I pour a glass of wine
"cookies?" - when she sees the oven is in use
"cookies?" - every time we walk into the grocery store
"pish-ops" - when she sees Jillian Michaels' face on the teevee
"dammit" - when she senses I'm annoyed
"stoppit" - when she senses I'm annoyed
"trubbo" - when she senses I'm annoyed
"snuggle?" - when she senses I'm annoyed
"sigh" - whenever I tell her to apologize for physically assaulting Sebastian for getting into her blankies, sugar, or face
(I promised them some high fructose corn syrup and 10 minutes of trash laptop in return for their cooperation and fake smiles)

Related: I've been thinking about writing and distributing an easy to digest pamphlet titled something along the lines of, "How to Raise a Prodigious Saint" - let me know if you'd be interested.



and in actual interesting internet news:
Cari's Snapshots
Tell Jen (briefly) about your blog
Hallie's fresh start

10 minute meal: shrimp, sprouts, and tomato bowl

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30 July 2012

Approximately every single evening I find myself in a little bit of a, "what should we have for dinner?" conundrum. I seriously admire the organized folk that have meal planning and execution locked up as part of their routine because I am not one of those people quite yet -- maybe in another month or 40. I'm still trying to eat a tiny bit healthier but when it comes to dinner Simon throws a little wrench into my noble quest by being a hater of (most) cooked vegetables (which he failed to tell me until we had been married for about a year). But! he claimed to actually like this meal and didn't complain when I made it twice in three days. I offered to add noodles but he said it was filling enough on its own -- which is nice because that eliminates the difficult task of boiling water and adding noodles and wiping my brow after all that toil.

Simon can call to tell me he is on his way home from the lady part trenches and I can start and have this made (with the whiners at my kneecaps) by the time he walks in the door (with only one whole pan dirtied) which is the way I would look all dinners to be, please. Rachel Ray can keep her 30 minute gourmets.

Ingredients for two servings:
1.5 cups chicken or shrimp
1 cup brussel sprouts (halved)
1/2 cup cherry tomatoes (halved)
~2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/8 cup Parmesan cheese
olive oil

I really prefer this with chicken but the chicken was allllllllllllll the way downstairs and Sebastian had a firm grasp on my thigh skin so I opted for the shrimp that had been lazily thrown in the overcrowded upstairs freezer just this once.

1. If you go the chicken route: boil the chicken, drain the chicken, chop the chicken into bite sizeish pieces and set aside.
1.5 If you go the shrimp route: saute the shrimp in a bit of olive oil until it's pretty shade of pink, drain the water from the pan, and set the shrimp aside.

2. Boil the sprouts in about two minutes inches of water for NO more than two little minutes. Mushy sprouts are the worst. Here is a photo of the process for you visual learners:
exactly what you thought they'd look like, right?

3. Drain the water from the pan, add a bit of olive oil along with the shrimp or chicken (or I guess if you were feeling wild you could do both protein sources) and saute the victims.  After three or four minutes, sprinkle the brown sugar into the mix ...
like that.

4. The sprouts will absorb the sugar in no time -- just watch. Turn the heat off and I know I don't need to tell you but this is when you should divide the dinner into two bowls.

5. Throw as much Parmesan on as you'd like. Add the halved tomatoes (I am not a fan of warm and mushy tomatoes but if you are -- by all means -- add them earlier in the complicated process) and serve.

6. I know there are about 67 trillion better ways to make this -- better seasonings, more varied vegetables, different cheese, added starch, yadda -- but I like to keep things simple and lowwwww on the standard pole around here ...
... so I do.


Sunday linkage

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29 July 2012

Sebastian and Granny Annie sharing a solemn moment on Saturday morn.

I hope your weekend was tolerable. Simon is out buying some starch to try and unprofessionally dry clean some of his ~professional clothing for tomorrow so I'm here typing this sentence and watching Julia's cries light the monitor on fire which is always a lot of capital F - Fun.

Lots of happy news on the blogosphere lately that I thought I'd pass along in case you haven't read ... e-servant at your service, always.

Belated congrats to Sheena and Anthony on the arrival of their beautiful twins (with the prettiest names)! I'm dying to read the rest of her birth story -- I'm giving three more days until I send an antsy rude email.

If you're in the mood to read a really sweet engagement story -- Tess's blog is your ticket. Many congrats to her and Frank!

I'm sure everyone and their mother's sister's bff +e already read but how exciting is Kelle Hampton's news?

And you probably saw glowing Meredith's super cute she-announcement -- congratulations to za fam!

Jessica is starting her teaching job with-kids-in-classroom-how-is-summer-already-over on Wednesday so if you're so inclined I'm sure she would appreciate a little prayer thrown her way as I know that first day can be slightly terrifying - even though we all know she will kill it.

One of thee best posts to pop up in my reader in the past few weeks. Hands down.

Anne is a superwoman ... read all about her homebirth and her daughter's name that I plan on stealing someday over the rainbow. 


I know I'm missing a zillion things but Simon is back and triumphant with his 99 cent bottle of hopeful miracle soooooo I think we have our work cut out for us.

As stupid Dora always says ... Hasta Luego!



7 Quick Takes

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27 July 2012

Joining Jen and bringing down the integrity of allllllll the takes as a whole with my never not trivial contribution. 

1. We'll start out in the big, scary deep end of the pool with a wildly unexciting alteration. I bought these pants on crazy clearance at Old Navy several months ago when I was just so excited to not be wearing maternity clothes anymore. I got them home and faced the reality that they looked like a long skirt with a massive slit down the middle and are basically the pants equiv of culottes. I didn't hate them but I felt silly going to the only two places I venture in public: Costco and the hospital cafeteria wearing them so I just never did. Then I saw that Elaine wore them and looked super cute and thought that mayyyybe I could pull them off ...
nope. and nope.

2. (first take's word count exceeded) The pants fit juuuuust fine (if not a little snug-pinch-my-skin-in-the-side-zipper-tight) in the waist so I just took the bottom 3/4 of the legs in to give you ...
unimpressive and awkward but I think hospital cafeteria appropriate -- if I covered my scando shoulders of course.

And do you want to know how many days it had been since I had washed my locks in that photo? ha. I'll never ever tell ... but they've been washed since. SAHM's honor.

3. Simon and I went to the most delicious tapas restaurant for dinner on Wednesday and I totally outordered him in the drink department with my watermelon basil margarita. I've become a little consumed with thinking about it and might have to consult the omniscient Pinterest for a recipe that will surely match the restaurant's quality while simultaneously calling for something absurd like 2 inedible ingredients. Also, Simon ate a cooked vegetable (three whole brussel sprouts) at dinner. Many exclamation points. Miracle in Saint Louis. I'm sure he is still recovering from the awful.

4. Speaking of food Simon loves, I finally actually made PART of one of Janssen's phenomenal looking recipes. I couldn't commit to the whole insanely delicious salad she posted because we are ordering pizza (what? TGIF) but I did assemble these pecan crusted goat cheese discs:
to accompany the bowls of lettuce I plan to serve. I already know that I will love them and Simon will ask 89 questions before thinks about tasting them. Adventurous palate be his.

5. And praise the blogging gods ... Roxy decided to resurface from the e-dead and post one of her irresistible cupcake recipes this morning. How she makes and eats these sorts of desserts and has no trace of postpartum to speak of will forever be one of my life's great conundrums. Envy be my middle name.

6. Vat did you think of the Bachelorette finale? I was a little disappointed we didn't get the cuticle biting suspense of a helicopter ride and the painfully awkward proposal but I guess I'm happy for Jemily. Arie was a very gracious loser and I hope that Chris-the-ridic was taking notes but he probably didn't as I know his schedule is always filled to the brim with brooding and looking angry. You absolutely have to read this recap. Priceless as always.

7. And I've saved the best for last. Simon's sister Mary got engaged a few weeks ago! Andrew pulled off a pretty elaborate proposal and genuinely surprised her. Are they not the most handsome couple?
They absolutely are. I can't wait for the wedding ... Mary is going to be the most stunning bride. (I have unhealthily high hopes that Julia somehow inherits Mary's gorgeous hair but things, as you know, aren't looking great)


Have a terrible weekend.




bathroom drama

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26 July 2012

(but right now we're in the kitchen ... where we also encounter the dram)

Why do kids love love love the bathroom so much? I hate hate hate it so much.

Whenever I report to Simon that the kids have gotten into yet another bottle of HUGE MESS in the bathroom he unsympathetically replies, "you just need to keep the door closed."

I know. I know. I know.

But doesn't he understand that my life is too busy and stressful and important to be remembering to close the stupid door every single dingle time I go reapply my mascara on my bottom lashes or wink at myself in the mirror or put that one silly hair back into its picture perfect place or clip that pesky cuticle or spritz my favorite fragrance to give my already contended mood a little lift?

I guess not.

So let me complain to you about yesterday's casualties. Thanks. All I did was innocently tie my walking shoes over my perfectly mismatched socks (one knee high that had to be scrunched and one that just might be Julia's -- from her infancy -- because it covered my big toe) and ready Julia's blankie, two dolls, teddy bear, empty bottle, sippy of ice water, and book for our seven minute walk (Sebastian gets nothing and is content and then he stupidly wonders why he is my favorite needling) but that was plenty of time for the kids to help themselves to the entire vat of Vaseline. They only got as far as oiling their chubby faces and giving the toilet a pretty sheen but have you ever tried to clean Vaseline off of anything? It's like taking candy from a toddler - just as awful as it is impossible.

My tried and true baby wipe route proved to be a 6 on the effective scale and I'll just apologize in advance to any visitors that pop in to use the toilet for the next three years. It will probably be forever just a little bit slick - F to the Y to the I.

Sebastian then heaved his way into the downstairs shower a little later and despite Julia's obnoxious reports that he was in the "show!! show!! show!! show!!" by the time I had recovered enough from crazy Michaels' shred of death to check on Mr. Clean I discovered him very contentedly eating a bar of soap (for any worrywarts out there: he only ingested 1/2 of the bar and seemed to be energized by his potent Shower Fresh breath) I just hope he never has any cursing issues like Julia did because I am fearfully positive he would be tickled pink at the prospect of any mouth-washing-with-soap! threats.

We closed the day with Julia (yet again) painting her nails with some lip gloss. Just annoying enough to get annoyed with myself for even being annoyed and spiraling into an even further state of annoyance just as Simon waltzed in the door from work dangerously close to spotting this little scene ...
and potentially asking me that not annoying question that never ever annoys me because I know he is annoyingly right.


50+ shades of thanks

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Wow. 51 comments? Too much nice. Way too much for this undeserving professional complainer.

I feel like I accidentally (but seemingly obnoxiously) went fishing for compliments in yesterday's post and caught myself a very large whale that I will mount and go admire when I'm having a rough day/hour/minute/second etc. I won't melt into a ball of mush but I can't tell you how much I appreciated all of your insanely kind comments and the many emails from the comment virgins.
Truly.

And please don't worry about any near or distant future moratorium on blogging here at the Camp. I enjoy recording my daily life gripes far too much to ever actually do anything that ridic.


emoticon hearts and maybe I cracked a :)

blah-blah-blah-blogging

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25 July 2012

Don't worry -- I'm not about to get all deep and philosophiwhat on you. As you well know, I like to keep things about as shallow as an allllllllmost drained kiddy pool around here. Every now and again I quietly talk to myself and ask, "Grace, why do you blog?" Well -- I don't say that specifically because I don't engage in complicated one-sided convos but I consider deleting the entire e-Camp and doing something slightly more constructive like making a dinner with more than three ingredients or explaining to Sebastdumb that sitting up under the chair will always result in a head injury -- even when you do it 89 times in a row.

But then ... oh then I remember that I do thoroughly enjoy the affirmation that I receive via my favorite person in the whole world, anonymous:
and who doesn't love a little affirmation? not I.


I do love looking back on the days when Sebastian was still a little sleepless Gollum and Julia still wasn't walking and thanking the good Lord that I lived to tell about that fun little stage of life ...
 (... and a moment of silence for Julia's formerly hairless temples ... may they forever rest in peace).


Or how would I be able to fondly reminisce over every single millisecond of Sebastian's delivery in all of its part I, part II, and part III glory?
(the only moments Sebastian not-so-prettily slept the first 3 months of his life)


Or foster a deeper relationship with my bestie-best by bonding over our shared love for my totally guiltless pleasure - the Bacheloretta
I'll love you through your crazy, anon.


Or what would I do without my professionally made video montage that Julia watches (and insists is starring Sebastian) 34 times in a row while I powder my nose and drink my morning not-a-mock-but-a-cocktail? I would probably die.


So I always go back and decide to crusade onward and continue to blog with true purpose, validity, vapidity, and shameless depth -- for now. Sorry!



*and infinite thanks to all-you-know-who-you-are for being so sweet today but especially to please-start-blogging-again-Roxy for the fancy gift and to wordsmith-Jessica for the nicest post eva (even though she included the worst photo in the history of my life - she's sort of forgiven).





Simon Sits

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24 July 2012

I was fortunate enough to get away this past weekend and enjoy some lovely quality time with Hallie while Simon kindly stayed here on the homestead to watch the minions and sprint further down the road to an earthly sainthood.

a. downtown Nashville
b. nope, not a bowlcut -- just back to my old bunnytail wearing ways
c. pics shamelessly stolen from Hallie


While I was off gallivanting by way of kidless dining, kidless driving, kidless breathing, and even kidless wine tasting ...

(complete with terrible view)

... Superdad kept busy with playground going, Costco braving, grace "everything is fine" assuring, and house cleaning. I was positive he would need an occasional translator for Julia's multiple monosyllabic grunts that mean something specific and important and urgent but of course she was a little angel and made me look like a deranged crazy person for ever complaining about her supposed horrific daytime behavior.

He sent me rubies like this to prove that things were going just swell ...
a. Sebastian about to plunge to his death
b. Julia drinking probable poison

and only managed to get in one (minor, injury-free) car accident on the way to Mass (not the 30 minute hospital Mass -- that he survived!! with both!! kids!!!)

(affection before the accident)

He even went above and far beyond the call of duty and insisted I go watch (deemed by self-proclaimed relationship expert Chris Harrison) "the television event of the summer" (never mind those silly Olympics) the trillion hour Bachelorette finale at a friend's house (where the TV has channels) after I got home on Sunday evening.

While I was there he politely continued to keep me abreast of the kittens' activity and his responsible parenting tactics ...


which was obviously greatly appreciated by his sinfully sweet wife.

SAHMonday

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23 July 2012

Today's fun lesson: even moms of the mostly hermit-invalid variety are not (always) spared from the wrath that is Monday bleeping morning.

I'll just cut to the chase. I think the high point came as I pulled on my martyr uniform, rolled my eyes, switched to mouth breathing and started to clean up one of Julia's pathetic potty 'misses' that magically wound up allllllllllllllll over the first floor and the entirety of the bottom half of her body (not urine). As she machine gun narrated, that it was gross and stinky ("dose!!!! sinky!!!!!!") in case I was not fully aware that I had lucked into the most pungent and delightful situation that 7:35am had to offer, I couldn't help but do the unthinkably awful and add some momit (mom+vomit) to the mix. This made clean up all the more enjoyable as Julia watched in horror while simultaneously feigning the face of perfect innocence. I would imagine she'll be seeking absolution for the rest of the day after she saw the storm cloud of bad mood hover and perch itself over my head for the next zillion minutes.

Thankfully, an always happy-to-rush-over-and-help-with-bodily-fluid-cleanup-by-way-of-open-mouth Sebastian had managed to sneak outside away from the drama ...
 ... and helped himself to a fortifying breakfast of Simon's nary-a-blossom-in-sight tomato plant's carefully and lovingly tilled soil.


Don't tell Dad -- or the babysitter just might be (very) dead.




7 Quick Takes

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20 July 2012

1. I'm really tempted to dedicate a long post to this new development in the Patton house but I only hate you a little bit and not a lot a bit so I'll just stick to a long take. We moved Sebastian (finally - I know) out of the room next to our room upstairs and down to the room next to Julia's room downstairs. As Simon says, our house is very 'porous' and the gaping holes under the doors and rice paper thin walls make for a really delightful bedtime of alternating screamers trying to outscream each other while I bite my cuticles and ask Simon if he is SURE I can't just go rescue them? ("no!!!") With the exception of the first night (ping pong cries till 3 am) it has gone a lot better than I thought it would. I think moving them into the same teeny room will warrant an entire post. My fingers are already twitching with excitement to pound that one out for you poor souls.

2. Did you watch the Men Tell All episode? Basically Sean is a saint and Chris is a brooding baby that looked like he still wanted to kill Emily because he is ridic. It will be interesting to see if ABC gives Roberto the-maybe-next-bachelor the boot to bring in the obvious crowd favorite Sean. Maybe they could have a smile-off or a nice-off and go from there. And who will it be? Jef or Arie? I think Arie but we'll see soon enough in the insanely long three hour television event of the summer followed by the LIVE After the Finals Rose show, won't we? Don't forget to read my favorite recapper eva.

3. In the running department, I've been running to this song on repeat and ran the entirety of my route yesterday. I blame Jillian Michaels and her crazy shredding for this itsy bitsy miracle but keep in mind that I did (conveniently) forget my watch and the run may have lasted approximately 6 minutes. Maybe. I even briefly entertained joining Cari's 5k craziness but I don't want to get cocky so we'll see how today goes. I'm not hopeful.

4. Thanks to Adrienne and Hallie's recommendation, Simon and I started watching Foyle's War the other night. While it isn't the almighty Downton Abbey, we both thoroughly enjoyed the first (gloriously lengthy) episode and I think you might feel the same way.

5. Speaking of Hallie - I'm going to meet up with her for the first time ever this weekend. Exclamation points abounding. Pray for us as I'm sure it is going to be terrible especially because my kids won't be there. I already feel naked without the clingers.

6. Sebastian's new trick is to stand up, look around and make sure someone is watching, and then plop down and bang the floor to clap for himself (at least that is what I tell my pathetic self). In unrelated news, Julia's new trick is to roll her unimpressed eyes in his direction immediately after his 78th performance of the hour.

7. She has taken to trying to clip his nails
which goes about as swimmingly as you can imagine.

Have a wonderful day.

And go visit Jen for her hilarious installment of Quick Takes today.





Simon Says

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19 July 2012

"Please make sure I'm not in the picture at all."


After dinner one night Simon said, "Julia is plucking and licking Reeses wrappers directly from the trash which I know is probably a habit she inherited from you so I'm going to let you deal with that."

After observing both kids digging through the overturned kitchen trashcan Simon walked by and paused briefly to say, "you two are both disgusting" before he kept on walking. 

While enjoying a little family outing for some frozen yogurt and listening to the kids whine grunt for lick after immediate lick of our froyo, Simon said, "we're surrounded by barking seals."

While I was taking a little too long to finish and publish a post Simon said, "I think you would have an alarmingly difficult time choosing between me and an unsaved blog post in the event of a life threatening fire."

After I woke him up to tell him that I had really bad insomnia Simon said, "and how much longer do you think it's going to last?"

After he offered to take Sebastian to a work dinner but then observed as he whine-whine-whined and claw-claw-clawed at my legs while I tried to make dinner for lowly me and Julia, Simon (seriously) said, "I mean, would it really be helpful to you if I took him?"

After a successful week of finally letting Sebastian truly cry it out Simon aptly renamed sleep training, "put your damn foot down."


(edible) Greek Yogurt Smoothie

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18 July 2012

JUST vat thee internetters need: another original smoothie recipe. What can I say? I've got lots of original bones in my bod. 

I'm trying to be a little bit of a healthier eater but it's really hard when I have the worst produce purchasing luck in the history of produce purchasing. While I was recovering from Simon's Saturday shift on Sunday -- I couldn't be bothered with fortifying food and just ate handful after handful after handful of Honey Nut Cheerios all day long. Needless to say I thought I was dying of starch and sugar poisoning by nightfall. I decided to try to make myself feel better by drinking a vat of "healthy" sugar via fruit and a generous dollop of (disgusting) Greek Yogurt. If you claim to like Greek yogurt plain I think you are absolutely certifiably insane or just a portly pants on fire liar. Gross.

Gross but look at all that protein packed into the nasty:
And everyone knows that protein makes you a more virtuous person so I'll continue the crusade to semi-healthy eating via Greek yogurt as long as it is peppered with flavorful helpers.

It's always a little bit of a fight when we make smoothies around here because I insist you cannot taste the spinach once it's nicely blended into the other ingredients but Simon very, very, very much disagrees.  So I erred on the side of conservative with the greens, nixed the Chia that he hates and came up with this (this will make one large serving or [obviously] two smallish servings)
Obviously I didn't actually measure these things out (aside from the packet -- rough) and fruit is fruit and I am no authority on anything at all and smoothies are hard to screw up but I think that:
1. bananas are essential
2. some type of yogurt is essential
3. if you're going the Greek yogurt route - a sweetener is essential
4. you should not use ice
5. milk not water (we use almond bc Julia rules our lives and dairy + Julia = awful)
6. I really don't know anything

How do all those Pinterest peeps make smoothie makings in blenders look appetizing?
That is one talent I do not possess. At all.

Have I typed enough about a stupid smoothie? I think so.

How about I leave you with the requisite photo of a naughty child post smoothie attack ...
feigning innocence and ask-telling me, "happened?"



instavida

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16 July 2012

a. after she learned the important lesson: worms found outside are to be seen and not eaten
b. our daily bib war - jerkface wins every single time


a. sadface rocks his school uniform
b. tattling on Sebastian for his crimes: "faw down!" and "cry!"


a. new specs in a dimly lit room. I think they might be too small.
b. a stretch


a. big man in the hospital cafeteria
b. little visit in the middle of hellshift


a. Sebastian's got pectorals
b. tenacity or stupidity? you decide.


a. Sebastian protects his delicate knees
b. Sebastian gets fresh


a. while the lazybones men slept in -- we sang "Wheels on the Bus" 98 times in a row
b. lazybones in action


I would post more than the million never overdone photos of children than I just did but duty calls. Sebastian is vigorously sucking the life out of a handful of baby wipes so I need to go rescue all involved parties and deep clean the bathroom with the survivors. 

oh, happy day.

 


happened?

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15 July 2012

From thee 4th. I thought a little b&w action might throw you off my scent but now you're in the know. Lucky.


(Simon is working a hellish shift this weekend so I'm going to scribe my traditional novella about how horrible it was for me. Skip if you don't like optimism and sunshine.)

Whenever anything unfortunate happens, such as Sebastian falling and hitting his head on the floor or Julia falling and hitting her head on the floor or my coffee mysteriously morphing into a toddler beard, Julia always immediately half declares and half asks, "happened?!" I don't know if she is trying to convince me that she is innocent and did not have anything to do with Sebastian's head trauma or her own klutziness or the coffee that she tidily consumed. I don't think she is quite that smart yet; I think my little mockingbird has just heard me half accusatorily ask and half sigh, "what happened?!" 56 too many times.

Well, little bird, I'll tell you what happened today. Simon is on call ("on call" being an inadequate euphemism for being at the hospital and working every blessed second that he is there) this year for fewer weekends than he was last year but his shifts are a looooooooooooooooooot longer. I'll be sure and do a side by side pro/con chart after this year is over and let you know which setup I hate more. Probably both equally. Anyway, this weekend was the start of the new loooooooooooooooong shift for us - I mean - Simon, whatev. Of course the kids woke up at the exact same ugly moment of the day in nasty moods with Sebastian just wanting to playfully paw at Julia's teeth while he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and Julia wanting to kill Sebastian while she greeted the day. I sprinkled the living areas with Cheerios -- hoping the genius tactic would keep at least one of them happy for 27 seconds while I went outside to see if the weather was scorching enough to skip my physical activity for the day (nope) and throw together my creamer, milk, and dollop of coffee. The tactic totally worked and I think I'll try it again tomorrow while I simultaneously test out the kids' short term memories. You have my permission to try it too. No copyrights here.

Moving on.

last recycled pic. I promise.

We survived the early morning with minimal tears, only one coffee beard, one emptied tube of toothpaste, one Costco bag of chocolate chips found and consumed by crawler and toddler and related to the latter two items of biz: a quiet shower for the adult in the crowd. Not perfect but we've weathered worse so we trudged on before we skidded and plateaued. We hoped to see Simon for a little cafeteria fare and adult interaction/English language but had to settle for a short parking lot hello/goodbye because the plethora of pregs had some serious needs that were somehow thrown above my own in the hierarchy of importance. I took it like a woman - terribly well.

I didn't mean for this to become a timeline of the day. Whoops, but it is.

Naps. Glorious naps for the kittens while I ate potato chips and took photos of my clothes like someone who has a real grasp over the true purpose of her life. Sebastian woke up 90 minutes before Julia did like he always does. He lovingly carved new bite marks into each of my toes while I debated shaving his head for the third time in his life (eeny-meeny-miny-no) before sleeping beauty woke up and instantly filled the house with an aura of post-nap pleasant. She also left me a present of ninja vomit, urine, and guess what was behind lucky door #3 right next to her little potty just as I was trying to rush the turtles out the door for try #2 (you like that pun, don't you) to see Simon.

Almost done. Running out of boring steam.

Our valiant efforts to see Simon were briefly deterred and then halted in the parking lot (again) by a patient's claim that her Miralax wasn't doing the trick (I'll respect the fact that she considered this to be an emergent situation but I strongly disagreed with her at the time). Finally, not unlike the pot of gold at the of a rainbowy day, we got to feast on cafeteria cuisine. Julia drank and spilled another child's chocolate milk. Sebastian ate 12 French fries. Simon only got called away once. And we initially left the cafeteria without Julia. I can still smell the success of the sojourn from my view up here at hindsight.

And that's what happened ... with just eight more hours to go.

:)



clothes for sale

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14 July 2012


It's that wild time again. I put more clothes up for sale. Sorry about the crazy original title and the fact that my shirt button is unbuttoned in the professional photo above. I hope any of you that might also be selling clothes/shoes/accessories feel free to link your shop/page/post as well.

7 Quick Takes

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13 July 2012

Joining Jennifer Fulwiler, Blogger Extraordinaire.

1. We'll start with the most important take of the day: Heidi and her sweet family are in the process of adopting a little boy by the name of Peter through Reece's Rainbow. They are in need of a little more lettuce for the costly fees and so as an incentive for those that are kind enough to help her spread the word and donate to the great cause she has a pretty cool giveaway going on involving a big, bad (albeit lightweight) Macbook Air!!! Hop on over and do your good deed for the week. Every little bit really does help.

2. And onto the second most important take of the day: a 70-year-old female runner (not to be confused with a jogger) very speedily passed me on my jog (not to be confused with a run) this morning. I hope the back of her head is still sore from where my annoyed pupils shot a brief (but strong) laser scowl in her exact direction before she sprinted off into the abyss across the street.

3. I'm on day 4 of Jillian Stupid Michaels' 30 day Shred. I've done it a few times and I don't hate it but I don't love it. She is probably the most annoying person on exercise DVD but it's a manageable length of time and I guess I don't have any other reason for doing it. To make it extra awful, I started watching Dawson's Creek while I don't listen to a muted Michaels order me and her onscreen minions around. So far, it's about as terrible as Felicity which means I will continue to watch. Lose and lose.

4. Let's type Bachelorette. I know everyone loves Jef but he really needs to stop saying "pitcher" when he means "picture". I realize if this is the biggest problem I have with the show than I have serious problems myself but come on - piCture, please. I felt bad for googly eyes getting the boot but his exit was 50 shades classier than whinypants Chris's was last week. Also, meet my new favorite blog that covers all things Bachelorette (c/o Ashley). 

5. Simon is working a trillion hour shift this weekend so I really am going to put clothes up for sale like I said I was going to last week. I know you were all very anxious about when exactly that was going to go down. I will also be watching a lot of Dawson's Creek. And not feeling sorry for myself.

6. Sebastian has almost mastered holding his own bottle of generic formula all by himself and Julia seems to be less attached to taking her faux fur hot and heavy blankie and empty bottle out in public these days. Only the best and greatest strides for the short Pattons. Oh -- and here is a clip of the angels playing their version of tag. I'd like to think that Julia is emulating my jogging speed. And yes, Sebastian is eating toilet paper. I prefer that to the toilet water he would rather be drinking but we've reached a happy tp compromise. Who's the boss? Not I.

7. If you don't have the pleasure of being Simon's friend on Facebook (which isn't a pleasure at all -- I think he has logged on approximately one time since 2009, maybe) you may have missed this little diamond that was posted from his high school days:
he claims they were dressed up 'for some sort of 70's theme'

???? looks like the roaring crowd behind him and his fellow glistening chests didn't quite get that memo.



Have a nice Friday.


Simon Opines

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12 July 2012

Never in all my years of knowing Simon have I ever (ever ever) seen him use any sort of smiley :) or saddy :(  in his writing and/or typing (and we did a LOT of gchatting and emailing back in the day) ... until now.

He kindly took the monsters to the park last night and instead of doing my usual wall stare or Bachelorette Hulu view I decided to mop for the first time in many moons. Half the battle of mopping around here is first finding and spraying down all 9345 areas of crusty leftovers covering the floor c/o the neat and tidies. When I went to grab the spray bottle to begin my evening of toil I found this graffiti adorning the nozzle ...



... apparently he doesn't share my affinity for Pinterest cleaning solutions (80 parts vinegar, 1/2 part water, 1/8 part dish soap, 1/9 part gullible)

And if anyone can share with me how to type an eye rolling emoticon (preferably in bold and size 80 font) ... I would be forever grateful.



How to Not Screw Up The Pioneer Woman's Orange Rolls

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11 July 2012

Oh, have you never made PW's orange rolls? I'm sorry.
You really should.

I know, I know, I know you're soooo busy this summer (not me) but you should probably move these up to the tippy top of your almighty to-do list and indulge a little tiny bit and make these beauties. You know the orangey breakfast rolls that come in the scary-when-is-it-going-to-POP can? They are like those (amazing) but infinitely better. These are like her cinnamon rolls' prettier and more fun red-headed cousin. Roll with me. Roll with my bad puns that I can't stop unrolling.
rolls rolled and uncut. stopping.

I'm generally a big fat failure in the baking department but that never stops me from ignoring the less than pristine house, letting the kids' faucet noses (in the summer? yes) run wild, and make scrambled eggs for a last minute dinner while I bake the day away in our not ventilated super hot kitchen. And so that is precisely what I did yesterday.

If you do decide to make the smartest decision of your adult life and make the rolls ... might I offer a bit of unsolicited advice so that you don't make the same dumbo mistakes that I did? Oh, good. You're nice.

1. When making the dough for the rolls be sure to follow her directions exactly. I've made the mistake of sprinkling the yeast on the milk/oil/sugar combo when it was still all but boiling twice and it makes for dough that woefully does not rise. "But, Grace, we already knew that. We've known that since we were mature 10-year-olds." Well, now you know again. Don't forget.

2. Her cookbook recommends rolling the dough out into a 10 inch x 30 inch rectangle. I would second that recommendation. 30 inches is a loooong rectangle
but it will make for many, many perfectly sized rolls. I shamelessly use a measuring tape because I am incapable of doing anything by myself.
I believe this was right before Julia sneezed. I still haven't forgiven her.

3. Don't bake all your rolls in one big pan.
Use shallow pie pans like she says to do. The middle rolls won't cook as evenly as the rest of them do and while I'm perfectly happy to eat soggy rolls you may as well just do as the master tells you. Ree knows best.

4. I know you'll see the rolls sitting so happily in their new home after you've cut them
and want to pop them into the oven lickety splitty but cover them and let them rise for about 20 minutes (just like she says to do!) before baking them.

5. I cut the icing recipe in half (only because there was a powdered sugar shortage in the pantry)
and it was more than enough. Maybe it was because all my rolls were in one pan -- easier to share icing space. I don't know. I'm a novice.

6. Allllll of these multiple steps to simply say: carefully follow the directions (unlike me) and you'll do fine.

*And these are totally baby-friendly. Skinny Sebastian has already eaten five (today).


 

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